Spike paced in the large library, his feet practically wearing through the carpet. He was on tenterhooks, waiting for Red and her girl to get the spell ready. They'd drawn a circle in chalk on the floor, large enough for Kat to be in the middle. Around it were a bunch of symbols he had no idea the meaning of. They'd gone through the plan many times. He would go in and dose her, carry her up here where there was enough room to do the spell. Once it was done, she'd be put back in her cell until she woke up and they knew if it worked or not. The waiting was the worst. He wished they'd know right away but they just had to be patient. And now he was waiting for the go ahead to go down and sedate her. He felt anxious and guilty. He already felt like he'd betrayed her so much just because that's how she'd seen it. And now it was another on the ever growing list. He kept telling himself he was doing it to get her back, get her soul in her so she could be normal again. But he worried if this didn't work, then she'd hate him. He didn't want her hating him even when she was like this. And he knew she'd put up a fight. He might be able to fool his way in the cage at first but she wasn't stupid by any means. And the idea of fighting her made him feel sick. It took a while for the spell to be completely ready and he took a long look at the blue shining orb, soaking it in and telling himself that this was the reason for doing this.

"You sure you don't need my help?" Buffy asked as Spike went to make his way to the basement door.

"I'm good. Just be ready," he said firmly. There was no way he'd be able to get in the cage with her if Buffy was there. She'd know something was going on. He needed to trick her, sweet talk her so he could get close enough.

He made his way down the stairs, hiding the syringe in his duster pocket that he'd put on once more. He'd been expecting her to still be beating the holy hell out of the glass walls but instead she was sitting with her back leaning on the wall, looking off into space. He wasn't sure what was worse to be honest. As he moved closer in the room, her eyes snapped to him then, nothing but coldness there as she got to her feet.

"Why did you even bother coming back?" she asked, her voice hollow sounding. This wasn't good. If she hated him already he had no bloody chance and he ignored the pain in his chest as he got closer to the cage.

"I'll always come back for you," he murmured sincerely. She blinked at him for a moment, trying to act like his words didn't affect her but he saw her relax ever so slightly. She didn't say anything but watched him carefully as he walked to the door and got the key out of his pocket.

"What are you doing?" she asked suspiciously. He stilled, not opening the door just yet. Had to be sure she wouldn't sodding murder him the second he stepped foot in there.

"Been thinkin'... bout what you said. Hate seein' you in here like this. Maybe Greece is a good idea," his voice shook a little as he gave her a soft look he hoped she believed. She looked at him for a moment more before a small smile stretched onto her lips.

"Really? You're really getting me out of here?" she asked hopefully. And in that moment, she sounded so much like the normal Kat that it was jarring for him. Despite her bruises and the blood she was wearing, she seemed so normal and it only made it harder to lie to her.

"I love you. You know I'd do anything for you," he implored, meaning his words but not how she thought. He stuck the key in the lock, hoping to the Gods that this went smoothly. Go inside, jab her with the needle, job done. He stepped inside and she was still on the other side watching him.

"Do you mean it?" she asked, looking shockingly vulnerable as she took slow steps towards him. He couldn't help but tense a little, being in the midst of a predator and it made him feel guilty.

"Of course I do," he said with no hesitation. She ran at him then and he braced himself, but instead of attacking him, her arms wrapped around him tightly. He wanted to pretend for a moment that things were okay, that she was here with him and that's all that mattered. For all he knew, the spell wouldn't work, nothing would ever work. This would be Kat forever. So he held her tightly, cradling her head as he inhaled her scent with a shaky breath.

"I love you," she whispered, clinging onto him. And bugger if those words didn't make him feel like a right bastard considering what his plan was. He hated this.

She moved away from him then and tilted her head, her blue eyes boring into him, looking like the ocean on a sunny day. Made a whole slew of memories hit him at once, thinking over all they'd been through together. All the other times those pretty blue eyes had looked at him like he had all the answers. She sniffled, hugging herself a little as she watched him.

"I never really believed in soulmates, you know. But then it happened to me and I just… I've never felt anything like it. And once I got over the fear… I liked it. The idea of having someone who would love me no matter what. Someone who would love me at my worst as well as my best," she started softly, looking far too much like her normal self.

"But you don't love me no matter what, do you? You love the old me. The souled me. And even though you told me you'd always love me, you just can't find it in yourself to love such a monster, can you?" she asked, her voice going cold and accusatory. He frowned, wondering just where the sodding hell his plan had fallen to pieces. But then she held the syringe up, clearly lifting it from his duster like a little pickpocket. He felt ill.

"Kat…" he swallowed thickly, holding his hands up placatingly. Bloody hell, she better not stick him with that bullshit. God knows what she'd do to him when he was out of it. Fear shot through his body like ice. And he couldn't find the words. He did love her, even without her soul. But he'd be a liar if he said he didn't want his normal Kat back. Made him feel like a lying piece of shit, saying that stuff to her and then acting like this. But this Kat just wasn't the same. She was twisted and evil. The pure white light that he loved so much had gone and he just wanted it back. He could love this version of her if it was the only option, already bloody did. And he'd make it work. But if there was a chance he could get her souled again, then he'd damn well take it. It just wasn't the same like this.

She lunged at him then, needle at the ready. But he dodged and kicked his foot out, knocking it out of her hand. It hit the floor with a tink and slid across the cage but neither of them paid any mind. She punched him bloody hard in the face and he felt pride hit him along with the pain of being hit. She'd never really hurt him much when they trained together, too worried about hurting him. But this was different now and he knew he had a front row seat to see just how strong she'd gotten. She kept hitting him and he worked on blocking her hits. He didn't want to hurt her any more than she'd hurt herself and he was faster than she was, stronger too. So he started blocking her hits with ease and it only seemed to piss her off more. Her hits got harder, sloppier and he knew he could outlast her, tire her out and then strike.

"Why couldn't you just love me?!" she yelled, full of rage as she managed to get a hit into his ribs. He stumbled and groaned, quickly blocking the next hit by grabbing her fists and spinning her around.

"I do love you. But you're not right like this!" he answered, quickly jumping out of the way of a kick she threw his way.

"Bullshit! Just admit it, you can't love me because you think I'm a monster! I loved you without a soul and you can't even do me the same courtesy?!" she screeched. She put all of her hurt and anger in a punch that connected with his nose. He felt it crunch and he groaned, moving out of the way as he wiped the blood now pouring from it. But her words got to him. She had loved him without his soul, told him he wasn't a monster, but a man. It was different though. The chip had worked as a stand in soul for him in a way, he hadn't been hurting people then. Wasn't killing them left and right. Not like she was. He felt like he'd been fighting her forever, taking very few hits and dodging the rest, all the while on the defensive. But he needed to hurry it up. Needed to get the spell done.

"I'm sorry, pet," he murmured apologetically. She looked at him confused for a moment and he took his chance to tackle her, purposely near the syringe on the floor. He straddled her as she bucked and flailed, trying to get out from under him but he was older than her, stronger than her. He reached over, snatching the syringe.

He went to jab her with it but both her hands clasped around his, arms shaking from the exertion of trying to keep the needle away from her neck.

"Don't do this to me, Spike. Please don't do this to me!" she begged desperately and he almost faltered when he looked at her face and saw she was crying. Sodding hell.

"I have to, luv," he replied through gritted teeth. He was stronger but she was fighting for her unlife here, a cornered and desperate animal. She was using all of her strength to keep the needle away from her, now only a hair's breadth away. She kept chanting that she didn't want it and it made his heart clench for her. But he had to do this and she would thank him in the end. He needed to put a stop to her reign of horror and terror so she could heal from it before it was too late. He felt her start to get tired, her arms wobbling more and not being able to resist him much longer. Her blue eyes hardened more than he'd even seen them before and it made him feel dizzy and not in a good way.

"I hate you," she spat out with a growl. And fuck if those words didn't rip his heart into tiny shreds even if he knew she didn't mean it. Feeling angry at being put in this situation, angry at himself for being the cause of it, he pushed with even more strength and the needle slipped into her skin easily. She screamed bloody murder, so much pain and anger that it made his teeth hurt. He watched forlornly as she went limp, no noise or movements coming from her now. He knew it had to be done but he felt shit about it. He waited for a moment to make sure it had really worked and she wasn't just fooling him. And then he got to his feet, picking her up delicately before he carried her upstairs.

When he got to the library, everyone was waiting anxiously at how long it had taken. They took in his bloody and broken nose and they knew why it had taken so long. It was just the main gang here, the whole thing being a bit private and personal. He carefully laid Kat in the middle of the chalk circle at Willow's request before he moved away to stand with Buffy, Angel, Xander and Anya. Willow, Tara and Giles were performing the spell and Giles looked more than uncomfortable. Watcher hadn't been down to see Kat at all, couldn't cope with seeing her this way. Not that Spike blamed him really. He'd been the one to warn the poor bloke about how looney tunes she'd gone. He expected more of a fanfare or more dramatics from the spell. As it was, they just chanted a bunch of mumbo jumbo and Willow held the orb over Kat's chest. When it was done, the orb stopped glowing and Spike stood up, feeling winded.

"Does that mean it worked?" he asked quickly, looking around at the others.

"It's possible. But we won't know for sure until she wakes up. Remember I told you the risks. Her soul might have gone somewhere else… or it's in there but it went wrong," Willow winced. And he did remember. They'd all had a big talk about the pros and cons of the spell. Magic could go wrong, no matter how skilled you were at using it. But everyone had agreed they needed to try it because they doubted it could get worse than it was.

Spike picked up Kat once more, careful with her and scared she'd wake before back in the cell. The orb had given him hope that it had worked but Willows words swirled through his head. What if she had her soul but it had gone wrong? More waiting. He hated it. Once back in the cell, he locked it and stood against the wall where the others were now. All of them wanting to witness what would happen. He could hear Buffy's heart beating like a drum in his ears. Nibblet had wanted to be here for this but they'd told her a firm no. If it went wrong, there was no need to see her like that. She'd see her soon enough if it went alright. Little Dawn was becoming a regular little watcher to the new Slayers, more grown up. She'd accepted their words without much of a fight. Each second grated on his already frayed nerves. He started to wonder if she'd ever bloody wake up. But then his vampire perception saw her fingers twitch and he stepped a little closer to the cage, alerting the others too.

"She's waking up," Buffy murmured shakily, eyes wide as she stared at her cousin. A soft groan fell from Kat's lips and her hand went to her very bruised forehead.

"Ow," she muttered, making Spike's lips twitch up ever so slightly, waiting on bated breath. She sat up slowly, looking groggy and tired. Her eyes darted around, taking in the cell and her friends and family standing watching her from the other side. She seemed normal, she seemed okay. But then her body stopped still, as still as only a dead person could be. Her eyes glazed over as a completely horrified look passed over her face and Spike's stomach clenched as he knew what was going on. Angel did too as he stepped closer, side by side with Spike. Kat's hand flew to her mouth as the most gut wrenching sob left her lips that Spike had ever heard. Felt like someone had punched a hole right through his chest at the sound. The pain that it held.

He hurried to the door, his hands shaking as he fumbled with the key before the door swung open. He didn't bother closing it as he rushed over to where she sat in a heap on the floor, crying her heart out.

"I'm here, luv. I'm here. It's gonna be okay, yeah?" he murmured, gathering her in his arms. She didn't hug him back but her body melted into him as she wept pitifully. He knew the others were upset too, heard Angel muttering to them how she was remembering the things she'd done and to give the poor girl space. Spike's heart broke with every cry coming out of her mouth, knowing this was all his fault. He didn't deserve her, never bloody did no matter how hard he tried to be a better man. Got his soul back, sodding sacrificed himself to save the world and to save her. But no matter what, he always seemed to make things worse. And now his little vampire was sobbing in his arms as she was tortured by the memories of all she did when the demon had control over her. He heard the door to the stairs shut and he was vaguely aware of all the scents leaving, all apart from one. Should have bloody known he'd stay, but he couldn't find it in himself to be mad about it. Not when Kat couldn't seem to stop her merciless wailing.

"I'll help you get her to your room," Angel said softly, sympathy and pain in his voice. Spike nodded numbly, allowing him to help Kat to her feet. Spike wrapped his arm around her and Angel hovered around her other side in case she needed him. She was still crying, sounding like she was trying to get words out but it was all pitiful noises.

When they got to their room, Angel opened the door for him and Spike led Kat to their bed, lowering her down carefully in it. She clutched his shirt, making him get on the bed with her as Angel loitered in the doorway.

"You know where I am if you need anything," Angel murmured amicably. Spike was a little grateful for him then and he didn't think he'd ever thought that.

"Some blood would be good. She's half starved, needs to get somethin' in her," Spike replied in a hushed tone, guiding Kat's head to his lap as he stroked her hair. Angel nodded and left swifty, returning not long after with a few jars of animal blood. Spike grabbed a jar and opened it, hesitating and he looked at Angel. He knew how Kat felt about feeding in front of others, she'd only just been comfortable with doing it in front of him. And while he knew right now she wasn't in the state of mind to give a toss, and also the fact she'd also fed in front of Angel in her time in LA and with Angelus, he wanted to make sure she was as comfortable as possible. Angel blinked at him for a moment before it seemed to register in his head.

"Oh, right. Sorry. Like I said, if you need anything…" he trailed off with a tense smile and nod, leaving the room once again. He turned to Kat then. She was still crying but it was less intense now and he hoped it would be a good sign.

"Come on, kitten. Need to eat," he said softly, helping her sit up. She swayed where she sat and her eyes seemed everywhere and nowhere all at once. She didn't seem fully aware of her surroundings but Spike knew her memories were haunting her. Knew she was half here and half in her head. He held the jar in front of her face slowly, like approaching a spooked animal. Her face shifted involuntarily, something she'd been able to control better before all of this happened. And suddenly the jar was flung across the room, painting the wall opposite them red.

"No, no, no, no. NO!" she screamed, tugging harshly at her hair.

"Bloody hell," Spike mumbled, grabbing her hands quickly and prying them from her poor locks. She was shaking her head vehemently, tears streaming down her face which was now back to normal as she continued to whisper 'no' over and over.

"Come on, pet. It's animal blood, alright? It's not human," he soothed, bringing her head to his chest as he cradled her.

Her whole body was shaking like a leaf as he moved her away slowly, moving to get another jar. He opened it warily, hoping this one wouldn't be thrown at his bloody head.

"Here, give it a sniff," he commanded, keeping his tone soft yet firm at the same time. So much like the time she'd had to do the same for him down in the school basement. She was still crying, looking like she was thinking of running and jumping out of the bloody window. But his other hand grabbed her face, forcing her unfocused eyes back on him.

"Smell it," he said, a little firmer this time. And she did. She gave it a sniff, this time her face remaining normal. And then her body relaxed the tiniest of amounts. He heard her belly grumble like a sodding bear about to get its dinner and then she grabbed the jar and downed the contents in one go. She pulled a disgusted face at the taste and he knew it would be hard to adjust after having fresh human blood right from the source. He'd been there. Wasn't easy. She still looked hungry so he kept supplying jars for her until her belly was nice and full. She curled up, still sniffling but no longer hysterical which was a good sign. And then she fell to sleep like someone had clicked their fingers. Poor girl had been through the wringer so he decided to let her sleep. He was a bit worried about how she'd be when she woke. There was no telling if she'd be better or worse. But he wouldn't leave her side, not until she was alright. He lay down, wrapping his arms around her and feeling like he was finally home as she snuggled into his embrace in her sleep. Might take a bit for her to deal with what had happened but he finally had her back. And now her soul was in her more permanently, he vowed never to lose her like that again.