A/N: this one wasn't a planned chapter but it came to me so here we are loooool It's pretty long and emotional, so enjoy!
Kat's eyes fluttered open and she hummed softly, snuggling further into the duvet. Her mind woke slowly and she rolled over, finding the other side of the bed empty. The curtains were open, sunlight filtering through the window. Her brows furrowed a little. Had he not come to bed last night? She swore she shut the blinds before she went to sleep. She was also sure Spike came to bed with her. With a sigh, she climbed out of bed and put on her robe. It had been almost two weeks since the whole 'possessed by a demon and almost killing Spike' thing. It had taken some time but she did what she did best. Sweeping it under the carpet. She made her way downstairs and he caught her eye right away. He was in the middle of the living room in his boxers, working out as he did sit ups. The next thing she noticed jarringly was the curtains also open down here. He jumped up, right into the blazing sunlight pouring through and she yelled, flying down the last few stairs as she ran to him.
"Spike! What are-" she stopped abruptly, noticing shockingly that he wasn't setting ablaze. Her brows furrowed in intense confusion as she gasped at him, bathing in the light..
"What's wrong?" He asked softly, moving over to her. She blinked at him, eyes going to the window and then back to his body.
"How are you… what?" She asked incredulously.
"Hey…" he murmured, cupping her cheeks and turning her dumbstruck face to his.
"Did you forget your meds again, pet?" He asked seriously, blue eyes scanning her face.
"My meds?" She muttered with a frown. He gently took her hand and her eyes snapped down to it. It was warm.
"What's happening?" She asked quietly, perturbed by his lack of explanation.
He wrapped his arms around her, a hand on the back of her head as he cradled it to his chest.
"Shhh, it's alright, luv. I'll get 'em for you, yeah?" He asked softly. His words didn't register in her mind though as she was too busy focusing on the steady thumping of his heart. He was… human?
"Spike, how did you do this? What did you do?!" She asked, panicked as she moved to look at him. She knew what he'd gone through to get his soul. God knows what he did to become human. He led her to the couch, sitting her on it before crouching in front of her and smoothing her hair from her face.
"It's alright. Once you take your meds, you'll be right as rain, promise," he smiled lovingly. He gave her a quick kiss to the lips before he jogged off and upstairs.
"What meds?" She muttered to herself. Something was very wrong. She felt like she'd woken up in an upside down world. She glanced around, trying to take note of out of place things. The decor was still the same, only the house looked weird in the daylight like this. There were photos around of her and Spike and her back straightened when she spied ones where they were outside in the daytime. What the fuck was happening?
When Spike came back downstairs, he was dressed in his usual attire, sans duster. He grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge before walking back over to her. He handed her the bottle and two small pills. She stared at them in her hands for a moment.
"I've gotta get off to work. Will you be okay?" He asked as he moved to grab a jacket that very much wasn't his duster.
"Work?" She asked surprised. He gave her a patient look like he'd had to deal with this a million times before.
"Yeah. Bounty hunting," he explained softly.
"You're a bounty hunter?" She asked, staring at him.
"Yeah, with Angel. We set up the business together," he said as he gave her an odd look.
"You… you set up a business… with Angel?" She asked slowly as her brain tried to process what he was telling her.
"He is my best friend. Look… do you need me to call in?" He asked with his face etched with concern. This weird seemingly human version of Spike that was best friends with Angel unsettled her so she quickly shook her head.
"No… No," she muttered tensely.
"You sure?" He asked hesitantly.
"I'll be fine after my meds, right?" She asked as she gave him a fake smile. He nodded before he leaned down, kissing her softly. He gave her another look before he made his way to the door.
"I'll see you at your appointment later. Take your meds, they'll help you remember, pet," he grinned before he slipped out of the door.
"What appointment?" She asked bewildered.
So, apparently she was in some kind of alternate universe or some shit. She didn't like it. It was unsettling. She glanced down to the meds in her hand with a frown. Would they help her remember? What if this was the real world and everything else was made up in her head? She blew out a breath as she shook her head. No, that wasn't right. She knew it in her bones that this wasn't the real world. She stood up, tossing the meds in the trash before she looked around like she'd find the answers she needed.
"Think, Kat, think. You've woken up in the wrong place. What do you do?" She asked herself softly. Buffy. Of course Buffy. She'd no doubt be wrong too but maybe, just maybe, she was still the Slayer. If she was, she'd be more open to listening to her weird situation.
She practically ran up the stairs, hurrying to get dressed and ready to leave. She left the house swiftly and made a beeline for her old house. If Buffy was still a Slayer then Giles would be her watcher. He had tons of books and knowledge and maybe they could send her back. By the time she reached the porch, she was thrumming with uncomfortable anxious energy. Even walking down the street, that for all intents and purposes seemed the same, was off to her. She could just feel it was all wrong and she didn't like it. She knocked quickly and loudly on the door, waiting impatiently. When the door swung open, it wasn't Buffy. It wasn't even Dawn.
"Joyce?" Kat breathed out, feeling winded as she stared into her late aunt's face.
"Kat, sweetie. I wasn't expecting you today," she beamed, wrapping her arms tightly around Kat in a hug. Kat clung to her as a sob clawed its way out of her throat. It was really her. The scent of her aunt swallowed her hole and took her right back to when she was alive.
"Oh, honey. It's okay," Joyce soothed, rubbing her back before she moved away. She guided a still shaken and crying Kat inside, ushering her to sit on the sofa. She disappeared for a moment and Kat's head was spinning. It was so jarring to see Joyce like this, she hadn't expected it.
When Joyce came back, she had a glass of water and put it in Kat's hands as she sat next to her.
"Is everything okay, honey?" Joyce asked softly, looking at her warmly. Kat sipped the water as she nodded. It was no use telling her she was supposed to be dead if she was in some other place.
"I'm fine," she sniffled, wiping her eyes. She couldn't look away from Joyce, taking her in looking alive and well. It hurt.
"You are taking your medication aren't you? It's normal to be over emotional in your condition, but it'll only be worse if you don't take your medication. Your mental health is important now more than ever," she murmured.
"What condition?" Kat asked curiously. Before Joyce answered her, the phone rang and Joyce hopped up.
"I need to get that," she smiled, hurrying off to answer the phone. Kat heaved a sigh as she sunk further into the couch. She really wished she wasn't here. It was cruel to put her here when Joyce was alive. Then she'd have to go back home in a world where she was dead.
As she wallowed in her misery, she heard footsteps skipping down the stairs. Before long, Dawn came into view.
"Kat!" She beamed when she saw her, rushing over to give her a hug.
"Hey, Dawn," Kat murmured with a weak smile. Dawn settled on the couch next to her and Kat set her water on the coffee table.
"Where's Buffy?" She asked curiously. Dawn gave her a weird look before giving her a smile.
"Buffy's at home," she shrugged.
"Home? Where's home?" Kat asked with a confused frown. Dawn raised a brow and snorted.
"You're acting weird," she muttered. Nevertheless, she rattled off an address that Kat knew was nearby. Mostly because it was on the same street she lived. She was confused why Buffy didn't live here but she didn't ask. Everyone already thought she was crazy apparently and she was only making it worse by asking so many questions. Kat glanced at Joyce who was talking animatedly on the phone. She wanted to stay here. Soak up as much time with her as she could. But it was painful. It wasn't real and it would only make it harder to go home. She needed to rip it off like a bandaid. She stood up as Joyce hung up the phone and she made her way over.
"I'm gonna go see Buffy," she murmured quietly, already feeling the emotion clogging up her throat.
"Okay, sweetie. Make sure to drop by again soon. I'm making my famous lasagna on Friday," she smirked, knowing Kat loved it. She felt like she'd been stabbed in the heart at the memory. Knowing she'd never taste it again.
"I will," she bit out, giving her a tight smile. Joyce hugged her again and Kat clung to her.
"I'm glad I got to see you," Kat whispered, knowing this was goodbye. The goodbye she never got to give her in real life.
"I'm glad too. You know you're always welcome here," Joyce murmured. When Kat moved away, tears were pricking her eyes and her heart was heavy.
"I love you, Joyce. You're the best aunt I could ever ask for. You've done so much for me and I really appreciate it. I hope you know that," Kat's voice wobbled as she spoke, holding on by a thread. Joyce's eyes softened as she took her hand.
"Honey… I love you too. You're the best niece I could have asked for. I'm so proud of you, sweetie," she smiled warmly. Kat's smile was pained and she squeezed her hand before letting go.
"Goodbye, Joyce," she murmured.
"I'll see you soon," Joyce smiled. Pain. That's all she could feel. She turned around and quickly left, not even saying goodbye to Dawn.
She burst into tears as she hurried down the street, on her way to Buffy's. She held her hand over her mouth to stifle the heartbroken sobs leaving her lips. She felt like the wound of Joyce's death had been ripped right open. She took some deep breaths and pulled herself together by the time she reached the house. She didn't need Buffy asking her if she'd taken her goddamn meds. She knocked on the door and waited, her body exhausted from all the emotion of the day already. She just wanted to go home. Buffy opened the door and grinned at her.
"Kat! Come in. I was just cleaning," she smiled, letting Kat go inside. Kat looked around at the homey house. There were pictures of her and Angel all over the place and Kat mused they were together in this reality and most likely lived together. The smell of bleach hung heavy in the air and she stood awkwardly in the living area. The idea of Buffy cleaning was absurd and the house almost looked like a show home. It was weird. She then noticed the ring on Buffy's finger. She was married.
"Is there anything weird going on?" Kat asked pointedly as Buffy put away her cleaning supplies. She was feeling desperate at this point. She really hoped Buffy could help her. Buffy gave her a strange look as she closed the cupboard.
"Like what?" She asked as she walked over.
"You know… Slayer-y or… hellmouth-y?" Kat asked dejectedly. Buffy laughed as she quickly moved to the kitchen area of the open plan house, taking a tray of cookies out of the oven.
"I think you've been watching too many scary movies, Kat," she snorted, transferring the cookies to a cooling rack. When Kat didn't laugh, Buffy glanced to her looking more serious.
"Have you been taking your meds?" She asked softly, a worried frown on her face.
"I wish everyone would stop asking me that," Kat growled, getting angry at her situation. Of course this Buffy wouldn't be a Slayer. That would be too easy.
"Kat… it's important to take your meds with your condition," Buffy said patiently, moving over to her.
"What does that even mean?!" Kat asked in exasperation.
"You don't remember?" Buffy asked. Just like Spike, she sounded like she'd dealt with this before.
"You know what, it doesn't even matter," Kat huffed, moving to leave. This was pointless. This world sucked.
"You're pregnant, Kat," Buffy called out as she reached the door.
Kat stopped dead, her brain malfunctioning for a moment.
"What?" She asked flatly, turning to Buffy who'd made her way over.
"You're pregnant," she repeated slowly. Kat's hand went to her stomach. There wasn't a bump so she mustn't be far along. It didn't make sense. Spike was a vampire. Except here he wasn't. She didn't know what to think. She'd never really wanted kids. She was too much of a mess for that. It wasn't something she really cared about or wanted. And then with Spike, it wasn't like it was really an option anyway. And now here she was, knocked up. She felt a weird pang in her chest at the notion of a baby in her belly. A baby that wasn't really hers and one she'd never meet.
"You know, it's almost time for your appointment. How about I take you there? Spike will be waiting for you," Buffy murmured. She had a pitying look on her face at Kat's shocked state. Kat nodded, her brain too mushed to argue. She just had to go along with this bullshit until she found a way home.
Buffy drove her to the hospital, apparently this Buffy could drive. Kat stayed silent as the idea of a baby inside of her consumed her mind. They went inside and she let Buffy guide her as she had no idea where she was going. Spike was sitting in the waiting area and he stood as he saw them, giving them both a charming smile. He gave her a sweet kiss but she was still too messed up to kiss him back.
"Spike…?" Buffy gave him a smile as she gestured with her head to speak to him. They didn't go far enough though as Kat could hear them.
"I'm worried she's not taking her meds. She's been pretty confused and didn't even remember about the baby," Buffy frowned. Spike glanced over concerned and Kat quickly looked away so it wasn't obvious she was listening.
"I know. She was actin' off this morning. I'll deal with it though, don't worry," he murmured. After that they both came back over and Buffy gathered her into a hug.
"I'll see you soon, Kat," she smiled, giving Spike a knowing look and a nod before she left.
Now she was left with the human Spike and she felt uncomfortable. He guided her to a chair and sat next to her holding her hand.
"What's the appointment for?" Kat asked after a tense moment of silence. Spike glanced at her, holding her hand tightly.
"A scan. For the baby," he answered, gesturing to her belly. She nodded, her whole body feeling stiff and tense. She still couldn't fathom that there was a human inside of her. She tried to push away any positive feelings knowing it wasn't real. This wasn't her reality.
"You feelin' alright?" Spike asked softly.
"I'm fine," she answered, her fingers on her spare hand picking at her jeans. He gave her a look like he didn't believe her, putting an arm around her and kissing the side of her head. She closed her eyes and took a shaky breath. This wasn't her Spike, yet some of him was. It was making her brain hurt. She wanted to seek comfort from him but it was hard.
"Katherine Summers," the doctor called out. Kat's stomach tightened as she stood up, Spike taking her hand and leading her to the room. She really didn't want to be here.
She lay on the bed while the doctor squirted the cold gel onto her stomach, anxiety eating at her. She was trying to figure out how she could get home. Maybe the magick shop was still a thing. It might not be Giles running it but maybe someone there could help. Maybe there was a book about dimensions that could let her know how to get home. Her rapid thoughts were cut off by a weird sound that almost sounded like a train on the tracks. Her eyes snapped to the screen to see a mostly baby shaped thing on the screen and her heartbeat picked up.
"There we are. A perfectly healthy baby. They're measuring about 12 weeks, so right on track," the doctor smiled. She kept talking but Kat's ears didn't pick it up as she stared at the screen. She really never wanted kids, yet seeing this baby that wasn't really hers made her chest ache uncomfortably. She tore her eyes away from the screen, looking at Spike who was standing beside the bed gripping her hand. He was tearful, a smile playing on his lips as he stared in awe at the screen.
"That's our little baby," he murmured, eyes drifting down to her. He seemed so happy. Human Spike apparently really wanted a baby. She gave him a weak smile as she looked away. She really didn't like the pang of envy she had for herself in this different world.
On the way home, she was silent in the car. Everything was so… normal here. No weird demons or bad things happening every day. It was all so domesticated and she hated and envied it all at the same time. Her silence had prompted Spike to ask her if she was okay every five minutes and she'd ended up snapping at him saying she was just tired. She felt bad at his wounded puppy face but he hadn't asked since.
"I've got a surprise for waitin' at home," he spoke up when they were almost home.
"What is it?" She asked hesitantly. She didn't like surprises, she didn't like things being sprung on her. And with how weird this other reality was, she really didn't think she'd like it.
"Wouldn't be a surprise if I told you, pet," he snorted. She sunk further into the seat of the car as dread gnawed at her stomach. He pulled into the driveway and she got out, following him slowly as she tried to think what the surprise might be. She doubted it was a way out of this world and back to her own. He opened the door and she walked inside, moving into the living room. All the air in her lungs left in a whoosh when she noticed the two figures standing there with beaming smiles.
"Mom?... Dad?" She whispered, a pain so deep she could feel it in her bones wrapping around her like a vice. She hadn't seen her parents since she was 14. She stood there completely motionless as something broke inside of her. Her mom rushed over to her, catching her in a bone crushing hug.
"Oh, honey, we missed you so much," she sighed as she held her. Kat's eyes were wide, shining with unshed tears as she slowly wrapped her arms around her mom. Something she hadn't done in so long. She smelt just like she remembered. Felt like she remembered. Memories she'd pushed way down, locked in a box came crashing out like a tidal wave as she started weeping, clinging onto her mom, not wanting to let go.
"Ah, the dreaded hormones," her dad laughed ruefully as her mom pried herself away and her dad took her place. She couldn't stop her painful sobs even if she tried as she held him tightly. She'd missed them so much. Their deaths left a gaping hole inside of her soul and having them here with her made her feel whole again.
"I remember this. I used to cry at the smallest thing," her mom chuckled. Kat couldn't help but wonder if this world was so bad. Sure the people she knew and loved weren't exactly the same, but the people she had lost were here. Everyone was here, together. Everyone seemed happy.
Suddenly, everything started shaking like an earthquake took hold. Kat moved away from her dad as she glanced around. A picture of her and Spike fell off the cupboard and smashed.
"What's happening?!" She panicked. But as she glanced from her parents to Spike, all of them didn't seem bothered.
"What's wrong?" Spike asked, confused. The shaking got worse yet no one seemed to notice and suddenly Kat felt it. Like she was being pulled in another direction.
"No! No! Not like this! Not now!" She cried, rushing to her parents and gripping their hands.
"Sweetie, have you taken your medication?" Her mom asked softly. The tugging inside of her got worse as she sobbed and shook her head.
"Please! It's not enough time!" She whimpered, grasping onto her parents hands so tight as if she could bring them with her. She knew she couldn't though. She knew this was it.
"I love you… Goodbye," she whispered painfully, looking at her parents and trying to memorize their faces. She didn't want to lose them all over again but she had no choice. It was coming.
A heaving gasp left Kat's lip as she shot up from the floor of the Magick Box. She was in shock, reeling from what she'd just experienced. As her eyes wandered, she noticed everyone else waking up from various spots where they'd seemingly dropped to sleep. It was a dream. It was a fucking dream. It felt so real. Everything felt so real.
"Kitten, you alright?" Spike asked as he rushed over to her. Her brain was whirring with everything she'd just been through and her heart felt like someone shoved a knife right through it.
"Fine," she muttered, clearing her throat as she rushed to stand. The others were all hectically talking about what just happened, with Giles mentioning the demon Buffy was currently pursuing could induce these types of dreams. She felt sick.
"I need to go… take inventory," she said quietly as she hurriedly to the back room. A pitiful sob left her lips the second she got in there. How could it have been just a dream? Even now, if she tried to imagine what her parents smelt like, she couldn't recreate it.
The door opened and she quickly wiped her eyes as she tried to calm herself. She found herself wrapped in Spike's arms.
"It's alright, luv," he murmured as he stroked her hair.
"It was just a stupid dream," she huffed bitterly, feeling embarrassed by her reaction.
"One that felt very bloody real," he muttered. Part of her wondered what his dream was. She allowed him to comfort her, taking solace in the real Spike. It soothed her.
"Wanna talk about it?" He asked as she moved away. She sniffled and wiped her eyes again as she tried to decide if she should or not. She decided to go for it. She trusted him and it was eating at her.
"We um… we still lived at our house. And you were a bounty hunter, you worked with Angel," she started. He raised a brow at that, looking like he wanted to make a comment but he decided against it.
"Buffy and Angel were together, they were married. I was confused and everyone kept asking me if I'd taken my meds. And I went back to my old house and… and Joyce was there," her voice wobbled and he frowned, taking her hand and leading her to sit on a box as he sat on one next to her.
"And when we went back home, you told me you had a surprise for me. It was…" she trailed off as her voice caught in her throat and Spike squeezed her hand reassuringly. Her brows furrowed, a pained look crossing her face.
"It was my parents," she lamented as the tears started again.
"Kitten…" Spike murmured, moving closer to wrap his arms around her.
"It really seemed like them. It smelt like them and felt like them. I hadn't seen them in so long and I just…" she wept softly, shaking her head. Spike stroked her hair, a sad look on his face.
"I barely got to see them and I woke up. It's not fair," she muttered through her tears.
"I know, pet," he soothed, moving to wipe away her tears. While her chest still felt heavy, it was nice to get it out of her. She kept the baby part of it from him. She really wasn't sure why that was part of the dream since she didn't really want kids. She couldn't now anyway with Spike. She felt stupid bringing it up so she didn't tell him. She also didn't mention him being human knowing he already had a complex about not being good enough for her.
Spike comforted her until she calmed down once again and she glanced at him curiously.
"What was your dream?" She asked quietly. He gave her a weak smile, his hand moving back to hers as he gazed at their joined hands.
"I was back home, England. It was back in the 1800s. My mum… she was alive. I was human and…" he trailed off as a mirthless chuckle left his lips.
"I was a successful poet. Quite famous. I was hostin' some kinda party for prestigious writers," he muttered. He looked so despondent and she lay her free hand over his.
"You were there. We were married. Mum quite liked you… She was proud of me," he whispered. She wasn't the only one being haunted by someone she lost.
"I'm sure she'd be proud of you now," she murmured. He gave her a look as he snorted.
"Right. Sure she'd be glad to know all the people I've slaughtered," he huffed bitterly.
"That was in the past. But you went out and got your soul back to atone for all you've done. You might not be some successful poet and famous, but you're a good man, Spike. You're a champion," she said sincerely. He looked at her for a long moment, his blue hues searching hers. A small smile toyed on his lips as he leaned closer and kissed her softly.
"Maybe things aren't like in the dreams, but at least we have each other," he murmured. It made her smile. She tried to find solace in the fact that she still had Spike and the others.
"And the silver lining is gettin' the goodbyes you didn't get before," he added. It made her feel a little better. She'd never had that chance. To say goodbye and know it would be it. Final. Most of her inability to grieve was because everything had been so sudden with her losses but she'd gotten to say goodbye. It was cathartic to live that out.