A/n An AU to Brown Shag Carpet/White Orchids.
This has been a work in progress for a little while and blood, sweat and tears have gone into it, making it my longest ever one-shot to date. I would really appreciate your thoughts on this one because of the effort that has gone into it, and I hope you like it.
DISCLAIMER: I am in no way a medical expert, but I did do some research for this fic. If anything is wrong or outlandish then I am sorry in advance. Just remember that it is fiction.
/
Comatose
It is like she is being held underwater. All sound is muffled, even the yells of the medics and the beeping of the machinery. Seeing the chaos unfold is making it difficult to breathe. She knew this was a dumb idea, him putting himself at risk and look at where it has got him... at where it has got them.
Lisbon absentmindedly places her clasped together hands on her currently flat stomach, thinking about the secret she has been keeping from him until she found the perfect time. Maybe if she told him when he returned from his sabbatical then he wouldn't have put himself in danger. Why didn't she tell him? This is all her fault.
She is trying to focus on anything that is going on, so she has some kind of idea on his condition, but she is physically unable to. She feels sick. Although thinking about it that could be morning sickness or the smoke inhalation. The smoke inhalation! That can't be good for the baby. And now she's finding it difficult to breathe for a completely different reason.
Cho walks into the room with purpose and immediately spots her amongst the disorder. It is easy really, there are only two people in the room who are motionless and the other is lying on the bed. He frowns at the sight and that's before he really inspects the scene. People dressed in green and blue darting about, shouting instructions to one and other whilst performing all kinds of procedures on the consultant who hasn't moved on his own accord once since being recovered. It doesn't look like Lisbon has moved much either since entering the room, he can almost see dust starting to settle on her slumped shoulders which are beginning to shake as she wills herself not to cry. They have been in this situation before, waiting at Jane's bedside in a hospital after some incident but there is something different about her body language this time. All those other times she was worried, of course she was, but this is something more. Cho isn't sure how he thought that they were like brother and sister, this thought nurtures the longer he stares. Teresa Lisbon is the strongest person he knows; he has seen her deal with the trickiest of situations with nothing but professionalism but now she is a mess.
This is all going through his head before he perceives how she is holding herself. The hands crossed over her belly, and it doesn't take a genius, or a Patrick Jane, to realise what is going on and it makes Cho's heart sink. He has faith that his friend is going to pull through but the thought of him not doing has suddenly become much heavier. After swallowing the lump in his throat, he takes the few steps towards her and gently wraps an arm around her waist and even though he is delicate, the action makes her jump. "Hey, it's me." He calmly says before he attempts to lead her out deciding that she doesn't have to witness all this. It wouldn't be healthy. At first she resists, the fear in her eyes clear as she begins to gasp for breath, but then it is like her brain catches up and she finally understands what is happening. She allows herself to be taken out of the room.
She is led down the corridor, past other rooms and loved ones of patients who also appear lost before they enter the family waiting room. It is surprisingly empty of people but there are plenty of chairs, a coffee table with old magazines and drink making facilities by the door. It is an incredibly sad setting with the dreary coloured walls and the few posters which cover them starting to peel at the corners. It hasn't had much TLC and neither of them are sure how this is meant to help them during this difficult time, but she gives in when her friend guides her to a chair. Neither of them says a word.
The silence is unnerving, and Cho is someone who likes the quiet. They have been on their own for ten minutes now, he has even had time to make them both coffees, but she hasn't touched hers. Initially she just stared into the liquid, the heat of the paper cup warming up her hand, but then she put it down on the floor between their chairs. It isn't just because she is pregnant – she is allowed a small amount of caffeine after all – but the smell made her stomach churn and despite not wanting to offend her friend, she hasn't got the headspace to worry about that when she is worrying about something bigger.
He disappeared briefly to see if he could get some news but with it too soon to know anything, he returns to the family room and to the sorry view of his close friend with her head in her hands. The muck and dust greying her black leather jacket is a reminder to him of how close she was also to getting hurt. If she was just a few metres closer to the building before it exploded, it could have been two of them in hospital beds right now. Two of his closest friends… the notion makes his blood run cold. Plus, if his suspicions are correct, and she is with child, then he could have lost three important people today. This brainwave is very sobering, and he needs to make sure she is alright which means breaking the silence, even if that will be difficult for him. "Hey." He softly utters as he returns to the chair beside her. His quiet greeting has her head lifting up from her hands and reluctantly she meets his gaze, starting to feel a little ashamed for showing so much weakness. Cho takes a deep breath, his eyes flickering from hers and down to her stomach and then back up again, and he doesn't need to say anything for her to comprehend that she has been found out. He was hardly discreet. "Does he know?"
"No." Her voice cracks when just mumbling a single word which doesn't even last longer than a syllable. She is terrified and, in this moment, she cannot think of another time where she has been more scared, and she has been through a lot. Of course, Jane has frightened her before, but things are different now. They aren't just work partners or best friends, they're together, lovers, romantic partners and with a baby on the way. The thought of their unborn child has her tensing up again because going through that alone, without him ever finding out, has quickly become one of her biggest fears. "He is going to lose a child he didn't even know about."
"Hey, don't talk like that." He states, not wanting to hear her being so pessimistic because he is not sure how he can deal with it. Throughout their time together, she has been the one to pick up the troops when the chips were down because she was in charge. In a few weeks he will be, and it is situations like this which make him wonder that perhaps he isn't the best person for the job. However now is not the time to dwell on that. "He's in the best place." This hospital has one of, if not the best trauma unit in the state and although things aren't looking good with the mentalist being by no means out of the woods, at least they know that he is going to have the best care. "You should be checked out too. Just in case." She half-heartedly nods. He is right of course, she was near an explosion and walked through a burning building, inhaling the fumes. Even if she weren't pregnant, the wise thing would be to get a medic to give her the once over – the pregnancy makes it even more vital.
It is almost an hour before they are joined by another person in the room. When the door opens, they both look up in hope that it isn't just another visitor wanting to have a sit down and instead is someone with some news for them. Thankfully, this is the case. Their body language immediately shifts as they both straighten their posture and look to the woman dressed in blue scrubs, their eyes wide with desperation. Lisbon's mouth has gone dry and for a second, she thinks that she has stopped breathing. "You are the colleagues of Patrick Jane?" The woman asks them, her demeanour or tone not giving them any indication of how he is, but they suppose that she is used to being the one to deliver news and that has almost turned her into a robot.
"I-I am his partner." She nervously corrects whilst Cho moves to place a supporting hand on her thigh in preparation of what they are about to be told.
"I am Doctor Hines. Your partner knocked his head in the blast." She states in a matter-o-fact manner as a wave of nausea hits the brunette who is glad to be sitting down. "We have done a brain scan and until swelling goes down, we won't really know the full extent of the situation, but I regret telling you that currently he is comatose." Lisbon releases an amalgamation of a choked sob and a cry of anguish making her friend move his hand from her leg and instead wrap an arm around her shoulders. "A coma does allow his brain to rest which in turn should hopefully improve his recovery, but it is going to be a case of doing constant testing to check his progress." She is trying to let the words sink in, but it is like they are being spoken in a different language, nothing is making much sense. "A positive is that he is breathing on his own which significantly increases his likeliness of a recovery, but it is going to be a case of waiting and praying." Cho cannot help but think how his friend would hate for praying to be involved, he doesn't believe in such deities, but he knows it may provide the woman at his side great comfort. "Other than that, he has no injuries. No broken bones, nothing. Just a few cuts and bruises." These are positives of course but seem pointless in the grand scheme of things. She would have much rather he had a few broken bones and she had to push him around in a wheelchair for a couple of months than this. "Mrs Jane-"
"We are not married." She finds her voice suddenly, not knowing how he would feel about her being referred to as Mrs Jane when she isn't her. "My name is Teresa Lisbon."
"Apologies Ms Lisbon." Doctor Hines corrects but it is all meaningless really. "We are here to support you as well as your partner. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask. We will be keeping you constantly updated."
Questions… oh she has all too many questions but right now only one is really important to her. "Can I see him?" She asks in great hope, but she desperately needs to hold his hand.
"You can and there is a chair in there to sit with him." That's something at least, a sign that she is welcome to be there for as long as she needs to. "There will be nurses coming in and out to check his vitals. From tomorrow we will be monitoring his responsiveness and we will probably do another brain scan." This is all unnecessary to her right now, all she can think about is seeing him as she gets to her feet to follow the doctor.
"Do you want me to come with you?" Cho offers, also inelegantly rising to his feet, wanting to be supportive but also understanding if she needs the time alone.
Lisbon turns to him with an unsure expression, the black bags heavily lining her usually glimmering but now dull green eyes. "I am okay." She attempts to persuade and although he doesn't buy it because of course, deep down, she is no way okay, he still decides to sit back down in reply. This is him giving her a sign that although he is going to respect her wishes, he needs her to know that he is here for when she needs him. They share a curt nod before Doctor Hines leads her out and back in the direction to her boyfriend's private room which should be much less chaotic and more peaceful than it was before.
She isn't wrong. From just seeing him, lying there, through the window looking into the room, her breath hitches in her throat and once again her hands instinctively make their way to her stomach. "I know it is going to be difficult…" The doctor begins to say from behind her, her quietly spoken utterings almost making her jump out of her skin despite knowing that she was stood there. "But try to talk to him. It may help you and studies suggest it can help the patient too." The patient. Is that all he is now? She thinks about how fractious things have been at times since he returned from his short escapee. She wanted to make him suffer just enough to ensure he wouldn't do it again, to make him understand why it hurt her so badly that he ran away from her and not for the first time. Now that all seems so trivial. Things were only beginning to get better, he promised never to leave her again and showed her the house he was planning to buy.
"I need to know that you're not gonna run away again."
"I won't."
"I need to know that you're committed to this, to us."
"I am. That's why I want to do this."
When she first saw the shack, she wasn't sure whether she could see herself living in it or see him not in a three-piece suit renovating it, but now she can't think of anything better. To live the rural life by a lake brimming with wildlife with their child. Together, the three of them. A picturesque image was getting closer and closer to be her reality… but now? She isn't sure what her reality is anymore.
Her heart is hammering in her chest when she steps into his room. He's so pale, almost the same colour as the gown which clothes him and the number of tubes which have become part of his body is frightening. Lisbon tries to remember the positives the doctor said: he's breathing on his own and he has minimal injuries... it is just the head injury which has caused him to fall into a coma. She chokes back a sob at the thought, her right hand flying to her mouth in attempt to conceal it.
Slowly she makes the short journey to his bedside and pulls up an uncomfortable, plastic, green chair to sit on. She is going to have to get used to the discomfort she understands because although the rhythmic beeping of the monitors is a symbol that he is alive, it may be some time before he rouses again. This is going to be her every day for the foreseeable future and although the last thing she wants to do is accept that, it is probably better she does. However that thought has the tears that were prickling at her eyes finally spilling. They cascade down her cheeks, leaving a faint trail in their wake and cutting through her thin layer of foundation. When she returns home tonight, once the hospital finally kicks her out, she will look at her reflection in the mirror and not be able to forget the horrors of the day because her tearstained cheeks will be the reminder.
With both of her quaking hands resting on his forearm, she collapses forward and lets his bed sheet absorb most of her tears as she snivels into the material. She cannot remember the last time she properly cried like this, almost hysterically so. In fact, she is struggling to think of a time when she has. There have been other times where she has cried of course, she even got a bit weepy when she discovered her pregnancy whilst he was who knows where, but these tears right now, they are of a different breed. Teresa grips his arm, hoping the pressure would somehow jolt him out of his comatose state but also not wanting to hurt him so eventually she loosens her hold and instead strokes the skin there. Taking in the vaguely bristly sensation of his hairs, she reminisces about the nights where they have laid in bed together and she has enjoyed touching every inch of his body, exploring the variety of textures it has.
In bed one night he voiced that they could just leave, leave law enforcement and the dangers behind. She told him that this is who she is but now the guilt of not agreeing with him is eating away at her. He didn't want this life, he stayed here because of her.
She lifts her head slightly to look at his own, there is no facial expression as such, it is like it is a blank canvas. It's frightening. Trying to find somewhere else to focus, she turns to look the other way and at his hand which has a cannula sticking into the back of it. This is not much better, but she does decide to trail her hand down his arm to it so she can lace their fingers together. She loves holding his hand, but it doesn't carry the same worth when he can't hold hers back.
Lisbon knows what Doctor Hines said about talking to him may be beneficial, but she cannot bring herself to, not yet. She thinks if she tried, it would come out as a garbled mess anyway. Even just being in his presence like this seems impossible. If there is one thing Patrick Jane never is, that is quiet, and now his silence is deafening.
It is all too much to bear.
Feeling her lungs start to constrict, she releases his hand and stands up suddenly, the plastic chair clattering backwards. He doesn't at all respond to the abrupt sound which makes matters worse. She can't take this; she doesn't feel strong enough. This is circulating round and round in her head as she rushes out and back towards the family room. Cho's first reaction to the door being flung open is for his hand to fly to his hip where his firearm sits but then it quickly changes to one of great concern whilst she has to resist the urge to fall to her knees in the middle of the floor.
xxx
So far, today has been better although it is very marginal. Lisbon has settled in his room for the day after being checked out herself by a few medics including an obstetrician. The baby is fine and although this should make her relieved, it is difficult to be when her partner, her baby's father, is lying comatose in an ICU.
At this point, all the team know of her relationship with Jane, but Cho has agreed to keep the pregnancy private. He has been her rock in all this so far and once she is able to process being grateful, she will be nothing but. Last night he comforted her in the family room for some time before persuading her to go home which he then drove her to, but he never left her. As she tried her best to get some rest but to no avail, he struggled to get some kip on her couch on the floor below. This morning he brought her back to the hospital, offered to escort her to her appointment but she politely declined before he left to head to the office. She has been given some leave so she can agonise at his bedside whilst pleading to a God that he doesn't believe in to save his life.
They went for a walk not much more than a week before Vega's death. After driving a little over forty minutes out of Austin, they reached the Bastrop State Park where at first, they explored the obvious footpath along with the many other couples and families until Jane suddenly pulled her into the forestry area. He said that it is the carny in him that makes him an explorer and he told her stories of those days whilst they walked further and further off the beaten track. She was only wearing a t-shirt because of the midday heat but under the protective leaves and branches, she quickly became chilly, but she didn't care because she was simply enjoying listening to him talk about his past. However as soon as she gave into a shiver, he stopped in his tracks and removed his jacket before attentively helping her arms into the sleeves. He may act like a bit of an oaf at times, but he is always so considerate with her.
During their strolls they came across a Harris hawk which was feasting on a squirrel in the undergrowth. She was repelled at the image feeling upset for the poor creature whilst he calmly explained how this was nature. She thinks about how the bird's sharp talons were stuck into the flesh of the squirrel as its beak worked at ripping the small mammal to shreds, the torture that poor animal had to endure in its final moments. That physical pain she can all too easily liken to the emotional pain she is living through right now.
Teresa considers how maybe this process would be less tough if she had seen him move at least once by himself, even if it was just the minute fluttering of his eyelids or a fidget of his finger but she hasn't seen him do anything like that – not even when she found him.
She ran into the burning house as quickly as her legs could carry her, not even contemplating her own safety because all that mattered was him. She shouted his name over and over at the top of her lungs whilst her eyes began to sting from the toxic smoke invading them. Her throat still hurts from the ordeal, a constant reminder of the trauma whilst her chest is starting to clear. When she got into bed last night, she realised how it felt like someone was sitting on her ribcage and trying to smother her which simply added to Cho's case that she needed to see a doctor when they returned to the hospital today.
There was a mention of counselling, but she couldn't even entertain the idea yet. All she needs is for him to wake up and then the demons in her mind can be quelled. The relief she felt when she spotted him not far from the doorway to the main room was huge. He appeared to be in one piece but with a covering of ash and she fleetingly displayed a thankful smile, but it was incredibly short lived.
He wasn't moving and his head was bathing in a pool of blood.
She did try to wake him with a harsh shake on his biceps but there was no response and rapidly she had to try and work out how to get him out. There was an attempt of dragging him from the building, the exertion causing her breathing to deepen which in turn caused her to inhale more of the smoke. Thankfully back-up was not far away, and her co-workers found them both in the hallway of the property, her spluttering and him still not doing anything. She was pulled out of there by one agent, despite her protests that she had to stay with him.
Jane's chest rises and falls, an action that his partner tries her best to home in on as she holds his hand tight. It is just a deep sleep, is what she is telling herself over and over, musing how his current expression isn't much different to one she has seen many times before, firstly on his couch and more recently in her bed. He is breathing on his own and the scan he had this morning caused no alarm. Doctor Hines told her that he is progressing as they would expect but she is unsure if that is a good or bad thing. Thinking about the medic, she remembers what she said yesterday about talking may be beneficial and although the thought makes her throat tighten, she wants to, needs to do anything that could make him get better. "H-hey Patrick, it's me Teresa." She croaks and is using her free hand to wipe away a stray tear. "Apparently talking to you is the best thing to do… I-I miss you."
At this moment in time, she would do anything for him to reply to her in some way. It wouldn't have to be anything earth-shattering but a sign that he is okay. "I have something to tell you, but I don't want to like this." Before this incident, she dreamed of how she would announce her pregnancy to him and seeing his reaction is so important during that. It would kill her to tell him something this momentous, for him to be nonresponsive. "You definitely need to be conscious. But it is good news... I think." What if he doesn't see it like that? What if his history and what he views as his failings as a father causes him to freak out? Did he even want kids again, does he want kids with her? And now Teresa is panicking for yet another unrelated reason.
It is not something that they have ever spoken about but maybe subconsciously this is something that they both wanted. They became more… careless, not stopping their passion if they didn't have the protective supplies because sometimes their amorous activities couldn't wait. Lisbon isn't one hundred percent sure which time caused her pregnancy, it could have been in their hotel in Chicago after her nephew's christening or on a picnic rug under the stars one evening when he surprised her with a romantic, open-air dinner. Surely if he was averse to the idea of having another kid, he would have insisted on being more careful? Plus, she has seen him with children before, many times on cases and he always appears to be so joyous around them. Yes, there tends to be a flicker of sadness, usually when he has to hand the child back, but this would be different. This would be their own, the perfect mixture of the two of them. "I think you will be happy. When I found out I was shocked and rattled a little but now I realise how much of a good thing it is." The words are coming easier now, and she is beginning to talk as if he is awake and properly listening to her. It even makes her feel a bit lighter. "After what happened I had to check whether everything was still okay..." Teresa carefully turns in her chair to rifle through her jacket pockets which is slung on the back of the plastic furniture. When she feels the thick paper between her fingertips, she delicately pulls it from the pocket and smiles at the image in her hands, the first image of their baby. "But it is. More than okay." She lays it on the bed sheets, not far from his arm before taking his hand again. She smiles at the picture, remembering how when it first came up on the monitor her breath was taken away, but then when she looks at her sleeping boyfriend, that smile is wiped away and is replaced with a watery frown. "Please wake up and be okay. I can't do this alone." She begs and holds his hand tighter.
xxx
"How is he?"
"He's marginally more responsive, apparently… I haven't really noticed the difference." She solemnly admits as Cho pull up a chair on the other side of the bed.
It has been a few days since his rescue but to her it feels like twice that, maybe even three times. Time really seems to drag when sitting in a lonely hospital room with a man whose only responses to her are the beeps of his monitor – a constant reminder that he is still here with her. "And how are you?" He asks her, very worried about one of his closest friends who seems hellbent on going through this all alone.
Yesterday she turned down the Rigsby's offer of travelling down from San Francisco to be with her because the last thing she wants is people fussing. It is Jane people should be fussing over, not her. "Tired." She reveals, although Cho didn't need her to say this to know this to be true. She really looks whacked. "A bit nauseous but that will be the morning sickness." He believes that she will make a good mother, from the years of working under her, he has seen her maternal side on numerous occasions. The combination of her firm but fairness and Jane's childlike behaviour along with a lot of love from them both, he is sure that they will be great parents together. He is hoping that they get the chance at that.
"Have you eaten?" He thinks of what Jane would want him to do in this situation and that would be for him to look after her.
"A little. Not much."
"You need to eat." She is eating for two now after all.
"I know." Lisbon sighs, looking away from her friend and back to her unconscious partner whose hair she combed when she arrived this morning. It didn't need doing of course, he hasn't moved a muscle, but it felt good, it made her feel like she was actually doing something when in reality it is a useless act. "I can't help thinking about what kind of state he will be in when he wakes." She voices one of her many current internal struggles, hoping that offloading will help.
"The doctors say he could make a full recovery." Her friend tries to reassure her, but she isn't having any of it.
"Could being the key word there."
"This is Jane we are talking about, he's… remarkable."
"He could have full cognitive function but have severe motor damage." She gloomily muses, struggling to get out her words now because of the lump in her throat. Over the past few days, she has been largely keeping her worries to herself and now she has the opportunity to express there is no stopping her, like a broken, leaky tap. "He would hate to be trapped in his own mind."
"They have done scans and they have no reason to believe that will be the case."
A heavy pause follows and although she is presently concentrating on Jane's pale complexion, she can sense her friend's intense gaze. Most would find it discerning but because she knows him, she finds it strangely comforting, just having him here with her is so important. At least if anything were to happen, she wouldn't have to face it alone – but that thought has the same effect as if a bucket of cold water has been thrown, harshly over her. "Kimball, what if he never wakes up?" The question comes out before she fully processes it, and she clasps a hand over her mouth in shock. This isn't a notion that she wants to explore, in fact she wants to lock it away and never have to think about it again. A world without Patrick Jane… in a way she has done it before, but he wasn't dead then, he was just not around. That was hellish enough, knowing she would never get to talk to him again, be held by him again, be kissed by him again, really doesn't bear ruminating.
Cho remembers how she was after Red John's demise. She didn't give herself time to mourn the loss of her closest friend because she was so caught up in clearing him and the rest of the unit of their consultant's crimes. It was months of her making sure everyone else was alright and as soon as they were all cleared of suspicion, he didn't hang around long enough to witness what happened next. He has no idea if she cried or wallowed in a pit of a despair because he, perhaps selfishly, was so focussed on himself. Now seeing her desperation and how she has transformed rapidly from Special Agent Lisbon into a broken Teresa has his heart aching. She doesn't deserve this. In fact he wouldn't wish this on his worst enemy. "If he doesn't then I promise you that you won't be alone. I will be here for you and your kid, okay?"
She doesn't verbally reply but sends him a small smile that doesn't manage to reach her eyes, one that he mirrors before they settle in a perturbing silence once more.
xxx
Two weeks. Two weeks of sleepless nights, spending her days in an uncomfortable plastic chair and living off fast food and snacks from the hospital vending machine. It is a terrible routine and one that she has been starting to break. A couple of days ago she took a walk to give herself time to breathe because being in that room with Jane all the time is suffocating her. Yesterday she left slightly earlier so she could cook herself a proper meal with vegetables and everything because although she wishes to continue to wallow, she can't forget about her health when she has another person now depending on her. Today she went to the office for the first time since the incident because she wanted to know everything. She wanted to know how and why this could have happened in the first place.
As soon as she stepped out of the elevator and into the bullpen, people could see that she was on the warpath. She immediately stormed into Abbott's office – who is leaving next week – and demanded to be told everything about the investigation. He was shocked that she was being so short when there was no reason for her not to be told but it is clear that she's hurting and being challenging in this way was a good method to get out her frustrations. Cho joined them and was immediately passing her a bottle of water, a small thing to look after her like he promised. They were both great at calming her down and their meeting concluded with her using them to soak up her worries, which they were happy to.
She is now back at the hospital in her usual spot at Jane's bedside feeling much more at ease than she did first thing this morning, but her day's nausea passing has definitely helped. "Patrick, it is Teresa I... I still miss you." It has become easier talking to him in this way. Two days ago she chattered on at him about nothing important for almost an hour until she became sad about how he couldn't reply. Today though she is feeling more positive. Lisbon reaches to entwine their fingers, observing how his hands seem a bit warmer today but that may all be in her head thanks to boost of hope she has been given by the medics.
Over the past week, her partner has shown gradual improvement. He is being more responsive to external stimulus and his brain scans are appearing positive. When Doctor Hines explained this to her, she even managed a smile for the first time in a long while. If anyone can beat a traumatic brain injury, it is Patrick Jane, and this is what she has decided to tell herself on repeat. "I went into the office today for the first time since what happened. Everyone is worried, people really care about you I hope you know that." The lone wolf who arrived at CBI all those years ago has transformed into a social butterfly to an extent that she certainly was not expecting. "Joe Keller died in the blast so that's something, but I wish this case could have been solved without all this happening." A part of her wonders if he went along with the plan to try and prove to her that he has moved on and that his past doesn't scare him anymore. All because she asked him if he would ever take off his wedding ring.
She studies it now and how it gleams in the bright, white light of the room and finds herself frowning. It isn't spiteful jealousy she is feeling, she fully respects the love he has for Angela and for Charlotte and would never expect him to completely move on, but she cannot help but be a little envious. It is almost a primal urge, wanting to keep him all for herself but it isn't the reason as to why she questioned him still wearing it. She wanted to know that he is committed to her and that she also matters, but at the time of asking she was definitely feeling a little hormonal and with the weight of her pregnancy on her mind she needed some reassurance. Lisbon deems this to be valid. She is just glad that she got to clear the air with him on the subject before he was taken because if they left things on bad terms, with him now in this state, it would have eaten her up inside. "The doctors are being positive. They've been doing tests and apparently you're very responsive. You may even wake up soon." She would do anything to be able to stare into his baby blues again, it has been so long that she thinks she has forgotten their exact shade. "I know it has only been a couple of weeks, but these two weeks have been more agonising and have felt longer than the two years you were away." It is a big admittance because she never thought anything could seem longer than those couple of bleak years but currently time is moving excruciatingly slow. "I think a part of it is that things are different between us. I'm not saying that I didn't love you before but now I've properly allowed myself to, I can't stop." Since their first kiss at the airport in Miami, it is like she has been drunk on their love and she can't imagine going back to a time when she couldn't taste it. "I love you so much, Patrick Jane." Her declaration is muffled by her face hitting the sheets as she prepares to cry into the bedding like she has done many times since his hospitalisation.
But then something happens that has her halting mid sob.
Movement. She senses movement from his hand which is safely tucked in hers and initially she is confused as she quickly raises her posture, but then she begins to understand what is going on and she gasps. "Patrick." She breathes and uses her free hand to lightly shakes his arm. "Can you hear me?" For a second, she thinks she has been mistaken and her mind is playing tricks on her, but then she notes movement of his eyes under his closed lids and for a second, she stops breathing. It is happening, it's actually happening. "Oh my... Jane. Wake-up, please."
His chest rising and falling becomes quicker and heavier as he tries to crawl back to consciousness whilst his fingers waver. Lisbon considers that perhaps she should go and get a doctor, but she doesn't want to risk him waking up alone because that could terrify him. "Come on, come on." She quietly begs, tears prickling at her eyes, her leg bouncing up and down in anticipation. She takes a deep breath, squinting some of the tears away in attempt to calm down but when she regains focus the air becomes knocked out of her lungs at the sight of her partner with his blue eyes open, staring up at the ceiling. He groans at the bright light of the hospital room and scrunches his brow. "Patrick." She softly utters, not wanting to startle him but also wanting badly for him to finally notice her.
It is like being in the depths of a drunken stupor. His head is swimming, there is an odd combination of pain and numbness simultaneously whilst nothing is making sense. He was asleep… he thinks. He had the strangest of dreams that he is now finding difficult to recall… he remembers some bizarre cases to solve with the team but on the Island that he lived on for two years… maybe, it is all so strange.
Jane is struggling to comprehend anything. He has no recollection of what he was doing before he went to sleep, and he is really finding it hard to know where he is. Everything is so bright, almost blindingly so but he knows for sure that he doesn't recognise the white ceiling tiles above him. He slowly becomes aware of a sound similar to a steady beeping of an alarm system but not as harsh on his ears, when he eventually fully comes round and is back to a complete cognitive reasoning then he will be able to distinguish that it is the beeps of an ECG machine.
The first tangible thing he senses is a weight on his arm… no, it is someone holding his hand tightly, pulling on the limb periodically. Although he is extremely befuddled presently, when he carefully tilts his head to inspect what he is feeling, one look of her hopeful face and her wide eyes and he doesn't have to question anymore who has him gripped. Her mouth moves as she says his name, but it doesn't quite reach his ears, it is like his mind is lagging and a sudden sharp pain in his head causes him to lower it the few inches back onto the pillow in defeat.
His lethargy and vacant expression causes worry to bubble in her chest because this isn't the Patrick Jane that she knows intimately. Lisbon appreciates that he has been in a coma for two weeks and he was never going to be laughing and making quips straightaway but after waiting for hours and hours at this bedside in hope, she desired something else. The one positive that she can muster is that he is awake, like she desperately needed, and she won't have to face a future without him. "Hey… can you hear me?" She tries her hardest to remain strong because if God forbid there was now something wrong with him, they could have a long road ahead.
Jane gradually becomes more aware of his surroundings. He studies her clothing, noting that her choice of t-shirt is not one that he has seen her wear in many years. It is stripey. Stripey like a zebra… there was a zebra in his dreams! Being chased by a lion that had a strange resemblance to Thomas McAllister. The thought makes him shiver. Why would Lisbon dress as a zebra?
The beeping. It isn't an alarm it is one of those heartrate monitor thingies. What happened to him? "Jane." And finally she hears something other the awful, persistent beeping. Yes, he should be thankful that he is alive, but the noise is grating at his ears.
His attention flicks back to her and the clear concern etched into her features. It isn't the first time that he has seen this expression of hers, but he hopes for both of their sakes that it is the last. It isn't fair, him continually putting her through torment. Although currently he still isn't completely understanding what is going on and what happened to get him to this point. "Teresa." The mumbling of her name is barely above a whisper, but he then manages a textbook Patrick Jane smile, although it is a little dopey, and she's immediately feeling at ease. He's awake. He's alive. "My head hurts." He confesses and attempts a deep breath but even that seems difficult. "W-what happened?"
A simple question that is composed of just two words and Lisbon doesn't quite know how to answer him because all she can think about is her secret and the overwhelming sense of relief that at some point, she will be able to disclose it to him. "A man called Joseph Keller Junior kidnapped you for a reason we don't fully know, but we theorise he wanted you for your psychic powers." She utters the last two words dryly and if he was fully alert then he would probably chuckle, but he is too focussed on trying to piece together his fragmented memories of before he was unconscious. He vaguely remembers the psychopath, but his more prominent memories are of the skeleton kept in the guy's back room. His father… was it his father? Or his uncle? Or…? Jane releases a frustrated huff at the useless memory. "Apparently he was into blood magic which could be the reason behind his serial killings." Fingernails. He remembers fingernails. "There was a gas explosion and we pulled you from the wreckage. They found two bodies in the burnt-out building of Joseph Keller Junior and Senior." And suddenly, Joe Keller and his psychopathic behaviour doesn't matter. He was in yet another explosion, another one which she had to rescue him from but this time things were different. Before it was during his suicidal warpath in hunting down the man who took everything from him, this time he was just caught up in something which he would have much rather had nothing to do with. All this danger, he loathes it.
"It is all…" He trails off, trying to find a suitable term to describe what it is like to be in his mind right now but said mind is not being much help. "Scrambled." He settles on, the word reminding him of how he likes his breakfast eggs.
"That's understandable." She soothes, the low tone of her voice lulling him into a sense of security. "You've been unconscious for two weeks. Comatose." Her voice breaks at this revelation, and he cannot fathom the pain she must have been in. Jane watches as a lone tear trickles down her cheek and the urge he has to sit up so that he can reach to swipe it away is huge, but it is trumped by the deadness of his limbs and the overall exhaustion flooding his form. He wants to tell her that everything will be okay, but the effects of his coma are still muddling his mind and he is currently finding it impossible to string sentences together. All he can do is offer her a sympathetic smile and a squeeze of her hand but for the moment this is the enough. He's alive and that's all that matters.
They sit in an emotional silence for a few minutes until she realises that she needs to alert the medics to his conscious condition. She is only gone for thirty or so seconds, but her absence plays heavily on his psyche and the solitude gives him the opportunity to grasp how scared he is. Things with Lisbon have been largely great, more than great, euphoric, since they became a romantic couple and he had, has, big plans for their future – Joe Keller almost took that away from them. The thought makes him nauseous as a switch flips at the back of his brain which should make the serial killer very glad that he didn't survive the blast. Patrick Jane is an expert at revenge, especially when those he cares for the most are affected.
Doctor Hines appears overjoyed at his condition. She and many other medics all express how lucky he has been but that just hits home how close he really was to being badly incapacitated or worse. Teresa detects his obvious silence whilst being addressed and examined, it is very unsettling, and she hopes that he starts to find his voice again soon. His doctor uses a computer analogy when describing what is happening to his brain, explaining that it is like an old computer rebooting and that patience is necessary in this situation. "Less of the old, thank you." He murmurs, but the smallest hint of humour has everyone in the room smiling.
He is going to be okay. "If I muster the energy to move to one side of the bed, will you cuddle up with me?" He asks once they are alone again, his tone definitely flirtatious which juxtaposes his hangdog expression accompanied by the pout of his lips. Lisbon looks unsure in reply, of course she wishes to be close to him, they've not done anything but hold hands since his rousing, but she doesn't want to risk hurting him or stunting his recovery somehow. "Please Teresa." He pleads and if the following sigh is anything to go by, it is enough to get him what he wants. He has been conscious for about an hour now and his mind is starting to clear although the pain medication he has been administered has probably aided that quite a bit. It is good though because the more he comes to his senses, the more he seems to be his normal self. This has definitely helped to persuade her to make her next move.
She disconnects their hands and fleetingly he is disappointed by the lack of contact before she starts to lift from the chair at his bedside. Unearthing some drive from somewhere, he manages to shuffle marginally to his left away from her, finding that his arms have become like jelly in the two weeks that he has slept. The somewhat limited medical knowledge he has encourages him that it won't always be like this, but he will need to take it easy for the next few months, maybe even longer. The remodel will have to wait. "I hope no-one else has bought the shack." He summons up out of nowhere as she tentatively moves to sit beside him on the thin mattress. She may be small, but this bed is certainly not big enough for the two of them, but she would be lying if she said that the heat of having him so near again wasn't comforting to her. He slowly outstretches an arm so that she can lie on his chest, avoiding any wires or tubes that are still hooked up to him in the process. "I had a meeting to sign the papers so I could get to work on it."
"You need rest and then you could go ahead with a crazy remodel." She says whilst settling herself and she immediately becomes dazed with relief that she can recline in this position with him again. "I know you don't believe, but I have been praying for you to wake up so we could settle down there together." She mumbles her ponderings and despite the religious connotations which she added in, he does smile because she wants the same future that he wants and is trying to get for them.
"You like the shack?" Her original response wasn't the most enthusiastic reaction to something that he has ever had.
"I do." Hearing her utter these words gives him a boost of dopamine and evokes one memory that he is surprised hasn't sprung up before now when he knows for sure that it is something that was heavily playing on his mind prior to being taken.
"I was going to propose." He nonchalantly reveals and he hasn't even finished the sentence before she is gasping.
"What?" She sits back up and twists her body to face him, her shock evident.
This isn't how he imagined it. He imagined a serene setting, maybe by the lake which he hopes will become their home with the wildlife being the background music as he would take her hands in his ring-free own and profess how his love runs deeper than he could ever even attempt to describe. It was just going to be them, alone, with no-one else in the near vicinity who could potentially interrupt them and ruin the moment – but this is still intimate. "After signing the papers, I was going to propose to you because I want you to be my wife." The initial shock wares off slightly and she starts to beam, a twinkle in her eye that she has greatly been missing. This isn't how she imagined it either but then again, she had no notion of if he would ever want to marry her. Now, watching him timidly shimmy his wedding ring off his finger, an action she never thought she would get to witness, she realises that this is real, and her dreams are in fact coming true. Jane swallows the lump in his throat and holds up the gold wedding band to her, a question forming on his lips. "Will you?"
Lisbon almost pinches herself to check that this is actually happening, but the almighty sense of exhilaration causes her to push past her doubts. "O-of course I will." She stumbles, emotion definitely getting the better of her, but he doesn't mind, moreover he welcomes it.
Their reactions are a mirror image of the happy tears pooling in their eyes and the watery grins which accompany them before their lips crash together, the first time they have touched since his wakening. They both remember their first kiss vividly because of its passion and desire and relief, this one is like that put amplified to an extent neither of the believed was possible. It is the sort of needy kiss which would then tend to lead to something more, but they aren't in the position or setting to continue with that and Teresa considers that it would definitely be too much too soon for her partner… her fiancé.
She smiles into the kiss when she feels him slipping the ring onto her finger but sensing that it is hanging very loose, she starts to chuckle which in turn breaks their fiery connection. He appears confused briefly, not following what is funny but when she shows him her hand and gives it a slight shake, he swiftly understands. "I have an idea." She announces and carefully removes the ring from her finger and passes it back to him, the deed causing him to cock his head, his bewilderment clear. When he takes hold of it between his fingers, she notices the tan line on his finger from where it lived for many years and muses how it is almost poetic for him to still be marked there. Whilst she is focussed on that, he is concentrating on her own fingers nimbly unfastening the chain of her necklace around the back of her head, and he is immediately getting where she is going with this.
The ring that means the world to him joins the cross that means the world to her, on the chain which will safely remain hanging from her neck. It is a symbol of their love, their trust, and their future, and he knows that he has made the right decision in giving it to her as soon as she finishes fastening the necklace back up. "Perfect." He praises and welcomes her in for another kiss, their closeness on the small bed making it incredibly easy. "You're perfect."
She blushes at his compliment, something that makes him chuckle, but she hasn't got time to process it because the shifting of their position has made her very much aware of the scan photo that is poking out of the back pocket of her jeans. He invites her to lay back down on his chest with a tap of his hand, his action halts when he notes the hesitation on her face. His own face then starts to fall as he internally stresses over what could be the issue. "I-I have something to tell you." She stutters and Jane doesn't think that there are many phrases which pack more of a punch with an air of mystery. It could be anything, it isn't necessarily bad, but his brain immediately considers all the worst things in the world that it could be. Thankfully her continuing, doesn't give him the opportunity to dwell on any of them. "And I was so worried that I would never get the opportunity and it would be my fault if…" Her sentence falters as her features twists with anguish at the thought of how close she was to losing him hits her hard once again. "If you hadn't survived and you had gone to the grave whilst losing another child, one that you didn't even know about."
It could be the two-week coma or the emotional moment that they have just shared, but it takes Patrick a few seconds to catch up and comprehend what she is telling him. The realisation striking him causes his mouth to fall agape as he breathlessly asks. "Y-you're pregnant?" It comes out barely above a whisper because the optimism he is experiencing right now is immense, but he needs confirmation before he really gets his hopes up. Teresa observes as he subconsciously leans closer to her, his yearning patent and it makes her so glad that she gets to be the one to bless him with another child. She nods and her partner explodes with emotion. "Oh my… t-that is… I don't k-know…" He is scrambling for words ungracefully, yet she finds it incredibly endearing. It isn't like him to be speechless, in hindsight he will blame the head injury for that, but instead he just settles with a silent grin.
"Are you okay with this?" She questions, already feeling like she knows the answer, but she just wants to make sure in attempt to quash any of her underlying worries.
Jane scoops up her hand with his own and holds it close to his chest, the proximity meaning that she can detect his heart beating from beneath his ribcage. Another validation that he is very much alive, not like she needs anymore. "Of course, I am. I am over the moon." His appearance then turns serious. "You inhaled smoke whilst pregnant? Is that okay?"
"Patrick, I'm fine. I have had a scan and we both are." She brushes off his fears by bringing her free hand to her flat belly and holds it there. The excitement he bears about the prospect of them having a child and all the bits leading up to it is almost overwhelming. He may need some time to recover from his accident, but as soon as he is able to, he will be doting on her like she will never believe. "I wanted the first scan for you to be there but…" She pulls her hand from his so that she can stretch behind herself and pull the small piece of photo paper from her back pocket, she thinks that she perceives his breath being held in anticipation but that just makes her love him more, she didn't think that was possible. He releases his breath when he holds the picture with two hands and starts to study it.
He is going to be a father again. He is being given another chance.
Lisbon views as a singular tear begins to glide down his cheek and gathers in his growing facial hair, catching on the blonde bristles. She lovingly reaches to his face and wipes away the tear, his attention still glued on the picture of his unborn child. Her hand lingers so that she is cupping his jawline and a slight pull there makes him switch his interest back to her. His next smile is so full of sentiment, that it wavers and his bottom lip quivers as he threatens to spill more tears. "I love you so much." He gushes and she is immediately engulfing him in a hug, being mindful not to hurt him in the process.
Although right now, he thinks that there is very little that could hurt him.