Disclaimer: I own nothing except my imagination.

A/N: I want to thank everyone for the kind words since the beginning of this story. It's pretty much farther from what I usually write and it's all been amazing so far. I've teared up while writing this chapter and it's a first for me so have some tissues ready.

The weekend was Adam's salvation. The rest of the week was as eventful as his second shift and he managed to get an appointment with his therapist on the Friday after shift was over. He woke on the Sunday with a good memory for the first time in a long while. Reliving the birth of Mackenzie had always been the very best day of his life, followed by his wedding to Rebecca. He showered and he kept playing the therapists words in his head. He had suggested that Adam keep a journal of moments that happened on or off the job that reminded him of her and to write down how it made him feel as a way to evacuate the excess of emotions that he knew Adam would feel in the following weeks. Domestic disturbance calls and calls involving kids were never easy for him but since Rebecca's death, they took on a whole new meaning for him.

He dressed in jeans and a V-neck t-shirt, padding down to the kitchen bare feet. He started making breakfast, knowing the guys were going to be there soon and Mackenzie was bound to come down any minute. It was the first time that brunch would be at his place since Rebecca's passing and he wasn't sure how he felt about it now but that was another thing that Adam didn't want to disrupt from Mackenzie's schedule.

"Are they here yet?" She came in, rubbing sleep out of her eyes.

"Not yet baby. Why don't you go get dressed?" He looked over his shoulder as he finished making the pancake batter.

"Can I stay in my pj's?" She questioned as he put a glass of chocolate milk in front of her.

"Only if you go wash your face." He leaned on the counter in front of her.

"Mmm." She looked like she was thinking hard about it, but Adam simply looked at her with a loving smile on his lips. "Okay." She answered, getting off of the stool she was on and scampered towards the bathroom. Adam continued making the prep for breakfast when the sound of the doorbell distracted him.

"Can you get the door baby? I'm pretty sure it's uncle Kevin and uncle Jay." He heard her run towards the front of the house. "Make sure it's them first." He reminded her.

"What does Trudy call daddy?" She called through the front door.

"Boy wonder." Came Jay's reply with a chuckle. "Open up Joy."

"Daddy says to make sure it's you before I open the door." She opened the door a crack to find Jay on the front porch, Kevin's large frame behind him.

"Daddy raised you right miss Kenzie Joy." Kevin's booming laugh made her laugh too.

"Don't you know it." She grinned as she opened the door wider for Kevin.

"Guess we know who the favourite uncle is around here." Kevin chuckled and walked past Jay, grabbing Mackenzie by the middle and hoisting her on his hip.

"How's my favourite Ruzek?" They walked in and went to the kitchen.

"I thought I was your favourite Ruzek?" Adam deadpanned, a hand on his heart.

"Nope, nuh huh." They walked in the kitchen. "She has that title 6 years running." Kevin sat her down on a stool.

"Good to know." Kevin pulled Adam into a hug and Jay shook his hand."

"How're you doing, really?" Jay questioned when Adam handed them both a coffee, Kevin entertaining Mackenzie.

"It's hard." He leaned against the counter, looking at his daughter. "I hate that she's had to grow up so much because of me. You know that she started making lunches for me? For us?" He took a shaky breath. "Some days I feel like I can't even take care of myself. I have dreams every night but most of the time, their nightmares. I'm trying to get my head on straight, I am, for her sake."

"I know how hard it must be Adam, but you've got to give yourself some time."

"Time isn't a luxury I have right now Jay." He sighed. "I froze. We got called to a multiple vehicle scene on my second day and I froze. If that would have happened in any other circumstance, I could have gotten my partner killed."

"You don't have the luxury to think like that Adam. You're a great cop and your instincts are spot on and that new partner of yours, you've got to lean on him too."

"I will, I mean I am." He took a sip of his coffee. "I told him everything, I owed him at least that after freezing up on him."

"See, first step. You'll get there Adam, don't sell yourself short." Adam nodded and emptied his cup of coffee.

"Daddy, I'm hungry."

"Yeah." He pushed himself from the counter, setting his cup in the sink. "What do you want to eat?"

"Pancakes with bacon."

"Thought so." He chuckled. "Set the table with uncle Kevin while I make the food please." It had always been their thing during brunch.

"On it." Adam busied himself on making the food while she set the table and when he set the plate in front of her, the doorbell rang."

"Who's that daddy?"

"I don't know baby, I'll go see." Adam wasn't expecting anyone else, but he wasn't expecting the company that was on the other side of the door. "Sarge, Al, what are you guys doing here?"

"Thought we'd get some Ruzek brunch, I heard the food's quite good." Al patted his cheek with a smirk, walking inside of the house, Voight right behind.

"There's plenty for everyone." He smiled back at him.

"Grandpa Al." Mackenzie slipped off her stool and ran to him.

"My favourite Ruzek." He smiled at her and winked at Adam. "You are being good for daddy?"

"I'm always good for daddy. I even made him lunch this week." She said proudly.

"Taking care of daddy, are you?"

"Well if mommy can't be here to do it, someone has to." The air in the kitchen felt like in was compressing on Adam's lungs. He knew that she wasn't doing it on purpose but every time she said something like that, it tore at what was left of his heart. When Adam could no longer take it, he left the room and headed for the back porch.

"Did I say something wrong? Adam could faintly hear the discussion inside the house as he stormed out.

"No sweetie." Al assures her. Daddy just needs a little bit of air. He exchanged glances around the table and Jay took over while Voight and Al went in the back to have a talk with Adam.

The two of them walked out and closed the door while Adam was blowing off steam. They watched him pace, running a hand angrily through his hair.

"How the fuck did I screw her up so much?" He ranted to no one in particular as he kept pacing. "She shouldn't have to worry about me, I should be worrying about her."

"Adam, take a few deep breaths. Pacing your patio won't help you."

"HOW?" He suddenly stopped pacing and faced them. "I'm so screwed up I can't even take care of my own daughter properly."

"Adam, you're doing as best as you can." Voight assured him. "You're doing far better than you give yourself credit for."

"Am I?" He growled. "Because from where I'm sitting, I'm doing a shitty job about it."

"Doing a shitty job is completely ignoring your child Adam." Al let his friend talk, his usual stoic self there for moral support. "When Camille died, I was so out of my damn mind that I ignored Justin completely. I couldn't look at him because it reminded so much of what I had lost. The way you are with Mackenzie, we couldn't ask for you to do any better under the circumstances."

"I made her grow up too fast because I could barely take care of myself in the first few weeks and she had to do so many things by herself."

"You and Rebecca raised a compassionate and kind little girl Adam. She's only doing what she was taught."

"But she shouldn't have to." He yelled, his breathing hard from the anger rising in his chest. "I'm her father, I should be taking care of her."

"Did you ever think that maybe that is her coping mechanism?" Al suddenly spoke, Adam looking at him with angry tears in his eyes.

"I should be the one to comfort her Al. I should be able to take care of her." He said in defeat.

"And you are. Look at her." Adam looked through the patio door and saw Mackenzie in a fit of giggles as Jay tickled her sides. "She's a happy little girl and the two of you have people who love you just waiting to give you a hand. All you need to do is ask Adam." Al pulled him in an embrace and Adam held onto him for dear life. He wanted to be able to be the rock that held him and his daughter together but maybe Al was right.

"Thanks." He pulled away. "Thanks for being there for the two of us."

"I said it Tuesday and I'll say it again. We're family."

"And family is there when it counts." Hank agreed. "Come on. Let's go back inside and have a nice brunch together."

"I'll be there in just a minute." Both men left him alone for a few minutes to get his bearings.

"Please help me." He whispered with his eyes closed and both hands against the railing. "I just wish you were here to tell me what to do. You were always the voice of reason. God, I miss you." He exhaled shakily. He took a few deep breaths through the silence and went back inside. Everyone was sitting at the table eating, a plate ready for Adam as well.

"Eat up!" Kevin clapped him on the back. "Kenzie helped." He whispered to him as he sat down.

"Thanks for breakfast baby."

"I made it special just for you." Adam dug in the pancakes and it was really good."

"They taste amazing, a real chef."

"Uncle Kevin said that too." She said proudly.

"Uncle Kevin is always right." He winked at her and they enjoyed a nice brunch together. The guys stayed for a few hours and both Jay and Kevin played with Mackenzie in the yard while Adam spoke with Al and Hank about how the beat was treating him so far and Adam finally managed to enjoy himself without the extra weight of the world on his shoulders. He knew that his family would be there for him no matter what and today was the perfect example of that.

Mackenzie was making cartwheels in the yard after taking her bath and brushing her teeth while Adam relaxed with a beer in Rebecca's favourite chair. It was the one place in the house that he felt at peace without memories overwhelming him so when he was alone and thought he couldn't overcome it all, he sat there and just relaxed.

"Where are you daddy?" Adam snapped out of his thoughts.

"Just thinking." She climbed on his lap. "Did you have fun today?"

"Yes, but uncle Tonio was missing." She pouted.

"I know baby but he's working really hard right now to get some really bad people. I promise that as soon as he's back, I'll invite him over with Diego and Eva."

"Pinky promise?" She asked with hope in her eyes.

"Pinky promise." He linked his pinky with hers with a smile and she was satisfied by that, snuggling back in her father's embrace.

"Do you miss her daddy?" She rested her head on his shoulder.

"Every day." He rested his against hers.

"Was that why you were angry today with grandpa Al and grandpa Hank?" It was a quiet father daughter moment and even though the topic broke his heart, he wanted her to be able to tell him how she felt.

"It was." Lying was never a thing they did in their house. "Daddy is sad a lot because I want to be able to take care of you like a daddy should and I think I'm doing a bad job."

"Mommy would think you were doing great." She mused.

"Would she now?" He couldn't help the smile that formed on his lips.

"Uh huh. She told me that you were the best daddy in the world and that I had to be nice to you and help you as best as my little heart could because you had the most important job in the world."

"And what job would that be?"

"My daddy silly." As if that was the most natural answer in the world.

"I think your mom had the right idea." He chuckled with emotion in his voice. "Come on, it's time for bed miss Kenzie."

"Already?" She pouted.

"Yes, already." He tickled her. "Go on in and pick a story and I'll be right in." She jumped off of his lap and ran on inside. He knew she wouldn't actually pick a story, preferring one about her parents since Rebecca died but he was never able to tell her no. "So, what story did you pick?"

"The story of how you and mommy met."

"You already know that one baby." He settled into bed next to her.

"I know but it's the best one."

"Alright." He chuckled and he started telling her the story she knew by heart. She was asleep before he was even over, so he slipped out of her bed and kissed her forehead. "Good night sweet girl, daddy loves you."

"Love you too." She mumbled in her sleep, rolling to her side. Adam dimmed the light and left the door opened a smidge before heading to bed himself, needing to write down what he was feeling right now before it overtook him. Tomorrow he was starting a new week on the beat and he needed to be focused on doing his job and not letting his partner down.

Adam and Mackenzie went through their morning ritual together and he dropped her off at school with a promise that grandma would be there to pick her up like she always did. He made it to the district at the same time as his partner and they climbed the stairs to Platt's front desk together, talking about his weekend with his son.

"Ruzek, Barnes." She called them as they headed towards the locker room.

"We in trouble Sarge?" Adam smirked her way, but she was in no laughing mood this morning.

"Keep up like that and you will be." She was clearly in a bad mood and Adam raised his hands up in surrender. "Don't change out, you're with Intelligence today. They looked at each other before Barnes answered.

"Sure thing Sarge." They left before she said anything else and Adam was surprised when his access to upstairs was still good and they climbed up the stairs to the bullpen. Adam was invaded with good memories as he walked up and was welcomed from smiled from everyone.

"Voight said we were in for a surprise, it's a good one." Adam was pulled into a hug by Kevin.

"What's the case?"

"Dunno brother, Voight hasn't told us anything." He shrugged. "Gotta be something big to bring the two of you up here."

"We'll find out soon enough." Barnes said, pointing to Voight's closed office as he exited with someone.

"Everyone, I'd like to introduce you to a detective from Vice that is going to help us out on the case." He walked out of his office with a woman. "Her name is Kim Burgess and she is going to take the lead on the case with Ruzek. Adam was not ready for that when Platt had told him and Barnes that they were detailed to Intelligence. He thought they'd be back-up and that would be the end of it, but he was wrong. This case was about to hit close to home and he wasn't sure if he was ready to handle it.

A/N: So Kim finally makes her appearance. How will she work with Adam and what is this case that he's so scared of? Please take a few seconds to review before you go, your words mean the world to me. - Sarra