A/N: I've been keeping this series pretty on track with episodes but just a heads up - that'll change in the near future! Enjoy!
It's just a note. But it haunts me. Some paper demon putting chaos and confusion at the center stage in the circus that is my life and the Marsh investigation. I'll take every moment I can get with Henry but at some point, I want to move on from this. We can't do this forever. We can't hide it forever.
The one silver lining in this whole ordeal is that it has brought Henry and I and our friends closer together. We're learning who actually has our backs, it's good to know. It hurts to see that list get smaller, but it's good to know.
Any time I deal with death in this position, it reminds me how close to it I've been for my country. All the nights that could have ended my life, the memories I would have lost out on. I can't imagine what some of these families are going through but it makes me count my blessings that Max, Ali, and Jason didn't have to experience it.
All of this is really starting to affect Ali and Jason. I think Stevie is a step removed from it now but I understand she's still learning to live with me… and my job. I'm constantly traveling, in the public eye, and kids notice that… kids feel that.
Ali and Jason are old enough for me to travel, that's not the problem, but I can't do my job in the private eye and that's part of what they need the most right now. I would do anything for them and I'm doing my best, but my hands are a bit tied and I'll never be able to untie them.
The situation in Turkey is getting to my staff too. I think they're starting to lose faith and trust in me. It's all boiling over and I'm not sure how we're going to clean up the mess. On top of it all, I'm still hiding my engagement but I think people are starting to catch on. It can't be kept a secret forever and I don't want it to, but I don't want to put any more attention on my personal life than I need to right now.
Jason's newest situation wasn't easy to handle from Turkey but I know I have to do what I have to do. Henry and Max are tag teaming it in a way. Henry is handling things about home in terms of calming him down and keeping him out of trouble, Max is meeting with school and spending some time with him after. We've tried to balance every other weekend as much as possible but it isn't always easy.
I feel like I'm trying to balance so much. The investigation, being a diplomat, co-parenting, it's going to wear me down soon. Just when I think one of those things is slowing down, it picks back up again. I'm still eternally thankful to have Henry by my side for it but he doesn't deserve everything this is putting us through… putting him through.
Each trip away makes the homecoming more glorious. Even in my most stressed and exhausted state, he loves me more than the day before. He takes every twist and turn like a new little derailment makes the ride more fun.
I'm thankful he's the one on this ride with me.