Kat's eyes fluttered open, her body aching but also relaxed. It took her a moment to realize where she was. In Spike's crypt. In his bed. As her brain slowly woke up, she registered his arm around her waist. The weight of it felt comforting.
"Mornin'," he murmured tiredly, planting a kiss to her shoulder.
"Morning," she replied softly. She stifled a yawn as he rolled her onto her back, giving her a boyish smile. His hair was all rumpled and he looked adorable. She'd never tell him that though.
"No regrets?" She asked hesitantly. Her self consciousness seeped into every pore of her body. He moved some stray hairs from her face, leaning down and kissing the tip of her nose. She couldn't help the stupid smile on her face.
"None whatsoever. You?" He asked, moving to look her right in the eye.
"None," she smiled softly, glad he didn't have second thoughts about them.
He flashed her a grin before he leaned in and kissed her. It started off slow and languid but quickly descended into a more heated kiss. Kat was only fueled more when she felt his body start to react to her. With their first time out of the way, she felt bolder now. She moved to straddle him, breaking the kiss, and he moaned. He looked up at her mildly shocked and she shot him a devilish smirk as she ground against him. He moaned again, hands shooting to her hips and digging in so hard he'd leave a few marks. It wasn't enough to hurt her though or the chip in his head would be firing off.
"Kitten," he murmured, sounding half gone already. She ran a hand up his smooth and cool chest, her eyes never leaving his as she kneeled up. Her free hand gripped his cock to line him up and he bit his lip as he stared at her. Eye contact not breaking, she slid down onto him with a moan that mingled with his needy gasp. She liked having him under her like this, being able to see his reactions to her so easily. He looked beautiful with his hair all awry and his blue eyes burning like an inferno. She started moving slowly, testing the waters. His eyes fell shut, mouth hanging open with a look of pure pleasure.
She started moving faster, using his chest as leverage as she no longer felt empty like she did the night before. Now she felt blissfully full once more. That urge to be as close as possible to him took over her and she wasn't quite sure what she could do to get closer than she was right now. One of his hands gripped her waist as the other went to her ass, kneading the flesh there as he arched up at her. He was meeting her thrusts and hitting all the right places. Their moans seemed to bounce off the walls as they both chased their highs. Spike sat up, wrapping an arm around her, the other gripping the back of her neck as his lips captured hers in a bruising kiss. He started rutting up into her and she gasped, almost melting into him before she decided he was taking too much control. This was her turn.
She grabbed his wrists and moved them away from her. He broke the kiss looking confused before she pushed him to lay back down. He quirked a brow at her, a dirty chuckle leaving his lips as she pinned his wrists above his head. She started bouncing on his cock and he let out a sinful moan that made her tingle. She was close, she could feel it. Her moans were getting more desperate the closer she got and seeing the pure delight on Spike's face and hearing his pleasure as he moaned pushed her over the edge. He eased her along as he fucked up into her, a deep growl leaving his lips as he came right along with her. She felt like she was floating. Suspended the time and space and she wasn't sure she'd be able to come back down.
She collapsed on top of him, feeling blissful and sated. She tried to catch her breath as she came down from her high, his fingers tracing patterns on her back.
"My God," he breathed softly.
"Only on Tuesday," she murmured tiredly. Her unexpected words had a surprised laugh come from him. She started to laugh too, hiding her face in the crook of his neck.
"Don't bloody laugh! You're squeezin' me out," he chuckled, hands coming back to her hips to keep her still. She kept giggling though, unable to help herself at the silliness of the moment. She'd never been able to just laugh like this after sex. She'd have thought it would have been weird and awkward but it wasn't. It was just amusing to them both. When she finally calmed down, she moved to look at him. He smiled at her, moving a hand to cup her cheek tenderly as he just gazed at her for a moment and it made butterflies erupt in her belly.
"I love you," he murmured. Her body tensed, sitting up and looking down at him with wide eyes. It wasn't like she was completely shocked. She knew he cared and he'd told her he loved her in many ways without actually saying the words. But the words felt like they squeezed the air right out of her lungs. As she opened her mouth to reply, her throat closed up and her mouth snapped shut. A sudden fear ran through her veins over saying the words back to him.
"You don't need to say it back, luv. Just wanted you to know," he said quietly, his hand reaching out to stroke her cheek. She frowned as she moved off him, sitting next to him and covering herself with the sheets.
"I… I do care about you and I…" she had a deer in the headlights look as she stumbled over her words, fearing she'd ruined it by being incapable of saying it back.
"Hey…" he frowned, moving over to her. He grabbed her face and made her look at him.
"I wanted to say it. All the times I've almost said it. Too… too scared to actually tell you. I wanted to just… get it off my chest. Doesn't mean I expect the same from you. Not unless you're ready," he murmured sincerely. His patience only furthered her guilt.
"I'm sorry," she lamented. He leaned in, peppering her face with kisses.
"Don't be. No need, pet," he insisted, a firm kiss to her lips signaling the end of it.
"Best get off to work 'fore Rupes sends a search party," he smiled, smoothing back her hair. She knew exactly what he was doing. Giving her an out. He could see her distress and was giving her a chance to leave without making it a big deal. She really didn't deserve him. She nodded, standing up and getting dressed. She felt uncomfortable now. He might mean his words now but what if she was never able to say those words to him? He didn't deserve that.
A tense silence hung over them, one she knew was her fault. He walked her to the door, lingering back so he didn't catch any of the sun rays filtering through. Before she could open the door, he caught her hand.
"Don't let this ruin what we had last night," he pleaded, his blue eyes searching her face.
"It didn't. Last night was… amazing. And I'm glad you told me, I am. I'm just…" sorry I can't say it back. He grabbed her hips, pulling her closer as he captured her lips in a kiss. She melted right into him as she kissed him back.
"I'll see you at the shop later?" He asked. He looked like he expected her to bolt out the door and never come back.
"Yeah," she mustered up a smile for him. She didn't want him regretting telling her. Hearing those words from him made her feel like she was free falling. She just hated the accompanying guilt.
"Stay safe, pet," he said softly, giving her one last kiss on the cheek before she left.
Hours later, Kat was sitting at the counter as the others milled around going about their business. Her fingers tapped restlessly on the counter, her mind replaying the moment Spike told her he loved her, over and over again. She jumped when fingers were suddenly clicking in front of her face.
"Earth to Kat, you in there?" Buffy asked with an amused smile.
"Unfortunately," Kat muttered.
"I take it last night didn't go well?" Buffy asked with a wince. Just in time for Willow to come over too.
"What happened last night?" She asked curiously.
"Me and Spike…" Kat trailed off, giving Willow a pointed look.
"Oh… oh!" She snorted with a smirk.
"And last night was great. It was this morning that's the problem," Kat sighed.
"What happened?" Buffy asked with a frown.
Kat's mouth floundered for a moment as the girls watched her curiously.
"He told me he loved me," Kat admitted sheepishly.
"And that's a… bad thing?" Willow asked slowly.
"No… No it's not… It's a good thing. But I couldn't…" Kat blew out a frustrated sigh.
"You couldn't say it back," Buffy finished for her. Kat nodded, running a hand through her hair in agitation.
"Oh," Willow murmured sadly.
"He told me he didn't need me to say it back, that he just wanted to tell me," Kat added.
"Do you…? Love him?" Buffy asked curiously.
"I'm pretty sure I do. I don't know. I don't think I ever really knew what love was. I thought I loved Thomas but that was never love. And compared to what I feel for Spike… this is like nothing I've ever felt before," Kat admitted.
"But?" Willow prompted.
"I'm scared. We've already moved forward so much and this feels like the final leap of faith. Once I say those words to him, I can't take that back. I might as well just rip my heart out of my chest and hand it to him. That's… terrifying," Kat frowned.
"That does sound terrifying," Buffy muttered, eyes widening when Willow gave her a look.
"I know relationships can be scary, especially if they mean something. I was so scared when me and Tara first started dating. Mostly 'cause… 'cause it was my first relationship with a girl but… but also because it was new and scary. It's normal. You don't have to rush it. He said he doesn't need you to say it back, so don't say it until you're ready. Just don't let your worries ruin this for you. You both care about each other, that's all that matters," Willow assured.
"Wow, you're really good at that," Buffy commented quietly.
"But what if it's not enough. Maybe now he doesn't need me to say it. But what if it takes years or what if I'm too broken to ever say it?" Kat lamented.
"You're not broken, Kat," Buffy frowned.
"Of course I am. I have this perfect guy who I'm destined to be with and I can't even tell him I love him. Why? Because my one and only relationship almost killed me? Because I find it hard to believe someone will ever really love me?" She hated how her voice cracked and she pursed her lips as she looked down.
"You might find it hard to believe someone loves you, but we don't," Buffy said firmly, her no nonsense attitude in full swing.
"He's gonna leave, Buff. One day he'll have enough of some one sided relationship and leave. Why would he stick around for someone with this many issues?" Kat asked as she felt anger well up at herself. Why couldn't she just be normal?
She stood up with a heavy sigh, ignoring the sad looks on Buffy and Willow's faces.
"I'm gonna go take inventory," she muttered before walking away. Buffy watched her with a deep frown etched on her face. She didn't like hearing Kat talk like that. She wished she could see how amazing she was.
"I'll be back later," Buffy murmured as she moved to grab her coat.
"Where are you going?" Willow asked curiously.
"To see a vamp about a girl," Buffy gave her a wry smile before she slipped out of the store. When she got to Spike's crypt, she didn't knock, swinging the door open like she owned the place.
"Knock knock," she grinned at Spike who was sitting on the couch watching TV.
"By all means, let yourself in," he muttered with a glare.
"I did," she smirked. He rolled his eyes, sipping on what she presumed was a mug of blood.
"Kat's not here," he said without looking at her. She moved over in front of the TV and he gave her a bored look.
"I know. She's at the magic shop," she tilted her head at him and he squinted at her.
"Any reason for this pleasant home visit, then?" He asked mockingly. She shifted where she stood before she blew out a sigh.
"I came to talk about Kat," she explained. He sat up straight then, his brows furrowing.
"What is it? She alright?" He asked quickly. His concern earned some respect.
"She's… okay. You told her you loved her," Buffy blurted, unsure on how to broach the subject.
"She told you?" Spike scoffed, his body tensing defensively.
"Of course she did. She tells me everything," Buffy snorted.
"Well, that's bloody fantastic. Did she also tell you about the noises she made when I-" he started with a smirk.
"Spike!" Buffy chided. He had the good grace to close his mouth and look a bit guilty. Their tension and rivalry wasn't something that would go away overnight, no matter how much Kat cared about him.
"She told me because she's… " Buffy trailed off with a thoughtful frown.
"Freakin' out? Yeah, noticed that bit when she was here earlier. Bloody knew I shouldn't have told her. Just slipped out. Wanted her to know, didn't think she'd react like that," he shook his head, glaring at the TV screen.
"She's glad you told her. She just feels guilty because she's not ready to say it back yet," she murmured.
"Told her she didn't need to feel guilty. Didn't expect her to say it back," he huffed with a furrowed brow.
"Look… I probably shouldn't be talking to you about this. I feel like I'm betraying her just by being here. But Kat… she's complicated. She's got issues that have issues when it comes to relationships," Buffy sighed.
"Yeah, gathered that already," Spike muttered with a snort.
"Her last relationship… it destroyed her. Her sense of relationships and what love should be, it's warped and what you guys have doesn't match up in her mind with it. She can't see that you care about her. She doesn't think she deserves it," Buffy explained carefully. Spike scoffed as he shook his head, rubbing a hand over his face.
"Bloody deserves the world, she does," he murmured softly. A small smile tugged at Buffy's lips.
"We know that, she doesn't. She thinks you're gonna leave her," Buffy admitted. Spike frowned deeply, looking somewhat offended.
"Why would she think that?" He asked, confused. Buffy inhaled a deep breath telling herself that while she was technically going behind Kat's back, it was for the best. She couldn't let the girl wallow in self pity and trauma.
"She's scared, Spike. Telling you she loves you is a pretty big deal. And she thinks that while you might be okay now with her not saying it back, that one day you'll get sick of it. You'll feel it's one sided. She's scared you'll get tired of waiting for her and you'll leave," she said as she glanced at him.
"Wouldn't ever leave her. Doesn't matter if she never tells me, doesn't change a damn thing," he huffed. A strange silence settled over them then. Spike looked deep in thought, no doubt thinking about Kat. Buffy was pretty happy with the stuff Spike had told her. She never thought in a million years that she'd give Spike her blessing with her cousin. Life was weird that way.
"How can I fix it? How can I show her I won't leave her?" Spike asked after a moment. He looked at a complete loss.
"Honestly, I don't think anyone will ever be able to convince her fully. She's her own worst enemy," Buffy heaved a sigh.
"Ain't that the truth," he muttered.
"In time I think she'll start to see it herself. You just need to be patient with her. Maybe do something nice. I mean, have you guys even been on a real date yet?" Buffy asked as she raised a brow at him.
"Yeah, great idea. Let's go out for dinner. Oh wait, the sun's not gone down. Nice knowin' you, Kat. Please sweep up my ashes," he drawled with a look. She scoffed, shaking her head.
"You are aware you could do things at night? I mean, let's be real. You guys are never gonna be normal. But you could still do normal things even if it's not normal, you know?" She shrugged. He blinked at her for a moment before he nodded slowly.
"Guess so," he murmured.
"Great. I have an idea," Buffy grinned. Spike looked at her, quirking a brow.
"I'm listening," he said, a perplexed look on his face.
Kat was still hiding in the back of the store. Taking inventory wasn't taking her mind off her issues much but it was better than nothing. Her phone buzzed in her pocket and she frowned, getting it out and reading the text. It was from Buffy.
'Meet me at the park between the two big trees ASAP xoxo'
Kat blinked at the phone for a minute, heaving a sigh as she stood up. So much for hiding out. She had no idea why Buffy needed her help out of everyone. But she wouldn't just not turn up in case Buffy really needed her. She sent a quick text to say she was on her way before she slung her jacket on and walked to the front of the store.
"Going to meet Buffy," she called out to Willow who was behind the register. Willow gave her a weird smile and nodded, making Kat narrow her eyes. The witch quickly looked down and busied herself with the cash. That was weird. Kat shook her head as she left and made her way to the park. It was dark out now and she had a stake tucked safely in the pocket of her jacket.
Her boots crunched on the grass as she walked to the two large trees Buffy referred to. She was just about to grab her phone and call Buffy to check she was still here when a figure stepped in front of her, making her yelp.
"Jesus Christ! Spike, you scared the crap out of me," she wheezed, a hand over her now rapidly beating heart.
"Sorry, luv," he smirked. She tilted her head and narrowed her eyes.
"Yeah, you sound it," she snorted, making him grin.
"Can't help it. Nice to know I've still got the scare factor," he shrugged.
"Come on," he murmured before she had the chance to say anything. He grabbed her hand and started pulling her towards the trees.
"I was supposed to meet Buffy. What's going on?" She asked warily.
"Change of plans," he commented vaguely.
"Seriously, what's going on? Why's everyone being so… weird," her last word was a murmur as Spike brought her around the large tree. There was a blanket laid out on the grass, a basket on top of it. There were fairy lights wound around a thick branch over the blanket, twinkling softly.
"Is this… a picnic?" She asked dumbly, eyes scanning everything and still being confused.
"Yeah. Figured we could do something nice. Other than patrol together. A real date," he shrugged. When she glanced to him, he looked a little uncomfortable, bashful even. His eyes met hers then and he looked so unsure of himself.
"Do you like it?" He asked softly. Her lips curled into a smile and she squeezed his hand.
"I love it," she said earnestly. He beamed a smile at her that made all the air leave her lungs. He led her to the blanket as they both sat down and she watched as he rummaged in the basket.
"Peanut butter and jam sandwiches," he murmured as he handed her a tupperware tub.
"My favorite," she grinned, making him mirror her.
"Of course. Along with some cookies, blueberry muffins and the crux of the biscuit… chocolate milk," he smirked teasingly as he got each item out of the basket. She bit her lip to stop her stupid smile from widening as she saw all her favorite things.
"I gotta admit somethin'..." he murmured as they tucked into the food. She almost figured he'd have bought a thermos of blood along with him but he seemed fine to eat normal food. When she really thought about it, he still had a lot of human habits for a vampire.
"What's that?" She asked after a mouthful of her sandwich.
"The Slayer and Red may have helped with all this," he admitted with a chuckle, not looking at her.
"Buff and Willow helped?" She asked, shocked. Now she thought about it, it seemed obvious. The text from Buffy, Willow being weird. Not to mention her favorite foods. Sure Spike knew her well but she didn't think she'd given him a list of all her favorite things to eat.
"Wanted to do somethin' nice for you," he remarked, making her smile.
"It is pretty romantic. A picnic under the stars," she mused with a grin. He set his food down and took her spare hand in his, halting her sandwich on the way to her mouth.
"I know… I know I freaked you out before. What I said," he started carefully, giving her a wary look. She felt her cheeks flushing in embarrassment. She'd been able to ignore their earlier interaction because the picnic had distracted her.
"Spike…" she uttered, glaring at their joined hands.
"I didn't mean to… I just… Look, I know you've been through a lot. Got issues comin' out your ears from it. I don't expect you to say it back. Not now, not ever. I don't expect a damn thing from you. You've already given me more than I ever thought I deserved. It's nothin' to feel guilty for. Even if you couldn't ever say it back, I'll still be here," he implored. She swallowed thickly, glancing at him before back at their hands. This very open and honest conversation was uncomfortable for her.
"And in five years and I've still not said it?" She asked with a frown.
"I don't care," he said firmly, his hand dropping hers and gripping her face to force her to look at him. His face was sincere and it made her chest ache.
"You're stuck with me, Kitten. I'd follow you to the ends of the earth, even if you told me to leave," he drawled, his hand loosening as he moved to cup her cheek.
"You're mine and I'm yours. Words won't change that," he murmured.
She leaned into his hand, trying to let his words wash away all of her worries and insecurities. They didn't make it go away but they did help. They ate the food with a lighter mood, Kat feeling a little better about the whole thing. It was fun and very romantic. They ended up lying side by side, looking up at the stars as Spike told her which ones were which.
"And that one there is Rigel, it's the brightest star in the constellation Orion and the seventh brightest star in the night sky," he commented, pointing up at it. She turned her head to look at him with an amused smile playing on her lips.
"I can't tell if you're making this up or if you're really this smart," she teased. He gave her an offended look and she snorted.
"I am that smart, thank you very much," he scoffed.
"I guess. I mean, you've been around long enough," she smirked playfully, squeaking when he was suddenly on top of her, his face hovering over hers.
"Got a thing for older men, have you, pet?" He purred, a sly grin on his face.
"Only if they're as handsome as you," she smiled, reaching up and stroking his bright blonde locks. His face softened then and he leaned down, kissing her deeply. Her body molded to his as she kissed him back, enjoying the way his lips felt against hers.
When he moved away, he gazed down at her, giving her a soft smile that made her insides turn to mush.
"Alright. You ready to learn or you gonna insult me some more?" He asked playfully, moving to lay back by her side. She felt light headed from the kiss. His kisses always left her that way.
"I'll be a good girl, promise," she grinned cheekily, making him groan.
"Don't make promises you can't keep, luv," he smirked, wriggling his brows at her.