A/N: I get a layover in DC, you guys get another chapter! It's a win win!

Every time we have sex it's great… but something about the last time was mind blowing. Maybe it's just that I appreciate the distraction more than ever, but it was still amazing. I can't lie, a part of me worried our sex life would suffer over time, but it hasn't; it's been the opposite.

Being a mother and the Secretary of State is hard. I won't act like I'm gracefully balancing both. I'm disappointing Ali differently every day. Jason is going through a phase where he's wanting to lean on Max and Henry… at least I'll tell myself it's a phase so I leave myself a little hope that he'll go back to being the little boy who cried in my arms until he was 10. Then there's learning how to be a step-mom, which is much more difficult than being a mom.

It's still crazy to me that dealing with Russia is easier than dealing with my own shortfalls at home. I would have never guessed that both Henry and I would be working on something related to Russia. Sometimes, more often than not actually, I'm amazed by Henry's ability to do both.

I guess our impact on the Russia situation is a little different right now. I'm working to avoid World War III, he's making sure his recruit is ready to provide the information from within the Kremlin about Russia potentially leading us into World War III. I've got to learn to cut myself some slack when it comes to shortfalls at home with what I'm dealing with.

There are so many things that are admirable about Henry and I often forget them, but I savor the moments that remind me. Henry essentially saving Olga was not something I had on my admirable Henry bingo but I'll take it. I can't know the details of how or why Olga is staying with us, but I have to accept that Henry is doing what's best for so many people… even if he may complicate things later.

While Henry makes some things easier, there's nothing easy about trying to be a good mom in my current position. I feel like I'm constantly letting Ali down, I'm missing major things that Jace is doing, and I hate that I'm finding that out through Stevie but I'm glad we've opened up to each other and that relationship is strengthening, even as others are beginning to wear at the seams.

I've always felt it was important to apologize to my children, to remember that they are human and feel human emotions just like I do. I'm not a perfect parent… I did use pacifiers and disposal diapers after all, but I do my best to make sure my children know how loved and cherished they are. No matter what my professional title is, the most important title I've ever held is mother.

I don't doubt that Olga knew her father loved her, but as someone who lost my parents around her age, I know you're never the same. There's a piece of you that dies at such a young age that other parts of you can never develop or grow. Olga isn't my child, but I will do everything I can for her. I would hope that if the unthinkable ever happened to me, someone would do the same for my children.

There are a lot of things that could keep me up at night but I choose to let my children be the only things that do. I have to stop being defined by the solutions I can provide… by the goals I'm working towards. I am more than what I can bring to the world professionally and I have to remember that. They always come first, they always have to.

I'm trying not to blame myself for unknowingly taking a step further away from the mother I wanted to be. I didn't ask for this, I didn't go searching for it. I simply stepped into the duty that I was asked to fulfill. I thought of them every step of the way, that doesn't fill the void I'm creating, but I hope they look back at some time in the future and know that.

Will coming into town didn't exactly simplify things. It was the first time he met Henry and Stevie had met him but they somehow hit things off so well it could convince a stranger they were the siblings.

Henry is already over analyzing our relationship and while I can't blame him, I would have appreciated a slight break. Henry was right though… we need to talk and maybe some fly fishing will be a good way to do that. It reminds us of our dad, I think we both need him right now.

It wasn't the same but times aren't the same so I have to expect it. I'm still a better fisherman than he'll ever be… fly fishing just isn't my preferred form.

I know traditionalism isn't Will's preferred form either. He and Sophie have their own relationship and I can't necessarily step in or think my opinion is important on that matter. Even if it isn't as effective as I'd hoped, any time spent with my brother is still a good time… a time I constantly miss.

I hope Ali and Jason have the relationship that Will and I do… well the good parts of it at least. It was pure coincidence that they're as far apart age wise as Will and I but I don't think their personalities are coincidence. I think the most intense parts that Will and I share, Ali and Jace do too.

They'll learn to navigate it just like Will and I have. It won't be easy, but they'll make it work. There's something amazing about seeing your kids navigate the same things you did and know they'll come out even stronger and wiser than you did.

There are many days when they are the only bright spot. Today was one of those days. For now, I'll curl up with my future husband and fondly remember the simple times.