A/N: Rolling right along! Thanks for the reviews!

- Henry's Point of View

I knew there would be secrets, but I didn't think there'd be this much silence. I knew it could be dangerous, but I thought she was always safe. I knew life was fragile and unpredictable, but I didn't think we'd meet this point of it this soon. If I knew then what I know now… I'd tell her not to take it. That's the only thing I've ever regretted with her.

Before she left it was non stop work. I understand that's a lot of what her work would be but this was more so than usual. I understood the sensitive nature… but I couldn't understand then what I feel now. I would do anything to have her back, to not have to lie, to even just know that she is ok.

I was so excited for the traditions that we would make, the memories we would look back on when we were old and gray, and now I realize how those may quickly disappear. I don't really think that life is fair or that we deserve some sort of fairness from life… but this isn't fair. We deserve more, she deserves more.

I played the fiancé card when she told me she wanted to go. I knew how dangerous it was, no matter how secret it was kept. I knew there was a chance I could lose her… but I didn't think I'd really be waiting to hear if I did. When I told her it was our last night together… I didn't mean it. I didn't want to think it was. I trusted her to come back and I need her to come back.

Ali's birthday was a welcomed distraction the day she left but I know Stevie sees through my tough guy facade. Our goodbye wasn't even really a goodbye and that pains me the most now. I'm going to do my best to let them all think nothing is wrong, but as exhausted as she gets saving the world, I get exhausted praying for her to make it home. I'll do it forever for her, but I hope it doesn't last much longer.

Everything started off fine. They landed, she called me one last time to tell me she loved me and to remind Ali and Jason that she loved them too. She made it to Zahed's and called in the morning like she promised she would. That was the last bit of good news. That's the Elizabeth I want to remember.

The explosion must have happened right after we hung up. I didn't want to hang up, I wanted to hear her voice forever, but now I understand why fate made her end that call. I don't think she knew it was coming but I think something inside her knew I wouldn't be strong enough to hear it for myself.

It's only been a day or so… time is running together right now, and I miss her voice so much. I want to imagine that she's in a bunker, somewhere safe but with little contact but I have to keep in mind that she could be somewhere much more dangerous… even worse, she could still be in the rubble. She could be taking her last breaths with no one there to hold her hand.

I always wonder what the conversation was leading up to the explosion. Was it stressful? Was she cracking jokes like she usually does?

I used to trust her detail…. I understand they were overwhelmed but I don't think I'll ever be able to trust that she is safe again. All the information came at me so quickly I didn't know what to do.

Maybe confronting Russell and Conrad wasn't the right thing to do, but I don't regret it. I would have flown to Iran myself and gotten her out of there but I left that to them. I just want her back. Deliberately small and security are words I never want to hear used in the same sentence ever again.

It's not that I'm not used to waiting by the phone for her to call, a lot of the past few months have been that, but they've never been calls to truly confirm she was alive. This is unchartered territory for me. Max might have been able to handle it, but I can't.

Stevie blew my cover with Ali, it doesn't necessarily make things easier but at least they're two more people I don't have to hide it from. I had told Stevie about Elizabeth's time in the CIA but Ali doesn't remember much of Elizabeth's experience. I guess 16 is old enough to start facing some hard realities.

I've always treated Ali and Jason like they were my own children but this was the first time I think they realized that too. This was also the first time that I realized how important it's been for me to do that. I don't know what will happen if Elizabeth doesn't come home, but I know she'd be happy to know how loved her children felt in that time.

I don't just want her to know that though, I want her to be able to love her children longer.