Disclaimer: All recognisable characters are the property of the Tolkien Estate. I own only my OC's and ideas.
A huge Thanks to CoffeeRanger for all her invaluable help with all aspects of this story. Notes at the bottom. This follows on directly from Part One - Anavatyar
Rehtanna
Continuation of Anavatyar, Part Two of Redemption Chronicles. Mairon continues his journey towards redemption and healing under Lord Námo's Care. However, not everyone in Valinor if pleased the former chief servant of the Dark Lord is being given a second chance instead of being punished, and decide to take matters into their own hands...
Chapter 1: Interlude
Námo's lips twitched. Catching his wife's eyes, the Vala of the Dead spoke via ósanwe.
*They look comfortable.*
Vairë silently laughed.
*Indeed. I'm tempted to join them myself.*
Námo nodded in agreement, observing the puppy pile of sleeping Maiar, a smile gracing his lips. They were laying cuddled together in a big heap, wrapped up in blankets and pillows he recognised as having come from Mandos. Eönwë was flat out on his stomach in the middle of the pile. His huge gold wings stretched out, covering some of the others like a blanket. Ilmarë cuddled into his right side; Olórin lay directly to his left. Next to Olórin, Mairon slept with Marta lying practically on his face; he was cuddled between his brother and Marilwë. Astarion lay near them; arms wrapped around their older sister. Liltára slept in between them, her arms wrapped around both her younger siblings.
Tavaril was sleeping to Ilmarë's right, cuddling up to Lómindil; Urunírë was on his right. Elenfirië was near Ilmarë, snugly sheltered under Eönwë's wing. Calimandil, the only one of Vairë's Maiar who'd decided to camp out, was lying near Urunírë. While he was one of the few to not be at least partially sheltered by Eönwë's wing, he was wrapped up cosily in several blankets. As was Aulë's former chief. In fact, they were all wrapped up snugly in thick blankets. So snugly, in fact, it was difficult to differentiate where one Maia ended and the next began.
Vairë smiled at Námo.
*I had my doubts camping in this weather would be pleasant, but they certainly seem to be enjoying themselves. It might be just what they all need to unwind.*
The Doomsman agreed.
*Yes. Though it's not that cold out, all things considered. We haven't had any frosts in several weeks. And they certainly have enough blankets and pillows to make things comfortable. Even if we do get a late one.*
Vairë shook her head in bemusement.
*I wonder where they all came from?*
Námo gave her a mental smirk.
*I'm sure I have no idea. Though I suspect we might find several of the sitting rooms in Mandos are missing a few blankets.*
Vairë looked amused.
*At least they're warm enough. Eärwá's response when she heard what was happening was to tell them they were idiots, and not to expect sympathy from her when they froze to death and ended up in Mandos.*
Námo's aura brightened in amusement.
*She would say that. I guess that's why only one of yours decided to camp out. Though I understand more are coming up tomorrow for the hike they've planned.*
Vairë went back to watching the Maiar, smiling at Eönwë's soft snores.
*I'm glad Manwë agreed to let Eönwë have a break from teaching the Edain.*
Námo agreed.
*Me to. While he's doing an admirable job with them, he still needs to spend time with his own kind, free of responsibilities. And having him here serves as a great discouragement to any whom might seek to do Mairon harm while he's away from the safety of Mandos. It was a good idea of yours, my beloved.*
Vairë smiled.
*Of course it was good. It was my idea.*
Námo looked rueful.
*I can't argue with that logic.*
Vairë laughed, wrapping her fëa around his. They were both unclad and cloaked, completely hidden from the sense of any Maiar whom might be around.
*The Maiar may live to serve us, but they still need time to play, and have fun. We all do. No one can work all the time. Even we must take time off occasionally to properly function.*
Námo sighed.
*A lesson Urunírë is having trouble accepting. I had a long talk with him yesterday, before they set out. I'm meeting with Manwë tomorrow to discuss a few issues that need addressing.*
Vairë looked at her husband in concern. She recognised that tone of voice.
*Who is soon to face the Wrath of Mandos?*
Námo's thoughts were closed to her when he replied.
*I'm afraid I can't tell you, not right now. I need to know more first. And I must see Manwë before I can even begin to try and understand the issues that are rife among the Maiar. Issues that have sailed under our notice up to now.*
Vairë sighed.
*That does not sound good.*
Námo sighed.
*It's not.*
Looking at the puppy pile of happy Maiar to help calm his turbulent thoughts, the Doomsman cuddled into his wife. Ruefully, Námo thought back on the interesting conversation he'd had with Urunírë the previous day.
Previous day.
Námo looked up at the knock on his study door.
"Come in."
Urunírë entered, giving Námo his obeisance (he wasn't yet comfortable foregoing doing this, and Námo wasn't going to push him) before coming to stand in front of his desk.
"You called for me, my lord?"
Urunírë's tone was respectful, his posture relaxed and unforced, awaiting patiently for Námo to acknowledge his words. He'd only been with Námo a few months, and already the Vala could see the positive change in his behaviour. It helped the Maia was genuinely remorseful for what he'd done, and amenable to learning what Námo deigned to teach him.
It was always easier when your charges worked with you, rather than hating your guts.
"Yes, I did. I have a few things I want to run by you. Please sit, make yourself comfortable. We may be here for a while. Help yourself to some miruvórë if you wish. There's plenty."
Námo gestured to the carafe sitting on a small table with a single goblet. Smiling in delight (the Maiar didn't often get to have the cordial outside of special occasions), Urunírë carefully poured himself some, before sitting down on the main lounge. Námo left his desk to sit on the lounge directly opposite him, a goblet of miruvórë appearing in his own hand.
Námo watched in loving amusement as Urunírë took a sip of his cordial, humming happily and closing his eyes in delight as he savoured the taste. The Doomsman disapproved of the fact the Maiar could generally only taste the drink on very special occasions. While he didn't believe it should become part of their everyday diet (even the Valar didn't drink it all the time) he felt they should be permitted more access to it than they were.
So far, however, Manwë did not agree. Námo wondered, when he finally presented all his findings about this Situation to their King, if that would change.
Probably not. At least, not immediately. Manwë was inclined to be thick-headed with ideas that weren't his own...
"Urunírë. I have a few questions I want your honest answer to. I'll not judge you for what you say, and you won't be punished in any way for any opinion you may hold. Do you understand, my son?"
The Maia looked at his lord in surprise, nodding without hesitation.
"I'll do my best to help you, my lord."
Námo looked pensive.
"Why do you think you are weak and worthless to us?"
Urunírë, having just taken a sip of his cordial, promptly suffered a choking fit. Námo lent over and placed a hand on him, and the coughs subsided. Looking at the Vala with watery eyes, Urunírë spoke in a hoarse voice.
"W-Where did you hear that?"
Námo's expression didn't change.
"It's my job to hear things. I have my ways of finding out information. Can you deny what I've said is not the truth, at least on some level?"
Urunírë looked down, shaking his head. His voice was soft.
"No."
Námo's tone and posture were gentle.
"Can you explain to me why you feel this way? I sincerely hope I've never done anything to indicate this to you, because nothing could be further from the truth. You're special beyond measure to me; to all of us. Yet, I know you doubt your own worth. I'd like to know why."
The Maia glanced up. Seeing the love in Námo's posture steadied him, and he subconsciously licked his lips as he put his thoughts in order. The Vala waited patiently, encouraging him to take sips of his cordial. Finally, when he felt ready, Urunírë made eye contact with his current lord.
"You – You've never made me feel that way, my lord. Since coming to you, I've never felt more loved or wanted. But-but…not everyone holds the same views you do."
Námo said nothing, only nodding to the Maia to continue. Urunírë complied without hesitation this time.
"You don't, but the others…often succeed in making us feel like second-class citizens. Or even third-class. Sometimes, I feel the elves are more important to the Valar than we are. They – They always have priority when they want to see you. Whereas even I, as the chief – well, former chief – of Lord Aulë's Maiar, often had to wait for my lord's convenience when I wanted to see him."
Námo frowned to himself, though his outer expression remained unchanged.
"We are responsible for all Eä. Sometimes things require our full attention for a time. I know there are times when I'm unavailable, even to look after the fëar. That's just the way it is."
Urunírë nodded.
"I know that. But…when several of us were concerned over Melkor being allowed to go free. Several of us observed what was happening between him and the Noldor elves, but we were powerless to do anything. After what had already happened, we weren't brave enough to go to anyone with our concerns. We all knew they would most likely be brushed aside, and disregarded. Like earlier ones had been. Many of us were hurt over that, and then when the trees happened…" Tears gathered in Urunírë's eyes. "We were once again powerless to do anything. And no one asked for our help or opinion. We wanted to help, but no one let us. We wanted to know what was happening, but we were kept in the dark, both physically and metaphorically. Many of us felt we were not needed by the Valar during that time. That we were too weak and useless to be of much use when real danger threatened."
Urunírë looked down.
"Our feelings of worthlessness – kind of grew from that. And that idea has been enforced several times since."
Námo closed his eyes in pain.
"You are not worthless or useless, Urunírë. I – Manwë will be the first to admit he was biased when it came to his brother. Yours wasn't the only advice he ignored; and the rest of us were not much better at times. And I've never thought any of you useless or worthless. Nor has Vairë. I can't speak for any of the others, but I'm sure they don't either. You're all special to us."
Urunírë just shook his head, a tear running down his cheek.
"L-Lady Nessa said we were weak."
Námo remained calm through sheer willpower, not letting on how much this confession disturbed him.
"Why do you say that?"
Urunírë looked up at Námo. The sheer hopelessness in his eyes tore at the Vala's heart.
"Úrinárë overheard it being said. I don't know the specifics; but he was pretty upset when he told me."
Námo looked grave, yet his voice was gentle.
"When was this?"
Urunírë swallowed.
"Four solar years ago? I think? It was just after the War ended, when we came back here."
Námo internally frowned. That would certainly explain a lot that had happened recently...
"What did Nessa say? Can you remember, exactly?"
Urunírë thought hard.
"I don't remember exactly what he said he heard, but it was along the lines of 'the Maiar are weaker than us. We must make allowances for that'. Úrinárë said she was talking to someone at the time, but he couldn't see who. It was clear he wasn't supposed to overhear the conversation, so was too scared to go to any of you about it. That's why he came to me. He wasn't intentionally eavesdropping. He'd been sent to take a message to the Lord Tulkas from our lord. Please don't punish him..."
Námo was already shaking his head.
"Your brother has done nothing deserving punishment. Neither of you have. You have no control over the opinions of others. Especially among us Valar. However, I do. And I will get to the bottom of this. In the meantime," Námo gave his Maia a loving look. "Come here, my son."
Urunírë instantly obeyed, before melting into Námo's embrace with a deep sigh. Námo allowed it for a time, before his expression turned grave.
"Urunírë. I have something I want to say to you, and I want you to listen carefully. You aren't as strong as us Valar; that is true. However, there's no reason to be ashamed or feel inadequate because of what you are. Atar designed you the way you are for a reason. He gave you your own strengths and weaknesses, just like he did with us Valar. While we are inherently more powerful, that doesn't make you weak. Far from it. You and your brethren constantly amaze me at the inner strength and will you exhibit in everything. You are strong in ways that go far beyond mere power levels."
Urunírë looked up at Námo with an unreadable expression.
"What sort of inner strength? I'm not strong. I try to be, but…"
Námo's expression softened even further.
"The inner strength you have displayed ever since coming to serve me. You came in here with your head held high, despite the fact you were in deep shock. You demonstrated dignity at your trial, despite the stressful circumstances. You have been working on making the best of your situation here, and I know it has been difficult for you. You believed what Úrinárë heard, didn't you?"
Urunírë nodded wordlessly into his chest. Námo sighed.
"It's not true. At least, not in the way you have taken it. Being weaker in power and strength does not make you weak. You Maiar were designed to be exactly how you are."
Urunírë sighed heavily.
"Why?"
Námo looked at the top of his head.
"Why what?"
The Maia swallowed.
"Why were we designed to be weak?"
Námo's expression sobered.
"You're not weak. Why do you think you are designed the way you are? If you don't know, that is okay. But, I want an honest answer."
Urunírë thought for a good while, before finally shaking his head.
"I don't know. Why, my lord?" He asked humbly. He felt Námo's approval at his admittance he didn't know something, and savoured that feeling as Námo started speaking.
"You were designed the way you are to teach us Valar a lesson. Several lessons in fact. Lessons we tend to be slow in learning."
Urunírë sat up in surprise, staring at Námo with big eyes.
"Really?"
Námo almost smiled.
"Yes. While Atar intended for us Valar to have stewardship over Eä, he knew we wouldn't be able to do it alone. That's where you and your brethren come in. Without you, we wouldn't have been able to do half the things we have done since coming to Eä."
Giving the wide-eyed Maia a loving look, Námo continued.
"Your help has been invaluable for every moment since we left the Timeless Halls. But it's not supposed to be a one-way street. Atar intended for us to love and serve you, just as he intended for you to love and serve us."
Urunírë swallowed.
"How are you supposed to serve us?"
Námo smiled at the Maia.
"We're to serve you by loving and protecting you from that which would seek to harm you. And from simply looking after you. I feel great joy being able to do anything for any one of you, even if it's simply giving you a hug when you feel down. In this way, Atar's design in me is completed."
Urunírë thought that over.
"What about the others? I – have never felt more wanted since coming to you, but the others don't give me that feeling."
"I presume you mean the other Valar?"
Urunírë nodded hesitantly. "Yes."
Námo kept his opinions to himself, even as he answered the Maia.
"I will look into it, and see if I can't discover what's happening. I want you to know, however, that I have never viewed you, or any of your brethren, as anything other than precious children we have been blessed with to love and serve. I know Vairë feels the same. I'm sure the others do as well, and this is all a misunderstanding."
Urunírë sighed, closing his eyes as he basked in his lord's embrace.
"I hope you're right, my lord."
Námo hoped so as well, even though he had a sinking feeling this was slightly more than a misunderstanding. Not that he was about to tell Urunírë that.
"I'm always right. Eventually. Now, finish up your miruvórë. There's still some left, which will never do."
Urunírë easily complied, enjoying every drop of the cordial. Námo made a mental note to see a couple of flasks were included in the supplies for their camping trip. Everyone would enjoy sipping it around the campfire at the end of the day. Having made that decision, Námo turned his attention to other matters.
While he was quick to reassure Urunírë all was well, he was very worried about all he'd just learnt. He needed to see Manwë. And then have a nice little chat with Nessa to find out exactly what she'd said, and to whom.
And he had to do it soon. He doubted Urunírë was the only one who was affected in this way, especially seeing Úrinárë was the one who had first overheard this. Who knew who else had overheard similar things, and how it had affected them, and their sense of worth?
And he'd seen what had happened when Mairon had doubted his worth to his original lord, all those yéni ago.
Desperation could drive a Maia to do things beyond reason, as they searched for love and appreciation from the Valar. A love and appreciation that should be theirs by right. But apparently wasn't.
Yes, Námo would be having a nice little chat with Manwë as soon as the Elder King was available.
END OF CHAPTER 1
Rehtanna - To Rescue (Roughly. I needed a different name for each part)
A/N
Well, I'm still alive. Somehow. Between mental health spiralling end of last year, and now all this quarantine stuff, I haven't been in the best place the last few months. Hardly writing anything. I'm working on me, but this part of the story is finished, so I'm setting myself the goal of at least finishing the editing and posting it. I know so many are waiting very patiently, and I want to let you guys know I am still here! I'll be trying to update every two to three days. If i don't, please spam me with PM's or reviews. Part 2 is all written, just needs a final proof and then be posted. I've procrastinated on this long enough I feel.