Chapter 6

Day 3 of the Guardian Moon, Imperial Year 1180

The topography of the Oghma Mountains spared Garreg Mach Monastery from the worst of the winter that blanketed Faerghus yearly, but weather during the Guardian Moon could still turn bitter on short notice at the Officer's Academy. Such was the case on that day. The hearth in the Blue Lions' classroom was not up to the task of warming the entire hall, so Dimitri, Dedue, and Annette had dragged two sets of benches closer to the fire to use while studying.

Annette startled her companions when she closed her textbook suddenly. "Where is everyone, anyways? I'm sure Mercie is in her room, but that still leaves half the class."

Dedue returned to reading silently while Dimitri answered, "Well, I would not be surprised if Ashe or Ingrid chose the library instead. As for Felix and Sylvain... their absence shouldn't come as a surprise, especially now of all times. Professor Hanneman may not write the easiest exams, but it sounds like he will be too busy helping with the Black Eagles this moon to focus on our tests."

"Professor Byleth... I can't imagine what she is feeling right now. Nothing is worse than losing family," Annette said softly as she clasped her hands together.

Byleth's father Jeralt, Captain of the Knights of Seiros, had been murdered on duty several days prior while responding to an incident concerning demonic beasts being unleased within the monastery walls. The fact that the act was committed by Monica, someone they believed to be a fellow student, further led to a feeling of unease. The circumstances around Monica's return to the academy after having disappeared for a year were certainly unusual, but the same could have been said about Byleth or Jeralt. If their own classmates could not be trusted, whom could?

"It is a trying time for everyone," Dedue unexpectedly added as he looked up from his book. "Morale in the monastery has been very poor these past few days. The professor's pain must be many folds greater."

Dimitri put a hand to his chin. "Regardless if it is regret or hatred she feels… I wish there was something I could do to help."

Almost as if by fate, Annette hastily pointed towards the window opening out onto the yard, knocking over a pile of books in the process. "Wait, that's her right there!" she shouted.

Indeed, Byleth slowly walked alone across the snowy lawn with her head hung low. Sensing an opportunity, Dimitri dropped his text and stood. "I would like to try talking with her," he told his companions.

"Your Highness… are you sure she is looking for a conversation right now?" Dedue asked.

"No one is ever completely ready to discuss such things," Dimitri answered. "But I think it is worth trying."

Annette nodded. "Good luck, Your Highness. I would go with you, but I'm not sure how much use I'll be in such a situation. I would just say something that makes everything worse."

"I am sure that's not the case, but I would like to try speaking with her alone. I will return once finished. If I fail, perhaps you can try as well."

This discussion delayed Dimitri enough that Byleth was already a significant distance away by the time he reached the door. "Professor!" he called out, but Byleth did not hear him. She passed into the hallway between the monastery's reception hall and the bridge to the cathedral. He chose follow her rather than give up. When Dimitri failed to locate her both in the hall and on the bridge, he knew she must have continued on towards the cemetery on the other side of the building.

Dimitri found Byleth silently standing before her father's grave. It was only recently that Dimitri learned her mother was buried in the same plot.

"Professor! I apologize that I haven't been able to speak with you like this sooner," Dimitri began. "I am so sorry about what happened to Jeralt. He was an inspiration to us all, but that pain is nothing compared the death of a father. How do you feel right now, professor?"

For a moment, it seemed as if Byleth did not even realize that someone had joined her company. Just before Dimitri could repeat himself, Byleth finally spoke. When she did, it initially seemed off-topic.

"I frequently slip out of the gates at night to walk alone. I don't know why I do it. Maybe it's a subconscious longing to return to my old life? But at the time, I usually feel... blank. Like I'm not fully there." Byleth looked to Dimitri. "I still feel like that sometimes, even when I think of father dying. Is there something wrong with me?"

"There is something I should tell you, professor. When I lost my own parents four years ago, I too struggled to understand how I felt. Sad, of course, but there was also fear. What would happen next? My father was the strongest person I knew, and my stepmother was the kindest. I had to somehow find a way without them. And then there was anger at those that caused the tragedy. Perhaps even anger at myself, as you now seem to share."

Dimitri released a deep breath. "My point is, grief expresses itself in unique and unpredictable ways. So please, do not tell yourself how you should feel. Even if you do not feel the pain yourself, I can see it now in your eyes. And even if that pain is partially driven by guilt at not feeling sadder… guilt is an emotion, too."

"Do you know why I decided to teach the Black Eagles?" Byleth asked.

Dimitri was startled by the question. "No, but there is no need to worry about telling me. It did not hurt me when you chose Edelgard's class."

"I wasn't sure what to make of you and Claude," Byleth continued, ignoring Dimitri's offer. "Claude was friendly and charismatic, but there was something… inauthentic about his smile. Like he had plans for me that he was withholding. His company is enjoyable, but I do not trust him. As for you… there was a warmth that radiated from you, as if you would take my hand at any moment and ask me to walk beside you. I thought you'd try drawing out my past and my emotions. But… there was nothing inside of me to draw out. So what would happen? I did not know, which intimidated me. I also thought I sensed something else in you, but… never mind that."

Dimitri blushed, unaware of any of this. Byleth did not notice, however, as she continued, "Edelgard was more familiar. Honest, straightforward, always focused on her objective. She treated me like the mercenary I was. Nothing more. At the time, I thought that was what I wanted. Now… I am less certain. My relationship with Edelgard has evolved, of course, but she is still not one to push me to express my emotions. Yesterday, she said that I've been blinded by grief, and that I've lost myself. That it is no use waiting for wounds to heal."

"What?" Dimitri emitted impulsively. "I'm sorry, but I cannot agree with that at all. It's those very emotions that make us human. That remind us of who we are and where we belong. Even grief. Time never fully heals a wound, but it does take away the sting. Eventually even the memory. Once your tears have tried up, hold onto whatever memory you have. Even when life may seem otherwise meaningless, those feelings will give you the strength to try fixing what is lost in whatever way you can."

Byleth kneeled and put a hand on her parents' grave. "Maybe. When my father lay dying, he said it was the first time he ever saw me cry. He saw it as a comforting thing, but Edelgard would say that uncontrolled emotions will blind one to reason. That losing sight of the larger picture will prevent finding answers to the problems facing us."

"I… I suppose there might be truth to that. In some circumstances."

"And how do you know when you've lost control of your emotions?"

It should have been an easy answer, but words escaped Dimitri. His face darkened, and he allowed his gaze to shift beyond the cliff behind the graveyard. More thick clouds were rapidly rolling in, a sure precursor of another snowstorm.

"I don't know," he said lowly.

A Lion at the Crossroads - Day 2 of the Harpstring Moon, Imperial Year 1186

Dimitri beheld a similar view as he strode to a nearby vantage while waiting for Claude to finish his meal. He looked to the south. Out in that direction, everyone left that cared about Dimitri lay dead because of his inability to get a grasp on his passions. Despite her sins, El's imperturbable will had kept her in a position to fulfill her goals.

Visibility was not good enough to identify Fort Merceus, but Dimitri knew it was there. The Stubborn Old General was as vulnerable as it had ever been in its long history. The Empire's army was in tatters. The initiative would slip away with each step he took closer to Garreg Mach.

"Dimitri," his father's voice beckoned. "Don't."

"The imperial army will still be weak," Dimitri said through clenched teeth while keeping his gaze on the horizon. "I'll demolish the gates and cut down everyone until I find her. I must."

"No! You will die. That's not a belief; it's a fact. Death is a comfort you have not earned, Dimitri. Do you not remember the rivers of blood at Duscur? The smell of burning flesh? My final request? We all poured ourselves out so you could fulfill this one task. Your life is not yours to forfeit until then."

The prince was taken aback. Normally, the ghosts would berate him for not taking the most impetuous option. "Father, I… I can't do it alive, either. I lack the means. Even if I join the professor, the kill will belong to her, and my foolishness will endanger her army. If she kills Edelgard, and not me… will your cries be satisfied?"

His father crossed his arms. "You will die a disgrace to the Blaiddyd name, but we will be avenged, yes."

"I see," Dimitri acknowledged calmly. "There's no avoiding that road now."

"What road?" Claude asked as he approached from behind.

Claude's appearance distracted Dimitri just long for the late king to take his leave.

"The road to Garreg Mach," Dimitri lied. "How much further is it?"

"If I had to guess? We should probably reach the monastery around sundown if we keep our pace."

"Perfect timing," Dimitri declared as they began to walk again.

"Why is that?"

"I would like to speak with Byleth alone. And if she's anything like she used to be, she may take her nightly stroll beyond the walls of the Officer's Academy. Hopefully it's safe enough that they are able to keep the gates open again."

"Yes, I recall her doing that, too. But you want to talk to her alone? Why? You could present yourself to any knight there, and you would quickly have an audience with Teach."

Dimitri bit his tongue. He had not yet shared his doubts with Claude, but there was no avoiding it. "I… do not know what I plan to say. Maybe joining her army is not the right choice. With all of my shortcomings, they might stand a better chance of victory without my presence darkening the monastery. That is why I wish to speak to her alone. She may yet provide guidance before I commit."

"That's reasonable. But whatever happens, please don't mention me, alright? Directly or indirectly. As far as anyone is concerned, you woke up on the battlefield and walked to the monastery alone."

"And what happens if I do?"

Claude did not immediately answer. "I'll be forced to act. What that entails will depend on the exact situation," he said vaguely.

The answer was not particularly satisfying, but Dimitri had to accept it. He did not intend to say anything about Claude, regardless.

Little more was discussed for the rest of the trip as the two contemplated their futures. Each time they summited a peak, Dimitri was certain that the monastery would present itself on the other side, only to be disappointed by the sight of more barren rock. The answers he hoped to find remained out of his grasp.

Claude's estimation proved to be accurate. The bottom extremity of the sun had just contacted the horizon when they finally reached an overlook that provided view of the monastery. Even Claude gave a sigh of relief and a smile as he caught his breath.

"You know, I found something earlier while I was resting that I saved for this moment," Claude said as he reached out an open arm. It contained several Noa berries. "Just like old times?"

Dimitri almost smiled as he accepted the offering and slipped a berry into his mouth.

The monastery was an impressive sight, even though much of it was covered in shadows due to the lighting of the setting sun behind it. The cathedral itself was difficult to identify over the terraces of walls, towers, and weaving paths that led towards the empyrean summit.

Much was as Dimitri's ragged memory recalled; even so, Garreg Mach was not the same place he once called home. He knew its ramparts had been devastated during the battle five years earlier, but in addition to that, the entire monastery had visibly crumbled and decayed after years of abandonment. The fortifications had been partially restored, but even these repairs had evidently been exposed to recent combat.

Still, the widespread presence of scaffolding provided evidence that life had returned to Garreg Mach. Most of the students were gone, as well as Archbishop Rhea herself, but there were still those who fought for the liberation of the goddess's land.

This thought stirred something deep in Dimitri's chest. Was it joy? But Dimitri himself was not a builder- he was a tool of destruction. It was not a place for him. Despite that, there was someone there Dimitri wished to see, even if it was selfish of him…

"You still plan on coming, right?" Claude beckoned.

Dimitri blinked, unaware of how long he had stared at the sight. He nodded and followed Claude down the next slope.

Upon approaching the monastery half an hour later, Claude motioned for Dimitri to follow him as he crouched behind a large boulder.

"The gates are open, thankfully," Claude noted. "I guess it's safe enough in these parts that the church is better off keeping them open so supplies and soldiers are free to flow over the night. Still, let me check to see if any of these towers have sentries. If so, we'll need to plot a route that will keep us in their blind spots." Claude peeked over the boulder for a few seconds and then slipped back down. "It looks clear for now, but we still need to be cautious."

"You know, Claude… there is no reason for you to go farther if you are that worried about being spotted. I can handle myself."

"It's not that I don't trust you, but I still want to make sure I hear your account firsthand and see how she reacts."

"So… you do not trust me, then. Actions speak louder than words, as they say. But it makes no difference to me."

Claude did not defend himself further, seemingly content so long as he got his wish. After a few moments, he reopened dialogue by pushing it in a different direction. "So… about Teach's walks. How much do you know about them? Will she come this far?"

It obviously would have been ideal if Byleth proceeded outside of the lower walls, but there was no way of knowing this. Dimitri shrugged. "I know she left the academy compound. I can't tell you more than that. I did not follow her. If we need information requiring an invasion of privacy, I assumed we would defer to your knowledge and experience."

"Well, the best chance we have is to get as close as possible," Claude reasoned. "Even if she is currently farther out, she'll always loop back around to the start."

With little choice, Claude and Dimitri scurried higher up the mountain. As Claude had observed, the lower terraces of defenses were thankfully unmanned, likely due to diminished manpower. Even with recent successes, the authority wielded by the Church of Seiros did not reach its pre-war prime.

The other risk was the town that resided within these walls. It was heavily damaged during the original battle, and few people appeared to have returned. Even so, Dimitri and Claude looped around the area to be cautious.

The pair eventually reached a short wooded path that offered them their last protection before finally facing walls that were staffed by the Knights of Seiros. They stopped to discuss their options.

"I am willing to wait here for some time. It is too risky to proceed further," Dimitri said.

Claude frowned. "That's fine, but we still need a plan in case waiting doesn't do any good. Maybe we can deliver someone a message requesting Byleth to come out here alone on urgent business? I mean, it will almost certainly sound like a trap and be ignored, but it's better than nothing. Maybe we can leave a hint in the message that you are the author? Something that Teach would recognize but would be meaningless to anyone else reading it."

"Something only she would know? Well, there was the time that I accidental-"

Dimitri stopped when he heard someone approaching from around the corner. When Claude darted behind a large tree for cover, Dimitri followed suit by finding a tree of his own on the other side of the path. He felt his heart leap into his throat when he discovered that their new guest was none other than the acting archbishop.

Byleth's attire was unlike anything Dimitri remembered, being reminiscent of something that Rhea would have worn, but otherwise she had changed very little. In fact, she did not appear to have aged a day.

Claude barely leaned his head to the side of his tree and looked at Dimitri meaningful. What was he trying to indicate? Byleth was continuing in their direction, and their shelter would not be adequate protection at a close distance. The only way Claude would go undetected was if Byleth encountered a serious distraction…

"It has been a lifetime... Hasn't it, professor?" Dimitri said quickly as he moved out into the open. He had hoped make the reveal less startling, but he had little choice given the circumstances. Byleth had not yet focused her gaze in his direction and was visibly caught by surprise. She reached for her sword until she set eyes on him.

"Dimitri?" Byleth gasped. She took several steps closer, seemingly examining him to ensure that her eyes were not deceiving her. That thankfully put Claude behind her and safely out of sight. "… I thought you were dead," she admitted faintly.

"Yes... I thought so too. I wanted to slice her throat... but I did not get the chance. I let people die, and yet... I still stand. Rodrigue, Gustave, Dedue…" Dimitri trailed off. He did not know the name of every person that died for his sake. The losses were so incalculable by that point that his mind could no longer even process the meaning of it.

"I only received news from Gronder a few hours ago. From what I've heard, very few people survived the battle, regardless of which side they fought on," Byleth said with a sorrowful gaze. "I came out here for fresh air and solitude. I… I may never forget that I could have been there. That I could have helped change the outcome."

"Their deaths are on me alone. It was my choice to run headlong into a battle we were unprepared for."

"And yet you are here," she noted with more confidence. "If even you are not sure how you are alive… there must be a reason you survived. One cannot fully judge a life until its ending has been written."

"You sound just like Rodrigue," Dimitri muttered. "A reason... I am not sure the goddess deals with such matters."

"Have you forgotten when my class avenged my father's death, and the goddess granted her powers to me? Do you think that was anything but fate?"

There was no denying Byleth's sudden change in hair and eye color that day. The Black Eagles also claimed that her strength while wielding the Sword of the Creator had soared to new levels. Based off what Dimitri saw of her valiant efforts during the defense of Garreg Mach, he did not doubt it.

"I suppose not. But if that reason was to kill Edelgard, I should have succeeded at Gronder. If it is not that, then what?"

Byleth frowned. "I do not have that answer. You may not, either. All you can do is follow the doors that are opened to you and stay true to yourself wherever they lead you."

"Please… tell me this, professor. Do you intend to kill Edelgard?"

"I will stop her, but I cannot promise to kill her. If she relents, as unlikely as that is, I hope to spare her life. I… don't want her dead."

Dimitri tensed, heated at the betrayal. "How could you say that? You know the things she's done!"

"After my class returned from helping put down Lord Lonato's insurrection, you expressed frustration over the deaths of the rebels. You said we should have tried reasoning with Lonato and find common ground. What makes this so different?"

"Lonato did not commit senseless killing out of a lust for power. His sins were the product of his ideals."

Byleth nodded. "And the same could be applied to Edelgard. She is a very private woman, but she did tell me some of her story. It isn't a happy one, and I know she believes her actions will prevent similar stories from happening again."

Dimitri crossed his arms. No sad story could justify what happened at Duscur. "So you condone her actions?"

"Not at all. I would not be here right now if I did. I do not believe lasting peace can be achieved through conquest, which will only rouse discontent that will perpetuate the cycle all over again, and I question many of the accusations that Edelgard laid against the Church of Seiros to justify her war. I also believe wrongs committed by individuals voracious for Crests will not cease by invalidating the church's origin account. Crests provide physical power and inherent exclusivity that will still be just as desirable. The problem cannot be so easily addressed by bloodshed."

Byleth sighed before continuing, "We could talk all day about this, but there should be no need, Dimitri. I am here, and I will do everything in my power to make sure she and her army do not hurt another soul. Justice will be served when the time comes. … Are you here to join me, Dimitri?"

Dimitri's gaze fell to the ground. When he last saw the professor, she was still struggling to make sense of both her emotions and her place in the world. That was no longer the case. This was a woman who clearly understood herself and what she fought for. In comparison, Dimitri felt smaller with each passing second.

"Your survival is a miracle, too, professor. I thought you died five years ago. Some said they watched you fall to your death, but the goddess spared you for something. I can see why. You have much to offer Fódlan. Wisdom, leadership, grace. All I can offer is revenge. But even that…"

Dimitri released a mournful sigh as he shook his head. "Everyone gives such complicated advice, and I can never quite grasp it all. That is why..." He took a deep breath as he gathered himself. "Professor. I came here to explain my decision."

"What decision?" Byleth asked hesitantly, seemingly unhappy with the conversation's progression.

"I have no resources to take back the Kingdom capital, much less to defeat the Empire. To you, I would only be a liability, and the dead will not allow me to fall upon my lance until their cries are met. And that is why… there is only one choice left. I must leave Fódlan behind, an-."

Dimitri paused when he noticed Claude furtively step out from behind his tree. Claude raised a hand that held a wet rag as he approached.

Byleth discerned her companion's eye shift focus and began to turn her head to see what had his attention. She did not have time to react, however, before Claude swiftly put the rag to her mouth while carefully keeping himself out of sight. Byleth's surprise rapidly shifted to drowsiness, robbing her of any time to resist. Within seconds, Claude was carefully supporting her unconscious frame.

"What did you just do?" Dimitri asked in horror as he took Byleth into his arms, no longer trusting Claude's judgment in the situation.

"What did I do? You're the one who wouldn't stop talking! I warned that I'd have no choice but to take action if you did."

"I didn't think you'd actuall…" Dimitri sighed in exasperation. "Is she going to be alright?"

"Of course, I wouldn't do anything that actually harms her. She'll just be unconscious for a few minutes and then wake up like from a happy nap. That's the most expensive poison I have on hand, so trust me, I didn't use it flippantly." Claude stuffed the cloth into his boot and then rubbed his hair nervously. "Hopefully she won't recall much of what you said. If all she remembers is seeing you, we should be alright. Your body was seen on the battlefield, so you should be officially reported as dead. Because of that, your appearance could easily be passed off as a dream or something. If she saw me, her story might be taken a bit more seriously."

As Claude spoke, Dimitri gently carried Byleth to the largest nearby tree and propped her up in a lounging position. Once satisfied that she would be safe, Dimitri stepped away. "Alright. Let's get out of here."

"I couldn't agree more," Claude added hastily as he darted on the downhill path. Dimitri pursued him with near-equal fervor.

Once they cleared the last defenses of Garreg Mach and felt they were safely out of sight, the two stopped to catch their breath. Thankfully, there was no indication that an alarm had been raised.

"What you were about to say back there… you really mean it, right?" Claude asked while he recovered.

"There's no going back now," Dimitri said a little uncertainly. His expression then fixed with determination. "So… where exactly are we going?"

"Derdriu, for now. We'll take the passes towards Ailell. But first… you'll need a change of attire. You can't go walking around in Faerghus colors if you're shedding your old identity. Go ahead and keep Areadbhar, though. Maybe we can disguise our weapons for the time being."

He had a point, but there was one small issue. "I don't have any other clothing."

Claude motioned to the sack on Dimitri's shoulder. "Sure you do. It's right in there."

Dimitri opened the sack up to find a crumpled tunic and a set of trousers stuffed in the bottom.

"Were you expecting me to join you from the start?" he asked suspiciously.

Claude shrugged with a typical knowing grin. "Hey, I come prepared for any situation. If you stuck to your original plan, one of us could have found another use for it."

It was a reasonable explanation. Dimitri changed his attire while Claude gazed over the path ahead, perhaps making sure they would not run into any more unwanted guests. Trading armor for a thin tunic felt unnatural at first, but if Dimitri would not be the one to kill Edelgard, his body was not as valuable, anyways. He carefully strapped the sheath containing El's knife around his waist, but he gathered up the rest of his armor into his hands and walked to the nearby cliff face.

"I assume I should permanently dispose of this?"

Claude nodded and watched as Dimitri paused meaningfully. The former prince of Faerghus then allowed his belongings to slip from his fingers. The ringing of armor sang out across the mountain each time the heavy material completed another roll on its tumble down, dragging both rock and dirt with it, but the noise would have been passed off as a typical rockslide to anyone listening in the distance. Dimitri's cloak broke off from the rest and slowly fluttered out deeper into the forest below. He watched until it disappeared from sight.

"I know it's dark and we're both tired, but I think we should continue for a bit before setting up camp," Claude finally said. "With the Resistance Army firmly established, this area probably sees too much traffic nowadays."

Dimitri subtly nodded and followed behind his companion. A cool breeze whipped across the mountainside, threatening to throw off his balance as he walked across the uneven rocky trail. The replacement of his dense armor in favor of an ill-fitting tunic that seemed to catch the wind like a sail also destabilized the balance he was long accustomed to. At least not dragging around the extra weight might improve his stamina for the hike.

No longer did Dimitri bear the weight of Faerghus's colors. He was simply a nameless traveler on his way to a foreign land.

He looked up from the path just long enough to survey his view over Fódlan. Most people would find the setting breathtaking, even when lit only by the moon's glow, but Dimitri was too busy processing the questions running through his mind. Would he miss this place? Was he making a mistake? Was it too late to turn back around? The pain from his shoulder wound also flared some, which further plagued his mind.

With all other possible deliberations undesirable, Dimitri allowed his thoughts to return to what had just transpired with Professor Byleth. He told his escort, "You alluded to having a stash of poisons a few times back at the academy. I eventually concluded it was all talk to keep Edelgard and I on edge during our mock battles. It seems I misread you, Claude."

"Well, there's no question that I wanted to have that effect," Claude snickered. "But still, I do try to stay prepared for any circumstance. Hopefully Teach will be more wary about walking around unguarded at night now."

"Even so… I can't believe you just poisoned Fódlan's potential future ruler."

Claude winced. "You, uhh… won't tell anyone, will you? I'd rather not be executed for this."

Part of Dimitri was angry with his old classmate, but at the same time, he could not help but find amusement in the absurdity of the situation. Before he realized it, he was openly laughing.

"Imagine Seteth's reaction if I told him what happened," Dimitri managed to exhale between chortles.

Claude turned to him with mouth ajar in astonishment. Dimitri's mirth only lasted a few moments before he sank back into melancholy. Even so, the former prince of Faerghus was also surprised to recognize that there was at least a sliver of that old Dimitri remaining that he was convinced had died.