The air between Kat and Spike seemed thick, but Kat wasn't sure if she was imagining it. It had been two days since they laid everything out clearly but things felt weird with them. With feelings out in the open, but no movement with Kat's fears, Kat felt the weight of it all looming over them. Their interactions felt stilted, no longer casual and flowing. It just felt strange and she didn't like it. She walked by his side as they patrolled, her eyes darting around. There wasn't much going on, having already dusted a vamp earlier on their patrol.
"I hate how awkward things are now," she blurted, unable to deal with the smothering silence that had settled over them. Spike stopped and she did too, looking at him. She knew it was because of her. Any other people would be happy with the news they were meant to be and they'd be already in a relationship.
"Don't really know how to act, if I'm honest," he admitted softly, shooting her an apologetic look.
"Can't things go back to how it used to be?" She asked with a furrowed brow. His eyes scanned her face for a moment before he sighed.
"I'm tryin'... but I can't pretend I don't have feelings for you or that you don't have feelings for me. It's hard," he explained. She nodded, fingers toying with the zipper on her jacket. She knew because she felt it too. The uncertainty. Not really knowing what to do or say. He took a step closer to her and her heart picked up as she blinked up at him.
"You're just… perfect. Beautiful and amazing and it's just… hard for me to act like you're not," he whispered. Her cheeks flamed red, a smile toying on her lips that she couldn't even help as she glanced down. He chuckled, raking his teeth over his lower lip and smirking at her when she looked at him again.
"Asshole," she snorted, making him laugh as he started walking again, her by his side.
"Been told that a lot," he murmured wryly. Her stomach fluttered when his hand brushed against hers, softly taking it and lacing his fingers with hers. She felt like such a schoolgirl. She glanced up at him as they walked and he looked at her carefully. Almost like he was asking if this was okay. It was. She squeezed his hand, looking away with that stupid smile on her face. The tension still loomed over them but it felt lighter now they acknowledged it. They couldn't go back to how things were because things had changed. They had to find their feet on this new terrain.
"You still not sleepin' well?" He asked softly as they walked slowly through the cemetery. When she looked at him he was already looking at her, concern on his face.
"Is it that obvious?" She asked ruefully, feeling mildly self conscious.
"Little bit. But I gotta say, you make the dark circles work for you," he smirked. She gaped at him with mock offense on her face but he just chuckled at her, bumping his shoulder with hers.
"It's just the dream. Always the same one," she answered more seriously. Her hand subconsciously tightened around his, the end of her dream coming to mind.
"What happens? I mean… apart from the cards. Must be somethin' else to make you lose sleep like this," he mused softly. She gnawed on her lower lip, debating if she should tell him. They were doing the whole honesty, all cards on the table thing so she decided to throw caution to the wind.
"It always starts the same. I'm in water wearing a white dress. I get to land and it's all grass and one big tree. Everything's bright and vibrant. The sky's red and the moon and the sun are in the sky together. It starts raining tarot cards and those three cards are always facing up. Then…" she trailed off, feeling a little bashful to tell him his role in the dream. He stopped, facing her as he looked at her patiently. His hand was still holding hers and she took a steadying breath.
"You appear. You're singing, something about an angel. I used to think it wasn't about me, but given recent events I think maybe it is," she shrugged, unable to look at him.
"I sing?" He asked, amused. She shot him a look and he closed his mouth quickly.
"I don't control the dream, it just happens. Every time I try to change it, it stays the same. Besides, you have a nice voice," she shrugged defensively.
"Doesn't sound too much of a nightmare," he smirked. Her face sobered then and he frowned.
"After you sing, you start saying things about storms making trees take deeper root and all this other shit. You tell me you'll be there for me and stuff. The moon and the sun get higher, moving together. It's all ominous… then you move away and uh…" she frowned deeper, her hand clutching his in a vice-like grip.
"Then what?" He prodded gently.
"Then you hold your arms out and burst into flames. You die in front of me and I can never do anything to stop it," her voice cracked as she shook her head and Spike moved to wrap his arms around her. She wound her arms around his middle, her fists gripping the back of his duster tightly.
"Probably symbolic, yeah? I'm fine. Don't plan on burstin' into flames anytime soon," he murmured into her hair, trying to comfort her.
"I know, but I hate it. Every night I have to watch you die and I hate it," she lamented softly. It felt good to get it off her chest, to finally tell him. He ran a hand through her hair softly and it soothed her a little. She wished he had a heartbeat to comfort her as her head lay against his chest.
"That's what's makin' you lose sleep? Me?" He asked, sounding almost shocked. She moved away from him, rapidly wiping her eyes before the tears had a chance to fall.
"Of course it is. I didn't like it even before we became close friends. It's wearing me down. Wouldn't you lose sleep if you kept dreaming of me dying over and over?" She huffed, cheeks pink as she felt a little embarrassed.
"Course I would. Wouldn't ever sleep again if that haunted me," he murmured with a frown, taking her hand again.
"I just… I have no idea what's coming for me, but it's bad. But apparently you're gonna help me through it, I guess? It's all cryptic and confusing. I wish it was just clear about what's going to happen. It doesn't sound good," she sighed as they started walking again.
"Whatever happens, I'll be there. You won't have to walk this path alone, Kitten," he said resolutely. Her lips quirked up a little as she shot him a small smile. She was pretty scared about what was going to happen. She had no idea what it would be or even when. It left her feeling wildly out of control over her own life and she hated every second of it. She was however grateful she had Spike. Hopefully she'd be able to face whatever it was with him by her side.
"You ever had prophetic dreams before?" He asked curiously as they walked hand in hand.
"No. It's weird. I've never had anything like this before. I've got no idea why it's happening," she shrugged.
"Perks of bein' related to a Slayer?" He suggested with a slight smirk. She snorted and shook her head.
"No idea. But instead of horrible dreams, I would have appreciated some super strength or something," she huffed, making him snort lightly.
"You've always been a bit sensitive. Maybe you've got the gift of sight, just hasn't fully bloomed yet," he murmured thoughtfully.
"I liked it better when I didn't see anything. Ignorance is bliss," she pouted.
"Could come in handy though. Just picture it… might be able to get the winning lotto numbers," he teased.
"Right… with how cryptic my dream is, I'd probably have to solve a few riddles to get the numbers," she snorted.
"What would you do? If you did win?" He asked curiously, glancing down at her as they walked. She appreciated the distraction, steering the topic away from her dream. It had been a big deal for her just to share it with him. She thought for a long moment, focusing on how his hand was rough yet soft and slightly cool against her own. It felt so intimate for a small gesture yet it comforted her more than she imagined it would.
"Nothing fancy, I guess. Buy me, Buff and Dawn a big place to live, complete with state of the art training area for the Slayer of course," she started, making him shoot her an amused look.
"I'd save enough to cover the bills for as long as possible, get a car so I didn't have to walk everywhere. I'd put money away for Dawn if she wanted to go to college… Like I said, it's nothing too exciting," she shrugged, her cheeks tinging pink a little. It felt so safe and boring and the chaotic vampire probably though it was stupid.
"You got a good head on your shoulders, luv," he murmured after a moment. She snorted and gave him a deadpan look.
"Is that code for boring?" She asked with a smirk.
"No. Most people would blow their lot as soon as they got it. You've got plans, plans that aren't just for you. Shows how selfless you are," he replied seriously.
"I was under the impression you thought I was selfish," her remark was light and teasing but her insecurity over their fight seeped into her tone. She felt his hand tighten around hers a little as he frowned.
"You know I didn't mean that. Was confused and hurt, lashed out. I'm good at that," he muttered self-deprecatingly.
"Something we have in common," she said ruefully.
"As well as our amazing taste in music," he pointed out with a smirk.
"And our impeccable fashion taste," she added playfully, making him grin at her. She liked this. Back to the playful banter with a touch of new intimacy. Just walking here with him, she could almost forget about the large threat looming over them. She wished she could freeze this moment, suspend it in time and relive it forever. She knew it wouldn't stay this way. Things were about to get rough and if her dream was anything to go by, it wasn't going well for her. But she buried the dread and fear deep in her chest so she could just enjoy this moment with him. She'd deal with it another time.