A/N: Hope you enjoy the second half of your twofer! Something more than just Henry and Elizabeth's thoughts are coming! I promise!

- Henry's Point of View

I hate being a handler. I never wanted this. I appreciate that I'm given the opportunity and that I can change the life of a young man who deserves to have something good going for him in the United States… but it doesn't change that I hate this.

This is what it must have felt like waiting for her to come home. I'm sure it was worse, but I can't help but imagine Max has felt the same thing I'm feeling in some ways. I want to distract myself… but I don't want to take my focus off this. I want Dmitri to be safe… but I don't want this mission to fail. I understand this is putting him in danger, I just hope this danger doesn't translate differently in Russian.

Teenagers are still a language I don't always translate well. I was very surprised when Jason told us he wanted to play football. I was even more surprised when he was willing to confide in me the reason he wants to try out for the team. He's a momma's boy in every sense, even if he won't admit it, and I was honored that he'd be willing to come to me when Elizabeth isn't available.

Sometimes Elizabeth thinks she's not enough. She thinks she's not enough as a mother or not enough as a partner, but I hope I can reassure her that she's always enough. Even if she's trying to be a hands-on mother from the other side of the globe sometimes.

I'm afraid I'm not enough for her most times. I'm still in constant awe of her. The things she puts up with… would break most people; it makes her stronger. Maybe it's her spy training, maybe it's just who she is. I wish I had just a sliver of the… magic that she does.

I cherish these little moments with her that make us feel normal again. I know this new normal is now just the same old normal, but there's something about feeling like we're a regular couple and not a couple of washed up spies running the world and raising children.

As nice as the little moments are… I need more. Not more from her, I need to speak up more with what I need. This is falling on me, she's doing everything she can and should do to support me, I need to specify what support I need.

Right now the lines are getting blurred. I'm letting my personal life cross into my professional life and I know I can't do that as a handler. I can have this crossover when I'm a professor, I can personally care about how well a student is doing and I can frame that feedback to make them better, I can't do that now. I have to turn my emotions off and that's something I've never been able to do.

Then there's personal matters I need to be fully invested in that this is pulling me away from. My mind should be focused on promoting my book but I can't do that when I feel as though I failed to protect my own daughter and her privacy.

Hindsight is 20/20 and I'd do anything to go back and time and do my best to protect her from this. Maybe I'd tell her not to get to know Harrison, maybe I'd work harder to make sure their phones were secure. I don't know what I would do differently… but I wouldn't let this happen.

I had my concerns about her getting to know Harrison but I figured it couldn't hurt too bad for her to have a friend her age who understands what it's like to be in her shoes… but I was wrong, it can hurt really bad. It can be a devastating blow.

When Elizabeth told me what was going on, I'm not sure what happened… I think I blacked out. Maybe it was a pain my brain has already blocked out. Maybe it was rage that took over all of my senses. Maybe it was my heart breaking because I felt like I couldn't protect Stevie.

Then there was telling her. It can't be easy to tell her step-mom about your sex life as it's on the verge of being spread across the world, but she handled it with more grace and maturity than I think I could have delivered at her age in her place.

I can't be mad at her though, Elizabeth is doing her best not to as well, but it'd be very hypocritical to act like we haven't done the same. I had to remind Elizabeth that the world will blame Stevie if this gets out… she can't blame her first.

I think it reminded Elizabeth that we could be in that position. Sure we didn't keep the few pictures we took but one smart person could easily tap our phone lines and hear discussions that were only meant for us… thay could be us.

Then there's remembering that the strangers who will see this will all feel the need to speak on it. I will always defend Stevie, I will die for her, and I will die for Elizabeth too and I know all of this has been made so much more complicated for her because of not only the photos… but my actions in response to someone trying to question or look down upon my incredible daughter.

We're learning to do this step-parenting thing together and I knew right off the bat there would be hiccups. I promised to love her through that and I fell even more in love with her when I saw how fiercely she defended Stevie to Conrad. I knew she would love Stevie like her own… and today she proved that she does.

Parenting together isn't an act of trading equal efforts but just like she defended Stevie as her own, I nurtured Jason like my own. I can't understand what it's like to be the child of a diplomat, but I can understand what it's like to be a teenage boy with sisters. There was a part of my heart that healed by seeing the sibling love that is already growing between the three of them. I think this is the best Elizabeth and I could have ever hoped for.

I will always wonder what life would be like if we had met 20 years ago… I'll never know, but I think this is the closest feeling I could ever imagine, and I'm ok with living in this little dream.