Recap 3
GENESIS
Dr. Livens said I should write down what I remember. She's probably right. I don't like journaling. Yet we must do what we must do.
I guess I should start with my childhood. But. That's all fractured. I glitch a lot trying to think of it. Cuicatl's here helping me right now but I don't want to take up too much of her time. She's been really kind considering everything. Wait. I know. I'll write about how I got here.
I still remember most of the treatment up until the end. I think. I think they would have tried to make it look better if they did change it.
Mrs. Rivers had me do a lot of stuff I wasn't allowed to before. Like cooking. She thought that being feminine would help. And reading 'better' versions of all my old books. Mother agreed about the books but not cooking.
There was a starmie that hurt me in the head whenever I thought about… that part's blurry. I remember yelling at two people's pictures but not clearly who. Cuicatl, I think. And probably Lyra.
Lyra… I'll get back to Lyra.
I outgrew my old shoes. Must have grown on the trail. I'm taller than the marks on my closet wall but I haven't really been able to measure myself yet. Anyway, I asked for a new pair of shoes. They made me sit in the dark without food for a day.
Oliver the psyduck has been really helpful through all of this. He was shy at first. Didn't really want anything to do with me. But he's been a really good cuddler in the last few weeks. Cloudy—Count Cloudy—is also really great. As always. The best boy.
I got Sir Bubbles and Ferny back recently. Sir Bubbles is almost done evolving into a politoed. Still kind of mad I didn't get to pick, but politoed are really cool. And green. And loud. So much louder than I remembered. The others don't like his noises much but I think they're quirky.
Ferny was never really close to me but now he's being really standoffish. Stays on the other side of the room, won't talk to me even when Cuicatl offered to translate. Don't know why he's being mean. I hope he gets better.
I'm kind of just running my pen here. Stalling for time. But I've already glitched four times and I don't want Cuicatl to have to stay here too much longer. Not that I mind. She's still cute. And so is her tyrunt. The tyrunt is a different kind of cute from her trainer, obviously. I'm gay but I'm not depraved like that.
Father hired a man to "fix" me. My siblings cornered me. Told me not to let them do it. But. I thought Xerneas wanted me to and. I did it. It was a mistake. I realized that too late.
I don't remember large parts of my past now. Or I remember them in ways that feel more wrong the longer I think about them. I kissed Kekoa in my memories. I don't think we kissed in real life.
There's a girl, Lyra, who claims to know me. And she seems really familiar. Kicks up a lot of complicated feelings. Good and bad. But I don't remember her anymore. Does that mean she was the most important to me? Were we dating? Exes? I don't know. I don't know her anymore. I… I'm still not sure what to do with that.
And then there's Cuicatl. She saved me. Is still saving me. I literally couldn't breathe without her because all of the damage that happened during the fight. Miss Takeda says that she hopes to fix that. Soon. Soon-ish. Whenever my mind settles enough. I don't really want to be operated on again but. I need it. It's unfair to make her, Cuicatl, or her metang watch over me whenever I'm awake. Oliver is learning to help, too, but he can't be out all the time and everywhere.
Cuicatl. Um. She just left. Said that if I'm going to be journaling about her she should probably be out of thought hearing range. For privacy. Sent out her metang instead.
Right. Uh. At the end of the battle in my mind I thought we were dating. So I kissed her.
We were not dating.
She's been really understanding about it. Hasn't even brought it up. I… it would be really bad if we dated and then broke up while I need her help to not die. And I still don't know what happened between Lyra and I. But. She's cute. And kind of a badass. And I maybe wouldn't mind dating her later on. If she's gay. I don't even know if she's gay. Or if, like, that's a thing they tear your heart out over in her homeland.
Maybe I'm jumping too far ahead here.
I just lost so much for this, I feel like I kind of have to embrace it. Even if this maybe isn't a good idea.
Xerneas knows it's not the worst idea I've had in the last few weeks.
KEKOA
It's been a while since I touched this journal. And it's been a busy two months. Three months? Who can keep track? Time flies when shit keeps happening.
Transition log: got more hair during The Blackout. Everywhere. Including my head. I could really use a cut now. I will once I find somewhere I'm pretty sure is safe. I definitely have more muscles than when I started. Not sure how much of that is testosterone and how much is backpacking all the time for months.
Deciding if I try for a beard. Afraid it'll be wispy and embarrassing. I don't even think they look good. I just kind of want to try it. Maybe in another few months.
Enough about that. There have been updates on life stuff.
I couldn't really keep doing things for VStar. Cuicatl is. Wish she wasn't. Far as I know the florges hasn't spoken to her yet. Maybe she'll set her straight.
Someone else has spoken to her. Apparently threatened her? I just hope Cuicatl stops before someone decides she needs dealt with. She doesn't need dealt with. But some people won't see that.
I met with my brother again. He has money. Paid for the insurance for a dugtrio I used for the grass trial and Olivia. The fights went okay. Against marowak, too. Since the last update Kapuna left and I got a miltank from Kanoa. A freemartin. He likes male pronouns. Kicks ass.
Moe and Mahina evolved. An intersex cow, machine gun bird, and nostalgia ghost. Not the team I'd planned on, but it's still damn solid. And Ihe's there. He'll be better once he evolves. Whenever that is. Still nowhere close.
Uh. Anyway. Turns out that Genesis, the Gage Heiress, was gay. And her family was torturing her. Broke her mind into pieces to try and make something "better." She's here. And it's awkward because like. I still kind of want to hate her, but she's been shit on by her family almost as hard as Alola was.
The Gages are getting away with it, too. No charges. A fucking pardon within hours. We don't have a justice system, just a sorting machine. Jail for the poor, freedom for the rich.
I'm thinking of Kekoa. The first one. The famous one. The one I named myself after. First king of Alola and all that.
When all four islands fought, he was told by an oracle that he would only be able to pick one thing. His glory, his honor, his family, or his life. He stood at a four-way crossroads. And he sided with Ula'Ula. With glory. And he won the war. Forged a kingdom that would last for centuries. Did terrible things while he was at it. He killed some of his own family. The survivors wouldn't speak with him. Died from poisoned wine at the victory celebration. He lost everything, but went down in history as the man who linked Alola together for good.
I always thought he was wrong, though. He should have chosen Poni. Chosen justice. Even if he lost. Even if it cost him his family and friends. He would've been right at the end.
I wanted the name because I wanted to rebuild his kingdom, but didn't want to make his mistake. I was going to have glory and honor. Punish those who deserved to be punished.
I still think that. Sort of. Even if I've toned some of it back a little. But I get it now. The oracle was right. You can only have one. Maybe the path I'm going down gets me arrested or killed. Maybe the others won't talk to me again. Maybe we won't even win. I don't care. No more half measures. No more playing the champion's own game.
I'll stay with them for a little bit. Help Cuicatl out, at least, because she's been looking rough. Swear she almost got herself killed. But once they're better, I'm out.
There's only one choice. If society lets people like the Gages get away with that, there's no reforming it. No conquering it. No taming it. The only thing to do is burn it down to the roots and hope something better grows in the ashes.
CUICATL
Hi, Mom.
Or Danielle.
I don't know if you lived long enough to see me as your daughter. It's fine if not. I…
I know I used to talk to you all the time. You're on the procession of the sun and could hear me but. I stopped. Maybe you aren't. You believed in different gods, after all. Maybe your soul was judged by the split gods and rewarded or punished. Maybe they've already reincarnated you. I don't know.
I also stopped because I was worried you'd be disappointed in me. It seemed like everyone else always was. Especially after I couldn't save your son.
I'm writing to you now because I did it. I broke the one warning your grandmother told you about over and over again. "We're talented mortals, not gods," she'd say. "So don't throw your mind around like one."
I did. I almost broke it. Still have a migraine three days later. Even my body is more tired than I ever remember feeling. Can't even wallow in bed because Gen needs me. However bad my mind is, hers is worse.
I… if you aren't in the sun procession, I guess I should tell you why I almost broke everything.
I think I last burned a letter to you back in August. After your son died. I felt like someone should tell you. I'm not sure if you could actually read that letter but I hope that whatever magic the afterlife runs on let you. At least I could get this one printed.
I went to Alola like I told you I would. Got a starter. Lost my starter. Nearly got my starter killed and she decided to live with her own kind.
I was initially paired with two traveling partners. One of them left when there was an alien invasion. (I'm fine, it wasn't even a big deal. Just a little colder than usual.) Her name is Genesis. I thought she was really naïve. Kind of a bigot. She didn't really hate people, though. And didn't seem to care I was from Anahuac.
Kekoa is trans. A bit prickly. A lot less than he used to be after we yelled at each other for a bit.
Joined by Lyra at the start of the invasion. She's smart. Rich. Blunt when she wants to be. Has history with Genesis. Hates psychics. But she pays bills and I don't mind having her around. She knows about my gift, sort of, and isn't too angry with me. And I kind of get where she's coming from now.
I'll get back to that.
My starter was one of the ice vulpix that live here. Now I have a metang, tyrunt, and golisopod. They're all great and I love them so much. The golisopod, Leo, he's fairly new. Evolved like a week ago. Had to coax him to battle more as a wimpod so that he would evolve. And he did! Even knocked out a kahuna's ace right after it. Nocitlālin, the metang, is spying on me for a metagross. I don't know why and I kind of don't care anymore. She gives good hugs and has a very strange view of the world. Is helping me with Genesis now.
I'll get back to that, too.
Mitzcocotonaz, the tyrunt, is brave and loves to bite things. She imprinted on me and I've been raising her. I need to get a higher license to keep her when she evolves. I've sort of been working on a thesis to win over the other trainers I need to convince. I don't know how good it is. A few dozen stories about the myths pokémon have.
I'm working for the company I told you about last time. After the invasion ended a tyrantrum started rampaging. I went. Turned out the tyrantrum was Coco's mother. And Coco still wants to stay with me! I also got $300,000 from it. Before taxes. It's a good start for what I need.
I went hunting for a salandit with Lyra. She… she confronted me. Told me that I'm not actually fat. I think she's right. I still don't know what to make of that. I also tried a blissey egg and felt light. Felt good. I'm in therapy, too. She thinks I should go on antidepressants. Or at least catch a pokémon that mimics them. But some make you gain weight. Even if I'm not fat now I could be. Oh. And. She thinks that I should forgive myself for what happened with your son. But. I can't just do that's it's not that easy. I should. I need. I deserve to hurt. That's how it's always been.
I'm doing okay at the trials. Coco helped a lot against one of the ghost marowak. Noci and Coco managed to eke out a win in the grass trial. Then Olivia was really close. Would have lost if Leo hadn't evolved.
I'm really being held back by having only three team members. I'm also not sure I want more. When the dust settles I can really only have six. Yours and mine. I want to keep Alice, Renfield, and Searah. If I could somehow win win only three pokémon I would really like that.
I've stalled long enough, I guess.
Genesis is gay. Her parents hired a psychic to fix that. When I found out it was happening I rushed in and tried to save her. There were two pokémon in her mind. I tried to fight them off with Noci helping a little. I won. They withdrew. I still felt like my head was about to burst open. Like my eyes might pop out from the pressure. I could have died if it had gone on much longer.
I could have died and I was scared. I thought I was at peace with death. Maybe even wanted it. But I kept wondering what would happen to your pokémon and Coco and I didn't want to go. Even if it would have been a battle death. Even if I would have found out if you're in the sun's procession.
Genesis was brain damaged in the fight. Sometimes all of her muscles lock up unless I give her a little push. It doesn't take much, but there always needs to be someone watching her. Noci can. I can. Her golduck is learning but I don't trust him all the way yet. Not with a life in the balance.
Oh, um. She kissed me at the end of the mental fight. Thought we were dating since she'd just lost a lot of memories. It felt good. I liked it. I wasn't sure if I liked other girls or not. Never thought it would matter since I didn't think anyone would love me like that anyway. Maybe when she gets fixed we could make something happen? I don't know. I don't want to take advantage of her when she's just been through a lot. And maybe she deserves someone better.
Finally, I'm not sure if Shirona was after your time. The Sinnoh champion. The one with the garchomp, milotic, and spiritomb. The one who figured out how to get a togekiss to battle. That Shirona.
Um. I kind of got her phone number and texted her. I didn't expect an answer.
I got an answer. She's coming to help with my thesis. I. I don't know what to do about that. She's. She matters. She's famous. There are tons of other things she could be doing. I don't know why she's coming here.