Chapter Twenty-Four
Here we are. The final chapter. After this there'll only be one more part, probably more like a sort of epilogue, I don't know yet how long it'll get but...hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I just can't believe we're basically at the end of this…
I hope this will bring the fic to a satisfying (pun not intended - or is it) conclusion before we bring it to a close soon. 5.8k of smut ahead - obviously, as it is my custom, very fluffy fluffy wordy smut. And lots of emotional emotions. They're so SOFT yall ahdgasdadafg.
I really really hope you enjoy it, thank you so much to everyone who followed this fic until now, for all your lovely comments and support. I hope I earned the privilege of your time.
~oOo~oOo~oOo~
Dean had his arms slung around Cas from behind, nuzzling into his hair and planting lazy kisses on his neck when Cas said it.
Without warming, out of the blue. But then, Dean guessed there really wasn't any other way to say these things.
"Make love to me."
Dean froze, stopped his ministrations, the breath that had ghosted in a warm caress over Cas' skin was suddenly stuck in his throat.
"W-What?
"I'm ready." Cas rolled over in Dean's arms, facing him, Dean's wide eyes meeting deep blue. "Please, Dean..."
"Cas..."
"I'm ready", he repeated. "I swear to you, I feel ready."
He looked ready. Dean had to admit that. There was determination burning in Cas' eyes, overshadowing the nerves he knew had to lie underneath. Perhaps he was ready. What else could make him if he wasn't by now?
But the knot that had suddenly formed in Dean's stomach, winding tighter and tighter, wasn't one of anticipation. At least not entirely.
Dean had waited so long for this moment, had waited so long to see Cas like this, to hear him say it, ask it, to see the proof that he meant it. Now the moment was here, and Dean found that he was terribly scared. Scared to mess up. Scared to mess this up. Scared to mess them up.
"Cas, I-" What if it goes wrong? What if it ruins what you've achieved. What if I ruin-
"Dean." Cas smiled, soft and understanding, determined still. He lifted a hand, cupped Dean's face. The tender touch made Dean tremble.
"Now you have to trust me on this, okay?", Cas asked, and yes, Dean wanted to, he should, he did-
"I'm just...I'm just scared", he admitted.
Cas' smile didn't falter.
"I know", he whispered, and Dean felt himself release a breath. "So am I. But we'll always be scared until we overcome that fear and take the step."
He was right. Of course he was right. Wasn't he always.
"Course." Dean nodded. "Just...what if I-"
"You won't do anything to drive me away, Dean", Cas said, and fuck, of course his angel knew that too, knew exactly what Dean was so terribly afraid of.
Dean swallowed.
"You say that now."
"I say that because it's true."
Cas leaned in, pressed a gentle kiss to Dean's lips, soothing, loving.
"You cannot keep me in a cage", Cas smiled. "Not even one built with love."
And what the fuck was Dean supposed to say to that?
"I- I want you to show me", the angel went on, his hold on Dean tightening slightly, his voice just a hint more desperate. "Please, Dean. I need to finally know what it's like, to be-"
"To be loved", Dean finished, and Cas smiled, nodded, looked at him with those eyes.
"Yes."
Dean held the angel's gaze, stared into the blue depths, searching, looking for anything that showed him signs of hesitance, doubt, fear. He didn't find any. Just nervousness, determination, love. And want.
Wanting him, Dean thought. This was Castiel, wanting him.
"Okay." Dean nodded, leaned their foreheads together. "If you're sure. We can stop at any point, yeah? Just say the word."
"Thank you."
A smile graced Dean's lips. He pressed it into Cas' skin, his jaw, his cheek, tangled a hand in the hair at the base of his neck to pull their mouths together.
"How do you wanna do this?", Dean asked, breaking the kiss.
"How about...can we just touch each other?" Cas let a hand travel down Dean's back, pulling him in. "Until we desire more. And then we can begin to...make love." The angel smiled, an adorable, surprisingly shy smile that did weird things to Dean's heart. "Slow. Until we don't want to hold back any longer?"
He pressed a little kiss to Cas' nose.
"Sounds perfect."
Kissing Cas was like breathing to Dean by now, his taste like oxygen, the feel of his lips familiar and comfortable. He didn't seem able to go too long without it, every time they connected he asked himself how he'd survived all those years before. He allowed Cas to open his lips with his tongue, let the angel lick into his mouth, meeting him eagerly, swallowing the hum that formed in Cas' throat.
Dean's hands stroked down Cas' back, gliding seamlessly over the texture of the scars beneath his shoulder blades, secretly proud that Cas didn't even flinch anymore at the contact. He skipped over Cas' hipbone, smoothed his palm over Cas' thigh, enjoying the movement of the muscle underneath. His brain was caught in a space between the dizzy pleasure of Cas' kisses and touches, and the alert awareness that allowed him to control his own movements, watching out for Cas' reactions, file everything away in his mind.
The angel seemed relaxed, pressing back into Dean -his hands, his chest, his mouth- seeking more, so Dean dared to slowly trail a hand up, settle on his hip, fingers skipping out to cup the swell of his cheek. He immediately noticed the slight hitch in Cas' breath, a second of pause in their kiss, but Cas made no move to draw back or stop him. Encouraged but careful, Dean left his hand there, kept his touches light, stroking the skin, squeezing a little.
"Shhhh", he soothed as he felt Cas go rigid beneath his palm. "You sure you wanna?"
"Yes." The word was a warm sweep of breath against Dean's lips. "Keep going."
Cas' breathing was even, but his legs stayed tensed.
"Nothing's gonna happen yet, Cas." Dean let his hand fall away for a moment, stroked soothingly down the strained muscles of his thigh instead. "I'm just letting you get used to my hands here, okay?"
Cas nodded, relaxing slowly, wide blue eyes looking at Dean with such trust despite the effort it obviously took him. Dean kissed him slow and sweet, a thank you and a promise, smiling against Cas' lips when the angel melted into him, tension seeping out of his body in a long sigh.
Dean wanted to kiss every damn inch of him. And maybe he actually could. Might be a good start, now that Dean thought about it. Distracting Cas from his hands on his skin.
"Just lie down for me, angel."
He navigated Cas to lie on his back, hands smoothing up his sides, the words pressed into Cas' skin as Dean kissed a trail down his neck.
"Let yourself feel how I touch you. Concentrate on the good feeling."
Cas hummed as he continued to kiss down his body, exploring with hands and lips and tongue, the little sighs escaping Cas transforming into moans. Dean loved everything about it, everything about him, the flush colouring his chest, the sheen of sweat forming on his skin, the way he arched his back when Dean sucked a nipple into his mouth, how he threw his head back, bit his lip with a choked off gasp.
"Don't hold back." Dean pressed another open-mouthed kiss right over Cas' heart. "I wanna hear the beautiful noises you make, wanna hear if it's good for you."
"Yes, Dean."
The breathlessness in Cas' voice fuelled the fire in Dean's veins.
"I want to make you feel so good, Cas", he whispered, slowly moving down, nipping at the Enochian symbols decorating the angel's side. He allowed his hands to guide Cas' leg up, plant his foot on the mattress for better access.
"Dean..."
"Beautiful, love." His fingers drew soothing circles onto Cas' inner thigh. "Relax, it's alright."
His eyes were drawn to Cas' erection, curving up towards his belly, and Dean found himself licking his lips, a thought settling in his mind. They hadn't done this before, neither of them, but it would be a lie to say Dean had never thought about it. And perhaps...perhaps it would distract Cas enough to make it easier for him, keep his mind occupied and hazy with enough pleasure to avoid his touch conjuring up flashbacks.
Slowly, Dean lowered his head, opening his lips- but a hand on his shoulder stopped him.
"Dean, wait."
Dean looked up to meet Cas' hooded eyes.
"Sorry, was that too fast? I should've asked-"
"No, beloved." Cas smiled at him, loosening the knot of worry in Dean's stomach. "I don't mind the thought of you...us, doing this for each other at all. I'll look forward to it", he said, making Dean's breath hitch with the implications.
"But right now I'd-" Cas trailed a hand through Dean's hair, gripping onto the strands just a little to gently nudge Dean back up towards him. "I'd just prefer...I'd like you to stay up here. I want to be able to see you."
"Yeah, okay."
Dean followed, pausing as their noses almost touched, smiled.
"Hey, angel."
The smile Cas gifted him back was breathtaking.
"Hello, Dean."
He closed the rest of the space, pressing their lips together in a deep kiss, only breaking away once his need for air demanded it.
"You good?"
His hand stroked Cas' thigh again, inching inwards but pausing to wait for Cas' consent.
"I'm wonderful." Cas nodded, a nervous but sincere smile on his lips. "Please, continue."
Leaning in to kiss Cas again, Dean kept massaging Cas' thighs, daring to let a finger dip into the crack between his cheeks.
"Shhhhhhhhh", he soothed as Cas' legs instinctively closed. "I'm not gonna hurt you. I'd never hurt you."
"I know." Cas pressed his lips together, visibly nervous, frustrated. "I can't help it. It's just-"
"Hey. It's okay", Dean broke him off, focused on having Cas hold his gaze as he felt the frustration tip over into fear, memories bubbling beneath the surface in the angel's eyes.
"Don't think about that", Dean said, squeezing Cas' hand, anchoring him with eye contact and touch. "Think about how it was for me, when you did this for me. Did I seem to be in any pain to you?"
Cas slowly shook his head.
"No."
"Did I tell you I was in pain?"
"No."
"And I wasn't", Dean assured, smiling when he saw the distress in Cas' eyes settle a bit. "I'd never lie to you about this, Cas. You didn't hurt me, because we were careful to prepare properly. And you took such good care of me, my angel." Cas bit his lip, the corner of his mouth twitching, making Dean smile. "You made me feel so good", he whispered, leaning closer to press a kiss to Cas' jaw, the corner of his mouth. "It's gonna be the same for you now, okay? And if you'd really feel it's not, we can always stop."
Cas looked at him, open and vulnerable, seeking strength and reassurance in Dean's eyes, and finding it, if the long breath he released was any indication.
"Okay."
"You're alright", Dean said softly. "We'll just have to make you relax again, yeah?"
He kept kissing every patch of skin he could reach while his hand worked to make the muscles release their tension, pressed his lips to Cas' chest, his neck, his jaw, his mouth, mumbling words of praise and encouragement in between.
"That's good." He drew his nose along the line of Cas' throat, felt the leg beneath his palm soften. "You're doing so well, angel. So good for me, Cas."
Dean's finger was nearing Cas' hole again, he could feel how Cas was holding his breath, releasing it on a shaky exhale once Dean touched his rim, massaging gently.
"Shhh, I love you." Dean's free hand searched for Cas', lacing their fingers together, giving his angel something to hold onto. "I love you so much, Cas. Do you trust me?"
"Irrevocably."
The reply was sure and immediate despite the breathiness in Cas' voice, and Dean just couldn't help but kiss him again before he leaned over to retrieve the bottle of lube from the nightstand, making sure to warm it between his fingers. Cas was watching him, swallowed thickly, but he left his legs open and relaxed, once Dean's hand returned to its task.
The slick finger brushing his rim had Cas gasping, his hand in Dean's tightening its grip.
"Breathe, it's just me." Dean kept his touches light, only applying more pressure once Cas nodded at him to go on, concentrating on deep, calm breaths.
"Just me", Dean repeated softly, squeezing Cas' hand, locking their eyes together, and Cas held his gaze, nervousness and anticipations mixing in his eyes.
"That's it. Keep looking at me." Dean could feel Cas relaxing more and more beneath his fingertips, opening to him, trusting him.
"Can I...?"
"Yes", Cas breathed, staring, holding on, biting his lips when Dean's index finger finally slipped inside to the first knuckle.
"You okay?"
He held his hand still, gave Cas time to adjust, looked out for any signs of panic in his eyes, relieved to find none.
"Y-Yes...it's...strange", Cas said, "but it doesn't hurt."
"Good." Dean smiled. "That's normal, feeling strange. You'll get used to it. But you gotta tell me if it hurts. Or if you're uncomfortable."
Cas smiled back, soft and trusting and beautiful.
"Of course, Dean."
"Can I move?"
"Please."
Dean started out in slow circles, careful and deliberate movements, all the while keeping his eyes fixed in Cas' face. The angel's legs twitched slightly, but he visibly tried to control it, keep them from tensing up again.
"Yeah, try to relax", Dean encouraged. "The more you do, the better it'll feel."
Their hands stayed clasped together, their lips connected, Cas' free hand tangled in the hair at the nape of Dean's neck, drawing him in, holding him close, breathing sweet little noises into his mouth that Dean swallowed eagerly. Cas' body seemed to melt more and more into the mattress with each movement of Dean's finger inside him, adjusting to the feeling, the expectation of pain slowly washed away by little jolts of pleasure.
"Oh..." Cas broke their kiss on a moan when Dean crooked his finger just right, nails digging into Dean's scalp, pulling at the strands of his hair just enough to make him groan.
"Dean. Dean, I-" Cas sucked in shaky breaths as Dean let his mouth wander down Cas' neck instead, sucking a mark. "I didn't know it could feel like this."
Dean smiled against the angel's skin, stroked over that spot again in a way that made Cas' breath hitch, his legs trembling, tensing for entirely different reasons now.
"'S good?"
"Mhm. Do that-" Cas pulled him up for a sloppy kiss, eyes closed. "Dean, do that again..."
It went easier after that, Dean was able to apply more pressure now that Cas' body seemed to have adjusted, had understood not to expect pain from his touch. He made sure to keep the angel's mind floating on waves of pleasure, too far away to bring up flashbacks, and he watched mesmerized how Cas slowly fell apart beneath him, moaning and writhing, even pushing back against Dean's hand once he had added a second finger. He could feel his own arousal building steadily, the noises Cas made, his name breathed on a slow exhale, the sheer sight of his features twisted in bliss, so open and honest and free after being furrowed with worry and fear for so long. Dean couldn't get enough of it.
He made sure to go up to four fingers before he declared Cas to be ready, just to be sure, he didn't want to take any risks, not for this first time, determined to keep his angel as comfortable as possible even when his throbbing reaction screamed at him to hurry up, the mere thought of that tight heat he'd felt clenching around his fingers nearly enough to undo him.
"Hey, Cas." Dean's own breath came in pants by now, the pressure in his groin bordering on painful, but he forced it all down, kept his voice calm and patient. "You've done so well, Cas. So good for me."
"Dean..."
"So perfect." Dean drew his thumb over Cas' bottom lip, pink and kiss-swollen and absolutely magnificent, before leaning down to taste it, pressing their mouths together. "Good things do happen, Cas", he whispered against his lip, "remember? You're the best thing that could ever have happened to me."
"Dean." Cas' voice dissolved into a whine, wrapping his arms around Dean's shoulders to pull the hunter on top of him, keep him closer. "I need you."
"I'm here."
His hand brushed a sweaty strand of hair out of Cas' forehead.
"You sure you wanna do this?"
Disregarding the fact that he currently felt like he might die if Cas said no, he had to ask anyway. Of course he had to.
"Yes", Cas breathed, and Dean had to close his eyes for a moment. "Please, Dean..."
Cas kissed him again, like a question and an answer all at once.
"Love you", the angel mumbled, and if Dean's heart still skipped a beat every single time he heard those words, who was there to judge him.
"Love you too, sweetheart."
Dean leaned towards the nightstand, automatically reaching to grab a condom, but Cas caught his wrist, stopping him.
"Cas?"
Cas shook his head at Dean's questioning glance.
"But...I just thought-" Dean swallowed hard. "Maybe, because he.."
Cas pressed his lips together, his eyes watering even though they remained clear and intense.
"Yes", he whispered. "That's why I don't want it. I feel.." His voice broke just a little, right along with Dean's heart. "I still feel stained, Dean", Cas admitted, small and quiet. "Like I can't...get him off me. And maybe- maybe if you...instead..."
Maybe if you mark me, it will wash him away, Cas' eyes were saying, pleading at him, and Dean had to take a deep breath to steady himself.
"You sure?"
Cas nodded, still looking so lost yet hopeful, and Dean knew he could have asked for the moon and stars right now and Dean would have promised to give them to him.
"'Kay". He stroked a thumb over Cas' cheek, leaned down to place a sweet chaste kiss on his lips. "Okay."
~oOo~oOo~oOo~
Cas watched as Dean grabbed the bottle of lube instead, gesturing Cas to find a comfortable position on his back.
"I know it can be a bit more uncomfortable like this, but..." Dean smiled at him, all the love Cas knew by now was hidden behind those eyes flowing out for Cas to witness. "If it's okay, I wanna be able to look at you", Dean explained, an almost shy look on his face. "And not just because it'll help me to make sure you're okay. I just...wanna be able to see you. And for you to see me."
He was so thoughtful and considerate, everything Cas could have hoped for and dreamed of and more, so much more than anyone could have asked for, and yet that cold fist of fear began twisting his stomach again, clawing at the warm blanket Dean's love and care had wrapped him in until now, ripping it away, tearing it to pieces, laying him bare.
Cas couldn't help it as he felt himself tearing up again, turning his face away to try and hide it, but of course it was a futile endeavour.
"Cas...?"
The worry in Dean's voice pulled at Cas heartstrings.
"Sorry", he mumbled, didn't know what else to say, how to make it go away.
"What is it?" Dean cupped the side of Cas' face, stroked at the dampness beneath Cas' eye with his thumb. "Do you want to stop?"
Cas shook his head, caught Dean's hand in his and pulled it to press a kiss to his knuckles.
"You're...you're being so wonderful", he said, smiling, staring down at their hands, "everything is perfect, and I'm still- I'm still so-"
His eyes flickered up to look back at Dean, forced himself to meet the concern in those green eyes.
"Dean, I-I'm scared", he whispered. "I'm just-"
"Shhhhh. Hey." Dean brought their hands to his mouth, kissed it just as Cas had done before. "I know. It's okay", he promised. "It's okay, sweetheart. I'm scared too. This is scaring the shit outa me, not gonna lie." Dean released an unsteady breath, smiled a crooked smile. "But I'm so goddamn tired of fighting myself. This can be a good thing, Cas. This. Us. Let me show you."
And yes, Cas' heart cried out what his mouth couldn't, please, show me, I want to see, I need to know.
"You're perfect." Dean punctuated his statement with a kiss to Cas' palm. "Beautiful. And so, so brave. I don't deserve you, I know I don't."
But of course, Cas knew there had never been a single being in existence more deserving than the man before him.
"I don't know what I've done for you to choose me", Dean went on before he could object, "but God, I've loved you for so long. So fucking long, Cas. I don't want...can't go another day without you, without you here, without you knowing. And if you'll have me, I-"
Dean shook his head to himself, as if them being here was as much a miracle to him as it appeared to Cas, as if Cas choosing him was a gift to Dean, not the selfish act of an angel unable to refrain from claiming what he had no right to, the selfish need of a heart loving beyond reason or control.
"Yeah, I want to...to make love to you." Dean swallowed hard. "But that's not- that's not all I want. I need...Cas, I need you to tell me that this is okay." And suddenly, there was such a desperate need in Dean's eyes, a plea so intense Cas forgot to breathe. "Tell me you want this", Dean asked. "Tell me I'm yours, and that you're mine. Only mine. Please, Cas, please..."
"Dean."
His hand reached out by its own volition, tenderly stroking Dean's cheek, watching in fascination how his eyes closed at the touch.
"Dean", he said again, willing Dean to look at him, his own voice calm and steady now that his love seemed to fall apart in front of him.
"Dean, I- I'm not scared of you, you know that, right?", Cas heard himself say once he met Dean's gaze again. "I love you. I love you, and I don't want to be scared anymore. Help me not to be scared anymore. I'm yours, Dean."
"Cas?"
Dean's eyes were one with his voice, hopeful, open, hesitant.
"I'm yours", Cas repeated, and he could see the change in Dean's eyes, his words sinking in. "Only yours."
"My angel." A breath of air through smiling lips. "My Cas."
Cas smiled back.
"Make love to me, Dean."
"Yes. Please, yes."
He leaned down to kiss Cas then, gently pushing Cas' thighs up, stroking them soothingly, positioning himself. Cas could feel the tip of his erection brushing against his rim, releasing a controlled breath, willing himself to stay calm.
"Dean, tell- tell me again", he asked. "Please, just-"
"I love you", Dean said, because of course he would know what Cas had been asking for. "I love you, Cas. I love you so much."
"Thank you..."
"Shhhh." Dean shook his head, leaning their foreheads together.
"I love you too", Cas whispered, because he needed to. "You have to know-"
"I do know, sweetheart." There was a smile in Dean's voice again, a vow. "I know."
"Dean..."
His name, a reverent breath on Cas' lips.
"You're alright." Dean kissed the corner of his mouth, his lips, just stayed there, waiting for Cas to tell him to proceed, always waiting for Cas to be ready. "So good. You're so perfect, Cas. Take your time."
"Okay. I'm okay." This time, Cas was as sure as he could be that it was true. "You can-"
"Ready?"
Cas nodded, eyes closed, waiting for the pressure to increase-
"Look at me."
He did, and oh yes, that was so much better, worlds of shimmering warm green and gold instead of the dark.
"Just keep looking at me", Dean whispered, and Cas smiled at him, tightening his legs around Dean's waist, a question, a permission.
He couldn't suppress the whine ripping out of his throat when the tip of Dean's length finally pressed inside him. Dean's lips descended on his, and Cas welcomed them gratefully, felt the flashes of phantom sensations stirring at the back of his mind, but this was different, this was slow and gentle instead of rough and careless, the glide smooth -this was Dean- and Cas felt himself relax into the pressure as he realized there would be no pain. And all the while Dean kept kissing him through it, Cas latching onto Dean's lips like a starving man, trying to convey his relief and gratitude through presses of lips, the little sounds breathed into the space between them.
"Cas? You good?"
"Yes", he breathed, reverent, awed. "Keep going."
Dean kept sinking into him, occupying space Cas never even knew he wanted to give, pausing once he bottomed out, their kiss breaking, Dean's heavy pants ghosting over Cas' face like a soft caress.
"That's it. You did it."
He'd done it, what Cas had dreaded and feared for months, it was done, they were joined as one, and it was beautiful.
An almost sickening wave of relief washed over Cas, bringing tears to his eyes with its intensity, and he had to close them for a moment, just breathe and feel.
"Cas? Cas, are you alright?"
Cas just kept his eyes closed, breathing hard, an incredulous smile forming on his lips.
"Cas? Sweetheart, open your eyes", Dean asked, "Please, look at me." And the worry in his voice urged Cas to follow, relieved to find the stinging in his eyes gone once they opened to meet Dean's.
"There you go." Dean looked down at him, scrutinizing him, but his smile was soft. "Angel...you okay?"
And as Cas searched himself, listened inside for the answer, there was a warmth and peacefulness settling in his chest along with the physical fullness his body was experiencing, like a lost piece finally falling into place.
"Dean", he breathed because what else would he be saying but his name, and he was there, right there, leaning down to kiss the breath and the name right out of Cas' mouth.
"Yes", he mumbled between presses of lips. "Yes, I- Dean. It's so...it's..."
"Are you in any pain?", Dean inquired, brow still furrowed in concern, and Cas shook his head, felt his mouth curling up into a smile.
"You sure? We can stop anytime. I'm not gonna hurt you."
"I'm fine, Dean", Cas assured. "It's...unfamiliar. Maybe a little uncomfortable but...not unwelcome. Not even unpleasant, really. Just give me a moment to adjust."
And there it was, a mirroring smile on Dean's face, all relief and awe and joy.
"Take all the time you need."
Cas took a deep breath, tightening his legs around Dean's wait, nodding at him to move.
He withdrew just a bit at first, pressing back in, punching a breathy moan from Cas' lungs. Each thrust a little longer than the last, but still slow, still careful, allowing Cas to get used to the feeling, their bodies separating and coming back together effortlessly, without any resistance, like they were meant to fit together, and maybe they were.
"Dean." Cas bit his lip on a moan. "Oh, Dean, you- it's...yes."
"That's it." Dean pressed a kiss to the corner of Cas' mouth, the angel turning his head to chase after Dean's lips. "That's right, Cas. Does it feel good?"
Cas could only nod, nod and feel, every nerve ending in his body seemed to be aflame, glowing brighter with every roll of Dean's hips.
"So good. Dean..."
He gasped when the next thrust hit that spot inside him that made him see stars, caught a glimpse of Dean smiling to himself before his mouth opened on a groan, but he could see the furrow of concentration on Dean's face, how he forced himself to keep his movements slow and gentle.
"Dean. Dean, it's okay." Cas hooked his ankles together on Dean's lower back, using the leverage to pull him in a bit harder. "You don't have to hold back. Let go for me, my love, it's okay."
Dean stared down at him, pausing, hesitating, searching Cas' face for signs of doubt, only found trust and truth. The first longer, more powerful thrust had Cas throwing his head back, moaning with the sparks of pleasure igniting all around his spine. The grip of his legs on Dean tightened, spurring him on as pain was rewritten as pleasure, wrong as right, disgust as want, hatred as love.
And finally the stinging in Cas' eyes returned, emotions meddling in Cas' chest to an overwhelming crescendo that found its release in the tears rolling down his cheeks, running hot and salty over his smiling lips.
"Cas? God, Cas, are you alright?" Dean's rhythm faltered. "Am I hurting you? Please, we can stop immediately-"
But Cas broke him of, hurriedly shaking his head.
"No, Dean, it's fine." A small laugh escaped him, free and incredulous. "I'm alright. It's...it's good", he explained, cupping Dean's face in his hands, smiling at him." So good. It's you."
And Dean smiled back, tears glistening in his own eyes.
"I love you." He leaned down to kiss Cas, rolling his hips again, both of them moaning into each other's mouths. "I love you so much, Cas."
"Keep going."
And Dean did, picking the pace back up, their bodies meeting over and over, stroking the fire inside Cas' veins until all he could think about was the overwhelming pleasure of Dean moving inside him, above him, around him, the friction of his neglected cock trapped between their bodies, the taste of Dean's tongue dancing with his own.
One of Dean's hands wrapped around his neck to pull him in even more, hold his head steady as they kissed and kissed and kissed, Cas' own fingers coming to lie splayed out over Dean's heart, feeling its furious beating beneath his palm, warm and alive and right there, racing because of him.
"Yes", Cas gasped out between kisses, only half aware of the words spilling from his tongue. "Dean."
"I've got you." Dean was panting, his rhythm beginning to falter, their kisses turning sloppy. "You're safe with me, angel. My angel. Let go, sweetheart."
He kept hitting that spot inside Cas that had Cas' back arch off the mattress and when Dean sneaked a hand between them to wrap around his length, the angel squeezed his eyes shut.
"Shit. Fuck, Cas, I- I'm-"
Cas nodded furiously, signalising that he was riding the edge right alongside Dean, his arms coming around to circle Dean's shoulders, nails digging into Dean's skin, leaving scratch marks from his shoulder blades down to his lower back.
"Come for me, Cas", he heard, a breathless whisper in his ear. "Come with me."
And then he felt like he was falling, but he wasn't scared, had no doubt that Dean would be there to catch him, keeping him warm and safe and loved. He could feel Dean following him, his body tensing up, his face buried in Cas neck, mouth pressed to his sweaty skin, adding to the angel's own pleasure.
And Cas could do nothing but hold on, cling to Dean's body as much as his soul, weightless and peaceful, Dean the only thing anchoring him, grounding him, keeping his from floating away.
~oOo~
When Dean came back to himself, he found his body draped over Cas' chest, face buried against his neck. Cas' legs had fallen to his sides, open and lax, and he slowly drew back, slipping out of the angel, felt his thighs shake slightly. He couldn't bring himself to lift his head yet, let alone his whole body, but his mind instantly jumped to the one important thing he had to make sure right now.
"Cas?" His voice was muffled, his lips brushing against Cas' skin. "How're you feeling?"
He listened to the sound of the angel's breathing, felt his chest rise and fall with it underneath him, and the seconds ticking by in silence weighed heavily on him even in this state of sleepy, post-orgasmic haze. A knot of worry started to form in his gut, disturbing the blissful peace in his body-
But then he felt Cas' arms tightening where they lay around his back, felt them stroke up to his shoulders, sneak into his hair and pull his head up, gently leading him into a kiss. Dean exhaled a sigh of relief into Cas' mouth as their lips met, aware of what Cas was communicating through touch before the angel had even said the words.
He was glad to hear them nevertheless when they parted.
"I'm wonderful, my love." Cas looked at him with hooded eyes and a brilliant smile. "I'm absolutely wonderful."
With a sigh, Dean leaned their foreheads together and allowed himself to relax for a minute, breathing him in, breathing this in, this moment and all it was, all it meant.
I don't deserve you, he'd told Cas, and yeah, that was probably true, he never would, he knew that too, but they'd done something good here, something incredible, and Dean couldn't help but bask in the atmosphere of relief, freedom, home - in the hope, the future promises it made.
In the back of his mind, Dean knew there was a rule that said he wasn't allowed to have this, but he couldn't remember where it was written or why. All he knew was that whatever his own odds, he was selfish enough to want to keep Cas if that was what would make the angel happy.
He willed his body to move, his arm reaching out to grab the damp cloth, smiling at Cas' whine of disapproval when he extracted himself from the angel's embrace to clean them up, careful to keep his swipes gentle on Cas' sensitive skin. Cas just lay there in silence, let Dean take care of him, smiling whenever their eyes met. Discarding the cloth thoughtlessly onto the floor, he tenderly brushed Cas' hair out of his forehead.
"Anything else I can do for you? Perhaps a glass of water?"
Cas shook his head, reached for Dean's hand instead, pressed his lips to the back.
"I'd just...I'd really like to just lie here for a bit", the angel smiled. "And...I'd like to hold you, if I may."
"I'd love that", Dean replied softly, following Cas' invitation to cuddle up next to him, Cas' arm slung around his shoulders, gently combing through his hair, the other hand still entwined with Dean's where it came to rest on Cas' chest. Dean closed his eyes with a content sigh.
"You sure there isn't anything else you need?", he mumbled, pressing a little kiss to whatever skin he could reach.
"Dean." He couldn't see it, but he heard the smile in Cas' voice just as clear. "You're enough."