Chapter 10: In Nienna's Observatory

Námo gently scratched Mairon's scalp. The Maia laid next to him; the crown of his head resting against Námo's leg. Marta was sprawled out on his chest, fast asleep. Her sheer size seemed to dwarf the Maia, especially as Mairon's presence (which had never been very large), had shrunk since his rescue. Though Námo was sure she'd grown bigger in the last month or two, and he was equally sure it wasn't his imagination. Either way, Mairon was cuddling her as he happily drifted, quiet and content. His eyes were open and unfocused, though he was perfectly calm and not asleep. A shiver run down his spine when Námo scratched behind his ear, and he sighed happily, arching into the touch like a cat. The Vala smiled as he continued scratching Mairon's head and neck area; he was rewarded with soft noises of contentment not unlike Marta's deep purrs.

The life-threatening head injury Mairon had received a few days ago (had it really only being just over a week ago?) was almost totally healed, and all the scratches and bruises had long since faded. Though it would take much longer for Mai to regain his strength and stamina. Since first waking after the event, he'd spent most of his time sleeping. Which was to be expected, Estë had explained. His fana had been severely damaged, not to mention the trauma his fëa had gone through. Both needed time to heal. Nothing they did could speed it up with the way his powers were bound. All they could do was provide him with love and care to help the process. Which Námo would've done anyway. Mairon was his, had pledged oath to him. And Námo was extremely protective (not to mention possessive) of what was his.

The Vala looked up at the stars shining brightly overhead. They were in Nienna's observatory, star-gazing. Námo had suggested it, wanting to give Mairon a break from Mandos. He also wanted to talk to the Maia about several things, not the least which was the upcoming elven trials they had to hold. Námo wanted Mairon to feel as safe and comfortable as possible for this talk, and had thought long and hard how to best achieve that. He knew Mairon loved the stars, so had finally decided to have this conversation in Nienna's observatory. It had the best view of the sky in the whole of Valinor, and his sister's cushions (while lacking the bright colours of those in Mandos) were also comfortable and plentiful. Nienna would ensure they weren't disturbed, and there was no danger of anyone accidentally overhearing anything they said. Not with how the Observatory was designed.

In short, it was the perfect place for his purposes.

The Vala raised his eyes to look at the stars. For once, his hood was down, so he had an unobstructed view of the night sky. While Námo enjoyed the air of mystery his hoods created, he didn't actually wear them all the time. It wasn't like Mairon hadn't seen him without a hood plenty of times before (he didn't sleep in one, whatever Irmo said. And Mairon had spent plenty of time sleeping in Námo and Vairë's bed since pledging his service to Námo, and was back with them even now) and the Vala didn't want anything that could be a potential barrier between them. Not even something as simple as a hood. His eyes were still masked to some degree, but that was more to protect Mairon. Námo knew his unfiltered gaze was unnerving, even to his own Maiar, who knew him better than anyone else. Save perhaps Vairë or his siblings.

After some hesitation (and a good deal of cuddling and rocking and gentle encouragement), Mairon had agreed to come here with him to talk. Though the Maia was quite content to let Námo make the first move towards talking. Which the Vala was in no hurry to do. They had all night, after all. There was no hurry.

"Comfortable?"

Mairon made a noise of contentment deep him his throat.

"Mmmm."

Námo's lips twitched upwards, as he continued carding his fingers through Mairon's hair.

"I'll take that as a yes. Don't get too comfortable, Mai. Not just yet. We have some things we need to discuss first."

The noise Mairon made this time was not one of contentment, His head shifted slightly so he could look up at Námo, waiting. Deciding to get the hard bits out of the way first, the Vala spoke.

"I need to tell you what's been decided regarding the elves who helped hurt you."

Mairon stiffened, but quickly relaxed when Námo rubbed his neck soothingly.

"It's okay, Mai. None of this is your fault. Nehtartúra has much to answer for, and will be dealt with according to what he's done. Which includes dragging the elves into it. However, because, as far as we can tell, they agreed to his plans, they can't be allowed to get away with it. And, we need to take steps to ensure something like this will never happen again."

Mairon sighed. The look of contentment no longer shone in his golden eyes.

"That would be nice. I'm tired of living in fear of somebody hurting me because of what I am."

Námo's hand stilled.

"And what do you think you are?"

Mairon's answer was devoid of emotion.

"I'm – not sure. I do know I'm not innocent or good, however."

Námo resumed gently stroking Mairon's hair.

"Innocent…no, you're not innocent. However, you are good, Mairon. While you've done things that aren't good, that doesn't make you a bad person. Especially given the circumstances. I think I know you fairly well by this point, and I know you aren't bad. Far from it. You just made bad decisions."

Mairon sighed, but didn't argue, which Námo counted as a win.

"But we've gotten off track. You're not bad Mairon; and don't think you are to blame for any of what happened. The fault lies solely with Nehtartúra. As I said; he has a lot to answer for."

Námo continued stroking the Maia's hair, knowing it was helping keep Mairon relaxed.

"But we Valar will deal with that ourselves. You don't need to be involved. However, Manwë would like you to be involved in the elves trials."

Frown lines appeared on Mairon's forehead.

"Why? And how?"

"Because a statement needs to be made to the elves. And not just to those who hurt you. All of them need to know without a doubt you're here under our protection; and to try and hurt you is to directly rebel against us. Given events the last time that happened, a message like that will hopefully make any of them think twice before they act in the future."

Mairon swallowed.

"Where do I come in?"

Námo's gaze and voice were gentle.

"Manwë would like you to be present when we make this proclamation. It has been decided to hold an open trial for these elves in the Máhanaxar, meaning anyone can come and watch." Námo ignored Mairon's wince for the moment. "You been there, means all who come to witness events can see you, and receive confirmation you are indeed here on our authority."

Mairon frowned, trying to sit up. However, with a sleeping Marta on his chest, his efforts were futile. He hadn't yet recovered enough strength to move her, and the cat showed no intention of waking up. Mairon soon gave up with a sigh.

"I'm not even strong enough to move Marta. I – I don't know what use I'll be at a trial."

Námo rested his hand softly on Mairon's shoulder.

"Give it time. Both your fëa and fana went through a traumatic experience, and you still aren't well on top of that. Would you like me to move her for you?"

Mairon shook his head.

"No, she'll just get annoyed and scratch you. Just…why do I have to be there for that?"

Námo quickly realised what Mairon was asking.

"So the elves will all know what you look like, and that we take a very dim view of any whom seek to harm you in any way. While we generally take a dim view of anyone whom seeks to harm anyone else, if everyone knows who you are, they can't plead ignorance. If you don't feel you can do this, I won't make you. You don't have to even be there for the whole thing. Just long enough so the elves can see you, and we can lay down the law to them regarding you. You can leave as soon as that's done. But only if you decide you want to do this. I made that very clear when the idea was suggested. The decision lies with you."

Mairon sighed.

"How long do I have to decide?"

Námo ran a gentle hand through his hair.

"We haven't set a date for the trials yet, but it won't be more than a few days. We need to get them out of the way sooner rather than later."

Mairon sighed again. He suddenly looked very tired.

"I just – I just would like some time."

Námo nodded.

"You have at least two days."

Mairon didn't get a chance to reply verbally, as Marta chose that moment to wake up. The cat yawned and stretched while extending all her claws out, causing Mairon to let out a yelped 'owe' as she began kneading his chest with her claws. Purring at him, Marta stopped the action, only to stand up and rub herself all over his face, giving him a mouthful of fur. The Maia coughed and tried to spit it out, while giving the cat standing on his midsection a baleful look.

"What the hell, Marta?"

The cat mewed loudly at him, before scrambling off his chest and sitting down next to him to lick a paw. No longer being pinned down the Maia sat up, scooting around so his back and head were resting against Námo's chest. Námo wrapped an arm around Mai, who relaxed back into him with a happy sigh. After a few moments, he spoke softly.

"I'll tell you my decision by then."

Námo nodded.

"That is fine."

Both Vala and Maia were silent for a time, each simply content to be in the other's company. Námo eventually broke the peaceful silence that'd descended over them with some regret.

"Mai…there is something else I would like to discuss with you."

The Maia tilted his head up to look at him questioningly.

"Yes?"

Námo hesitated for a long moment.

"When I was in your mind looking for you, I had a good look at the damage to your core."

The Maia's gaze dropped.

"I know you did. I felt it."

Námo blinked.

"You could?"

Mairon nodded.

"Yes. I know by the way the evil acted that you had to have." The Maia sighed heavily, his fana slumping against Námo. "It might be bound, but that doesn't mean I can't feel it. All that means is it can't control me, or make me do anything I don't want to. That was made obvious through that other necklace Lord Aulë tried to make. The evil isn't going away until you can remove it."

Now it was Námo's turn to sigh. Wrapping both arms around Mairon, the Vala gently kissed the top of his head before he spoke.

"That's what I wanted to tell you. I had a good look before I found you, and…Mairon. I do not think I can remove the bindings alone. I simply don't have the power levels. Even with Irmo's help, it won't be enough. Morgoth's influence is simply too powerful. The only one who has a chance of being able to successfully remove those bindings is Manwë."

Mairon seemed to shrink even more when he heard that.

"You – you can't?"

Námo closed his eyes, bowing his head.

"No. I cannot. I have the skills and expertise, but I'm not powerful enough. Not by myself."

Mairon was silent for a long time.

"That means I'm going to have to allow Lord Manwë into my mind?"

Námo nodded, arms protectively encircling his young charge.

"At some point, yes. But that point isn't for some time. You're nowhere near strong enough for that yet. Also, just because I can't remove them by myself, doesn't mean I can't help Manwë to do it. I will be there the whole time when we do, as will Irmo."

Mairon looked down. His voice was rough.

"I – don't know if I will ever be strong enough for that. Lord Manwë…he frightens me a little. I know he means well, it's just…"

Mai went quiet, but Námo understood what the Maia was getting at. It was the same thing he and Nienna had noticed. Manwë was not well; that much the Doomsman could tell. What was wrong with him, or even if Manwë realised he wasn't well, Námo didn't know.

So far, he hadn't been able to talk to Manwë in private and find out what was up with him.

Though, given events just before Mairon had been abducted, Námo had his suspicions. They hadn't yet had a chance to finish that conversation either.

But there was no need for Mairon to know that right now.

"There's no need to fear Manwë. He loves you all very much."

Mairon frowned at that. Sitting up straighter, the Maia rotated his torso to face Námo.

"My lord? May – may I confide in you?"

"Yes Mairon. Of course you can."

The Maia hesitated, licking his lips nervously.

"Eönwë didn't seem to think it was a big deal, but…please don't say anything about it to Lord Manwë?"

Now Námo was starting to feel alarmed, but nodded in agreement.

"Okay Mai, I won't say anything directly to Manwë. However, if it is something detrimental to someone's health, I can't promise not to take action to fix it."

Mairon nodded, swallowing nervously.

"Okay. It's just…you know how Eönwë is on Middle Earth teaching the Edain right now?" Mairon paused, waiting for Námo to nod, before continuing. "Did you know Eönwë isn't allowed to wear wings on his fana while he's there?"

Námo blinked, somewhat taken back at this bit of unexpected information.

"Is there any reason for that?"

Mairon shrugged.

"Lord Manwë orders. My lord…I'm just wondering. Eönwë loves his wings. They're a part of his fana like our legs are part of ours. Why – why wouldn't Lord Manwë let him keep them? Eönwë said something about looking like the Edain while he teaches them. But…most of them saw him during the War with his wings. He was the Captain of the Hosts of the West; and was pretty unmissable from what I've heard."

Námo was already planning out the very interesting conversation he was having with Manwë the moment he felt able to leave Mairon alone, and didn't have an answer for the Maia.

"I have no answer for you, Mairon. I don't know why Manwë would do something like that."

Námo's tone had taken on an icy edge without him realising it, but Mairon noticed, and swallowed.

"Please, don't get Eönwë in trouble. I – I shouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry. Don't punish him for what he said. Please, punish me instead. I can take it, and I'm the one who said –"

Námo wasted no time pulling the trembling Maia into a full body embrace, cutting off his soft pleas. Gently shushing him, Námo pushed the hair away from his face to look in his tear-filled eyes, kissing him on his forehead.

"Shhh. It's okay, my son. Neither you nor Eönwë are going to be punished. Eönwë has done nothing wrong, and you haven't either by telling me this. Do not fret, my little one. All will be well. I promise. I'll find out the why in this situation."

Mairon sniffed, rubbing the back of his hand across his nose.

"No one's in trouble?"

Námo shook his head.

"No. And neither you or Eönwë will get in trouble. I don't understand any better than you why Manwë would do this. Though I intend to find out. I won't let him know how I know though; do not fear about that. This is just one more thing in a long list of things I want to address with Manwë. But all will be well, Mai. I promise you that, but I need you to promise me something in return."

Mairon swallowed. His voice was barely above a whisper.

"What do you need me to promise?"

Námo's whole posture was gentle.

"I need you to promise me you won't fret about this. No one is in trouble," except possibly for Manwë, "and you won't be in trouble. No one should ever be punished for voicing a valid concern over something, even if it may seem trivial."

Mairon looked doubtful. Searching Námo's partially-masked gaze, the Mai was obviously looking for something. The Vala tried to stay as open as possible, and after a long moment, Mairon looked away.

"I – okay. Thank you."

His voice sounded empty, drained of all emotions. Námo silently sighed, thinking a jug of miruvórë and two goblets over from Mandos. When they appeared in front of them, Mairon blinked for a moment, before realising what they were. When he did, his eyes lit up.

"Miruvórë? I can have miruvórë?"

Námo, who was busy pouring the cordial into one of the goblets, nodded with a smile.

"Yes. Here go you; be careful. We don't want to spill it."

Mairon took the goblet almost reverently, happily hugging it to his chest after taking a sip.

"No. We don't want that. It's too yummy to waste. That's another thing Eönwë mentioned."

Námo, who was in the process of pouring his own goblet of miruvórë, momentarily stilled.

"What did he say?"

"Not much. He was just so excited with the skins of miruvórë you sent for us to share around the campfire on our camp-out. He said he's only allowed it at very special occasions; and was surprised to hear we get it so much."

Námo resumed pouring, thankful this information was not new to him. He'd made it clear many times he didn't approve with Manwë's practice of not allowing his Maia to drink miruvórë. In the Doomsman's opinion, they shouldn't be allowed access to it all the time (none of them should be drinking that much of it, Valar included) but once or twice a week as a treat didn't hurt anyone.

"I'm sorry to hear that, but glad you all enjoyed it. Camping trips call for something special."

Mairon nodded happily, still cradling his goblet.

"What's the special occasion this time?"

Námo raised an eyebrow.

"Do I need a reason to spoil one of you?"

Mairon ducked his head. His cheeks looked vaguely pink.

"No. I mean yes. I mean – I don't know what I mean. Forget it."

Námo's lips twitched.

"The first answer was correct. I don't need a reason to spoil you. I do it because I want to. That is reason enough for me."

Mairon's dull eyes shone with happiness, and more than a few tears.

"I've never felt so loved and wanted before in my whole life. I wish I'd chosen to serve you from the beginning, my lord. It – would have been better than what happened."

Námo sighed.

"Looking back, you can say that, but I'm not sure it would have worked out so well back then. You were very different to who you are now. Your life experiences, both good and bad, have shaped you in ways even I cannot begin to fathom."

"That makes two of us then." Mairon sighed. "There are times when I think I'll never truly know myself. I thought I did once, a long time ago, but realise I didn't really. And as for now…I am learning, but frequently feel like I'm fighting a losing battle."

"You've only been here a few years, Mairon. Give it a yéni or three before you decide that is the case. These things take time. And, if there is one thing we Ainur have plenty of, it's time."

A/N

Enjoy the fluff while it lasts! (eyes off upcoming chapters...)