A/N—So sorry for the delay, this month's been insane at work and I haven't had a chance to work on fic much. But here's the next chapter, hoping we don't go weeks without more! Thank you for sticking with the story and I hope you're enjoying it! :)

Oh, and it was never clearly explained on the show if Crotchy is a villain or a good guy, but he seemed like a bad guy to me so I went with that for the story.

"James."

The insistent tone seeped in through a fog, so barely-there that he started to ignore it and slip back into dreams.

"James!"

This time it was an urgent hiss. That was Kendall's voice, wasn't it? Right in his ear?

"Please wake up, James, something is wrong!"

That did the trick. He sat up fast, the top wing falling away to allow it, and stared around the dark room as if he'd be able to see something. "What's wrong?" he mumbled, on guard. "Who's here?"

"No one. It's me." James heard the flutter of wings as they disappeared, and then Kendall said it again. "Something is wrong."

"With what? With you?"

"Yes."

Shaking off the last vestiges of sleep, James twisted to turn on his bedside lamp. Kendall came into focus. He was huddled in on himself, arms wrapped around his stomach. "Hey. Hey, what's going on?" James reached up and squeezed Kendall's shoulder. "Look at me. Tell me what's wrong."

"I have...pain? I think?"

"Pain? I thought you couldn't be hurt."

"I...it is pain on the inside. I am scared, James, I do not know what is happening."

"Okay. Okay...um...did you ask your angel friend who knows about human sickness?"

"Oh. No, I did not think to. My mind is not sharp at the moment. But even so, I am not human. I do not believe he could help me."

"Right. And I can't call a doctor for that same reason, so..." Crap. What now? Think, James. What would Logan do? James licked his lips and considered it. "Hey, where does it hurt? Where's the pain?"

"Here." Kendall pressed a hand to his lower abdomen.

James frowned, trying to remember what little he knew about anatomy. Wasn't the appendix in that area somewhere? "Is it sharp pains?"

"Sharp?"

"Like...is it so bad it feels like a knife cutting into you?"

"I do not know. What does that feel like?"

"Okay, forget that. I think if it was that bad, we'd know. Unless you're really good at hiding pain. Let me think for a second."

He could call Logan, but what would he say? He couldn't exactly describe the pain if he didn't know what it felt like himself. No, James, stop running to Logan. Solve a problem yourself for once. What could cause stomach pain? He'd had stomachaches in his life, but mostly after eating too much or the wrong foods. Kendall certainly hadn't done that, unless...

James' head tilted as he studied Kendall. Worried green eyes stared back at him, silently begging for some kind of relief. Were angels lactose intolerant? Kendall had eaten a few bites of ice cream. Oh, and there had been the pizza, as well. If his body wasn't used to food, it might not respond well. What if it somehow damaged angels to eat? Had he hurt Kendall by forcing food on him?

"James, please say something. I feel as if I might burst, I don't know what is wrong."

Burst? James' eyes flew open wide. "Wait. Do you just have to pee?"

"Pee? You mean urinate?"

"Oh my god, of course you do. You drank like half a glass of water! Kendall, that has to be it!" Please God, let that be it. Please. "Come on." He jumped up from the bed, then turned back to drag Kendall off it.

"Agh, no, I cannot move. It hurts, James!"

"Okay, calm down. You're okay. I'm right here." Not questioning the instinct, James hugged Kendall to him and rubbed a hand down his back. "I got you. Can you teleport us to the bathroom?"

"Bathroom?"

"Yes. We need the toilet. Can you do that for me?"

In the blink of an eye, they were there. James stepped back. Bending at the waist, Kendall held his stomach again with a hiss of pain.

"You have to stand up, okay?" James tried in a gentle voice. "It's easier to pee when you're standing up straight."

"I don't know how."

"You just...aim and release. Oh, but first...um..." Why was this so complicated? Peeing was a natural thing humans did, this shouldn't be so difficult. "Take out your uh..."

"My what? James, please hurry."

Ah, fuck it. It was all kinds of weird, but Kendall sounded like he was two seconds away from tears, so James reached into the slit of Kendall's boxers and pulled it out for him. "Next time you're doing this yourself, weirdo. You aim it toward the toilet and—oh wait! The seat!" After lifting that, James let go of Kendall. "Hold this."

"My penis?"

"Yes, Kendall, your penis. Hold it like I was."

Kendall did. James put his own hand over Kendall's. "Aim into the toilet. Toward the water. There you go. Now...go."

Nothing happened.

"Kendall, you have to like...go."

"Go where? I do not understand."

James let out a frustrated groan. How did you explain going? "See, you're in pain right now because your body is holding on to excess liquids. You have to release those."

"How?"

"I don't know, man, just...relax. Try relaxing your body."

Kendall started to drop toward the floor; James caught him. "No, not your whole body. You have to stand. Trying relaxing your stomach area. And where your junk is. I don't know how to explain it! Fuck!"

Kendall still looked like he was going to cry. "I am sorry. I wish I understood."

"I know. It's okay, it's not your fault. It's mine for making you eat and drink. Just..." A flash of genius struck as James remembered one time when Carlos, as a child and wanting to be a jerkface, had purposely pressed against James' tummy when he was trying to hold his pee during a long bus ride. "Wait! I got it! Don't move. Keep aiming, and don't move."

Kendall obeyed. James placed one hand behind his back, the other in front, and pressed hard. Kendall gasped, letting out a whine of pain, and a slow dribble leaked into the toilet. "Yes! That's it! Keep doing that, Kendall!"

"The leaking?"

"Yes!" And why was James feeling like a proud father watching his child use the toilet for the first time? His life had gone in a very strange direction.

Within seconds, the dribble became a steady stream and Kendall groaned with the relief. His head fell back. "Oh. The pain is subsiding. Thank you, James. Thank you."

"You're welcome, Kendall. This might be the weirdest night of my life, but...you're welcome."

"Will it ever stop?"

"Yeah, it'll stop on its own." They waited for that to happen, then James showed him how to shake it off. "Now put it back in the boxers...there you go. Perfect. Feel better?"

"So much better." It was nice to see Kendall's bright smile reappear. "Are we finished?"

"Almost. Now you have to flush the toilet, like this." James did that. "And then wash your hands. With soap, please."

Gaze still on the toilet, Kendall asked, "Why is the water yellow now? The liquid I drank was clear, was it not?"

"Yes, but...there's a scientific explanation for it that escapes me. I'll ask Logan next time I talk to him. Come over here, wash your hands."

They did that together, James demonstrating the proper technique for maximum cleanliness. "And now we dry our hands on the towel...yep, just like that...and...bingo! All done. I'm proud of you, Kendall. Good job."

It warmed James' heart to see how much it pleased Kendall to make James happy. His grin was radiant.

"So you're fine now, right? We can go back to bed?"

"I believe so. There is still a bit of pressure in my stomach area, though."

James' face fell. "Oh. Okay, you're on your own for that. Sit down on the toilet. No, pull down your boxers. Okay, sit. Wait! Seat down!"

Once Kendall was settled with the boxers down around his ankles, James backed out of the bathroom.

"James? Don't leave me!"

"I'll be right outside, buddy. Do what feels natural to your body. Push. After you're...empty...use the roll of paper next to you and wipe your ass clean. Then wash your hands again."

"James, I—"

"Nope. Some things in life you just have to learn on your own. Let me know when you're done." James reached in and closed the bathroom door.

"I can still scan you from here!" Kendall called out in warning.

"Trust me, the only place I want to go right now is bed. But I'll wait for you because I'm a nice guy." Also because I want those wings around me when I sleep.

"James! Something is happening!"

"Good. Let it happen."

"Oh, this is such a relief! The pressure is going away!"

"Wonderful. I don't need a play by play, though."

"A what?"

James shook his head. "Never mind. Just...finish up in there so we can go back to bed."

"I do enjoy our time in the bed. That is my favorite time with you."

James couldn't argue that, but he'd never admit it out loud. Kendall had a habit of saying things most would just keep to themselves. Unsure how to respond, James replied with an awkward, "Great. Done yet?"

"I believe so. Nothing more is coming out."

"Okay, use the toilet paper. Wipe until it's clean."

Thirty seconds later, Kendall opened the door and peeked out. "It's clean."

"Perfect. Pull up your boxers, flush the toilet, and wash your hands. I'll meet you in bed."

"You said you would wait for me. I prefer you near so that I can guard you."

"Scan me, then. I'm tired and I'm going back to bed."

Without waiting for an answer, James spun on his heel and headed for the bedroom to faceplant on the bed. Soon after he felt the mattress dip under him. "Did you dry your hands?"

"I did."

"Good. Lay down."

"Would you like the wings out?"

"The answer to that question is always yes, Kendall. Always."

Kendall complied. James scooted in, eager as usual to be enveloped in the embrace of both arms and feathers. "Damn, I forgot the light."

Kendall snapped his fingers. Darkness settled over them.

"You know, you're kind of handy to have around."

"Is handy good? Does that mean you enjoy my hands on you?"

"What?!" James choked. "No! Oh my god, way to turn that into something pervy. Handy means useful."

"Ah. I am happy to be of use to you."

"Fine. Just...let me sleep."

"I shall be quiet. But James?"

James snuggled closer, seeking the warmth and peace he'd quickly grown used to. "Hmm?"

"I do not wish to ever experience that again. Must I take in food?"

"Only occasionally, when we can't get away with skipping it. That would be when we're around others for long periods of time."

"I don't intend for that to be a habit. The less time you spend with others, the better."

"Yes, I know, but sometimes it will be unavoidable. I do spend a lot of time at the studio with Gustavo and Kelly."

"I don't believe that's wise."

"Kendall, it's three o'clock in the morning. Can we please have this argument later? When I'm not trying to sleep?"

"Of course, James. Forgive me."

"Oh, and by the way? We're never speaking of that again. Nobody is ever to know that I touched your dick."

"Understood." He shifted his face so that his mouth was pressed to James' hair, probably remembering what James had said earlier about it.

James was too tired and comfortable to mention it. Instead, he succumbed to the welcome escape of sleep.

James awoke Sunday morning excited about the fact that he had no obligations for the entire day. Sundays were his favorite days, as usually even Gustavo took a break from the studio. The one chore he couldn't shirk was getting that tux ironed, but otherwise he had a full day of nothing planned.

He couldn't wait.

Still, he laid in bed with Kendall as long as his bladder would allow. He was in no hurry to leave the safety and comfort of his beloved wings. After he'd been awake for about ten minutes, that annoying question was spoken directly, but softly, into his ear.

"Are you well, James?"

Warmth filled him at the gentle tone. Kendall's arms were around his back, hands now beginning to caress up and down. James pressed his face deeper into the crook of Kendall's neck. "Yes. Just happy to have no real demands on me today. How about you? Feeling better now?"

"I am. I do feel a slight pressure like the one from earlier, but it isn't painful."

"It will be if you don't take care of it. It's usual for bodies to need the toilet first thing in the morning."

"Must I? I would rather not experience that again."

"Oh, come on," James chuckled, cuddling deeper against Kendall. "It's not that bad, is it? All humans do it."

"I am not human. I should not have this need."

"Well, get used to it if you eat or drink."

"I will do neither unless I have to."

"Suit yourself. You're missing out on some great food, though." Against his will, James went with the stretch that his body suddenly forced on him. Kendall removed the wings in order to accommodate it, and James sighed; apparently it was time to get up.

"What are your plans on this Sunday?"

James replied after scooting off the bed to head for the hallway. "Bathroom, breakfast, getting my laundry together for housekeeping, figuring out how to iron that tux...huh, I wonder if they'd do that for me. Nah, better to not risk damaging it. Gustavo would kill me." Kendall was right on his tail as he turned into the bathroom, so James didn't bother to close the door. It wasn't like Kendall hadn't scanned him in there already at some point. He continued while peeing. "After that...who knows."

Normally on Sunday he'd spend some time down by the pool, check out a movie, walk around the park looking for a girl who looked lonely if the movie and pool visits hadn't already accomplished that. It was the one day a week he was guaranteed to get laid, even if he struck out elsewhere and had to call Tracy. Though he sometimes got bored with her, she was always down to spend "quality" time with him.

Not anymore, James. Kendall ruined that for you.

Yes, he had. Now what was James supposed to do? A man had needs.

The thought crossed his mind that he could still do those things, even without the prospect of getting laid, but Kendall would spend the entire time lecturing him about the dangers of love and girls and insisting he keep away from them. Even those who showed zero interest in James were considered threats. Plus he'd probably somehow embarrass James at the movies, or anywhere really, by saying something that made no sense to others. Or asking dumb questions. Or being rude to a girl who stopped him to ask for directions. Or—

It was hopeless. The list of ways for Kendall to ruin his day went on and on. He might as well get used to spending the next year inside the apartment unless working, a thought that depressed him.

"James? Are you finished? I believe you are empty."

How long had he been standing over the toilet lost in thought? With another sigh, he shook himself and moved to the sink. "Go for it. Toilet's all yours."

"Thank you."

Kendall did his business while James washed his hands and considered an entire bleak year of solitude.

Well, not exactly solitude. Kendall will be with you.

It didn't quite cheer him up. "Don't forget to flush," he said absently once Kendall was done.

"Ah, yes." Kendall did that, then repeated what James had taught him of handwashing. "I suggest you remain inside for the day."

"There's a shocker." James spun on his heel and trudged toward the kitchen, not bothering to wait for Kendall; he was faster anyway.

Sure enough, Kendall beat him there. Barely holding in the third sigh in five minutes, James focused on food. Not surprisingly, Kendall had no interest in it.

Frozen waffles and cereal did the trick for breakfast. The laundry service picked up his weekly batch of dirty clothes (Kendall passing it off himself, as the staff member was female), and a search engine worked to instruct James in how to iron the tux. A call to Bitters at the front desk resulted in the necessary supplies for that, and an hour later James was pleased to see he'd actually managed to do the job on his own without screwing it up. His mother would've been proud. So would Logan. He'd have to remember to tell them about it next time he called them.

For now, it was only Kendall there to appreciate his success. James picked up the tux, now back on its hanger, and asked, "Well? How does it look?"

Kendall studied the garment. "It looks like a tuxedo."

"Right, but no wrinkles. See how smooth it is?"

"I do," Kendall nodded. "This pleases you?"

"Very much. I got the wrinkles out all by myself." He waited, but Kendall had nothing more to add. "Can't you just be proud of me?"

"Pride is a sin, James. I understand that it is one you struggle with, but—"

"Great, now you've turned my accomplishment into a sin." Frustrated, James hung the tux on the back of a door. "You know, you really have a way of ruining pretty much everything. It's not wrong to be proud of myself for learning something new and doing it well. That's not an area I excel in. Logan's the smart one, he's always learning stuff and acing it and making the rest of us look dumb. I'm allowed to do something right once in a while, okay?"

Kendall's expression shifted into what looked like concerned confusion. "Why are you angry? It bothers you that your friend succeeds in new endeavors?"

"Forget it," James replied with a wave of his hand. "You wouldn't understand."

"Help me understand. If you are upset, I wish to comfort you."

"But you can't, Kendall. You don't know how. You're not human, you're some weirdo angel who doesn't have the first clue about human emotion and what it means to feel. Just let it go."

That worked to silence Kendall for all of thirty seconds. James had shuffled over to the sofa and dropped onto it with his phone before Kendall spoke again. "Why do you call me by that name?"

James continued scrolling through his notifications. "What name?"

"Weirdo."

"It means you're different. Strange. Not like everyone else."

"I see."

Because he was angry at Kendall and purposely throwing his attention toward his phone, James didn't notice the hurt that flitted across Kendall's face, nor was he aware that Kendall's bright green eyes glistened with a sheen of moisture. He moved to take his place near James, standing behind the sofa at the ready for any danger that might come their way.

That was his purpose, after all. As James had harshly pointed out, feelings had no part of his duty.

An hour later, James was bored. He'd caught up with the daily celebrity news, called Lucy to chat before she was due at some press obligation that he normally would've tagged along to (but didn't even bother this time because...well, Kendall), scrolled social media until the superficiality of it all nauseated him. James had never been one to mind appearances and image, as that was what made you a star, but today it all felt kind of...

Blah. Was that the right word? It pretty much encompassed the spectrum of boredom and malaise he was feeling. He was virtually trapped in his own apartment with a being that cared nothing for him outside of whatever mission he'd sworn himself to and who didn't even know how to be human. It was like living in solitude with company just outside of your reach. Kendall was there, always right there, but James had never felt more alone.

"James?"

The word was spoken hesitantly and accompanied by a light squeeze to his shoulder. Even through the t-shirt he'd thrown on, James felt the warmth radiating into his soul. There was that, he supposed; Kendall's touch was a bonus in all of this.

When he remained silent, Kendall ventured on. "I do not wish to anger you further, but I am sensing sadness in you. Please tell me how I can help."

"You can let me live my life outside this apartment."

"I'm afraid I cannot do that."

"Then I'm just gonna continue being sad."

"James, is there nothing inside this place that makes you happy? I regret that my presence here makes you sad, but I must keep you safe."

"Right, because you have to protect Heaven. That's what this is all about, right? Not really about me at all. I only matter because if I die, something bad happens to your home." After a pause in which Kendall didn't contradict him, James said, "It's fine, Kendall. I get it. You're just doing your job. When it's done, you'll disappear like this never happened and move on to the next human."

"That is only if I succeed."

"And you're entirely missing the point. But that doesn't surprise me. I don't think you have it in you to understand what I'm feeling."

"Perhaps if you would explain it to me, I could."

"Nope, shouldn't have to. I'm just gonna..." What? What was he going to do? He could nap, because suddenly he felt drained, but for once the feathers didn't sound appealing. Why get used to them when they were just going to be gone one day? Why get used to Kendall? Why care about anyone who wasn't going to remain in his life, who didn't actually want to be there?

The warmth stopped abruptly when Kendall's hand dropped away. Then he was in front of James, kneeling before him with deep concern in those striking green eyes. "James, I feel such sadness in you. Please, let me help you." Now there was a hand coming up to cup his cheek, and in spite of his current anger toward Kendall, he welcomed the touch. As always, it radiated into his skin and soothed him.

"You can't."

"Tell me what you need, James. I am here."

I need someone to actually see me and care about me. I need someone who knows I'm not perfect no matter how I present myself to the world, but who wants me anyway. Who thinks I'm worth the hassle, worth the time and energy it takes to know me. I need someone who doesn't see me as a mission or a necessity, who appreciates that I'm not a fuck-up all the time and can do things like iron a tux without ruining it. I just want someone to care.

James shook his head, freeing it from Kendall's grasp. He would not allow himself to cry. He put on a mask of indifference, angry that he had to do that because Kendall would never understand what he was feeling. Kendall just cared about completing his mission.

And there was one thing that helped when James wanted to punch something (or someone) but couldn't. There had been nights he'd come home from the studio so angry and frustrated with Gustavo that he needed to get his aggression out. Sometimes the gym's punching bag worked, but most nights the gym was closed by the time he made it back to the Palm Woods. On those occasions, he turned to a non-violent way to express the violence building up inside him.

"I know what I need."

He nudged Kendall out of the way to reach for the television remote, and soon enough was loading up his favorite video game. He grabbed one of the controllers, and after debating it for a second he tossed Kendall the other. Usually it was Lucy he played with, but she was busy having a life right now.

"What is this?"

"You'll see. I'm going to teach you how to take down Crotchy."

"What is a Crotchy?"

"It's not a what, it's a who. And he's a bad dude that wants to take over the universe. We're not gonna let him."

Kendall's eyes widened in fear. "He is attempting to take over the universe? Why was I not informed of this? James, I must get a message to—"

"Kendall. Relax. It's a game."

"A...game?"

"A game," James confirmed. He patted the couch cushion next to him. "Sit. If I have to be stuck inside this apartment all day, I might as well have fun."

Still unsure, Kendall joined James on the sofa. He listened carefully while James explained the process of playing a video game and what each button did, and James was shocked to realized twenty minutes later that he was actually having fun. Teaching Kendall made him feel good about himself, especially when Kendall let out a laugh because he too was enjoying himself.

It wasn't Lucy, and it wasn't Logan or Carlos, but it was someone. And that someone didn't argue with his strategy or yell at him that their way was better and he'd somehow screwed up the campaign. Instead, Kendall trusted his plan and executed it perfectly so that they were victorious against the nefarious Crotchy.

It didn't even bother James that Kendall was better at the game, because of course he was—he was an angel. He had special abilities, even if that only consisted of better hand-eye coordination for this task. Together they made a brilliant team, and James' strategy worked well because Kendall was a perfect partner.

There were worse ways to spend a Sunday.