Chapter Ten

This is a fluffy one, guys. You're welcome.

There's a short reference to something Meryl Streep's character said in The Prom, bc I watched it with one of my friends and we agreed that it sounded like smth Cas would say xD

Anyway. Let's jump right in, shall we? Oooooh, I hope you're gonna like it *chews fingernails in nervous anticipation*

~oOo~oOo~oOo~

Dean encouraged Cas to go outside over the next couple of days. The angel had, to both their delight, shown less and less distressed reactions to Dean's touches, both during their practising sessions and the random, casual touches they'd agreed on throughout the day. He hardly even flinched by now even if Dean would touch him unexpectedly, and the hunter supposed it might be time for Cas to expose himself to the outside world again, slowly but steadily. It didn't do for him to simply be accustomed to Dean's touch after all. Not that Dean did exactly mind that thought. Cas wanting no one else to touch him but Dean...to be completely honest there might have been a suspiciously warm feeling in his gut at the thought, but he could hardly indulge his misplaced possessiveness at the risk of Cas having a freakout over someone brushing his arm at the grocery store.

A nearby Applebee's, Dean suggested, claiming he couldn't let the time while Cas was low on angel-juice pass by without introducing him to the culinary wonders of a good cholesterin-heavy meal.

Cas had been reluctant at first, but on hearing the restaurant's name his eyes had lit up, and the eager way his mouth had blurted out Take me painted his cheeks with a blush once he realised how that had sounded. Dean did definitely not find that totally adorable. Grown-ass men didn't find other grown-ass men adorable. Grown-ass angels. Whatever. (With amazingly grown asses. Wait, what? Anyway. Moving on.)

"Take me...to that apples and bees place", Cas had clarified like only Cas could, and nope, point still stood, soooo not adorable. Umuhm.

Cas had been tense on the drive, but Dean prided himself on the smile he'd managed to coax out of him when he'd reached over to squeeze the angel's hand in reassurance.

"Breathe", he'd told Cas once they stood in front of the door. "It's gonna be fine. You're good with accidental touches by now."

"I'm good with yours", Cas had replied, and nope, that should not make Dean feel this surge of proud possessiveness again, but here he was.

Everything was good until they had made their way halfway through the restaurant, Dean heading for a separate empty table in a more private corner, Cas practically glued to his heels. Someone had gotten up unexpectedly, the back of his chair bumping Cas' leg, and suddenly Dean found himself with the angel practically pressed against him, his hand caught in a death-grip between Cas' fingers.

The man apologized and smiled with a pointed glance at their joined hands, and Dean couldn't suppress the surge of disappointment when he felt Cas go stiff beside him, muttering his apologies and trying to let go of Dean's hand.

But Dean wouldn't let him, his grip tightening automatically, out of his conscious control.

"Dean?"

Cas gave him a questioning glance and Dean swallowed.

"It's fine", he'd just said, not quite sure himself what he was referring to.

Cas being fine? Them holding hands in public being fine? The man apparently mistaking them for a couple being fine?

Was he even fine with all those things?

He didn't know. All he knew was that he didn't want to let go of Cas' hand.

So he didn't.

~oOo~

"This isn't the way to the bunker", Cas said about two hours later, once they were back on the road, stomachs full with all the things Dean had ordered because he'd insisted Cas needed to try them. The remains were packed away and assembled on Baby's backseat.

Dean smiled to himself when he felt Cas' eyes resting on him, brow wrinkled in confusion.

"Nope."

"Then where are we going?"

"Don't ask so many questions, sunshine." Dean grinned at him. "Gonna spoil the surprise."

"A surprise?"

He couldn't quite place if there was delight or even more confusion in Cas' voice.

He grinned wider.

Barely ten minutes later he was parking on an empty country road, the gravel crunching beneath the Impala's tires. It was dry and dusty, his Baby would probably be covered in a layer of dirt when they got home, but when Dean saw the way Cas' eyes widened when he got out of the car, he knew it would have been worth it.

He closed the driver's door and rounded the car, coming to stand next to Cas who smiled at their surroundings, fields full of wildflowers on every side, framed by a forest in the distance, the air warm around them and -Dean noticed, pleased with himself- filled with the humming of bees.

"Dean, this place is beautiful." Cas looked at him and smiled, the amazement in his voice making his eyes sparkle. "How do you know it?"

Dean shrugged.

"Drove by once. Reminded me of you", it quitely tumbled from his lips before he could stop it, and he felt heat creeping up his neck and onto his ears, but Cas just smiled wider, turning away to look out on the field again.

"It truly is magnificent. What made you bring me here?"

"You...ah." Dean lowered his eyes, suddenly very embarrassed about this plan he'd been so proud of only moments ago. Now that he thought about it, it really sounded horribly sappy. His blush darkened, but well, he guessed he was a lost cause anyway. So what the hell.

"You were so disappointed that they didn't have actual bees at the restaurant", he therefore explained truthfully, forcing himself to meet Cas' eyes. "Thought I'd...y'know. Bring you somewhere..."

He trailed off, lost in the blue that he could practically watch as it grew softer.

"Thank you, Dean." The corner of Cas' mouth twitched, and Dean wanted to kiss him so badly. "That was...very thoughtful."

Dean shook his head, unable to suppress his own smile though, lightly bumping Cas' shoulder with his in a failed attempt to seem nonchalant.

"Shuddup."

They strolled through the field for some time after that, Dean just enjoying watching Cas enjoy himself, listening to the angel ramble on about flowers and insects, bees specifically, of course, excitement and happiness radiating off of him like Dean hadn't seen in a long time. He'd missed it. And it was even better knowing he'd been the one that thought of bringing him here, the one that had put that expression on his face.

He stood and watched as Cas crouched down to inspect a honeybee collecting pollen from a pink flower Dean didn't know the name of, his eyes lifted and met Dean's for a moment, and Dean couldn't even care that he probably looked like a completely love-struck fool right now. He just kept smiling softly, watching as Cas' brow wrinkled for a second while they looked at each other, as if Cas couldn't quite place the expression on Dean's face. But then he smiled back, eyes sparkling in delight, and Dean wanted to engrave the picture in his memory forever.

All too soon Cas got up, but he didn't break their eye contact at first. They were masters at that, after all. He stood between the grass and flowers, the sun in his back, the trenchcoat slightly moving in the wind around his ankles, and Dean could just stare, convinced that there had never been something more beautiful in all of creation.

But then Cas closed his eyes, rolled his shoulders - and the world went dark.

"Whoa, Cas. What the-"

Cas tilted his head, opening his eyes to look at Dean who was now bathed in the shadow of two huge black wings.

"I promised to show them to you in the sunlight", he simply stated, squinting his eyes when Dean could do nothing but gape at him. The hunter's silence made a flash of insecurity wash over his face, and he fidgeted slightly on his feet. "You...said you'd like that, but if-"

The worried, questioning look in those blue eyes brought Dean back to himself, his eyes ripping away from the magnificent feathers to find the angel's.

"Nono, Cas, they're- they're amazing", he assured him truthfully, daring to come a step closer. "I was just-" Just wondering how anyone can be so beautiful.

Dean swallowed.

"W-What if someone's around and will see?", he asked instead, automatically turning to check their surroundings even though they were far off the main road.

"Only you and I can see them right now."

Dean turned back in surprise.

"You can do that?"

"Not with everyone." Cas smiled shyly. "But we do share-"

"A more profound bond, yeah, yeah." Dean couldn't help but smile to himself, unable to suppress the spark of misplaced pride about this connection he shared with Cas. As if he had ever done anything to earn or deserve it.

"But dude, if it's too much, you don't have to, I don't want you to use the bit of grace you recharged so far."

"It doesn't take much, Dean", Cas assured, with a smile on his lips that couldn't be described as anything but fond. "The bond is strong. It does most of the work. You don't need to worry."

"Oh." Dean could feel himself blush. Stupid blood circulation. But the bond is strong, huh?

"O-Okay", he said eloquently, taking another cautious step towards the mass of back feathers that glistened in the sun. His hand extended on its own, and he was glad his brain caught up in time for his movement to hesitate and to throw a glance at Cas' face, a question in his eyes.

"Can I?"

Cas nodded and just stood, waiting patiently, both men exhaling a breath when Dean stoked down a long feathers with the back of his index finger.

"Wow." Dean didn't even care to hide the awe in his voice. He held his hand over the feathers, captivated by the way the sunlight reflected in them, casting a rainbow-coloured mosaic on his skin.

"Cas, man...you're beautiful", he heard himself say as if in trance, only realising his words when it was already too late to take them back. A surge of panic rushed through his body. "I mean they- they're beautiful", he corrected, "I..ah..."

He trailed off, the poor justifications blown out of his head at the way he saw Cas lowering his eyes, his lips still curled into a smile, but smaller than before, almost sad. Something in that smile made Dean's heart clench and his mouth stop holding back, a wave of determination forming deep in his gut.

"No, you know what." He took a deep breath, eyes fixed on Cas to watch his reaction as closely as possible.

"What I mean is...is you. You're beautiful, Cas."

He held his breath as he watched Cas' brow wrinkling for a second, eyes squinted, but then his head lifted, blue met green, and the furrow between his brows was smoothed out and replaced by a look of surprised awe. Cas opened his mouth, a wry smile curling the corner of his mouth.

"Thank you, Dean."

Dean could just nod, swallowing hard before breaking their gazes to direct his eyes back to the wings, unable to hold that tension between them for another second. He might have done something stupid otherwise. Something like kissing him and telling him dangerous words like love and stay and always.

"They look much better."

Cas nodded, smiled that soft smile again.

"You took good care of them."

Dean wanted to spend the rest of his days just being looked and smiled at like that.

"'M glad."

~oOo~

The sun was already beginning to set when they got back into the Impala and made their way home. The whole drive was spent in comfortable silence, even though neither of them seemed able to take their eyes off each other, sneaking glances every other minute or so that were accompanied by a matching smile when their gazes happened to meet.

Dean couldn't remember the last time he'd seen Cas so relaxed, so carefree, so...happy.

And Dean was the one that had made him look that way.

He felt it too. Happy.

Huh.

Happy. He had to stop himself there for a second, think again, check it was really him. Because Dean was many things, but happy was not one of them. Neither was Cas, for that matter. It wasn't something they did, wasn't something they got to do, usually.

And least of all recently.

He just wished this day would never end, that they could just drive on and on for eternity like this, for he knew as soon as they reached the bunker, its silence and its memories, it would all go back to the way it had been before.

It was with a heavy heart that Dean parked Baby in the garage half an hour later, and the heavy bunker door closed behind them with a loud thump that mocked him with its finality. He barely suppressed a sigh, preparing himself for what was to come next, but when he looked at Cas, he smiled, had to smile, anything not to darken the angel's mood sooner than necessary, even knowing it would be inevitable.

"I really enjoyed today, Dean", Cas said while they were getting ready for bed, seeing no need to leave the room anymore to change now that they were seeing each other in several states of undress sooner or later either way. (Which didn't mean Dean didn't have to positively rip his eyes away from any patch of Cas' exposed skin and not stare to soak in every detail until it was covered again. Every. Single. Evening.)

"'Twas nothing, Cas", he mumbled, sitting down on a chair to shimmy out of his jeans, the same chair he'd spent the first few days and nights of Cas' recovery in. "I'm just glad you got out of here again, man. You did great, by the way."

Cas shook his head, but there was a shy smile on his lips.

"I don't know about that, Dean. I practically threw myself at you at the restaurant and that man didn't even really touch me."

You can throw yourself at me anytime, Dean's head provided very unhelpfully. Oh Jesus Christ, get a grip on yourself!

"It was your first time, Cas. You haven't seen anyone but me in months, dude. Don't be so hard on yourself."

Dean turned and stood, having (pretending) to get his pyjama pants all the way up his legs, absolutely not fleeing from the way Cas' eyes had softened, the way he could still feel his gaze burning into his back now.

"It helped, you know", Cas muttered. "Knowing you'd be there."

Well, shit. What could he say to that?

I'm always gonna be there. I always wanna be there for you. I want you to want me there. Always. Forever. Please, let me be there, don't leave, just stay, just let me love you, just-

Nah. Better not.

"I enjoyed today too, Cas", he simply said instead, turning around to face Cas - and break the fragile atmosphere with the laugh that escaped him when he saw the angel had already changed onto his pyjama pants but was still wearing the trenchcoat on top.

Cas' face cracked into a wry grin at the sound of Dean's snort.

"What?"

"Nothing, man." He grinned back at Cas, shaking his head to himself. I just love you.

"I haven't worn my coat in so long. I enjoyed having it with me again. I just wanted to keep it for as long as possible", Cas shrugged, knowing exactly what Dean was snickering about.

"Dude. You can wear the thing to bed if that's what you want."

Cas glared at him, but the amused sparkle in his eyes betrayed him.

"Maybe I will", he pouted, making Dean grin even wider when the angel demonstratively tugged the coat tighter around himself and sitting down on his side of the bed. Because yup. That was a thing they had now. Their respective sides of the bed. Of one bed. The same bed.

"Suit yourself."

Dean climbed under the covers with a smile. They hadn't done this in far too long. Just joking around. Carefree. Easy. Like the best friends that they were. He loved this side of Cas. The humorous, snappy, even occasionally bitchy side. It felt...human.

(Not that he didn't love every side of Cas. Because he did. Oh, he did...)

"Dean?"

He snapped out of his thoughts, a disbelieving eyebrow lifting of its own accord when he saw the angel was sitting on the bed, on top of the covers, still wearing that damn coat.

"You serious?", he asked, the amusement speaking from his voice, but Cas didn't catch the bait, just looked at him with a thoughtful, unreadable expression.

"What?"

Cas kept looking, biting his bottom lip, and Dean could feel the light-heartedness flowing out of his chest, his brow wrinkling.

"What? What is it?"

"Did you ever..."

Cas trailed off, his mouth still slightly opened as if he was contemplating if he could allow the words to leave his lips, the uncertainty written plainly in his eyes.

"What?", Dean asked more insistently, worried by that sudden shift, watching how the angel averted his eyes and lowered his gaze into his lap, hands fidgeting nervously.

"I mean...we haven't practised anything today, just you and me I mean, and I thought... maybe we could try-"

Cas' gaze flitted to Dean's face again, looking at him for just a moment before it left him again, and maybe it was his imagination, but he could have sworn the angel's eyes caught on his lips for just a second before ripping away.

"I know we never-" Cas stared down on his hands in his lap, his brow drawn together. "A-And if you don't want, that's fine, I..."

Another pause, blue eyes closing for a moment, then a sigh. When their gazes locked again this time, there was something else hidden in the blue, something harder yet vulnerable at the same time, something like...defeat.

"Actually, let's just go to sleep", he said suddenly, ripping his eyes away and Dean out of his thoughts. "You've really done enough for me today."

He shifted his weight to draw back the covers, but something in Dean told him he couldn't, shouldn't let this slide. It was that something in Cas' eyes that...

Before he knew it, he had reached out and covered Cas' hand with his, stopping it in its task.

"Cas?" The angel had frozen at the touch, but didn't draw away. "What do you want?"

It was barely a whisper, as if Dean was afraid that anything more would scare the angel away, but every word could be heard clearly in the sudden silence around them.

Cas looked at their hands, then at Dean. He swallowed.

"Would you mind if we tried to...kiss?", he said then, small, shy, almost embarrassed. "P-Properly, I mean."

A light blush started to colour Cas' cheeks, his words becoming hurried and flustered.

"I know that's not...like the other things we- it's more intimate, a different kind of intimate, and I'd understand if you didn't-"

Dean squeezed his hand to interrupt his rambling.

Is this real? Please, God, let it be real.

"Cas?"

"Yes?"

Dean smiled.

"I'd really like that. Kissing you."

That was actually an understatement, in fact Dean felt almost dizzy at the thought of being allowed to kiss Cas, and yet the angel looked at him as if he'd just revealed one of the seven wonders of the world. (In Dean's opinion, Cas was the eighth.)

"Yes?", Cas breathed, and Dean nodded.

"Yeah. If you want me to."

"I think so." A flicker of panic flashed through the angel's eyes, but it was held at bay by the determination shining there, and a sort of longing Dean couldn't quite place.

"I...at least I'd like to try. I mean he..." Cas' voice wavered and Dean could just catch a glimpse of tears starting to form before the angel averted them. "H-He...it wasn't what I'd- what I'd..." (what I'd wanted, what I'd dreamed) "-what I'd...thought and I...I'd like-"

Cas' fingers clenched down more tightly around Dean's, just like the clench Dean could feel in his chest.

"To know what it can be like", he murmured, finishing Cas' train of thought.

Cas nodded, breaking Dean's heart just a little more.

"Yeah, okay." Dean let his thumb stroke over the back of Cas' hand in a soothing gesture. "S-Should I...?"

He broke off when he realised the angel's eyes were still lowered, but he needed Cas to look at him, needed to see, to know that this was really okay, even if every cell in his body screamed at him to finally, finally take what he'd wanted for so long.

He instinctively lifted their hands to his lips, brushed them over Cas' knuckled in a featherlight kiss, and indeed, that drew the angel's attention back to his face, eyes snapping up, green meeting blue, and Dean almost thought to notice a light hitch in Cas' breath.

"You sure you wanna do this?"

Dean himself was quite sure he'd probably die if Cas changed his mind now, but he needed to ask anyway, and this time when the angel's eyes flickered down to his lips, there was no mistaking the implication.

"Yes."

"Okay."

So that was it, then. They were doing this. Holy shit, they were really doing this.

Dean scooted over on the bed so he was sitting right in front of Cas, never letting go of his hand, a way to anchor Cas as much as himself. They had never been so close before, he could hear Cas holding his breath from this distance, if he just leaned in a bit more-

"This okay?", Dean whispered in the space between them, and if his voice was a little unsteady with nerves and anticipation, well, he thought he was entitled. "Can I...?"

"Mhhm", Cas hummed, his eyes fixed on Dean's lips now, and it was all Dean could do not to cup the angel's face in his hands and kiss him breathless with everything he had.

Instead, he leaned in slowly, gaze flitting between Cas' eyes and his mouth, his heart beating so loudly in his chest in expectation of something he'd craved for so long that he was sure Cas must be able to hear it, close as they were. He hesitated a second before their lips touched, hovered there for a moment before slowly, tentatively brushing their lips together. It wasn't more than that, just the featherlight touch of skin against skin for a brief moment before he already drew back to estimate Cas' reaction. The angel had his eyes closed, his face somehow tense but still calm, and it encouraged Dean enough to bring their mouth together a second time, lingering a bit longer, pressing down a bit more insistently, but still gentle, chaste.

When he retreated this time to look back at Cas, the angel exhaled a long breath, eyes fluttering open to meet Dean's nervous ones.

"Was that-" Okay? Good? What you wanted?

The question hung in the air between them, the tension only resolving when Cas nodded.

"Again", he breathed, eyes wide and so damn vulnerable. "Kiss me again."