I

There was a methodical tapping that echoed throughout the room, sounding louder then it probably should have sounded in the quiet. The air was drowsy and pliant with a blanket of black surrounding the beds. The tapping was occasionally joined by an especially loud snore. Kix let out a huff of air as he let the sounds wash over him.

The tapping stopped.

"… But if you clean the rage with water, the dirt just gets transferred to the water."

Kix groaned and opened his eyes as the whole room erupted into groans and curses, and even a few pillows were thrown towards the direction of his bunk. He huffed again and rolled out of his bunk to deadpan up at his bunkmate. Hardcase stared back down with an almost manic grin, as he tilted his head innocently as if he hadn't just spent the last hour rambling about the great mysteries of cleanliness. Kix rolled his eyes and reached up, slapping his brother's arm in reproach.

"You realize we are on loading duty tomorrow, right?"

Hardcase's grin only widened, and he smoothly rolling out of Kix's hold and onto his feet as he stuck hi tongue out in an obvious show of maturity. Kix huffed for the third time in as many seconds and glanced down to the left of his bunk to see Jesse's tattooed head where it was the only thing peeking out of the thin GAR blankets the clones were given, and the only sound that could be heard was his snoring.

Lucky bastard.

He crouched down to the compartments where they stored their armor, digging through the plates, and causing more grumbles to arise, before he finally found his med pack. He pulled it out and snapped it open scanning the multiple pouches lining the top before he found the one he was looking for. Opening said package, he carefully extracted two pills from within, before methodically putting everything back in place, pointedly ignoring everyone's whining of the ruckus he was making. They were already awake anyway, what was a little more noise?

After putting his kit away, he grabbed a water bottle and climbed up to sit next to his oh-so-beloved-batchmate and shoved pills and bottle into his hands.

"Drink that," he ordered. "And then please save it for tomorrow. I won't be getting the whole battalion KP cause of you."

Hardcase was still grinning as he popped the pills in his mouth and quickly downed them, unceremoniously dropping it onto the ground, before grabbing Kix in a bear hug and wrestling him down on the bed ignoring his brothers' squawks of indignation.

"Hardcase let me go," he tugged at the arm holding him captive, knowing it would be useless as heavy gunners tended to be a bit more muscular then other troopers.

"No," Hardcase grunted and pulled Kix closer to him as his breathing started to slow already. "This is just like in Kamino, when we were sneaking in each other's pods. 'Member that vod?"

Kix huffed for what felt like the millionth time at the callback, "It might be so but we're not cadets anymore Case, come on I wanna sleep too."

Hardcase didn't respond, brain already halfway to Tatooine as the pills worked their magic, but his hold was no less strong in his unconscious state. Kix wriggled around for a little more before ultimately deciding it wasn't worth it.

"If you kick me off, I'll give you a very good reason to visit the med bay," he muttered as he settled down, even though he already knew he was too keyed up to go to sleep now. It was still nice though, he supposed, suddenly feeling nostalgic for when he, Hardcase and Jesse would squish into their pods as they tried to ignore the Kaminoan storms. And they might not be cadets anymore, but he didn't see why they shouldn't revisit old habits.

II.

Kix frowned at the pad in his hands as he passed down the hallways from storage. The battle was harder then usual, and while the casualties wouldn't be really classified as heavy, he felt that it was one brother too many. He sighed as he raked a hand through his non-existent hair before pausing in his step at the sounds of thumping and belatedly realized he was passing the training room. It would have been normal had it been day, but it was now the night cycle, and the only reason Kix was awake was because he got the night shift. He frowned at the pit that had formed in his stomach and changed his course.

He peeked into the training room and grimaced at the sight of a brother beating the osik out of punching bag. His face twisted a little more as he recognized the five tattoo on the side of his head. Kix leaned on the edge of the door as Fives continued to pound at the innocent punching bag, his hands becoming faster and hitting harder, and Kix winced when he noticed specks of red start to fly. Finally though, Fives struck and literally kicked the stuffing out of the victim of his frustration, chest heaving as he clenched his fists at his sides. Kix immediately pushed off the door and approached the fuming ARC, reaching out a hand.

"Fives-"

It was only his experience in training with Rex that helped him dodge the fist that would have probably broken his nose had it landed, quickly sidestepping the trooper as he grabbed his arm, planted a foot in front of the others foot and, bracing himself, twisted until Fives root was broken causing him to tumble to the ground. Kix followed and allowed his full weight to rest on the ARC's back as he swore and bucked, trying to get Kix off. Kix wondered when the last time Fives had slept; you couldn't continue fighting on adrenaline alone.

"Fives, karking calm down," he snarled above the other, adjusting his grip for a better hold. "I'm not laying off until you do."

Fives growled and bucked again, and Kix grabbed his arms and pulled them up before Fives could get them under himself. The next minute was spent with swearing, tense muscles and impatience, but adrenaline couldn't last forever, especially now that he was lying down, and Fives eventually dropped completely, muscles relaxing on their own accord. Kix sighed and carefully got off his brother before he rolled him over and reached for his hands, and tsked unhappily at the angry gashes on his knuckles. He reached over his med pack to grab some bacta and got to work.

"You had a weirdly hard time getting me off," he muttered conversationally. "Considering your status to mine, I expected you to put up a better fight then that; the Captain is not going to be happy."

Curiously, Fives stayed silent, no witty remarks being thrown his way, and Kix stared at him through the corner of his eye as he focused on Fives hands.

He still looked mad, but there was a desperate weariness that he was trying to hide, an exhaustion that was taking over anger. Kix let out another breath and quickly finished wrapping the wounds before reaching over and helping Fives sit up.

"It's never easy losing a batchmate," he said quietly. "I think there would be a big problem if it was. But this isn't the way. Losing someone… doesn't mean you're alone. You have other brothers that know what you're going through, that are willing to help. Let us help you… please."

Fives stared at the ground for a few moments, the anger having completely left by this point, and he was pliant when Kix tugged him to his side, before dragging them both up, which was wrong because Fives was anything BUT pliant, he shouldn't be so submissive.

"… He should be here with me," he whispered. "We were going to be ARCs together."

"I know Fives," Kix whispered back. "I know."

"It's not fair," Fives hissed as anger colored his features again, before disappearing just as quickly.

"No," Kix acknowledged. "It's not."

After that, Fives made no complaint when Kix led him to the barracks, mostly leaning on the medic on the way, letting Kix take off his armor before he laid down and let sleep take him hostage. Kix hmphed softly at the ARC, hoping he would have good dreams or none at all, no matter how unlikely, before quietly vacating the barracks and heading back to his shift.

III.

The sound of screams filled the air. Captain Rex shouted into the comms and troopers shouted back. Bombs seemed to go off right next to him as he dragged another trooper to cover, wincing at the mangled limb that used to be his leg. Kix dropped behind the ledge the medics had made a claim to to put all the wounded and stuck a hypo in his neck. He quickly tore the armor plates and blacks that hid the injury and winced at the bubbled skin, blood, and how part of the tibia was sticking out.

After fixing the trooper as best as he could before running out into open fire again to find another brother in need of his help. Again, and again, like clockwork, Kix ran out to the open. Found a brother. Dragged him back to cover and fixed his wound. Run into open fire. Find brother. Get to safety. Fix the injury. Run into open fire. Get to safety. Save his brothers.

At one point the seppies seemed to have gotten bolder and started pressing more into their defenses. Kix couldn't even get to the ledge and had to dive behind a cluster of rocks to avoid the plasma dancing around.

He quickly stuck a hypo into the trooper's neck and quickly took of the cuirass, wincing at how it seemed to have collapsed, and quickly started feeling across the clone's chest, resolutely ignoring the moans of pain. At least until the moans turned into chokes. Alarmed, Kix reached for the kid's helmet (he hadn't gotten his paint yet) and his worries increased at the blood that dripped down the kids nose and mouth (why is he here? He is way too young; he shouldn't have graduated yet) and quickly helped him to sit up.

"I-I, whe-ere'sss," he wheezed. "Whe-er's Treasure?"

"Easy kid," Kix murmured as he continued his assessment, pulling out the scanner.

"I-I… he was r-right behi-hind me," the shiny almost sobbed. "H-He was… I need h-him, we-we made the p-pact-"

Kix felt his heart despair at the scans readings. He closed his eyes as he felt helplessness close in on his throat.

"I do-on't wanna be here! I wanna go h-home! I j-just- Treasure promised- "

(I can't save them… he's too young)

"I j-just, I-m sssscared," he was slurring now. "'m tired. I want Treasure."

"I know, kid," Kix murmured. "It's okay. You'll see him again."

(The bombs were still going. They were promised reinforcements. He couldn't save them-)

"M tired…" the kid's eyes were almost closed.

"Then sleep," Kix whispered, as he carefully placed a hand on the shiny's forehead. "Just sleep…"

(He never learned the kids name)

IV.

Kix groaned as he cracked the quirks out of his back, accepting another pad to sign off as troopers unloaded the supplies the 501st so desperately needed.

(They needed them for the siege two weeks ago, but they never got it. So many brothers died because of it)

Having signed the last of the medical supplies, he sighed and scrubbed at his eyes as he watched the troopers milled around the landing bay like ants taking the supplies wherever they were directed, to the armory, the med bay, the communications room, all in an organized chaos, and in the middle of that was Captain Rex. Kix found himself eyeing the captain lazily, finding something off about the man, as he directed troops efficiently and helped the lieutenants and sergeants and other captains do the same. He got the feeling that it wouldn't go as smoothly if not for him.

Soon enough, the traffic of clones thinned out, and the CO's evacuated the premises to get on with other important duties such as flimsi work, grinning morosely at each other as they woed the day they were promoted. Kix suddenly realized that Rex was wearing his helmet. In downtime. He didn't know how he hadn't noticed that.

Suddenly more alert, he focused in on Rex as the captain nodded at the troopers and exchanging friendly slaps and gripping arms before he started out of the landing bay towards the nearest exit.

(His hands had been shaking)

And as he reached the door, he stumbled.

(Rex doesn't stumble)

Kix immediately pushed off the crates he didn't realize he'd been leaning on and started following the captain as discreetly as possible. It suddenly occurred to him that with all the injured he'd been so incredibly busy that he hadn't seen the captain in what seemed like a long time, and Rex hadn't come in for a check in afterwards. He continued to follow the captain through the halls, this time watching for any injuries Rex might be hiding.

(Rex should have noticed him by now)

Suddenly Rex stumbled again, this time freezing to a stop in a deserted corrider, before he doubled over and lifted a hand to lean on the wall.

(His hands were still shaking)

Kix dread continued to rise as Rex lurched from the wall stumbling into the storage closet that just so happened to be nearby and Kix restrained himself from entering immediately, instead checking the halls to make sure no one would come through before he pushed into the closet himself.

(No one had to see their captain like that. Rex wouldn't want them too. And he respected Rex's wishes)

His eyes took no time in adjusting to the light and he found Rex curled up on the ground near some crates full of what Kix suspected to be DC-15s, with his helmet finally off.

"Rex," he gasped out as he kneeled in front of the captain, taking in his appearance and not liking what he saw. There were dark bags under his eyes, which were bloodshot, and his skin which was much too pale to be healthy was shiny with sweat and Kix impulsively reached forward to check his temperature.

(Rex wasn't shaking; he was trembling)

"Force Rex," he breathed out as he cupped his brothers head to tilt it up. "What have you been doing to yourself? Have you been eating? Sleeping right? Tell me you're at least drinking water."

"Kix," Rex choked out as he curled his shaking hands to his chest, which moved up and down convulsively. "I- I can't-"

"Easy there," Kix muttered as he grabbed Rex's hand and pressed it to his own chest. "Just breathe with me."

Kix had done this many times with many brothers. The Kaminoans liked to profess their ability to have somehow eradicated the emotions of the clones, but it was all just wishful thinking on their part. But Kix had never had to do this with the captain. Heck, Rex was usually right there with Kix, helping brothers through their pain.

(But they broke down all the same. Kix had Jesse, and Rex had Cody)

(But Cody wasn't here right now)

Once Rex had finally calmed down, leaning heavily on Kix while he squeezed him tight, Kix sighed and decided that he had been letting Rex drown himself for too long.

"We are going straight to the med bay," he informed Rex. "And then you're going to get a full meal, two full glasses of water and a full 8 hours of sleep."

Rex had been pretty quiet when Kix had been listing the things he'd neglected for who knows how long, almost worryingly so (Rex had never been a good patient), but when Kix mentioned sleep, his breath hitched, and his body immediately tensed.

"No." He said as firmly as he could, but whatever authority he was looking for was chased away by the shaking in his voice. "No I-I don't need to sleep. I'm fine."

"Rex, you can't function like this," Kix sighed in exasperation. "You can't perform you're duties correctly without taking care of yourself and you are obviously exhausted-"

"I KEEP SEEING THEM!" Rex suddenly exploded. "I-I can't sleep, I'll just s-see them and I-I c-can't- Kix. Kix!"

"Shh Rex," Kix tried to soothe. "It's okay, just calm down. I see them too, okay? You don't have to do anything you don't want to."

That seemed to do the trick, and Rex seemed to just shut down at that point, and he allowed himself to be steered to the med bay by Kix. As soon as they were in, Kix quickly steered them into a private room and quickly ordered some food to be delivered ASAP, while he shoved a water bottle into his brother's hand, before he started stripping Rex of his shell. Rex accepted the food numbly when it arrived and Kix watched him eat like a hawk until he finished it all. He didn't feel guilty at all to use the captains state to slip some of the sleeping pills into his food and was there to catch him when Rex eventually slumped over. He sighed as he arranged his brother on the cot, and only hesitated for a moment before climbing in as well, prepared to chase away the nightmares when they came.

V.

"I miss your old haircut."

Kix jerked himself out of his state, blinking rapidly until his vision cleared so he could see the text he was reading clearly. He'd been reading the same sentence over and over again it seems.

"What do you mean?"

Jesse quirked an unimpressed brow. "You know what I mean, you're old hair. The lightning bolts? The tattoo? Why'd you change it?"

(Because Fives was right)

"I just," Kix coughed into his fist. "I felt that it was time for a change."

(I can't let you see)

"A change?" Jesse was flummoxed. "Why would you want to change? You were trending on the top ten handsomest clones daily, and don't act like you didn't like that, because I know you did."

(You can't know. Not yet)

"I just," Kix let a breath through his nose.

Jesse waited patiently from where he was laying lazily on the bunk with a deceptive look of nonchalance that he probably learnt from Fives.

(Fives…)

(I should have stopped you)

"… Hardcase was the one who recommended it… you know? Back when we were… younger… more naïve." Jesse had straightened halfway up from the bunk. "When we thought we were such big hotshots, and would act like war was a game… But now I-" a quick inhale. "I changed. A lot. I'm not that person anymore. And I want it back, but only once I've earned it back."

(It's too dangerous for you to know)

"Well… I can kind of see what you mean," Jesse sighed. "Sometimes I want to get rid of my cog… because I feel like I'm not worthy of showing my loyalty for something… that's not yet mine."

(And it never will be. Not the way things are)

"That even though we fight for it, we don't deserve it."

"That's crazy," Kix interjected sharply. "Those aren't your words Jesse, those are the words of the angry civvies in the streets."

Jesse gave a deprecating laugh. "Yeah, but… what if they have a point? We weren't made for what the republic… was. Peace time. I wonder what it would be like, but I don't think I would… fit in. That it would agree with me."

"Well that I definitely understand," Kix hummed as he rubbed his eyes. "But that doesn't mean we won't belong. We'll have each other."

(No we won't. Not if these THINGS stay in our heads)

Quiet descended upon them, with the only noises being the hum of light and the occasional patrol passing past their room. Kix twitched slightly, wishing to unhinge his mouth.

(I need to tell someone)

He opened his mouth with intent but quickly cowed out when Jesse suddenly exhaled loudly. "I miss Hardcase. I miss him so damn much."

Kix swallowed lightly and fingered the datapad at the desk.

(He died for nothing)

"And it's not just him," Jesse continued. "It's-," here he gestured wildly with his arms. "It's Fives, and Denal, Commander Tano, even Nax that crazy kriffer. Everyone. And everything. I miss the way things were. Before the war got worse."

(The troopers are too young now, and they keep dying)

Kix realized with a jolt that Jesse's speech had started to slur, and he hurriedly jumped out of his seat and onto the bed, bullying his way into his batchmates side, head over his chest, before he even knew what he was doing, not knowing why his heart had found it's way into his throat.

Jesse didn't seem to know either, craning his neck to see his brother, blinking slowly. "Kix? What are you doing? You okay?"

(I don't want you to die)

"Y-yeah," Kix cursed his voice for trembling. "I. I just remembered how Hardcase would… talk about the times on kamino. When it would be storming. And we'd sneak into each other's pods."

(Please don't die)

Jesse made the strangest sound of a hum and a laugh. "Oh yea, I remember those days." He huffed and brought his arms to hug Kix to his chest. "I remember how wired we'd be, cause we didn't like the storms and we were worried we'd get caught, so we'd come up with such weird stories to pass the time."

(I don't know if I could make it without you)

Jesse's voice was getting rough and started slurring his speech as he recalled the stories a cadets imagination could conjure up, until it finally lulled to a stop. Kix fisted Jesse's blacks in his hands and blinked rapidly when his eyes started to randomly burn, fighting the urge to shudder. He curled up a little tighter, feeling smaller then he'd ever felt before, and comforted himself with the sound of his brother's heartbeat.

(I'm going to save you)

+I.

"Hardcase is glaring at you."

It took way too long for Kix to register that statement, let alone react to it. He huffed lightly as he straightened from where he had apparently been slouched over a datapad.

"Well, he's allowed to do so, but I'm not sure it would accomplish much with whatever he might have an issue with," He deadpanned, and Finn grinned at him before grimacing as he flinched back from… whatever it was Jesse was exclaiming.

"Fives is saying that you are the most idiotic blind hypocrite he's ever met and that this isn't the way either."

Ah, so Fives was here too? Kix furrowed his brow at the words. "This isn't the way for what?"

Finn giggled. "Jesse's just called you a moronic chakaar who should take his own advice."

Kix quirked a brow as he slowly rose from the chair (slowly, any faster and he might fall over, and he can't have that). "I gave a lot of great advice that I follow plenty thank you very much. They'll have to be more specific."

Now Finn snickered, shaking his head, seeming amused yet more solemn then before. "And now Fives is asking whether your old age is giving your memory any trouble in ahhh… less friendly terms."

Kix groaned as he shifted through flimsy. "We've been over this, just because 50 years have past doesn't mean that I-"

Finn suddenly held up his hand up. "Ok, ok! Hold up you guys." He turned to Kix, suddenly looking serious. "Kix, Rex says you barely eaten any food, you've drank less water than you should and you haven't slept at all. He's… not happy about that. None of them are, and quite frankly, neither am I."

Kix jolted slightly at the accusations and gaped for a moment before catching himself. "I… Well I just… I may not. Take as much as I need, but I take enough. And besides. I don't have time for that. The resistance needs my help, so, I'm gonna help."

"You don't have time to take care of yourself?" Finn's voice had gone incredibly soft, and he reached forward to clasp Kix's shoulder. "Kix, that's… that's ridiculous. You need to take care of your needs. You should always have time for yourself."

"I'm fine Finn, really. I just-"

"How can you help the resistance if you are half dead on your feet? The better in shape you are the more people you can save-"

"I COULDN'T SAVE THEM!"

Finn was startled into silence.

Kix heaved slightly. "I see it every night. I-I couldn't save them. I waited too long and then I got caught. And then I couldn't save them. Every time I'm not working, people die, when I could've saved them, so, I have to be here. I failed my brothers. I can't fail anyone else."

Finn stared at him astonished for a second, and suddenly flinched violently to one side as he winced, one hand reaching to rub his ear before he turned to the seemingly empty room. "Guys hey, calm down- guys? GUYS! Can you-?"

Abruptly, Finn relaxed and muttered a thanks before turning to Kix. He stayed still for a second. Two seconds, head tilted indicating he was listening to something, before nodding. "Fives and Rex claim that they also failed their brothers."

Kix jolted. "What?! No they didn't, they were the greatest of us all!"

Finn quirked a brow. "Didn't they? Fives found out about the chips but couldn't get the word out and Rex didn't listen to Fives which led to the massacre of the 332nd."

"But that wasn't their fault," Kix stressed. "They couldn't have known-" Kix faltered. Kix glared around the room. "I hate when you do that."

"They have a point though Kix." Finn said. "You can't be blamed anymore then they can. You were all pawns in a game that you didn't have any control over, and the game was set up so perfectly that I doubt anyone could have stopped it, no matter how hard they tried. So, I know you might feel otherwise, but you didn't fail your brothers. And you aren't failing anyone in this base, except for yourself… And your brothers somewhat. They're very worried about you, and as much as they miss you, I doubt they want to wish you an early grave."

Kix slumped slightly at the speech, and that slump turned into a collapsing of limbs that had Finn frantically jumping to catch him and lower him to the floor gently.

"I guess I have been a little hard on myself." He murmured as he leaned hard into his friend. "I… am a little hungry… and a little tired…"

Finn smiled brilliantly. "Then we'd better get some food here stat."

After a quick comm to the kitchens, Finn fussed over Kix one of the cots helping him out of his armor and almost tucking him in. The food arrived with no fanfare, and Kix allowed himself to enjoy the taste of actual food instead of the garbage back in the clone wars. Afterwards, Finn fussed around a bit more, before he took the tray, turned down the lights, and promised to not let anyone disturb him unless someone was dying.

"Thanks Finn," Kix said as sincerely as he could. "You don't have to do all this, but you do. It means a lot to me."

Finn shrugged one shoulder. "Course. That's what friends are for."

"That's what brothers are for," Kix corrected. Finn face glowed when he beamed, and after a few more check ins, he was gone.

Kix stayed upright for a moment before he let out a deep breath and allowed himself to lie down, and then he let out another breath before he allowed himself to relax, allowing the blanket of darkness to wash over him. And as the waves of sleep came to greet him he could've sworn he felt surrounded by the bodies of brothers long gone, and could hear the soothing sounds of snoring, brotherly laughter and the tapping of a finger.