Elizabeth rubbed her eyes as she sat next to Nathan on the couch. "I have to go, honey."
"Of course you do."
"He's so little. He will be in the NICU for months and…."
"Are you going to be gone for months?" he asked quietly.
"I don't think so."
"Bess, our wedding…"
"We are getting married, Nate. I promise you."
He stood up and paced. He had the feeling that this was it. That she'd somehow find a way to stay in Nevada and he wouldn't see her again. "Don't promise when you don't know."
She stood up and stopped him, stepping into his space. "Look at me, sweetheart."
He felt tears in his eyes and they were not allowing him to see clearly. She was blurry. "Bess…."
"You placed this ring on my finger, Nathan. I told you I would marry you and I take all my vows and promises very seriously."
"What if…"
"No. I will not leave you and King for long."
"He needs you, Bess." Nathan did too. So much.
"I need him too." Nathan wrapped his arms around her and held her as long as he could without seeming too desperate.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
Henderson, NICU
Tara sat next to Jesse's isolette and touched his tiny little fingers and toes, feeling scared and numb and so much love all at once. She wanted to hold him so much but he was on a breathing machine and had a feeding tube so she couldn't. She wanted to feed him too but she had to be content with using a breast pump.
Her tears streamed down her cheeks as much as she tried to stop them and be strong. Through this whole process, she found out that she wasn't nearly as strong as she thought she was. She had never been more scared in her life. She knew that Jake was too but he tried to be so strong for her.
"Sweetheart?" Clara said, bringing her back to the present.
"Yes, Mom."
"You need to rest," she said softly.
"No. I need to be with my son. He needs to know I'm here."
"He knows you are here but you aren't doing him any good if you get sick or too exhausted or if you don't eat. You want to keep breastfeeding him, don't you?"
"Of course I do." What a silly question.
"You need to rest and eat to keep producing milk. Otherwise you will dry up."
"What if something happens and I'm not here?"
"Nothing will happen. I am going to be right here with him."
"Mom…"
"Tara Renee, listen to me. Do you trust me?"
"Yes."
"Go eat, find your fiancé and both of you get some rest in your room. Your dad and I and Gracie are going to take turns sitting here while you both do that."
About ten minutes later, the lights in her hospital room were down low and Jake lay behind her, holding her as they attempted to sleep. He was out in a matter of minutes, as he always was. She, however, couldn't sleep. She was just so afraid of what might happen. He still was having problems breathing on his own because his lungs weren't fully developed. He could have so many health issues in the future.
"Please let him be okay," she prayed. "I can't lose him."
"Honey," Jake mumbled. "Sleep."
"I can't."
"You need to rest."
"I am, Jake!" she shouted. Then she got up, wincing at her sore muscles and moved to the recliner by the bed. She didn't want to be held right now. She wanted her son to be okay. She needed to know he would be okay.
"Tara."
"No. Don't tell me what I need to do. Mom keeps doing it and now you. I am an adult. I am a mother!"
"No one doubts you are a mother."
"I'm a failure but I'm still a mother."
He got up and knelt in front of her, taking her hands slowly, not wanting to scare her away.
"You are not a failure."
She looked away as the tears streamed down her face.
"You kept him safe, baby."
"Not for long enough. I'll never forgive myself if he doesn't make it."
"Tara, sometimes things like this happen. You didn't do anything to cause him to come early."
"Maybe I shouldn't have worked so much."
"Chief didn't let you do anything dangerous. There is nothing you could have done differently that would have changed the outcome."
"It's not fair, Jake. I can't even hold my own baby or feed him. He's lying in there and he's helpless. He has that breathing tube down his tiny throat and he can't even eat...I can't feed him like I want to."
He could see she was exhausted. He wished she would just give in and let herself rest. "Honey, lets go to sleep."
She wiped her tears and let him help her to the bed again. He ran his fingers through her hair and rubbed her arm to get her to relax. Just as she was starting to, her stomach let out a huge growl. "Hungry, babe?"
"I guess."
He got up and grabbed a bag of food that his future father-in-law had brought. "Here's some fries for you."
She loved cold fries. She took them from him and tasted one. The salty flavor of the fries mixed with being so hungry kept her eating until they were gone. Then the exhaustion hit full force. She laid back and closed her eyes, falling asleep within a minute.
Grace drove to Jude's house that evening, so tired but wanting to see him badly. He had such a way of making her relax and to stop worrying. That's what she needed right now. She also needed a distraction and he was really good at that too. Those lips of his…..
She knocked on his door a bit later. He opened the door and smiled. "Hey."
"Hi."
"You doing okay?"
"Not really."
"Want some tea?"
"Yeah."
He pulled her into the house and shut the door behind her. "Kylie is watching a movie if you want to join her. I'll bring your tea in."
She nodded and took her shoes off, wandering into the living room. "Hi, doodlebug."
"Gracie! Hi! You gonna watch Pets with me?"
"Sure."
Kylie climbed up onto her lap and leaned, very comfortable with Gracie. She was officially adopted and she was adapting well to living with Jude. Except for the whole schedule thing that Jude decided not to follow. Needless to say, bedtime was hit or miss.
Kylie giggled at the dog wearing the "cone of shame" on the screen. "He looks funny."
"Yes he does."
"Gracie?"
"Yes?"
"Uncle Jude says that you went to the hospital. Are you sick?"
"No, I'm just fine. My brother and his girlfriend had a baby boy. I went to visit them."
"Oh. What's his name?"
"Jack Jesse Thornton."
"I like that name. Is he cute?"
"Very. He's really tiny too."
"Can I see?"
"You want to see a picture?"
"Yeah."
Gracie pulled out her phone and showed Kylie. "What's that?" she asked, pointing at his breathing tube.
"That helps him breathe."
"Oh. And what's that?" she asked, this time pointing to the feeding tube.
"That helps him to eat."
"Oh."
Jude walked back in the room and sat down with her cup of tea. "Kylie, will you go put your jammies on, please?"
"I don't wanna."
"No story if no pajamas."
"Please, Uncle Jude," she begged, hugging him and kissing his cheek over and over again.
"Ten more minutes," he told her, caving in.
Gracie held back her thoughts. She was Jude's, not hers. Yet. That in addition to the fact that she wanted to spend some time alone with Jude….
Ten minutes went by and Kylie tried again. This time, he didn't cave. "Jammies."
She pouted but she went. She came back out in her pink jammies and jumped on the couch, almost causing Gracie to spill her tea. "Hang on, sweet pea. I have hot tea here."
She thought that Jude was going to make her go to bed, seeing that it was almost 8pm and she had pre-school the next day but he didn't. Which meant she didn't get to talk to him.
She was so exhausted. "I need to go," she told him.
"I thought you were going to stay and hang out," he said as she stood up.
"I am so tired. If I don't go now, I might not make it home."
"Then you should stay. You shouldn't drive home when you are so tired. I have a guest room."
She thought about that and agreed. She kissed his cheek and the top of Kylie's head. "I'm going to go to bed then, if you don't mind."
He caught her hand on her way by. "Are you angry with me, Gracie?"
"I'm just tired. Thank you for the tea and the guest room."
"See you in the morning."
Maybe by then she would be in a better frame of mind.
As she lay in bed later, second guessing her choice to stay overnight in her boyfriend's house, she heard a knock.
"Gracie?"
She got up and opened the door, surprised to see Jude, except who else would it be?
"Hi."
"Babe, I know you're tired but...I feel like you came here needing to talk."
"I did," she admitted.
"Then why go to bed? Why not stay up and talk to me?"
She blushed and folded her arms, not looking at him.
"Babe?"
"I feel stupid now. And exhausted. And emotional and a whole bunch of other things. Can we talk in the morning?"
He stepped forward and took her hand, bringing it to his lips. "It might be hard sometimes, babe, to get my attention. I'm going to need you to just be patient as I figure out how to balance everything."
He did have a whole lot to balance. He just quit his job at the country club, started substitute teaching and now had full custody of Kylie.
She walked forward and hugged him, vowing not to be impatient with him and his time.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, hugging tighter. "I'll be more patient."
He kissed her cheek and then grazed her lips with his. "Sleep well."
"You too."
Nathan and King took Elizabeth to the airport the next morning. It was hard to leave. She honestly felt that Beesands and that cottage and these wonderful guys in front of her represented home now.
"You promised you'll be back," Kingston reminded her as he gave her a hug.
She touched his cheek and smiled, wanting to see him smile back. "I love you, King. I will call you a lot, ok?"
He gave her a crooked smile that matched Nathan's. "I love you too, Mum."
Nathan fought his tears and pulled both of them into his arms. He was really going to be lost without her. "I'm not sure my guests are going to enjoy my breakfasts as much as yours," he teased.
"Probably not, love," she chuckled. "King can help before school, though."
"Yeah, Dad. I'll take care of it."
After another hug and a kiss for both of them, she walked through the doors to the airport.
They both watched until they lost sight of her. "How long until we fly to Nevada to go get her, Dad? She belongs with us."
"I know, son. But her kids and grandson are there. We need to give her time."
He vowed to himself he would wait a month. Then they were hopping on a plane.