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Trunkssan766 says: "Lol the hell is this?"

this is my fiction, lard beepus

Aym Blast Blue says: "I'm pretty sure you need to capitalize the beginning of the sentence. Good Lord, you have crazy imaginations. Also add the period or the coma to the last sentence. Keep up the good work."

'keep up the good work'

chapter 2: secrets and mysterys

lard beepsu ans WHISper were surrounded by guys with blasters! "what do you think you re doing here on new namkek during our new namek conquest" said one of them. "with new blasters and new soldiers"

"WE WERE LOOKING FOR DRAGON BALLS" replied lard bese, killing several namekians with the sheer volume of his voice. he then quieted down remembering WHISpers words of advice: 'you should listen to your elders...' For Now. then beepus remembered that wasnt what WHISper said actually

before beepus could continue thinking the guy spoke again after that long pause. "well if youre looking for those we'l;l just have to kill you"

WHISper floated over him who was talking. "perhaps we could negotiate"

"what do ya have"

lard beepus checked his pockets. he had a chewed up piece of gum, a playboy magazine (he did not know what that was dont worry) and a picture of some blue haired lady. he got them all from the island house

"hm... fine i'll;' take them" he took the items and gave WHISper and lard bepsid the dragon ball. "now we will kill you"

our heroes gasped! "but we gave you our stuff" said WHISper. "why are you killing us"

"youll get the dragon ball, but you are still on new namek during our new namek conquest so i will kill you and then take the dragon ball back!"

"you fiend! that dragon ball now belongs to us! we had a trade"

"dead people cant own things"

"oh ya"

it looked like it was the end for lead bespis and his assistant! suddenly, just as the soldiers raised their blasters, a mysterious cloaked figure punched them all (EXCEPT BEPSU AND WHISper of course lol) into a cliff! "follow me"

"so whats going on here? i was looking for chiaotzu." said tien, his shoulders causing an eclipse. metaphorically

"hes not here" said bulma. "if he was he would be dead"

tien had obviously missed the earlier events completely "huh? why?"

"well one, krillin has committed murder and will be arrested at some point (wont really matter cause he's one of the strongest humans though), and we were visited by what looked like THE GOD OF DESTRUCTION, LORD BEERUS"

"well, thats. anyway. what are you doing"

"training. also thinking about our inevitable self destruction"

"hm. i would train here too but i have to... go find chiaotzu. uh, bye" then tien left.

"for the better"

"...well. lets train!" said goku.

the cloaked figure stopped at a giant cave. "alright we're here"

"who are you?" asked WHISper with intrigue. he could not see their face because the cloak was really good at hiding it

"i cant say my name sorry"

"well why did you save us?"

"i have to prevent something bad from happening. to do that i have to save you two"

"well isnt us dying something bad"

"yeah"

lard beaprus looked down at the 2nd dragon ball they obtained. it had one star on it. "SO WHY- so why do those guys want the dragon balls and who are they" he asked.

"well you see, they are working for an evil guy named new frieza. they want to getthe dragon balls so they can wish for his immortality"

WHISper gasped! "then we have to stop them!"

the cloaked figure just shook his head in response. "you arent strong enough to do that yet. you need to train..."

"actually we were just gonna wish for more strength" chimed in beepus

"...well you should still train dude. its one thing to be strong, but its a whole nother thing to know HOW to be strong" moving on from that, "ok so what do you know already? if there's anything we can expand upon that could help us imensley" said the cloaked figure dude guy.

lard bersup thought for a bit. what could he do? he kept thinking. he kept thinking for and ungodly amount of time. "WELL... i can SCREAM"

"thats not going to help,"

"YOU DONT KNOW THAT"

"...alright, nevermind that just jump at me and try to attack ok?"

lard pbupsi nodded. he stared at the figure for a long time, not blinking or breaking eye contact.

"what are you waiting for-" just as the figure spoke, lardp bepsis launched at him and kicked him in the gullet! it did nothing though

"it was a good effort," said the figure. "but you still need some training. if you want, i can teach you" he said with a cool grin

"ballin!" WHISper floated over. "is there anything we can call you other than weird cloaked guy?"

"uhhhhhh idk i didnt think id get this far"

"THEN I'LL JUST CALL YOU COOL DUDE" yelled alrd beepus before WHISper could speak.

long ago, on a doomed planet, a saiyan baby with purple hair was tossed in a pod full of trash without anybody noticing.

"so parsle, hows the 'prrrrrromotion'" said one of the saiyans.

the saiyan named parsle, who had a straw hat spoke. "spinac. ya know i was put on garbage duty. gosh danged garbage duty! i swear, lord friezas got no idea what true strength is. i could probably beat that there king vegeta!"

spinac gasped. "you cant say those things about them! you know what they could do to you!"

"spinac. spinac do i look like the kind of man who fears death enonugh to care"

their conversation was interrupted by a couple running over. "parsle what the hell" said one of them.

"what do ya mean 'what the hell'" asked parsle.

"you just kidnapped me and califler's firstborn child!" yelled the other one.

spinac turned to parsle. "did you really steal someones kid!?"

"what? no! what makes you guys say that?"

califler replied by shouting "I DONT KNOW, MAYBE IT WAS THE VIDEO FOOTAGE OF YOU TAKING HIM!?"

parsle and spinac watched the space tape (a tape, in space. its futuristic) in shock. "holy shit you really stole someone's firstborn"

"holy shit i really stole someone's firstborn"

califler put away the space tape. "so, are you going to confess and give back our child?"

"look. listen here. other attention-demanding phrases." he said this as if he was about to justify what he did even though literally nothing would justify what he did. "i was simply just lookin' for trash! a trashman cant be blamed for hauling trash."

"oh so NOW you're calling our baby trash!?"

"oh my god y'all are fucking idiots. i MEANT that i've got BAD EYESIGHT. i really need some danged glasses and lord frieza refuses to issue em!"

"OH COME ON im pretty sure you would KNOW if you took an entire baby. dickweed"

parsle absentmindedly pressed the button on the trash pod, sending it far out into space. "well what can i say, y'all win some y'all lose some. also i have no daggone weed on my dick. let me get back to my work"

"NO? NOT UNTIL YOU GIVE BACK THE INFANT."

parsle looked around. "i dont actually know where i put him… in case y'all are wondering i don't keep track of my accidental baby thefts"

"THEFTS PLURAL!?"

parsle refused to comment. suddenly after a delayed realization he stared up at the sky in horror. "oh shit i just launched your firstborn into space"

the couple gasped as they watched the pod fly into space. "...where do the trash pods go?" finally asked the father after a long pause, presumably having already guessed the answer.

"...directly into the nearest star..."

they SCREAMED! AND THEY SCREAMED SOME MORE! they only stopped screaming when they heard someone else scream. "frieza's gonna kill us all!"

"bardock? whats HE going on about" asked parsle. he flew to bardock, trying to avoid dealing with the fact that he just sent an infant hurtling towards a flaming space orb. "bardock what are you on about"

"friezas gonna kill us all and nobodys listening to me!"

parlse let out a sigh of relief. "oh thank god i've been waiting for something fucked up to happen"

"...you know what? i think i am going to stop talking to you. you have issues."

"no i'm just very cool and special and much smarter than you"

califler went over as if just to rub salt in the wound. "yeah id help with your totally believable frieza issue but MY CHILD IS ABOUT TO BE SET ABLAZE. so if you excuse me, i'll be stealing a spacae pod and using it to rescue my kid. no stopping me because i do NOT have time for being stopped" with that, she flew off into the distance to probably be murderized or vaporized or something along those lines

bardock sighed. "fine! FINE! dont believe me. but when everybody is dead just know that its because nobody GAVE A SHIT ABOUT THE DEATH OF OUR PLANET. ...and/or were ACTIVELY hoping for it" bardock left.

spinac turned over to parsle. "so did you actually believe him"

"yeah but i kind of wanna see how this plays out lol"

cool dude, WHISper, and lard beepus trained for hours. lard beepus was much stronger than when he started! (low bar though) but now it was night. of course, considering planet namek had three suns, not much looked different

"well, time to set up camp" said cool dude. he tossed several capsules on the ground, and an entire campsite was seen when all of the dust clouds cleared. there was even bags of marshmallows and hut dogs.

lard beepus wanted to eat them all but he wasnt allowed to. he would someday. because someday, NOBODY would be able to stop him "why do you haveto keep your name hidden mr cool dude" he asked eating a hot dog raw.

"well, i need to be careful with who i tell my identity to... you never know who's got a target on ya when you're someone as important as me." the cloaked figure thought for a moment. "...just to be sure. you're lard beepus, and..."

"WHISper!" WHISper answered.

beeous GASPED "HOWD YOU KNOW MY NAME ARE YOU A PSYCHIC?"

beepuses question went unanswered as cool dude continued."...okay. it hasnt been a full day yet but i think i can trust you with my life. can ya keep a secret, you two?"

our heroes nodded. "i have no friends to spill the beans to." said lard bepus. "its not a sad thing by the way im just saying objectively. except WHISper. who is already here so not much you can do about that"

". ok. then... i'll tell you my name. my real name is..." he pulled down his hood. "yamcha wolffangfist yamcha (my real actual full name in case you were wondering. dont doxx me with this information.) im here from the future to prevent the end of time."

lrad bepse and WHISper gasped! "wow! a noble goal!" stated WHISper. "how come you had to keep that a secret though?"

"well, im kind of hiding from several different people. new frieaza and his new army are out to get me, obviously (theyre out to get everyone because theyre just THAT evil0 and so is an evil villain….. from the FUTURE."

"goodness... who is this dastardly character!?"

"his name, nobody knows for sure. but the survivors of the future call him... the shadow of time. he is a horrible man with infinite power who killed trillillillions! in my time, theres only a few people who remain in the universe, including me and the band of survivors im part of."

"damn"

"yeah i know. thats why i, yamcha, have come to save the multiverse from his wrath." he looked to the side. "but you cannot tell anyone anything about who i am. nobody truly knows whos who anymore. he has already reached across timelines, trying to find me… not only that but hes a master of disguise."

"WOW this is a lot to take in..." quietly yelled lard beepus. "i mean, i'm just a baby boy who wants to become the new god of destruction! it's scary to see how much trouble we're all in..."

"ya… hey wait what"

"i just wanna get really strong!" beepus corrected himself.

WHISper glared briefly at yamcha. "dont ask too many questions"

"oh ok" yamcha replied. he looked outside the cave. "well, we should get some rest. even though it looks like its the middle of the day"

and so they Did. little did our heroes know, a dark force was watching… a dark force of THE DARKNESS