I had failed. The mission ended in disaster and I had only myself to blame. I shouldn't have sent him out in the frontlines… Tears were rolling down my face. Alfonse is now living on borrowed time and I couldn't do a damn thing to fix it. I felt like my mind was pulling me in so many directions, and my heart felt like a shattered windshield of a car after a wreck. I cradled one of the many books that I've borrowed from the castle's library in my hands as if it were a small child and began skimming through its contents desperately searching for an answer. Deep down, I knew the futility of it all but I was too angry and upset to accept it. I wanted to deny it all. In nine days he will be dead and I will be left to live with all my regrets. I haven't felt so useless and helpless since the time I almost got kidnapped by Veronica. It wasn't long until the pages of the book I was reading were covered with my tears.
I heard a knock on the door. I dried my tears and I put my hood on to obscure my face. I thought that it would be best to hide my bloodshot eyes from whoever was at the other side of the door. I opened the door and to my shock it was Henriette. It almost didn't register in my brain. I've only spoken with her once during the war and she was the last person I had expected to be making a visit to my quarters.
"Y-your H-highness. What can I do for you today?" I choked out as I tried to sound dignified in front of the queen.
"I was just on my way to check on Alfonse and… I thought you would like to come with me. Sharena told me you two were close friends." Henriette also looked very down and I guess my attempts at hiding my emotions were almost pointless.
"O-of course. We are best friends now… after everything we went through together, I would be surprised if we weren't friends. I j-just wish… that I could've done more to help him. I shouldn't have sent him to fight out there… it is my job to make sure they get through battles safely and I'm…" Tears were threatening to come out as spoke but I was determined to remain professional as possible.
"Shhh… It's okay… you don't have to put a brave face on all for me. None of this is your fault, Kiran. I've been told by Alfonse that you tend to be way too harsh on yourself. He doesn't want you to shoulder all of the blame."
"I just don't know what to do Your Highness. I'm not sure if I could keep going if he does succumb to Hel's curse. I've been raiding the library for answers but they say the same thing… and I don't want to believe it. All I can do is wait until Hel shows up… after which there's no guarantee he will live."
"I understand that. That's why I think you should go see him. Alfonse is trying to put on a brave face but… I really do think he would feel a little more at ease with you around."
I quietly nodded in agreement and walked outside of my room and went towards Alfonse's room. Henriette followed me and we continued talking. It was rather awkward for me since I really didn't know what to talk about, but I did notice that she is very motherly and kind. It almost felt as though she was extending that kindness and warmth to me even though she must have been feeling even more sad than I was. It was like talking to a more mature version of Sharena. They even had some of the same mannerisms.
We knocked on the door to Alfonse's room. Alfonse opens it up looking mostly unfazed physically by the curse. I weakly smiled at him because while I was happy to see him, I knew that would only have nine days to make everything count. Prayer was not something that I would normally turn to, but I was desperately praying for a miracle, for his survival. It wasn't likely but… a part of me still holds onto a small hope that he will. I began to make a mental note to have more ninjas keep an eye on him if my prayers are answered.
"Kiran! Mother! It's nice to see the both of you."
"We came to see how you are doing… I can't help but worry about you sometimes. I'm kind of selfish like that I guess" I said sheepishly
"Then in that case, I'm glad you're being a little selfish. It's not always a bad thing, after all."
"Sometimes I swear this guy is too good for this world. How is he even keeping a straight face on?" I thought to myself
"I agree taking time to do things that bring you happiness once in a while is good for you. What you are doing is far from selfish, Kiran." Henriette agreed.
"I know but… We're partners in crime and I would really hate to see you fighting under her banner." I paused for a moment. It had only just occurred to me that if he dies I would have to face him on the battlefield. While I never did any of the fighting myself, I was always present at the fight shouting out orders and the like while the fights took place. Which meant that I would eventually bear witness to Alfonse dying and then being forced to fight on Hel's behalf which would also mean I'd have to see him get 'killed' many times after death. It truly would be like witnessing my own personal Hell, not to mention that not being allowed to rest in eternal rest after death would be an even greater Hell. I felt my own face turn at least three skin tone shades paler than usual.
"Kiran! Are you alright? Do you need to go to the infirmary?" He asked me as if he wasn't the one going to get killed by a floating glowing skeleton chick with an entire army of zombies.
"I'll be fine I think.. but we can't let her win. I won't let you die on my watch if I can help it. There's got to be a way to stop it and I'll be darned if I didn't try my darndest to give Askr the opening it needs. I am the tactician and summoner afterall, so it stands to reason that I could come up with something." I said, determined to save the Askran Prince.
"I don't doubt that you will. There's got to be a limit to Hel's power and I know that we can find it together."
It was at that point that I suddenly gave him a big hug. I dunno why I did but it sorta felt like the right thing to do at the moment. However when I touched him, he felt colder than the tiddy of a Niflese with poor blood circulation. This was especially true in the chest area where his heart would be. Not only that, I could feel the cold from underneath all the armor he wears. To top it all off, I'm shorter than he was so when I hugged him my face would naturally be where his chest was. I felt like I had stuck my entire face into the freezer that I had back in my apartment at home.
"Jesus tap dancing Christ Alfonse! You're freezing cold! Like you're even colder than Fjorm's hands! Do you want me to get some blankets and some firewood? Oh God I've been making a fool of myself and I didnt even bother to ask about how you are holding up"
"I-it's ok Kiran! I feel mostly fine!" was what Alfonse managed to eke out. I guess he was a bit surprised by the sudden bear hug I had just given him. I think I might've even seen him blush a bit but I could've also been seeing things. It was still rather cute of him though. I then quickly chastised myself for even thinking like that when Alfonse was literally dying.
"I think 'mostly' is code for 'I'm not ok' Alfonse. Cut it out with the lies and give it to me straight." I demanded
His facial expression quickly changed into something a bit more serious. I could tell that he was starting to feel very uncomfortable. "Everything feels fine except right here." He then puts his hand on his chest where his heart would be.
"And how does that feel? You're not feeling any pain anywhere else like in your left arm or anything?" I asked. It was kinda silly but I wanted to make sure that he wasn't having a heart attack. It was probably unlikely even with the curse from the purple glowing skeleton lady since he was young and healthy otherwise.
"No it's just that my heart feels like it's being stabbed by an icy dagger… and I feel a bit cold but I can still fight and do work for the Order." He winced
"Well I think you should take a break and get some rest. We can't have you overwork yourself when you aren't feeling like you're at 100 percent. I'm sure Her Highness would agree with me"
"I quite agree, though I would like to add that the same could be applied to you as well. You seem to be infamous for overworking yourself according to Alfonse and Sharena. I've also asked a few of the Heroes and castle servants as well and they say the same thing. I appreciate your dedication of course, but do take care of yourself"
I didn't expect to be lectured by the Queen, but for some reason, I didn't mind it too much either. She was reminding me a little of my own mother, even if I didn't get to spend much time with Mom in my teen years, since she and my dad would often leave us at home for their business trips at the time. Honestly, it made me miss my own mother. It has been years since I've felt the warmth of a parent's love so I just attributed it to mild homesickness.
"W-well… I would like to think that I'm returning the favor. Alfonse has helped me several times with my bad habits. I'm actually cutting down on the amount of Blend #107 I've been drinking. I'm down to three cups of coffee instead of the five cups I used to drink everyday. Let me tell you, I suffered from some serious caffeine withdrawal and I hadn't even cut it out completely yet, but I have been getting much more quality sleep."
"I'm actually quite impressed so far. You used to look like Hel tried to recruit you to be a general of her army every morning" Alfonse chuckled
My jaw momentarily dropped. Mainly because even as best friends, I rarely ever hear him crack jokes. "Hahaha, very funny Al. Since when did you become such a funny guy?"
"W-well… I think you've rubbed off on me a little bit." he replied sheepishly
I was secretly glad Niles wasn't around to make an out of context innuendo joke out of this. I was one of the few that could talk to him and not be completely disgusted by the way he constantly spoke in double entendres and innuendos. It still occasionally struck me the wrong way but for the most part I was already used to the way some of my guy friends back home would talk. Though they mostly did it in a more humorous way. While I definitely could appreciate ribald humor and even crack a few dirty jokes of my own, Niles sometimes seemed to do it specifically to piss people off.
"I'm slightly miffed that you basically told me that you basically lied to me the first few months I was here… but I appreciate the honesty now. Hehehe… I guess we both got influenced by each other. I still stand by what I have said last year, by the way. I think it had something to do with you becoming a great king with me cheering you on in the background. All you need to do is believe in yourself and the rest will slowly fall into place. At least, that's what I still think anyways"
"I'm still not sure if I'm ready to assume the role yet. You put too much faith in me, Kiran"
"And you put too much faith in me as a tactician. I'm just returning the favor."
We were then interrupted by a knock on the door. Alfonse answered it and someone came in. It was Commander Anna right on que. Her timing reminded me of something important.
"Alfonse have you seen Kiran? We need her at the war council asap."
"Ah Anna! Perfect timing! Would you be a lamb and keep an eye on Alfonse while I go accost some of the servants for some extra blankets and firewood?"
"Kiran this is-" Anna said as she tried to finish her sentence
"Great! I'll be back in a bit!" I then quickly ran off to find Felicia and Flora.
"Gods… why is Kiran such a…?" Anna grumbled
"A handful? I can't say but she's really something else. We're lucky to have such a kind summoner"
"Um Zenith to Alfonse? This is an important meeting and she just blew me off!"
"Ermm…I'm sure she didn't mean to ignore you like that. She's just concerned is all. I've been feeling cold so she offered to get me some blankets." the dying prince explained
"But we need a plan to defeat Hel and we can't start without her"
"I believe she's been locked up in her own room trying to figure something out until I rescued her. She must've been at it for the past few days since there were so many piles of papers and books in her room. Perhaps, letting her have this momentary reprieve would be wise" Henriette advised.
Anna looks at the Queen with a liberal amount of shock. Even though Kiran had often done things that rubbed her slightly the wrong way, there were times that Anna would temporarily forget that Kiran was a simple civilian before she had been summoned to Askr. Ripped away from her home by Anna's own hand with the simple pulling of a 'trigger'. Anna had always wondered if a small part of Kiran still resented her even after two years of getting to know her. Anna watched her doubt her title, waste away in the castle library for the first few months, and she had even seen her watch in horror as a hero died the first time. Kiran was the kind of person who never should've been a part of any war. Anna would often tell herself that it was the only way to win against the Emblian army and the desperate situation warranted all of it. It was mostly true. They really didn't have any other options. It didn't mean that Kiran would like it, though.
"Alright but we need to hurry. Hel's curse is not going to wait for anyone." Anna sighed in defeat.
Right after Anna had finished her sentence, Felicia walks carrying a comically large amount of folded blankets stacked on top of each other. It was stacked so high it would've been impossible for her to see what was in front of her. And it was. The first thing she did shortly after arriving was trip and drop her tower of blankets all over poor Alfonse. Felicia apologized profusely all while Alfonse looked like a burrito. Kiran walked in and snickers pulling out the strange device she always kept on her person to take pictures while muttering "All according to the keikaku"