Trapped. Kat was trapped and nothing she did seemed to change that fact. It was like watching a movie through her own eyes. Moving without her command or will. It was jarring and disconcerting. The demon had roamed around and Kat was aware she was still in her pyjamas. It was cold and her shoulder hurt. She could feel it but the demon couldn't apparently. Or it just didn't care. It hadn't killed anyone yet and she was dreading it. But after what felt like a lifetime of waiting on the inevitable, she found out just why the demon hadn't gone around mindlessly slaughtering people. It was planning on a massacre. A massacre at the school. She knew because she kept getting glimpses of the demon's thoughts. No matter how loud she internally shouted for it to stop, it didn't. She was going to have a front row ticket to the slaughter of a bunch of innocent kids. She'd rather die.
She stood out on a grassy hill that overlooked some of Sunnydale. A breeze wrapped around her body and she expected a shiver to follow. Yet with her complete lack of bodily control, it never came. She wasn't quite sure what the demon was doing or waiting for just stood under the light of the moon. She only got some thoughts and not all. It only made her more restless. She felt claustrophobia dig its claws in deep. She couldn't move, couldn't talk, couldn't do a damn thing but be trapped inside herself helplessly. She heard rustling from the bushes and the demon turned her body around. Panic seized her when Spike came into view. He looked surprised for a moment and he hung back, looking at her strangely.
"Spike, I missed you," the demon said with a sweet smile. Her own voice grated on her as she tried to mentally slam into the wall she was stuffed behind.
"Kat…" he murmured, his voice shaking a little. He looked at her uncertainly, his blue eyes scanning her body. Please tell me you know this isn't me.
"Why did you leave the hospital, pet? Gave us all quite the scare," he frowned as he grabbed his phone out of his pocket. He typed something on it and took a step closer to her when he put it away.
"I just… I didn't like feeling so trapped," the demon answered, shaking her head. You sly piece of… Spike blinked at her for a moment and Kat started to think he really had no clue. But then he threw something over to her and the demon instinctively caught it, growling in pain as what seemed to be a necklace fell to the floor. Her hand burned like a bitch but the relief she felt at Spike knowing this wasn't her almost made her sob.
"You're smarter than you look," the demon grinned. Spike lunged at her, grabbing her throat and slamming her against a tree. She was winded but it didn't bother the demon as it started laughing.
"What's wrong, Spike?" The demon smirked.
"Get out of her," Spike hissed vehemently. The fire behind his eyes scared Kat a little. She wasn't sure if he knew she could feel the pain when the demon was inside of her. She didn't know what was about to happen.
"Why? She likes a little demon inside of her, doesn't she?" The demon purred, bringing her leg up to rub against his. He let her go as if she'd burnt him, looking so unsure of what to do.
"You think I'm gonna let you get away with this?" Spike asked, his tone dangerously low.
"Poor little Spike, can't save the girl. Even with your soul you're just as useless as you were when you were human, William," she cackled.
"Oh, you can read minds. Wondrous," Spike scoffed sarcastically.
"My heart expands, 'tis grown a bulge in it…" she started mockingly, circling around him like a shark with its prey.
"Stop," Spike muttered, his jaw clenching as he stared at her. Tackle me, beat it out of me, do something.
"Inspired by your beauty… effulgent," she finished behind him with a sly grin. He snarled as he whirled around and she moved fluidly, kicking her leg out. It landed in the middle of his chest and he went flying right into a tree. No!
Spike groaned, struggling to get up as the demon sauntered over to him. She straddled him and he tried to push her off but she punched him square in the face and he groaned again.
"Aren't you having fun, Spike?" The demon asked with a smirk, grinding down on him.
"Just leave her alone," he bit out, his hands gripping her wrists tightly.
"But it's so much fun," she laughed, punching him hard again even with his grip on her. Kat was clawing desperately, trying to get some semblance of control. No matter what she did, the demon kept hitting him over and over, his face bloody. He wasn't even fighting back. Stop it, please. Stop!
"I don't think so," the demon growled out loud in answer to her broken pleas.
She stood up, giving him a harsh kick to the ribs and she heard a cracking that made her feel sick. The demon reached up and snapped a branch from the tree, twirling it around as she gazed down at a beaten and bloody Spike. No, no, no! She straddled him again, pressing the branch against his chest. He squirmed uncomfortably, both hands winding around her wrist as he tried to push it away with the strength left in him.
"Kat… I know you're in there. Know you can hear me," he wheezed. It was strange, to be crying when your body wasn't. If she killed Spike she'd never be able to forgive herself, even if she wasn't in control. There would be no going back from that.
"I don't blame you. You need to know that. I love you," he ground out, teeth clenched as his arms shook from the force he was exerting to keep the stake from impaling him.
"Kat!" The voice made the demon look up and Kat wasn't sure how to feel at seeing Buffy and the gang standing there, a good distance between them. This could either be really good or really bad.
"You're next, Slayer," the demon grinned darkly. Giles started reading something in a language she didn't know but she felt the demon's discomfort as it jumped up. She could almost taste the relief at it leaving Spike alone, but it was short lived as it started towards everyone else.
"You dare come here and-" it growled, suddenly shrieking in pain. Kat suddenly felt like she was being ripped into a million little pieces and she wasn't sure if some of the screams she could hear were her own. Willow opened an old looking wooden box and that was the last thing she saw before everything went dark again.
Kat's eyes snapped open and she sat up with a gasp. Her whole body ached in protest and her shoulder burned. She glanced around frantically, seeing she was in her old room at Buffy's place. Memories swarmed her mind that twisted her stomach up awfully and she hoped it was a dream. A quick look down at her bruised and bloodied hands told her it wasn't. She sunk back against the wall as her heart ached. She couldn't believe she beat Spike so badly. That she almost staked him. It made her feel sick just thinking about it. She remembered his words, the words he probably thought would be his last. Her chest heaved as she tried her best to contain her emotions but it was proving difficult. The door opened and she tensed, looking over at Buffy. She looked shocked she was awake before a hesitant smile graced her face.
"How are you feeling?" She asked as she hurried over and sat on the bed next to her.
"How do you think I'm feeling, Buff? I got possessed and almost killed my boyfriend," Kat lamented with a wobbly voice. Buffy sighed softly as she moved to grab one or Kat's hands.
"It wasn't your fault. That wasn't you. Besides, Spike is fine. A little beat up but he's a vampire. He can handle it," she tried to soothe. It did little to help though. Just because he was a vampire didn't mean he didn't feel pain. She'd hurt him and that was bad enough. But she'd damn near killed him and that was worse.
"Do you want to go home?" Buffy asked quietly after Kat was silent for a while. She shook her head rapidly.
"No. No, I can't… I can't face Spike right now. Not after what I did to him," she whispered.
Dawn moved away from the other side of the door where her ear had been pressed. A sad frown marred her face as she blew out a breath and padded downstairs. The others were all in the living room. Spike laid up in an armchair. He looked bad, Dawn couldn't lie. There was swelling and blood and more swelling. But it wasn't Kat's fault. She caught Spike's eye and waved him over, watching guiltily as he struggled to stand and make his way over to her.
"What is it?" He asked tiredly.
"Kat's awake," she told him. His eyes widened and he quickly made a move for the stairs but Dawn held her hand out to stop him, making him raise a brow at her.
"She's feeling bad. You know how she is," she murmured.
"Beatin' herself up? Why am I not surprised?" He asked ruefully.
"Yeah but… it's bad. She said she didn't wanna go home 'cause she couldn't face you. She's really upset about what happened to you," Dawn frowned. Spike nodded with a sigh as he glanced up the stairs.
"I'll fix it," he affirmed. Dawn gave him a sad smile as she nodded, moving away to join the others.
Spike groaned on his way up the stairs. If he needed to breathe, he was sure he'd be in trouble by now. His whole body hurt like a bitch. He was glad it was him though and not some poor human sod. They'd have died after the first couple of punches. He'd be a liar if he said he didn't think he was a goner back there. He was pretty sure his time was up, which was why he wanted to let Kat know it wasn't her fault. She was her own worst enemy and she carried around guilt like it was her bloody hobby. He wasn't surprised to find out she was laying into herself about this. He wasn't having it though. He wouldn't let her hide in a hole and not face it. It happened and now they needed to move on. No need to dwell on it. He finally made it to the top of the stairs and made his way to her room, only to see Buffy come out of it. The Slayer looked at him for a long moment before her eyes darted to the door. He could practically hear the cogs in her mind whirring away. Kat had said she couldn't face him, yet like Dawn, Buffy knew hiding her away wasn't helping anyone.
"I didn't see you," Buffy muttered, rushing past him and down the stairs.
Spike didn't bother knocking. Didn't want to give her the chance to tell him to bugger off. He slipped inside the room and her head snapped up to look at him. Absolute horror colored her face and his heart broke for her as she looked at what she did to him. Well, no. Not her. That demon wanker.
"Kat…" he started, moving slowly into the room more. He expected her to tell him to leave but instead she burst into tears. They were gut wrenching sobs that made tears prick his own eyes at her reaction. He hurried over to her, ignoring the pain his body was in as he climbed onto the bed next to her with his back against the wall.
"Come on now, luv. No use cryin' over it," he murmured, gathering her in his arms. So consumed with her crying, she didn't resist as he pulled her legs sideways over his so he could wrap his arms around her.
"How are you ever gonna forgive me?" She sobbed brokenly, soaking his shirt with her tears.
"You don't need forgiveness, Kat, 'cause there's nothin' to forgive. It wasn't you," he implored as he stroked her hair.
"My hands did that to you," she protested, moving away from him a little. He wiped away her tears from her blotchy face and he wished he could take her turmoil away.
"Without your consent. It wasn't you," he said firmly.
"Look… I know a thing or two about guilt. I did a lot of bad things in my day. All of my own free will mind you, but I was soulless. When I got it back… well you saw how that affected me. But dwellin' on the past only stops you chuggin' forward. We can't change what happened and the bastard demon's gone now. You were a victim, Kitten. You don't need to feel bad about this," he murmured softly. She sniffled, wiping her eyes as she looked down. He hoped his words sunk in, at least a little. He knew she'd still feel guilty for a bit. Especially when he looked like he'd been in the ring with Muhammad Ali.
"It… It wanted to do a school massacre," she muttered after a moment, pain lacing her every word.
"Good job I found you both in the nick of time then, innit?" He asked with a wry grin. She gave him a look and his face sobered as he sighed.
"I'd gladly take a beating like that again if it meant savin' you from worse guilt," he told her seriously, tucking her hair behind her ear. His hand rested on her cheek and she instinctively leaned into it.
"I feel so violated. It was the worst, being trapped like that," she admitted with a frown. He pulled her to him again, rubbing her back soothingly. He couldn't imagine having his free will taken from him like that. It was bad enough having that damned chip on his head, but at least he was still in control even if it stopped him doing some things. Things he wasn't really that interested in doing anymore anyway. But being stuck inside your own body with no control, yet having to witness everything. He imagined it was a form of torture and he hated she'd experienced it.
"I know, pet. But it's over now. Just let me take care of you," he murmured.
"I should be the one taking care of you," she scoffed, her brows furrowing.
"We can take care of each other," he smiled, earning a small smile from her that he considered a win. They sat there for a moment and she clung to him like a baby monkey. He held onto her just as tight, glad things hadn't gone worse.
"Can we go home?" She asked tiredly after a moment. He wasn't sure she wanted to after what Dawn said. And he knew her enough to know while his words might have helped a bit, it wasn't going to fix it. Only time could do that.
"Thought you'd never ask," he replied. She glanced up at him and he smiled, leaning down to place a tender kiss to her forehead. He'd help her through this. He'd help her through anything. He didn't blame her one bit for what happened and since they lived on a hellmouth, he expected a lot of weird bumps in the road of their relationship like this. He was just glad she hadn't retreated into herself fully. Maybe he was helping change her for the better. Helping her deal with her issues instead of running from them. As long as he could keep her happy, that's all he wanted.