Chapter Twenty-Two
We all know what's coming so...enjoy the smut, I guess xD
~oOo~oOo~oOo~
Dean smiled at him when the kiss broke, soft and sweet and beautiful.
"Hey", he breathed, the corner of his lip twitching, and Cas could feel himself mirroring the smile.
"Hello, Dean."
He watched happily as Dean's features brightened even more.
"You good to try again?", the hunter asked then, and Cas swallowed, steeled himself, nodded.
He could do this. He wanted to do this.
"I think so."
"Let me help you", Dean said softly before Cas even had the chance to move, his heart overflowing with affection and gratitude for the man in front of him.
"Give me your hand."
Cas watched how Dean poured some more lube into his palm, spreading some around his hole and coating Cas' fingers with the rest. Cas knew there would probably have been enough left as it was, that Dean did this mostly so Cas would be as much at ease as possible, knowing that they were taking every possible precaution against him accidentally inflicting pain.
"I'll guide you, okay?", Dean continued, his eyes never leaving Cas' as he brought their joined hands down. "We're gonna do it together."
Cas could just nod, his gaze flitting down to their hands as Dean carefully brought Cas' fingers to brush the delicate skin around his rim. His eyes flickered up to Dean' face when he heard him release a sigh at the contact. He seemed completely relaxed, encouraging Cas to move his fingers in exploratory circles, not pushing him, just guiding.
"A little more pressure", he instructed, smiling when Cas couldn't help but throw a hesitant glance at him. "Trust me, it's fine", he promised, and yes, Cas believed him. Cas trusted him.
So he followed, let his movements become a little more bold, a little more purposeful, massaging the ring of muscle until he could feel it relaxing under his fingertips, opening to his touch.
"Can I...?"
"Yeah", Dean breathed without hesitation, didn't even need for Cas to finish the sentence.
Cas closed his eyes and breathed, mentally preparing himself to apply just a bit more pressure and finally push inside Dean's waiting body when he felf fingers grasping for his free hand, searching, holding onto him, or maybe rather having Cas hold onto them. His eyes opened to find Dean's, a soft knowing smile on his hunter's lips, and Cas pressed his lips together from the wave of emotion rolling over him. He squeezed Dean's hand in a silent thank you, felt its warmth and comfort as the calming weight it was supposed to be, anchoring him in the present.
This time when his finger slipped past the ring of muscle, there were no unwanted memories waiting for him, just Dean's moan of relief in his ears, his tightening grip on his hand, and the heat of his body welcoming him.
"Yeah, just like that." Dean took a shaky breath. "Move around a bit."
Cas did as he was asked, careful, tentative at first, increasing his pace and pressure with the encouraging sounds Dean made.
"Cas..."
Oh, he would never tire of hearing his name in that voice.
"Is it..." Cas swallowed. "Is it good?"
"Yeah, yeah, it's..."
A moan fell from Dean's lips again, one of those beautiful noises that had begun to stroke a fire inside Cas' own body.
"Shit", he breathed when Cas stroked a spot he'd found out made the muscles in Dean's legs slightly tremble. "Very good, yeah. Try- Try another. I'll tell you if it hurts."
Cas removed his finger, found himself even smiling a little when Dean whimpered at the loss, before he brought them back, two pushing in without much resistance.
"Good, good." Dean nodded his head against the pillow, breathed unevenly. "Now scissor them."
Cas hesitated a second at that command, but everything had been going well so far, so he tried, immediately pulling back when Dean's brow furrowed, his eyes squeezing shut.
"Sorry! I'm sorry. Did that hurt?" Cas could hear the sudden panic seeping into his own voice, felt how his left hand tightened where it was still holding onto Dean's. "Dean, you promised to tell me-"
"Just a slight burn, Cas." Dean squeezed his hand back. "Calm down, it's nothing. Y'know, sometimes a little pain can actually add to the pleasure."
Cas stared at him, squinted in confusion, but he still felt how his breathing evened and his heartbeat returned to normal under Dean's calm smile, the surge of panic vanishing as fast as it had come.
"Like when...when you bite my lip or suck a mark", Dean explained, and oh, yes, okay. Cas could feel a pleasurable shudder run down his spine at that thought.
"I see", he nodded, looked into the dark green eyes that seemed to dilate further under his gaze, a heated, desperate quality returning to their depths.
When Dean reached out and pulled Cas down towards him until he could press their mouths together Cas was just too glad to follow, kissing him long and deep, panting against his lips when they parted.
"Keep going?", Dean asked, not quite able to keep the hopeful, almost needy tone out of his voice, and who was Cas to deny him. He stayed where he was, leaned over Dean so he could continue to press his lips to Dean's mouth, his neck, his chest and shoulders, while his fingers returned to the task at hand (pun intended) until Dean lay relaxed and open beneath him, squirming at every stroke of Cas' fingers inside him, pushing down to take them deeper while simultaneously stretching his neck to capture his mouth in a fierce kiss.
He was gorgeous like this, Cas had to admit, desperate and wanting and beautiful, more out of control than Cas had ever seen him. And he loved it, getting to perceive that side of Dean, the side that only came out once he allowed himself to let go. It was just what Cas had wanted from their encounters, and even though the worry was still present in his mind, he knew that he wanted, needed to explore and see more of this.
He revelled at the flushed skin, the line of his stretched neck when he threw his head back, the arch of his fingers fisting in the sheets, the moans falling from his lips, and all the while he never ceased to praise Cas, telling him how well he was doing, how good it felt, murmured confessions into his skin and breathed pleas for more into his mouth.
Cas couldn't get enough.
"Oh, fuck!"
Dean suddenly broke their sloppy kiss, a shout punched out of his lungs.
Cas tensed. His fingers stilled inside Dean, but he didn't pull out.
"Dean? Dean, are you alright?"
"No, don't- don't stop!" Dean was panting heavily, reached uncoordinatedly for Cas' arm to get him to resume his ministration. "Don't stop, please. That was good, Cas. You hit-" Another pant. "M-My prostate. That means it's very, very good."
"Oh." Cas could feel a new heat spreading in his body at the implication, the possibilities, sending sparks like liquid fire through his body to settle in his groin. "You mean there."
He curled his fingers again to brush that spot, the one that had made Dean's back arch off the mattress and-
"Cas..." Dean bit his bottom lip, hard. "Yeah", he nodded frantically, unaware of the pleased smile spreading on Cas' face. "Right there. But don't- do too much", he warned, "or this'll be over before it even started."
Cas could feel Dean's body humming with anticipation, waiting, hoping, praying for something only Cas could give him. And it made him bold, hungry to provide whatever Dean needed, find all the places that would make him sigh and moan and hum, wanted to hear him beg for more and scream Cas' name in bliss. It was as if the fear nagging at the back of Cas' mind had been locked up, washed away by the stronger, more important need to take care of his love, his hand moving on instinct, trying to explore every touch that would cause Dean to arch his back and writhe in pleasure beneath him.
He'd stitched Dean together once. What a wonder he now got to take him apart like this.
It didn't take long after that until Cas could easily fit three fingers inside Dean, his own aching erection getting harder and harder to ignore the longer he watched and listened to Dean's pleasure. So it was a relief when Dean finally announced he was ready, despite the nerves Cas couldn't keep from returning, mingling with the anticipation and want that made his skin prickle at the thought of what was to come.
"Are you sure?", he asked, because of course he did.
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure." Dean reached for him after he'd withdrawn his fingers and slicked up his length (both too far gone to think about a condom - not that Dean would have wanted anything separating them anyway) and helped Cas to roll over him and position himself between his legs.
"C'mon, please, need you, angel..."
~oOo~
Cas hovered above him, moving carefully into position until Dean could feel the tip of his cock nudging against his rim, concentrated not to tense at the contact. But Cas hesitated, just stayed there, staring down at Dean before squeezing his eyes shut, releasing a frustrated breath.
"Dean, I..."
"Should I?", Dean broke him off, his voice soft.
"What do you mean?"
"I can do it", he offered, aware what was troubling Cas, the conflicting emotions plainly written in his eyes, want and need colliding with fear and worry, desperate to go the distance but unable to take that last first step. Dean's heart contracted with empathy.
"You can lie down and I can..." Dean gave him a meaningful look. "I can see the effort it takes you", he explained, keeping the sadness over Cas' distress out of his voice the best he could, lacing it with warmth and understanding.
Still, Cas lowered his eyes.
"I'm sorry", he mumbled, and Dean couldn't stand it, couldn't allow it, reaching out to cup Cas' face in his hands, make him look up into Dean's eyes.
"No. Don't be." His voice was firm, the thumb stroking Cas' cheek gentle. "There's no need to be sorry, Cas. I don't mind. I just want you to be as much at ease as possible", he told him truthfully, saw how Cas' eyes glistened with love and something bordering far too closely on shame.
"I just feel so stupid", the angel said. "I'm not even the one who..." He broke off, sighed. "If anyone has a right to be nervous it's you but-"
"There's nothing wrong with being nervous, Cas." Dean let a hand trail through Cas' soft messy locks. "I'm nervous, too", he admitted. "But I'm also excited. I want you. But one word from you and we'll stop."
Cas opened his mouth, but no words left his lips, he looked at Dean for a moment, something behind his eyes settling, falling into place. Then he nodded, but it wasn't enough. Not this time.
"Please", Dean breathed, hands travelling from Cas' face to his chest. "You gotta tell me. Tell me I can have you, tell me it's okay..."
"Yes, Dean." And it sounded sure this time, causing Dean to smile as Cas leaned down and kissed him. "Of course. Anything you want, my love."
Dean's heart had much trouble not bursting at the pet name.
"It's not just about me", he reminded Cas. "Do you want me?"
"I do", Cas assured, and yeah, Dean believed him. "Of course I do. More than anything."
"So will you let me?", he asked one last time, just to be sure, just to give him one last opportunity to say no, just to know...
"Please", Cas breathed, and Dean was sure he couldn't have waited for another second if he tried. He surged up, a hand curled around Cas' neck pulling the angel down to meet him in a kiss, hungry and reverent at the same time as Dean's tongue searched and found reassurance in his angel's mouth.
"Lie down for me, my angel", he breathed against Cas' parted lips once he found the strength to break the kiss, helping Cas to roll over onto his back with Dean straddling him.
"Perfect", he couldn't help but whisper, loved how Cas blushed, the colour on his cheeks bleeding into the flush on his neck and chest. "Look at me", Dean asked, allowing himself a moment to drown in his favourite blue, watched how it darkened like the sea before a storm.
"You're so beautiful", Dean heard himself say, couldn't care because it was so damn true. "So good for me, Cas."
He reached for Cas' cock, revelled in the angel's gasp at the contact, stroking him a few times to make sure he was back to full hardness after their interruption.
"Dean..."
Cas' hands flew to Dean's thighs, settling there, stroking the soft skin, obviously trying not to grip onto them too tightly.
"That's right." Dean put a hand over Cas', encouraged him to hold onto him, humming when nails bit into his skin. "Relax. Don't think too much. Just feel."
"Beloved..."
An involuntary shudder ran down Dean's spine.
"Shit, I love it when you call me that."
A quick smirk crossed Cas lips before they opened on another moan when Dean wiggled his hips to position himself.
"I'll have to remember that", Cas said, causing Dean to smile.
"Okay. Stay there", he ordered, shifting until Cas' tip was lined up with his entrance. "Just like that. Just stay still, okay? Can you do that for me?"
Cas nodded, his hands on Dean's hips tightening.
"I love you." Dean caught his gaze. "Don't forget that."
One last time he leaned down, capturing Cas' lips in a sweet yet heated kiss.
"I love you, Cas", he whispered in his ear. "Love you so much."
"I love you", Cas breathed once he leaned back, and when he looked into his eyes, Dean could finally see what he'd missed until now, what he'd missed that first time a few days ago when Cas had tried to take things further. He could see it was okay. He could see he was ready, they were ready.
The stretch when the tip of Cas' cock finally slipped inside him was exquisite. Dean loved everything about it, loved the groan Cas made, the slight burn it caused, the feeling of connection it promised. It took all his willpower to keep lowering himself slowly, a beautifully torturous eternity passing until Cas finally bottomed out, punching a shaky exhale from Dean's lungs.
"You alright?"
Cas just nodded, squeezing his eyes shut, visibly fighting for control. Dean couldn't blame him.
They were here. They'd actually done it.
He had never imagined having Cas like this.
Okay, actually he'd imagined plenty, he'd just never thought there was any chance of it becoming a reality. And in none of his wildest fantasies could he have prepared for Cas to be this breathtaking, spread out beneath him, his chest flushed and covered in a sheen of sweat, fingers digging into the flesh of Dean's hips, lips swollen and slightly parted, brow furrowed in pleasure. He was perfect.
The sight alone could have undone Dean in a second, but then he moved, just the tiniest, probably unconscious shift of his hips. Dean moaned.
"Shit, you feel amazing." Dean leaned forward to catch his own weight, hands resting on Cas' chest, the skin hot beneath his palms. "Can't believe I actually get to have this."
"Dean..."
His name sounded like a sigh of relief, of wonder, of benediction. Dean wanted to hear it again.
"Can I...can I move?"
"You're really-" Cas breathed deeply. "You're really alright?"
Of course he'd ask and make sure before following his own needs. Of course he would. Dean felt his love for that angel like a physical ache in his chest.
"Believe me, Cas. I'm fucking awesome."
Cas nodded, his nails digging into Dean's hips, creating little sparks of pleasure-pain.
"Then please...", Cas groaned, and fuck if Dean didn't need to be told twice.
He began to roll his hips in tiny movements, making both of them gasp at how unfairly good it felt even though they had barely started. Encouraged by Cas' reactions he established a steady rhythm, rocking their bodies together until Cas answered the roll of his hips with the tiniest thrust of his own, punching a low moan from his lungs.
"Yeah, Cas, c'mon." Dean bit his bottom lip, grinding down harder to show his consent. "Don't hold back, feels so good, angel."
The angel did it again, harder this time, and even at this lesser angle, Dean could imagine what it had to be like to feel Cas moving inside him in earnest, pulling out and pushing him into the mattress with powerful thrusts. Fuck, he couldn't wait until they could do that, too.
"Shit, yeah, Cas. Like that."
His hand searched for Cas' where it was still holding onto Dean's hip, helping him move, holding the rhythm. He tried to thread their fingers together, but it wasn't enough.
"Cas..." He grabbed at the angel's arm with the suddenly overwhelming need to touch as much of Cas as possible, taste his lips and feel him in his arms. "C'mon. Please, I need..."
Cas followed Dean's pull without question, sitting up with Dean in his lap, meeting him in a kiss, arms coming around to encircle him in a gesture of tenderness that contradicted the growing need tying a knot in Dean's stomach. His feet planted on the mattress for stability, he curled a hand around Cas' neck and tangled his fingers in the short locks there, kissing back with a smile on his lips when he felt the gentle stroke of Cas' hand on his lower back.
The new position allowed him more leverage, so Dean began to move again, lifting himself up just a bit more every time before dropping back down, urging Cas on to meet him. The room was filled with the sound of skin meeting skin, the wet slide of kisses whenever they didn't have to pause to moan into each other's mouths, holding each other close while their bodies kept rocking together, jolts of pleasure sending them higher and higher into a state of mindless bliss.
Dean could feel his muscles straining at some point, his legs starting to shake from the effort, but he ignored it, didn't want to break this spell, just kept kissing Cas, moving, panting, too eager to stay in the perfect bubble they had created to care.
"Dean."
A warm hand found its way onto Dean's leg, rubbing soothing circles into his skin.
He just kept going, kissed along Cas' jaw, down his neck, hips rocking, thighs trembling under Cas' palm.
"Dean, you're tired."
"'m fine", he mumbled against the skin of the angel's neck, wanted to hide there, to stay here forever, but when a hand tangled in his hair, gently guiding his head back, he still followed despite the slight whimper leaving his throat.
Blue eyes met his, hooded with pleasure, heat surging beneath the surface, and yet they were impossibly soft.
"Shhh", Cas soothed, his other hand continuing to rub at the exhausted muscles of his upper thigh, making Dean groan. "Let me, my love. Let me take care of you."
And how could Dean say no to that.
So he nodded, didn't even question how Cas managed to turn them over until Dean lay on his back without separating them, looking up at Cas with desperate, pleading eyes.
"Please, Cas please." He knew how needy he sounded, didn't care in the least.
He needed Cas to move (like fucking yesterday), needed to feel him closer, deeper, until he couldn't tell anymore where his body ended and Cas began. He needed-
"I need you", Dean heard himself say, words that formed in his heart, crawled up his throat and tumbled out of his mouth, couldn't even tell what suddenly had him so desperate. "Please, Cas. Make me feel like I belong to you, only you. It's never gonna be anyone but you, Cas. Please, angel...make me yours", Dean said, immediately feeling stupid for saying it. Why had his mouth to spill out such embarrassing chick-flicky shit?
But then Cas looked at him like he was seeing the sun for the first time.
And "Yes, Dean, please", he whispered, awed, reverent, and Dean couldn't feel stupid anymore, not when Cas looked and sounded like that, like he saw Dean, really saw him, and wanted all of him, sugary stupidity and overhasty tongue and everything.
And then he moved, pulled back gently and bottomed out again in one smooth thrust, and yeah, ok, Dean was so not straight. Right here, right now, he was pretty sure he'd never felt anything as amazing as this, feeling his angel inside him, being one with the person he loved. And he didn't care one single bit, John Winchester's voice nothing but a faint memory while he let Cas surround him with his body, mind and soul.
The powers of Heaven had failed to keep them from being in love. So who the fuck was his dead father to try?
"Love you", he breathed out even though his voice was shaky, because he wanted to and he could and Cas needed to know.
It was a blur of sensation after that. Dean's legs wrapped around Cas' waist, spurring him on, moaning his encouragement, whispered confessions between sloppy kisses and pants filling the air, hands grasping on skin, holding on, holding tight, holding close. The moment Cas angled his hips and found that spot again he knew it would be over far too soon, and all he could do was pray that Cas wasn't far behind.
He didn't even know anymore what words spilled from his mouth, and it was good he'd already confessed everything there was in his heart because the babble of sweet nothings escaping him now would certainly have done the trick.
When Dean came it was with a broken cry of Cas' name, untouched except for the friction of his cock being trapped between their bellies, the sight and feel of Dean tightening around him sending Cas over the edge as well.
Dean just kept clinging to him, let his weight ground him as he tried to catch his breath, his hand coming up to absentmindedly stroke through Cas' hair.
"Sorry", the angel mumbled, his voice muffled against Dean's neck.
Dean frowned. That was surely the last thing he had expected Cas to say right now.
"What for?"
"I didn't ask." Cas turned his head, forehead resting against Dean's cheek. "I came inside you."
Oh. Dean had to smile fondly at that.
"I wanted you to", he said, resuming to stroke Cas' hair. "I told you to", he remembered through the hazy mist of pleasure.
Cas shrugged, but Dean could feel that his shoulders had relaxed.
"Wasn't sure you meant like this."
"I did. Don't worry so much." Dean pressed a kiss to his forehead. "There's nothing you could do wrong, Cas. Not here, not with me. I want everything with you", he confessed, surprising himself how easy he found it to say. "Everything you have to give."
Cas hummed.
"And you're alright otherwise? I wasn't too rough? I didn't..."
"You didn't hurt me, Cas", Dean assured immediately. "Never. It was perfect. You were perfect."
And finally he felt Cas smile, his lips tickling Dean's skin where they brushed against his neck.
"I really don't wanna, but I guess we should move", he said regretfully, his skin feeling increasingly sticky now that it had cooled down. He winced slightly when Cas pulled out, saw the frown that appeared on Cas' forehead.
"You're sure I didn't-?"
"Maybe a bit sore", Dean smiled. "But the good kind. Wanna feel it tomorrow so I can remember."
Cas bit his lip at that, couldn't hide the grin spreading on his own face as Dean reached for the cloth they had put out to clean them up.
"This was a big step, Cas." He smiled at his angel, taking Cas' hand, squeezing tight. "And you did so well. I'm so proud of you."
"Of us." Cas smiled back. "We did it together."
Together. Dean really liked the sound of that.
"Yeah", he agreed. "Yeah, we did."
~oOo~oOo~oOo~
I feel like with this step made we're really getting close to the end of this fic by now, guys. Could swear I literally just started it. How did this happen. Anyway. We still got a couple chapters to go, promise.
Sooooooooooooooo...thoughts? :)