A/N: Haven't yet talked about why I choose the songs I do for chapters, but this one might not be as clear. To me a more surface level (but still totally valid) interpretation of it is that it's about dealing with the fear of the unknown, but what mainly comes to mind for me is love and want.
The wildly different, overwhelming, intimidating, and sometimes contradictory feelings that can accompany both things, and not always in a way that feels explicitly good or innocent. Given the different ways it could be read I felt like it'd be great to deal with both halves of the chapter.
Lastly, I'll say that I take a chance in this chapter as a new writer, and I hope you enjoy!
Chapter 13 Theme Song: Superunknown by Soundgarden
Bored and nervous.
That's how I mostly felt while vampires elsewhere in this manor fed on 14 of my classmates. I was sitting in the colossal room, more caught up in how tired I was and how badly I wanted a cup of coffee. I couldn't hear anything, but presumably wherever they'd gone to was soundproofed for discretion (I had to laugh at how casual that thought was given the circumstances of why I was here).
After years of anger, self-loathing, existential dread, and chaotic introspection this was a bit anticlimactic, truth be told. As if there should have been a huge dramatic scene about it. Instead, there was an exhausted, slightly caffeine-deprived, and anxious 17-year-old sitting in a wooden chair by herself in a huge library.
If this isn't what you see,
It doesn't make you blind.
Soon I'd be meeting with the vampire equivalent of royalty. They'd already made a fearsome impression. Heidi had an affectionate, protective side to her, but I highly doubted these men did. They looked like they'd just as easily rip the heads off people as they would ask about the weather.
Thinking back to Heidi I shifted a bit in my seat. I hoped that she'd be back soon, still reeling from so much change and being alone in an unknown place. If I was going to miss anything related to my hometown, for now, it would be the sense of consistency. Well, "miss" was a rather strong word.
Eyes closed. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Brea-
Where the river's high.
Where the river's high.
The library door opened, and my eyes shot open. In walked the Volturi with Heidi behind them. Everyone looked spotless, as though they had just come in from enjoying a leisurely stroll, except for Aro. He came in with blood still smeared across his face staring at me.
I felt a chill, but again I made myself look back at him. I figured that this was a sort of intimidation tactic, or some sort of test. But of what?
Aro walked up to stand right across the table looking down at me. Marcus and Caius stood a few paces back with Heidi, who looked like she desperately wanted to come over to my side. No one spoke, and I started to sweat, but I didn't look away. Finally, Aro gave a sudden laugh and I jumped at the sound.
"Excellent! I see what you meant by "unusually open to vampiricism", Heidi. Your mate is an odd creature. Comfortable around blood and vampire feedings yet she fears a little noise". He leered with bloody teeth still glistening, while I blushed in fear and embarrassment. "What is your name, human?"
If you don't want to be seen,
Well you don't have to hide.
"V-…Violet May", with a strained tone.
"Lovely. Now. You have been mated with Heidi, and as a human there are accompanying issues that will be dealt with. First, tell me. What do you think of your kind?"
What did I think of my kind? Humans? What an odd question to start with. I blinked in confusion, and Heidi's imploring look didn't help. "U-uh", I had no idea what to say. I knew that he'd know if I were lying with just a touch, so I went with blunt honesty. "I…h-hate them" I stated as simply as I could.
Aro didn't move a millimeter for almost 15 seconds but made me jump again when he burst into laughter. "Oh wonderful! You are more interesting than I thought, human. And what makes you feel hatred towards your own kind?", he sped over and was now on the desk corner near me. He looked unhinged with the blood and fascinated expression. I couldn't tell if it was genuine, or if this was still meant to scare me. Probably both.
"They've never held a-any…anything but c-contempt…for me. They're cruel…t-they're…awful".
"Well. I can't say I care enough to pass moral judgment on my food, but I can respect that viewpoint. Your schoolmates may not have appreciated that though. Did you hear their screams by chance?" He dropped to a whisper and leaned in. "As you can see, I may have gotten messier than needed," he bared his teeth again slowly, "but the fear that comes from feeding on a human in their physical prime is…intoxicating. The desperation as they try to fight you off is downright addictive, as you'll find out in the near future".
And if you don't want to believe,
Well you don't have to try to feel alive.
I stayed silent. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.
"Did you know that ordinarily it only takes a few short minutes for one of your kind to bleed out from an arterial bleed? Arteries pump blood at a much higher pressure than veins and if you're not careful they can spurt out blood across a surprisingly large distance. One of your schoolmates, a rather pretty girl I believe, had her own blood fly several feet out of her neck when I bit her. I cut her scream off, though, when I crushed her windpipe with my jaw. As a newborn you'll be quite sloppy when you feed, and unintentionally make the process last far longer for your victims".
Through his strange mini-anatomy lecture I now knew he, in a roundabout way, wanted to test what I thought about vampires, while letting me know in no uncertain terms that I had no choice in being changed.
Breathe in. Breathe out. I can do this.
Marcus chose this moment to interrupt in a deep, bored tone, "Aro must we remain here longer than necessary for the sake of melodramatics?"
Aro scowled lightly, "Fine, Marcus." With that he shot forward and grabbed my hand. I froze up and stared wide-eyed at the bloody vampire inches from my face.
Alive in the Superunknown.
A full 60 seconds of ear-ringing silence later and he tossed my arm away and walked towards his fellow Volturi.
"Your mate has been honest and as long as you've explained to her the conditions Heidi, things may continue as discussed. We expect you both back in Volterra within two days. Consider your adjusted service expectations in effect". He rattled everything off sounding completely bored. His mood swings were almost the most intense thing about him.
Heidi nodded and walked with them to the library door. Aro looked back at me, still standing at the table, and gave a bloody grin, "Stay well human. I do think we'll be seeing each other again soon".
I reminded myself that, despite how terrifying they were (well, mainly Aro), they had extended an unusual amount of consideration to me. Hell, even if he hadn't used my name Aro still gendered me correctly. I trusted Heidi that that hadn't come from her outing me as transgender, but rather came from her gendering me correctly to him from the start. It was probably a moot point anyway considering he'd now seen every thought I'd ever had.
He didn't seem like the type to care too much in the first place about a human's gender, so I didn't feel myself caring too much in return. If anything, it actually made the whole thing feel a little better because I didn't have to worry about sort of conversation. He now knew, and he hadn't treated me any differently (although how he treated me didn't exactly bring any comfort).
Now what, or where, was Volterra? Were we not staying in Stockholm? Was this not where they lived? Good lord.
I faintly heard the manor doors close and before the sound stopped echoing Heidi was back in front of me. "Are you alright Violet? Are you hurt?". Her eyes and hands moved all over me looking for any sign of harm. I shook my head.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.
"I wish I could have come back to you straight away and sat with you. Aro insisted on questioning me before we came back in and that I stay back while he got to speak with you".
Finding my voice, "I…It's o-okay…What…w-what did a-any…of that m-mean?"
Heidi sighed, "Aro…Aro, in particular, derives joy from toying with humans. He fully sees them as playthings. I'm sure he had more planned, but Marcus is never one to stay around humans if he can avoid it. I doubt Aro would have harmed you, as he carries enough respect for me and that I've found my mate; but he may have gotten far nastier. Regardless of any respect he holds, he's not one to let anything get in the way of him and his fun".
Well then, I guess I owed Marcus a thank you. A mental one, seeing as I was sure as hell not going to seek any of them out to chat any time soon.
"I'm afraid we must depart. Today has been overwhelming for you, I know, but we are on a strict timetable. While we have a private jet out of Arlanda it will stay take well over a day's flight to get back to Volterra. I will explain more on our flight, as well as let you rest".
I nodded slowly. My dry humor was coming back, "W-well…can I at least...g-get a c-coffee on…the flight?". Heidi scoffed, "Yes, my dear. The best coffee I can find, although I'll be sure to make it weaker considering your experience last night".
I blushed, remembering my far-too-strong coffee. Sweden loved its strong brews, I guess.
Heidi picked me up, and soon we were out back outside at the far end of the manor walkway getting into one of the cars. She put the key into the ignition and sped back to the airport. My eyelids shut shortly thereafter. What a world I was finding myself in.
Alive in the Superunknown.
First it steals your mind and then your…
I laid down on a leather couch with my head in Heidi's lap, her fingers in my hair. Private jets, I'd decided, were infinitely better than commercial flying in every way. We'd gotten through customs and security far quicker than the first time around, and Vincent (I think?) met us on the jet.
Turns out he was a pilot, much to my surprise. Maybe it was a vampire gift, but who knows how long he'd been around. He could have gone through the process of getting his pilot's license a hundred times for all I knew.
When we'd gotten on the plane (after getting a cup of coffee), Heidi had pulled out an outfit for me to change into first. It was a black bralette, white and black horizontally striped shirt, maroon cardigan, tight, black skinny jeans, and casual looking black pumps.
I instantly felt a warm glow run through me when I saw myself in the bathroom mirror. My hair had been growing longer too and was now a little more past my shoulders. While normally straight it was getting long enough that the ends had a more wavy appearance that was coming in too.
If this doesn't make you free,
It doesn't mean you're tied.
As I'd been learning a simple outfit change could elicit all sorts of still-not-quite familiar confidence. Cardigans especially were a favorite of mine, although the shoes had to come off soon because I was still hopeless at walking in anything besides sneakers.
Coming out of the bathroom Heidi walked up to me with another to-go cup of coffee and a dark glow to her eyes. "You look…excellent, Violet". I blushed at her compliment, and was that…lust in her eyes?
"Now. Let's sit down and I can explain more to you about Volterra and what will happen when we get there".
In the span of only a few days I'd gone from my hometown to Sweden and now Italy, where evidently I'd be living for the foreseeable future (which, given my inevitable change, could be quite a long time). Not only that, but it'd be in private living quarters with Heidi within a full-on castle, much of it extending underground. I'd felt a little awkward at the idea of living with Heidi in the beginning, but she assured me that it was more than large enough for two people to live separately.
If this doesn't take you down,
It doesn't mean you're high.
I felt sad at the idea of her living alone in a big place like that. I wanted to be close to her when we lived together, and it seemed rather pointless to live separately seeing as we'd already spent so much time close together in her house back in Oregon.
I boldly told her as such and if she could have blushed I think she would have. She kissed my forehead and butterflies erupted in my chest. "Thank you, Violet…thank you". She must have been lonely, and I was happy to have made her feel cared about.
Now as her fingers ran through my hair my unusually bold streak continued and I sat up. Confused she tilted her head.
Long overdue I took a chance, leaned in, and put my lips to hers.
The cheesy romance books I'd managed to read secretly in the past always described a first kiss with words like "fireworks" and "lightning immediately striking". It wasn't quite like that, hell it was even been a bit clumsy, but she feverishly returned it and in its own way it was better to me than any book had ever written.
If this doesn't make you smile,
Yeah, you don't have to cry.
It was real. Full of raw, genuine need. Everything between innocent affection and the basest want were communicated through lips, at least initially. Instinct took over us both and our hands, hips, and legs all began to of their own accord.
We didn't just magically start off with our rhythms perfectly in tandem. It took effort and wordless communication, but soon the work began to pay off. We listened to each other, moans and shivers a guide to the other telling what we needed.
She gradually took control and pulled me even tighter to her, sitting me in her lap. I gasped and were they open my dilated pupils would have probably made my eyes appear as black as hers. Her fingers kneading in my hair as my own arms were wrapped behind her neck.
I whimpered as she trailed kisses down by jaw and then lower over where my bounding heart pumped, my bralette, shirt, and cardigan having been removed along the way. I leaned to the side to give her full access to my neck.
She came back up and flicked her tongue over my pounding carotid, even grazing her teeth across it. I whimpered from the sensations. Instead of biting though she sucked.
Hard.
I knew that it'd bruise. I wanted it to. I wanted to see it when I looked in the mirror and be reminded of her, my mate.
If this isn't making sense,
Yeah, it doesn't make it lies.
"Mine", she croaked, voice now an auditory frequency collage. Each individual wavelength tangled itself around my mind, pulsing.
"Yours", I hissed back, drawing out the end.
Eventually we broke apart and looked in each other's eyes. I saw hers were fully blackened, but her expression tender. She reached to move my hair out of my face, back behind my ears. I stroked her face with my own hands, and then leaned my head into the crook of her neck.
She tilted us both back until we were laying down, me stretched out partially on top of her, the couch more than big enough to accommodate the change in position.
I felt a purr rumble from her body, and I snuggled further against her at it, my hand reaching up and laying just above her breast.
In all my days since getting to know a vampire this one may have been the strangest and sweetest all at once.
Alive in the Superunknown.
Alive in the Superunknown.
Alive in the Superunknown.
First it steals your mind and then your soul.
Chapter Theme Songs Used So Far:
The Passenger – Iggy Pop
Grinnin' In Your Face – Son House
Get It On (Bang a Gong) – T. Rex
Breakdown – Guns N' Roses
Numb - Portishead
Come Away With Me - Norah Jones
Sprained Ankle - Julien Baker
Level - The Raconteurs
Columbia - Oasis
Werewolves of London - Warren Zevon (&) Storm Comin' - The Wailin' Jennys
Doctor My Eyes - Jackson Browne
Sympathy for the Devil - The Rolling Stones
Superunknown - Soundgarden