- reviews -

havarti2 says: "Is... is this intentionally bad? Because I can't tell. Either way this is hilarious, and as bad as it is, I want more of it."

my story is not bad. but dont worry more will be coming

Guest says: "so epic"

ya so epic

intermission: welcome to the weed shack

in a small two story shack outside of time there was a weird pulsating orb sparking with a DANGEREROUS energy. keeping watch over this orb was a pig named oolong. he was nearly immortal and spending his time getting BALLS HIGH. mainly because he had literally nothing else to do with his life.

some people ALSO apparently did not have anything better to do with their life! the door bursted open and puar floated in shapeshifted into a spiked club. "ALRiGHT I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THE GAMES OOLONG! DISMANTLE THE WEED SHACK IMMEDIATELY OR I WILL USE BRUTE FORCE" screamed the cat-like creature.

"what took you so long to threaten me i wonder… anyway im too high for this" replied oolong. "why do you even CARE. you are quite possibly the ONLY person who cares"

"DONT ACT LIKE YOU DONT KNOW, OOLONG! were BUSINESS RIVALS! its taking profits from my tobacco hut!"

"oh come ON we both know thats just a ripoff of the weed shack. also. no were not. ive said it before, ill say it again. the weed shack is NOT an actual business because NOBODY COMES HERE"

puar scoffed. "OH SURE, thats what someone would say…. IF THEY WERE TRYING TO HIDE THE FACT THEY ACTUALLY HAVE LOTS OF CUSTOMERS! i bet you have them enter from the bottom floor!

"if you wanna go down to the basement be my guest but i PROMISE you youre not gonna find any customers. unless you count that freaky fake goku or the furry hes keeping hostage. which i DONT by the way"

"...what"

"anyway get out of my weed shack before i get security. and the security IS master roshi. hes pretty strong i guess and hes the only one who would actually do it."

"SO THE PERVERTS STICK TOGETHER..." puar hissed darkly

"oh SHUT UP. how about you go bother chiaotzu instead im sure THATll go well"

narrowing his eyes, puar said "wait… if supposedly nobody comes here, then HOW IS ROSHI THE SECURITY? and how does CHIAOTZU just show up whenever" he pointed his paw accusingly.

"im not roshi why would i know that"

"because youre employing him"

swiftly moving on "...also besides chiaotzu's just kind of fucked up these days. you know that"

puar ignored this and continued his interrogation. "LASTLY… if NOBODY COMES HERE….. THEN WHY DO I COME HERE?" said puar dramatically as if it was some sort of cool 'gotcha!' moment

oolong just gave him… a very exasperated look. "i dont know! why do you come here?"

puar slowly realized the issue with what he said. "...uhm. anyway uh if you refuse to back down then I WILL BE FORCED TO ATTACK!"

"look. you see this weird fucking sphere thing behind me?" he gestured towards it. "that is literally the concentrated esence of universe 7. you kill me? universe goes down with the rest of the ship. so i hope you dont care about any of those guys" (truth be told oolong didnt actually know EXACTLY what would happen but for now it was a good enough excuse to get puar off his back.)

"i... DONT believe you that sounds like complete bullshit. you just made that up"

oolong shrugged mockingly "only one way to find out huh?" he hoped this would make puar think twice but it did not

"I DONT CARE HOW MUCH MONEY YOURE GETTING FROM YOUR WEED BUSINESS, YOU CANT FOOL WITH WITH A STUPID LIE LIKE THAT! i dnt know what that orb thing is but i am 99% SURE KILLING YOU WONT DESTROY UNIVERSE 7. NOW IM GOING TO BEAT YOU DO DEATH WITH MY RIPPLING MUSCLES"

"ok first of all you DONT have those-" OOLONG WAS INTERRUPTED WHEN PUAR BEGAN TO BATTER HIM WITH HIS ENTIRE BODY "SHIT FUCK OW" oolong managed to knock puar back and began avoiding puars attacks. this went on for like way too long

"STOP DODGING AND TANKING MY SPIKED CLUB (THAT IS ME) ALREADY ITS BEEN 10 MINUTES" SCREAMED PUAR

"DUDE YOURE TRYING TO KILL ME"

"THAT IS THE POINT"

finally oolong repelled puar with several beam attacks that proceeded to ricochet across the room and vaporize a box labeled 'PERSONAL WEED STASH' "OH NOW YOUCE DONE IT" shouted oolong

"actually you in fact did that" said puar looking at the now flaming pile of ashes. "actually how are you even getting HIGH so often? your weeds shit i never feel a THING when im in here. also it smells absolutely terrible"

he did not get a reply

the bootlegger unshifted back into his regular form "WAT EVER i DONT CARE. im going back 2 the tobacco hut this isnt even WORTH IT" he left angrily

"dont come back lol" said oolong leaning back before realizing he wasnt on a chair or against a wall and just fell on the floor. knowing puar he'll be back in like a day. but for now, oolong had won. "now where was i... oh yeah getting balls high"

puar immediately first thing decided to burst into the other weed shack ripoff, chiaotzu's vape house. "CLOSE DOWN THE VAPE HOUSE, OR I WILL USE MY RIPPLING MUSCLES! it is a SHAM AND A KNOCKOFF and vaping is CRINGE"

chiaotzu just stared. "really"

PUAR WHACKED CHIAOTZU BUT HIS RIPPLING MUSCLES DID NOTHING! even though he DID actually have them "FUCK"

"come back when you have a better complaint" said chiaotzu. he tossed puar out the window into the void outside