A/N: I promise I'm getting somewhere with my plot! Maybe you've already had some hints on what that plot might be…

I didn't really care that Ali had gotten in an accident and hid it from us. She was safe, she immediately took the car in to be repaired, she used her own money… it was actually a bit of an adult thing to do. I'll entertain Henry's opinion on her actions, I may consider it, but ultimately I'm not going to do anything about it.

After everything that has happened in the past few days, Henry needs the time in Cuba. He needs the time away. We haven't spent as much time as I'd hoped together over the last week but that's what happens when I'm preparing to change the world.

Senator Marks' misfortune, if it's even considered misfortune, might be the best thing that's happened to my efforts with Cuba. Part of me feels bad celebrating that, the other parts of me know these are just the consequences of his actions and I can capitalize on those. A win is a win.

I do so much negotiating in my professional life that I'd appreciate a break from it at home. I understood when Ali didn't want to go to Cuba but I wasn't open to negotiating that. I had to tell her what was causing Henry to not be the step-dad she was used to and I'm not sure if it made as much of an impact as needed, but I was done negotiating.

I'm not a heavy drinker but I have never wanted a drink as bad as I do now. Maybe even a cigarette and I've never even smoked a cigarette. Something about being in a dark bar and watching a Yes on Cuba hold a press conference that puts everything at risk makes you want to drink something much stronger than champagne.

There's a part of my consciousness that thinks about my plane going down every time I get on it. Maybe it's some weird, survivor's guilt, maybe it's knowing that something could and did happen before, maybe it's just my mind creating a distraction. Either way, I'll be happy when it doesn't happen anymore.

Something about being near the ocean seems to make my troubles seem a little smaller. The chaos and the unknown of it somehow calms my always worried and running mind. The heat of the sun on my face in Cuba is like a drug for me.

What the sun and the ocean is to me is what an old church is to Henry. I wish I could have toured them with him but I think it will be good that he and Ali do that together. I appreciate the churches too, I love the seer and the history behind them but for Henry they are a place of healing and sanctuary, for me they're just a place to admire.

I was so ready for a break but I'm glad we didn't stop. Yes it was important for my ultimate goal but the food was absolutely amazing too. The ocean air managed to fill all of my senses. I also needed the reality check that came with the stop. Things aren't amazing in the US, I really need a reminder of that sometimes.

I know the sacrifices I'm making now are benefiting someone, somewhere, but I always appreciate the reminders that Henry has for me that he sees that. The necklace Ali picked out will be something I cherish forever. Though it's just string and beads, to me

It means she understands that we may have to spend time apart and things may not be the way we anticipated, but we're still tied together at heart.

Things are going to be harder over the next… well in the future. We knew Havana Syndrome was a risk when we went on the trip, but I think we all brushed it off. Then we came home.

I know migraines can be triggered by stress and lack of sleep but I've never had them like this before. Now they lead to nausea and dizziness and I feel like I constantly have some sort of unexplainable memory fog.

There's nothing to test for Havana Syndrome… it's more ruling things out and so far, nearly everything else has been ruled out. I did find out I was anemic though, it explains why I'm always cold, but it doesn't ease anything else I'm dealing with now.

Henry, Ali, and the rest of my team are all fine but the doctors and everyone else says that's what happens. It doesn't make it easier or better but it's at least some concrete information about this mystery illness that adds a layer of misery to my day.

This was all hard enough without the migraines, nausea so bad I can hardly eat at times, dizziness that hits at the worst time, and of course the fog that keeps down the important thoughts I need to rise to the top. The worst is when it hits around people who aren't privy to the knowledge of what's going on. I'd be ok if no one else knows this is going on so I'm at least treated normally sometimes.

Blake has had a very close eye on me… just as close as Henry has. He's always waiting and ready for water, crackers, pretzels, and Advil. I wish I could just sign off care of myself to him right now because he handles it much better than I do.

Only my inner staff, Russell, and Conrad know about my diagnosis. It was an incredibly difficult decision but I made the decision not to tell the kids. We've started referring to them as 'the kids' instead of 'Stevie and my kids' because so long as Henry and I are together, they're a package deal.

I made sure Henry and I were on the same page that we would not tell Max unless my health began to take a turn for the worse. Ali and Jason are going to be spending spring break with him and I didn't want anything to slip that worried them. I know he wouldn't intentionally defy my wishes, but him not knowing means it's impossible for him to unintentionally do that… and that's how I can intentionally protect Ali and Jason from any unnecessary worry.

I'm not sure if it's the Havana Syndrome thing or if something is actually going on with Henry. I don't think it's health related but it's more than what he was dealing with before. I can't exactly act, but I can blindly love and support.

Even when my own internal cup is empty, it will always be full enough to give Henry the blind love and support that he gives me.