8. Found Clarity

It had been two days since the two animals had left the oak tree and Autumn's grave behind. Neither animal had been particularly talkative during that time. Macaw had said just enough to provide directions and to point out imminent dangers, they'd otherwise travelled in silence. The two of them had covered a lot of ground in that time and were now on the outskirts of Macaw's intended destination, it was a place both animals had once called home.

"What's that smell?" asked Red as he lifted his head up trying to catch the scent on the air.

Macaw shifted uneasily as he gripped Red's back. "What smell...there is no smell, let's keep moving."

"No, no, wait…there's something familiar about it," said Red as he gingerly stepped forwards, sniffing the air to his left and right, "I've been here before."

Macaw didn't reply, he knew the answer wouldn't sit well with Red.

"Why have you brought me here?"

Macaw sighed. "My boy, you have little choice," he held his wings up to highlight the situation "look at you…look at us! We haven't eaten in days! Where else could we go to survive?"

Red didn't answer straightaway, he knew there was truth to that statement. "I can't be here, I shouldn't be back here."

Macaw leaned in close to Red's right ear. "To beat your demons you've got to face them first."

"My demons? Do you know what I did here?"

"It was war, you had orders, you fought to win and survive did you not?" Macaw shrugged "That's what happens in war!"

Red jolted to a stop and sat upright, throwing his passenger off and onto the ground beside him. "No! I killed what I was told to kill, but I didn't do it because of a cause or some misguided sense of duty! I did it because I wanted to, because I liked doing it!"

"You were controlled, you had lost your memories, you were rebuilt into something you weren't meant to be," replied Macaw as he shook his head.

"Have you ever killed? Hmm? Have you?" Red began jabbing his snout into Macaws puffed up breast. "And I don't mean to eat to survive, I mean just killed something because you could…watched the light in its eyes go out? Have you ever run down an old decrepit animal with no ability to fight back? Have you ever looked a mother in the eyes as you killed her offspring?" Macaw didn't answer and looked away in the other direction.

"I've done all those things to the Foxes that live here, along with things much, much worse, they were my own kind!" Red dropped his head, the shame and guilt was too much to bear. "Do you know what it feels like to relive those moments every time you close your eyes?"

"No boy, I don't, but the fact that you do tells me I'm right," said Macaw as he turned his gaze back to his younger companion "you didn't want to become what this town made of you, maybe it's time to stop letting those experiences define who you are today?"

Macaw waited for a moment, watching for some kind of response from Red, the minutes ticked by, but it never came. Red was stock still, it was almost as if his brain had shut down and was waiting for some kind of restart command. Macaw narrowed his eyes to slits and prepared to deliver his final knockout punch. He leaned forwards and cocked his head to one side. "Maybe then you'll be able to find some happiness with who you are tomorrow?"

Red let out a sudden gasp of air, he'd been unconsciously holding his breath the entire time. His brain had been completely preoccupied with processing Macaw's words that his bodily functions had been put on hold. Red coughed violently as his body tried to compensate and draw in as much air as it could. "Perhaps I am exactly who I was meant to be?" said Red hoarsely as he stood up and set off in no particular direction.

Macaw brought a wing to his beak and shook his head. "Where are you going boy?"

"Directions are your job, I'm just the transportation," Red continued on his way without altering his course. Macaw sighed again and flapped his wings boosting himself up into the air and onto Red's back.

"You know for a blind animal you navigated those rocks back their pretty well," Macaw pointed a wing behind Red at the pile of rocks rapidly disappearing into the distance.

"I'll let you in on a little secret I've been keeping, I'm not exactly one hundred percent blind anymore," answered Red with a sly half grin on his face. "I see shapes, colours, if its close enough or bright enough I can probably make a guess at what it is."

"And how long has this been a thing?" Macaw raised his wings to the sky in a sign of frustrated acceptance. "Don't you think that would have been useful for me to know?

"Two or three nights' maybe?" Red stopped and craned his neck around so he was looking back towards the large red coloured shape that made up the bird perched on his back. "Until I could see enough for it to be useful it was worthless knowledge."

Red returned his gaze forwards and squinted hard to try and bring some detail to the vast array of colours and shapes that made up the scene ahead of him. "I think I'm lost."

"Ho-ho-ho," chuckled Macaw "remind me again which one of us was the directions and which one of us was the transport?"

Red rolled his eyes, "Someday something is going to eat you, and when that day comes I'm going to start living a much happier life!"

"So did you want directions or not boy?" said Macaw with a little shake of his head "Because I could let you continue to wander around in circles making wisecracks if you'd rather?"

Red scowled and began sniffing the ground around his paws. "We're not going in circles, this is-"

"A place we passed earlier today?" said Macaw.

"Just be quiet and direct would you?" replied Red shaking his head.

Macaw let out a brief snort of amusement. "Well I've already tried have I not? You won't follow my directions because you don't like where they are going!"

"Well then how about you find somewhere else to direct us?"

"The transport should learn its place in this world and follow the directions it's been given," Macaw glared at the back of Red's head "as they are given for its own good!"

Red held his ground for a moment before dropping his head in surrender and taking a few steps forwards. "The outskirts only, that's as far as I'll go!"

Macaw puffed his feathers up in satisfaction. "Marvellous, don't you worry my boy, I've seen a place that'll work for you."

Red let out a long-agitated sigh. "I'm going to regret this."