Chapter 7 Theme Song: Sprained Ankle by Julien Baker

It seemed that today was a day for tense pauses. As I stared down at my hands, there were so many things racing through my mind. Here it was. Yet another coming out experience that was sure to descend into shit and leave me broken. No one else had ever been the least bit supportive so why should I expect any different from her? I had no idea how transgender people were viewed in whatever vampire world she came from, but if it was anything like the world I lived in this wouldn't go well.

Wish I could write songs,

About anything other than death.

"I...I…" How the hell was I going to do this? I didn't want to let go of whatever this was yet, but I felt like I was moments away of having it ripped from me. Now that I'd known what comfort was, in a way I felt worse than before. My eyes began to fill with tears, and I couldn't hold them back for long.

Each one so heavy.

Each one so cumbersome.

Each one a lead weight,

Hanging between my lung.

"Violet…" I heard her whisper. I couldn't look at her. I couldn't deal with this, with her leaving me. "Violet…" she repeated in a slightly louder, but equally gentle tone. Steeling myself for the inevitable I slowly looked up. She looked heartbroken and confused by my reaction. "Have I upset you?" she asked.

I took a few more moments to try and figure out how I was going to try and begin this. With a resigned sigh I opened my mouth to just flat out confess before she put her cool finger on my lips, "If you are not comfortable sharing, please do not feel that you need to. Perhaps you don't yet believe me, but I will do all I can to convince you that you're safe with me".

Now that I was not expecting.

"W-well I mean…if you w-want me to-", she interrupted again. "My dear…I know that you do not yet trust me fully. We can take this as slowly as you need".

Still reeling from how this conversation had quickly turned, my eyes widened when I remembered all that I had put on the essay. If I had been concerned about what I'd written before, I was now absolutely terrified. But wait…had she not read it yet? If she had then she would have clearly known why I'd gotten injuries like the one Luther had reported to her.

Spilling my guts.

Spit on a microphone.

Breaking my voice.

Taking a chance I asked, "Have…h-have you read my…m-my essay yet?". She blinked a few times, thrown by the non sequitur. "No, I have not. Truthfully, we had no intentions of ever reading any of them. We were just going to pick 15 names at random". Then why did they…okay there were more important things right now.

"Well…w-well I talked…about it all…in m-mine". "Would you like me to read yours, or would you prefer that I wait, and we discuss it in person?". I could have kissed her, but instead I settled for, "Yes…yes p-please wait…to r-read it". She nodded, "Very well. I will respect your wishes and be here for you when you're ready. I will instruct the others with me to not read it as well".

When I was ready. Was she actually giving me some sort of control over coming out to her? It seemed like more of a when than if sort of situation, but that was already far more than what I'd ever gotten from anyone else. I felt uneasy at the thought of not having complete control over whether I'd come out to her, but at the same time she'd already done so much for me that I didn't reject the idea outright. It at least seemed that I'd have time, which I would gladly accept. Perhaps I could first find out more about the world she came from and get a better idea of what to expect.

I gave a teary smile. "Thank you" I gave back, trying to pour all of my sincerity into. She gave a warm smile and rubbed circles with her thumbs on the backs of my hands. We sat there for a little while, the silence now feeling a tad more comfortable. I turned to the window to see that it was just past sunset. I also finally noticed the sound of the waves outside below us. It reminded me of when it was exceptionally windy and the rustling of the trees made for a relaxing white noise.

Whenever I'm alone with you,

Can't talk.

Isn't this weather nice?

Are you okay?

"Shall we venture downstairs? We are alone here, and you must eat". While I was finding myself hungry, the news that no one else was around made me feel much better. Something occurred to me though and I glanced down at myself. I was still dressed in the same clothes I had put on this morning (was it only this morning that we had met?), and although I didn't think I smelled I still wanted to wash up.

"Could I…is t-there a shower…that I could use?". Even if I had to wear the same clothes it'd at least make me feel a little cleaner. "Yes, of course. Luther is around your size so I shall fetch some clothes for you". Things like that gave me the impression that Luther and whoever else worked with him didn't have much of a choice when it came to what Heidi wanted done. Speaking of them, where were they? I hadn't seen them earlier, and she did say that we were alone here now. If she was the boss, then I suppose it'd make sense that she'd have her own place. I had no idea how any of this worked.

She opened the closet door and the inside turned out to be far larger than the modest door had suggested. From what I could see it went back quite a few feet and there were clothes of all colors and styles. I couldn't help but feel excited at the thought of maybe playing dress-up. Perhaps it was childish for me to call it that, but I'd never gotten the opportunity when I was younger. Maybe, eventually, I could start making up for that.

"Here you are", she laid out a long-sleeve shirt that matched my eyes, black boxers, and a pair of white jeans. Despite the slight height difference between me and Luther it looked like these would fit me well. I was so curious about all the clothes I didn't even remember to feel embarrassed about her getting underwear for me.

"I'll show you down the hall where the restroom is". I got up to join her and before we exited the room, she took hold of my hand. I was surprised at the sudden contact, but I didn't let go. Not much further down from the room we stopped, and she opened a door for me. Looking in I saw a rather large white tub rested against the far wall with a double granite sink against an adjacent wall. The wall above the sink carried a wide mirror, while across on the third wall there were shelves carrying towels and various bathing products. On the ceiling was a skylight window, and by now the stars were just starting to fade into view.

"I will leave you here to bathe. Please do not hesitate to call if you find yourself in need of anything. Take as long as you need", she said in a no-nonsense tone. I was still taking it all in, especially the thought of actually taking a bath. She squeezed my hand gently and I started, "S-sorry, yup I'll d-do that". She gave a small smile and then seem to deliberate on something. Coming to a quick decision she pulled me into a light hug. I squeaked in surprise, and then proceeded to glare at her, blushing, while she chuckled on her way out.

Should I go somewhere else,

And hide my face?

I took a moment to collect myself and then look closer at everything. I had no idea what half of the bottles on the shelves said or meant but I found some neutral scented soap, matching peach shampoo and conditioner, and lastly some vanilla body wash. Setting those and a few towels by the tub I turned the faucets to start filling it up with warm water. Then, folding the clean clothes I set them on the sink counter with a toothbrush and toothpaste on top of them.

I even found a couple cinnamon-scented candles and lit them on the other side of the counter with a match that'd been beside them on the shelf. I shivered at the match, but I went ahead anyway. Going back to the door I turned off the light switches, leaving the bathroom only illuminated by candlelight.

Once the tub was mostly filled I undressed and crawled in. I couldn't help but let a slight moan escape at the new experience. My bathroom only had a shower. I began slowly with the soap and then washing my hair. The rich peach scent almost made me moan again. Then the mixture of that and the vanilla body wash actually did make me moan this time. Quietly.

After a while the water began to cool off and I got out to dry myself. I dressed and took care of my teeth, before finding a brush on the shelf for my hair. As overwhelming as the day had been I found myself incredibly relaxed by this point. There was a large wicker clothing basket in the corner by the door, so I folded my dirty clothes and placed them in there.

I blew out the candles, then stepped out of the bathroom feeling like a new woman. I looked around before figuring that the kitchen would be on the first floor. Descending the flight of stairs that I had apparently been carried up earlier I caught the sounds of Heidi humming. Following the dulcet voice, I walked down a hall and turned right to enter the kitchen. Relatively plain compared to the other rooms, it still gave off an atmosphere of warmth. Not much was in there besides the bare essential equipment and counters. Heidi's back was to me, and it seemed that she had changed into a white blouse and light blue jeans. Still feeling relaxed I stood there observing the quaint scene.

Without turning around, she said in a mirthful tone, "Well are you going to keep staring at me or come in?". Immediately blushing, I walked in. She turned to me, with her already trademark smirk to give me a wink. Setting down a sandwich and glass of water next to her she said, "I hope you don't mind something simple. I've not had to cook for a human in quite a long time".

"It…looks amazing…thank you" I replied, walking up to stand at the counter next to her. She grinned and started cleaning the counter. I ate slowly, despite suddenly realizing just how hungry I was. I'd barely eaten the past few days and my body wasn't happy about it. That thought jogged something in my brain. "What day is it?" I asked curiously. "It's Saturday". Last I remembered clearly it had been Thursday, so I'd been out of it for two days. That line of thought brought me back to a rather unpleasant subject: my mother.

No. It. I didn't want to think of her as a person. Not after…

I couldn't imagine that my absence had caused much concern. I tended to have free reign over where I went and when. Feeling a bit of courage, I murmured "Could…c-could I…stay another night?". Without hesitation, "Of course. I was hoping you would. Would you like to pick anything up from your house?".

Sprinter, learning to wait.

A marathon runner,

My ankles are sprained.

The once delicious sandwich turned to ash in my mouth as I stiffened. I said nothing while her eyebrows furrowed at my sudden change in demeanor. Thankfully she said nothing on it. "N-no worries…it's f-fine" was all I gave. Desperate to change the subject I cleared my throat with a sip of water and said, "Thank y-you for d-dinner", trying to give a smile. Her slightly narrowed eyes told me that I hadn't been all that successful.

Seeing how uncomfortable I was becoming she asked "My pleasure Violet, now why don't we move to the back porch? The sky is wonderfully clear tonight". Now with a more genuine smile I walked with her out through a door on the far side of the kitchen onto an enclosed porch. Glass windows surrounded the edges, and thankfully it wasn't too chilly. I moved towards one of the chairs, but she gently redirected me towards a couch near a window to sit next to her.

Sitting down, she wrapped us both up in a thick blanket. Surprising myself, and her, I took her hand. Despite the cold, I drew comfort from holding it. Neither of us spoke as we watched the waves. As scared as I was, she was already beginning to stir something in me. It felt a little like hope.

Sprinter, learning to wait.

A marathon runner,

My ankles are sprained.

Marathon runner,

My ankles are sprained.

Chapter Theme Songs Used So Far:

The Passenger – Iggy Pop

Grinnin' In Your Face – Son House

Get It On (Bang a Gong) – T. Rex

Breakdown – Guns N' Roses

Numb - Portishead

Come Away With Me - Norah Jones

Sprained Ankle - Julien Baker