"I tell you, I'll never bloody drink from someone on drugs again. Weirdest soddin' experience I ever had. Sat there starin' at my bloody hand for hours lookin' like it was moving," he snorted. Kat smirked to herself, twirling the stake in her hand as they walked through the cemetery. It had been almost a week since they got paired together. Since she got upset with him and he imparted wisdom on her. They'd established a new routine. She was thankful he hadn't made it weird that night when it was time to patrol. It was as if their conversation in the backroom hadn't happened and she was grateful. But since then they'd been civil again and she found herself not minding too much when they patrolled together. She felt safe with him and they'd occupy the time with asking questions or telling stories. It started out as 21 questions. She learnt that his favorite color was black. When she'd told him that didn't count, he'd scoffed at her and then told her red. Why she was surprised, she didn't know. She found out his favorite human food were the onion blossoms served at the Bronze, that his favorite band was the Ramones, and that his favorite show was Passions which she already knew. She'd found out a lot about him in the week that had passed. Found out about the places he'd been to as a vampire, he'd even told her a little about his mom. He'd opened up to her more than she expected but it came at a price. He expected her to answer his questions or tell stories in response and she found him weirdly easy to talk to.
She'd told him about her parents and their car accident. Told him about how she moved around a lot as a kid with her parents and how they settled in Georgia before they died. How she'd loved it there more than any other place she lived. She told him about moving to Sunnydale and how she'd hated it at first because of her grief. She told him that her favorite color was purple and when he'd asked why she didn't dye her hair purple instead of red, she told him she had once and it hadn't suited her. Their little conversations helped pass the time and the patrolling always seemed to end pretty quickly.
Since Buffy had been told by Spike that Kat was struggling, she'd made extra effort to check in. Kat still wasn't sure how to feel about it but she decided to be honest with her cousin for now. Besides, she wasn't feeling too bad at the moment. Spike had been right about her loneliness drowning her. She rarely had alone time now and she felt much better. The only downside to it was now she felt the opposite. On the few times she ended up alone for a long period of time, she started to think too much and get depressed again. It was weird for her. She was so used to the solitude and quiet and she had relied on it for so long. But what was once harmonious for her was now deafening and she hated every second of it. She seemed to do a complete 180.
The only thing she was choosing to sweep under the carpet, not dealing with it herself or telling anyone else, were her dreams. That weird dream had been plaguing her almost every night. It was mostly the same each time. She'd start out in the cold water, always in that stupid white dress. The sun and moon would both be in the red sky. The cards would fall; The Lovers, Two of Cups and The Tower always glaring back at her. The only thing to slightly change was Spike, but barely. He was always there, always sang the same song to her. The second time she'd had the dream she wanted to see if she could change it. So she had tried to interrupt him when he was singing but he always acted as if it hadn't happened. So then she decided to try and speak to him after, since the first time around he seemed to respond to the things she had said. He always said the same crap about being there for her and the cheesy ass quotes. She decided to call him some choice names hoping to get a reaction out of him, but unlike the first time when he'd called her clever for knowing who he was quoting, this time he'd chuckled and told her how he liked how feisty she was. That was the extent of the changes in her dreams. After that, she'd given up. She just let them play out since there wasn't much she could do and she hadn't figured out what the hell it meant yet. She wouldn't acknowledge that she enjoyed Spike singing, even if she had no clue what he was singing about or why. She also wouldn't think about how it was starting to take a mental toll on her seeing him burst into flames every time and she couldn't stop it. She just kept telling herself it was a stupid dream.
The pair weaved through the headstones leaving the cemetery after an uneventful time patrolling. They rarely came across anything and she wasn't sure if it was a good sign or ominous.
"Don't tell Buffy but I accidentally tried ecstasy once," Kat snorted amused. Spike stopped, turning to her with a slack jaw and incredulous eyes. She stopped too, looking at him with a grin.
"Wha- How the bloody hell do you accidentally take ecstasy?" he asked, confused.
"It was at a party and I needed some Tylenol. I found a pill bottle in the medicine cabinet of the guy's house but it turned out he was stashing his shit in there. Spent the rest of the night being far too handsy and feeling good. Buffy thought I was just wasted and took me home," she laughed. It could have gone pretty badly that night honestly but thankfully Buffy had rescued her, once again. Spike shook his head with an eye roll, but his lips quirked up a little.
"Not the brightest idea is it? Poppin' random pills at some guy's house?" he asked dryly as they continued to walk. She shrugged with a lazy smirk. He wasn't wrong and she hadn't done it since. But how was she supposed to know what it said on the label wasn't what was in it?
"I guess. You're probably just mad you weren't there to witness it," she snorted. He gave her a slightly offended look before chuckling with a shrug. She knew she was right. He knew she knew she was right. Unlike before, she wasn't offended by it. She found him amusing more often than not these days. Oh, how things had changed.
"You know, you're so lucky. I know I traveled a lot but it was always in the US. I never left the country. I've always wanted to travel and see the world. I'd love to go to Greece," she mused softly, glancing up at the stars twinkling above them. She loved Greek mythology. She really wanted to go to Delphi and visit Apollo's temple there.
"Was a sight to see. Been so many places I lost count. Be different on my own though. Always had Dru with me," he murmured. She glanced at him then. He'd mentioned Dru a few times in their talks and she wasn't sure if he was still sore she cheated and left or not.
"Do you miss her?" she asked carefully. She didn't want to upset him but she was genuinely curious. She didn't know what it was like having a long-term relationship. Her only relationship hadn't been too long and there wasn't any love given to her in it. But she knew that Spike had loved Dru, as weird as that was considering he was missing his soul.
He heaved a sigh, chewing his lower lip for a moment. Their pace was slow as they walked and she glanced at him again.
"Somewhat. I miss her in some ways. Loved her with everythin' I had. Had some great times with her. But I think… I've always known she wasn't fully mine. Tried to ignore it but it was always there. Angelus did a number on her. I'd never fully have her. And now… guess we're just different," he mused. She felt bad for mentioning it. He looked slightly forlorn now and she couldn't imagine how shitty it must feel to spend so much time with someone, to love them so much and just have them leave. She'd heard bits about what Angelus did to Dru from Buffy and it was one of the many reasons she didn't like Angel that much. She thought it would be torture loving someone when they loved someone else and having it shoved in her face all the time.
"I never really liked Angel. Angelus was a dick and Angel is just… mopey and annoying. Like he thinks feeling sorry for himself can fix all the shit he did," she admitted, trying to make him feel better. He looked shocked for a moment before he chuckled. She felt pleased she succeeded in cheering him up, even if only a little.
"All the sod does is brood now. Thinks he's better than the rest of us 'cause he's got that soul shoved in his body. Fails to forget he can lose it at any chance," he huffed. That was another thing that always worried Kat. Sex was something he could avoid but it wasn't like that was the only thing to make him feel true happiness. Plenty of other things could achieve that and then Angelus would be walking around again. He was a walking time bomb and she wanted him nowhere near her cousin. Slayer or not.
"Well, for what it's worth, you're way more fun than Angelus or Angel. I think if Dru's mental state hadn't been so… scrambled, then she would have seen that," Kat said softly. He raised his brows looking at her.
"Can't work out if that means you like me or you just hate Angel that much," he snorted, making her laugh lightly. She decided not to elaborate, they'd been civil towards each other but she started to wonder if she was starting to act too friendly with him. They finally reached home and she chewed her lip as they stood at the bottom of the porch steps. She knew Dawn was having a sleepover with Willow and Tara that night and Buffy was having a rare night out with John since Dawn was safe. She knew things weren't perfect in that regard which is why she hadn't told Buffy the truth that she wouldn't be okay here overnight on her own.
"This is usually the part where you go in," Spike teased after a moment. She hadn't even realized she was just staring at the house.
"Oh… yeah," she murmured, frowning a little as she started to climb the stairs.
"Everythin' alright, Kitten?" he asked warily, following behind her. She looked at his furrowed brows and opened her mouth to lie. It came so easy to her. Little white lies of 'I'm fine'. But he raised his brow before any words left her lips and she knew it was useless on him.
"I listened to your advice. I stopped cutting myself off from everyone so much. And with us patrolling every night, I guess I've gotten used to being around people. Being alone now… it's just not… good," she murmured, struggling with wording it and not wanting to make it sound like she was as depressed as she was when she was on her own.
He frowned, glancing to the house then to her.
"Slayer and the Bit not in?" he asked. She shook her head and grabbed the house key from her pocket.
"No. But it's fine," she flashed him a fake smile that seemed like it was just normal for her at this point as she unlocked the door.
"You know, Joyce had some Passions tapes. You said you wanted to start watchin' it…" he trailed off, looking slightly sheepish as he stuffed his hands in the pockets of his duster. She blinked at him for a minute as she realized what he was implying and she felt warmth spread in her chest at how he was trying to look out for her. It was still a foreign feeling but she welcomed it.
"I could make us hot chocolates," she suggested, wanting to at least give him something in return for his efforts. His eyes brightened then and she remembered how much he loved it when Joyce made them.
"Sounds good," he grinned. She gave him a small smile back as they walked in.
She shucked off her leather jacket and made her way into the kitchen as Spike went into the living room, no doubt to find the VHS of Passions to watch. She'd never been into soap operas much but Spike had made it sound interesting and she knew Joyce had loved it too. She figured she could give it a go and see what it was like. It was strange how Spike could make her think of Joyce so much. The woman had actually liked the vampire as off as it was and he loved the same shows and her hot chocolates. She tried to ignore the dull ache in her chest from thinking of her aunt as she made up two large mugs of hot chocolates with the small marshmallows. When she padded back into the living room, Spike was on the sofa with the remote waiting for her. She carefully put the almost overfilled cups on the coffee table for them to cool and plonked beside him. Her body was aching after all the patrolling and the occasional vamp they had to get rid of. It wasn't like she was being overly active but her body still wasn't quite happy with it.
"Ready?" Spike asked, glancing at her.
"Yep. I hope I like it," she snorted, watching as he pushed play. He squinted at her a little as he moved about and got comfy, resting his feet on the coffee table but not near the drinks.
"You bloody will," it sounded like a threat and it made her laugh at how into the show he was. It was still amusing to her that the supposed 'big bad' was obsessed with a show like this. She watched intently as the show started and she got acquainted with the characters. Spike gave his input every so often, not spoiling the show for her but telling her his opinions of certain people when he felt the need. He really was into it. When the hot chocolates weren't too hot anymore, she swiped them off the table, handing his to him and sipping her own. She smiled at herself at how good it was. Maybe it was stupid for something so trivial but she'd always tried her hardest to make it taste a lot like Joyce's. Buffy and Dawn always told her they tasted the same. She didn't think so but she felt it was pretty damn close. It was soothing to her. Like for a small moment, she could pretend her wonderful aunt was the one who made it and the world hadn't gone to shit.
"Bloody hell," Spike murmured after taking a sip. She glanced at him, furrowing her brows worriedly at the way he was just staring at his cup. She doubted he'd burnt himself given he was a vampire and she didn't think a small burn from a hot drink would even affect him. Let alone the fact his pain tolerance was much higher than hers and hers wasn't too hot.
"What is it?" she asked. His eyes snapped to hers for a moment as he blinked at her before he swallowed thickly.
"Just uh… tastes just like Joyce used to make. Took me back for a mo," he explained softly. He turned back to the show but she watched him for a beat longer. She'd never get used to how much it shocked her he cared about anyone but himself when he had no soul. It was strange to her. She had no idea why a pang of guilt shot through her at how startled and sad he'd looked and she nibbled her lip before taking another couple of sips of her own drink.
"Joyce really liked you, you know?" she murmured after a moment. She kept her eyes glued to the tv but she felt his gaze burn into her. He was silent for a while and she worried she'd said that wrong thing as she turned to look at him. He was looking at her and their eyes locked.
"She was the first person to treat me like a… human, in a long while," he mused with a hum. She wouldn't have thought the self-professed villain would have wanted to feel that way but his voice was wistful.
"Man, she used to chew my ass out for being rude to you," she snorted, earning a chuckle from him. She purposely left out how he'd made her look bad in front of Joyce by pretending to be nice to her when the woman was around because they were being civil. And despite everything in their past, she liked it this way. It was nice to have someone she felt she could talk to about these things and she'd found she really liked Spike's company. She didn't like talking about her aunt to Buffy or Dawn for fear of upsetting them and it felt weird to talk to the others about it too.
There was a soft silence between them for a moment then as the show played but neither of them really watched it.
"Not quite the same without her here, is it?" Spike asked after a minute. Kat slurped some of her hot chocolate like it was soothing to her as she felt her chest constrict. The topic was something she avoided thinking about, let alone talking about. And even though the sadness was weighing on her, for some reason it was just easy to talk to Spike about it.
"Sometimes I forget she's gone, even with all the time passed. I just wake up and come down, expecting her to be there cooking breakfast. Then I remember," she murmured sadly, her fingers toying with the bright pink mug that she knew was Dawn's.
She vaguely thought back to when Joyce had passed away. She'd locked herself away from the world and had no idea of the events that happened during that time. When she finally came back to the world she had heard how Spike had tried to pay his condolences with flowers but Xander hadn't let him in. Only for them all to find his flowers didn't even have a card so it wasn't like he was trying for brownie points off anyone. He hadn't been being shady, he'd actually wanted to pay his respects and they didn't let him. And Kat knew how fond of her aunt he'd been and vice versa. That was possibly the first time she ever felt something like guilt for him. But just because she had hated him back then didn't mean she was heartless. She still had her soul after all and she had felt bad for him knowing he had been upset about Joyce's death too.
"Can't imagine how hard it is for you. 'Specially not after your… parents," he hesitated like he was unsure if he should even mention it and she felt another pang shoot through her chest.
"Death just seems to follow me around wherever I go," she frowned thoughtfully. She glanced at him and his lips twitched, slightly amused at her choice of words given current company as he raised a brow. It made her snort, lifting the mood slightly. They went back to watching the show then in companionable silence and she didn't mind it so much. It wasn't something she would have watched on her own accord but the over the top drama was fun to watch and in all honesty, it made her feel a little closer to her aunt by watching something she used to love.
They'd drained their drinks and were a few episodes in as her eyes started drooping. She was exhausted, physically and emotionally, but she didn't want to sleep just yet. Because that meant Spike would leave and by the time she got ready for bed, her mind would be awake again and she'd end up alone. So she tried to fight it the best she could, but the hot chocolate had soothed her maybe too much. Her head kept lolling, her eyes fluttering shut, until she conked out. Her head slumping against Spike's shoulder as her dreams consumed her.