"ACTUALLY before we start the chapter i wanted to say that im changing my brand up a bit. i think i should interact with the lard beepus fanbase more so ghere i am. my name is akira toriyama and welcome to my fanfiction. now i will be replying to your comments"
- akira toriyama from five years ago said this on this what was once chapter 24 but now i have been doing this for a WHIILE so i am just keeping this note for preservatione. reviews time
-reviews -
BloodWristxxx says: "OMG!111 dis is da brest story i have red in da logn tim"
thank you for your support. but you sead breast by accident so please watch your spelling
Guest says: "Omg, this was great! I kept reading bee piss though."
thank you, but also FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOUFUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOUFUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOUFUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOUFUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU
alright thats it for this comment corner. submit a review if you have a question or anything youd like to say. anyway. onto the story.
chapter 10: 〽️ try not to cry reading this (99% 💯 will fail) WHY IS THIS SO HARD 😭😭 the stock market is crashing
trunks' time machine appeared RIGHT ON TOP OF KAME HOUSE HOLY SHIT. I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO RIDE NIMBUS AGAIN
THE TIME MACHINE CRUSHED MASTER ROSHI! AND HE WAS NOW DEAD! trunks and co didnt see that though (but i think they shouldve been proud)
yamcha, krillin, puar, and bulma all escaped the house, unaware of master roshi's fate. they gasped in shock as they saw the FAMILIAR TIME MACHINE! WOAH "yamcha said"
"isnt that trunks' time machine?! well, the mirai one. we dont talk about our timeline's trunks time machines" said bulma.
"machines plural?"
"oh so now YOURE asking about multiples" bulma
everyone else moved on "that definitely looks like it. last time we saw him was..." trailed off krillin, remembering the horror of cell. the androids became cowboys, lots of people died, it was awful "so why would he be back?"
"i dont know, but considering last time, it's probably not good.." responded bulma as the time machine lid opened. then they saw... future trunks (holy shit), some complete randos, goku, gohan, piccolo, a ghost, and... THE GOD OF DESTRUCTION, LORD BEERUS!
"OH NO TRUNKS YOU HAVE TO WATCH OUT THAT GUY KILLED TURTLE!" YELLED YAMHCa.
HIS BEAUTIFUL CAT FRIEND SAID "YAMCHA, THIS IS WHAT WEVE BEEN TRAINING FOR! GET READY, WE WILL SAVE TRUNKS!"
trunks tried to speak, but was cut off by yamcha saying "i wonder why tien shinhan isnt here yet"
tien walked through a city, just like a random one, searching for chiaotzu. he could sense his friend"s ki, so it was much easier especially given that he didnt even know the citys name or have any directions . eventually, he saw his mime freaky friend, writing a letter of some sorts.
"there you are chiaotzu!" said tien. "what are you doing here? actually for that matter where IS this place"
"oh ! welcome to Shitty City (not to be confused with puar's hometown of Kitty city) btw i was writing to my pen pal!" chiaotzu held up the letter... but not for long as he immediately hid it like he was trying to HIDE something... "anyway whatve you been doing recently, tien? training?"
"training"
"training"
"but right now, theres a massive threat... THE GOD OF DESTRUCTION, LORD BEERUS, or someone who looks a lot like him, has killed turtle and possibly others. we need to act fast!"
"oh no! what are we going to do? training?"
"no. no we're not training"
"wait then what are we doing?"
"we're just GOING. it's go time (my new catchparahse)"
"AWESOME catchphrase tien this is why i bonded with you under the horrible conditions of our martial arts teacher"
"im so cool now o:)"
chiaotzu held up the letter. chiaotzu held up the letter. chiaotzu held up the letter. (- new divider. was supposed to be crossed out like there was a line in it but fanfiction dot net fucking sucks)
everybody in the time nest looked at the cardboard cut out on the ground. "WOW" said Gorg... "WHERES THE REAL DIRTY DAN"
"what" asked cilantra
"you really shouldnt ask me that anymore" said gorg. "Gorg...'s not a very nice person"
"what"
"He's right, you know." ominously stated welchs. "He was born from trash, lived in trash, and will die. In trash."
"HEY i didnt self deperecate so you could INSLUT ME" warbled Gorg ..
cilantra uncomfortably avoided eye contact with both of them "so why was the supreme kai of time a. cardboard cutout"
before trunks could say anything, the supreme kai of time left her hiding place in the time nest. "oh dont worry about it! i was hiding from tokitoki. hes been trying to rip my hair out recently, and i think he may also have bird flu as well. and rabies"
"birds cant get rabies"
"tokitoki can!"
"why would you KNOW this"
":(" Sup kai has been raising tokitoki for millenia. she knows these thigs
EVERYBODY GOT READY TO ATTACK LARD BEEPUS! "oh shit" yelled brelle.
"well, chums, this looks like the end. again" said WHISper with sadness. "its been a pleasure helping you, lard beepus"
THE PEOPLE ON KAME HOUSE JUMPED AT LARD BEEPUS, READY TO ATTACK! but trunks got in the way and they stopped. "actually, DONT kill him!"
"huh why" asked puar. "today has made me very feral like a wolf. the wolf fang puar attack kill"
"good job par" said yamcha :) he supports his littel budy
piccolo went over. "look, apparently, we're all gonna die, and this bootleg god of destruction has to help us or something like that. these assholes are from the future,someone is destroying timelines, and this sucks a lot"
just, lard beepus realized he was saw a familiar face. "...YAMCHA I CANT BELIEVE YOUR ALIVE A?AIN!"
oleracea grabbed lard beepus just as he ewas about to run over to yamcha. "its time travel you idiot. the yamcha you met is dead. like, deader than dead. hese been roasted. the shadow of time pissed in his metaphorical breakfast. hes dead, buddy."
new jeice GRABBED OLERACEAS WRIST AND BROKE IT. "shut up wanker thats my line"
"AAAAURRRGHHH which part AAUUHGHGHHH"
princess eatshorts nart looked around when preivosuly she was standing there all cutely doing not. "BOY DO I WANNA CAUSE SOME TROUBLE" SHE BLEW UP KAME HOUSE, ALONG W ITH MASTER ROSHIS ROTTING OLD MAN CORPSE/ but then BELLE SUPLEXED HER the great forest bandit was stealing everything from the remains of kame house. trunks curled up into the fetal postition.
"you know," said bulma to her miserable future son from the miserable mirai future. "if you, goku, piccolo, and gohan werent here, i wouldnt believe that these guys were meant to save the universe for a second"
suddenly, just then, WITHOUT WARNING, UNEXPECTLYE TIEN AND CHIAOTZU SHOWED UP! THEY GASPED! "oh no tien, we were too late!" chiatosu but then piccolo explained everything again in the exact same way he did earlier "oh ok"
trunks said "could everyone please stop doing the everything youre doing by the way" everyone stopped. "thank you"
"MY WRIST IS BROKEN" SCREAMED OLERACEA
the shadow of time had spent HOURS prowling around the sad streets of new namek (because it was going through an industrial era). he found an empty cave. he sniffed it like a weirdo. "i smell their time residue... they mustve returned to the past with lilac-hairs time machine."
he warped to the future with his FREAKY powers (theyre freakier thab him) but he didnt see them at the old campsite... "woops this is their old campsite" he went to the new one (dont ask when he found out where that is) but they ALSO were not at that one. "i TOLD that BITCH dark future yamcha to elimanate them... WHERE IS HE" he flew off to find dark future yamcha.
at the same time, dark future yamcha arrived back at the shadow of times evil time lair,and pulled a framed picture out of his cloak, it was of him and puar cooking. he cried and then immediately stopped and put it back. "well, the shadow of time probably is expecting Dinner. heh... sick referenc to youtube poop" he chuckled sadly but it was empty and hollow because HE was empty and hollow inside without his best furriend in the whole wide world
he walked into the shadow of times dark evil kitchen, that had eyeballs and blood and organs (fake) everywhere. "i miss working on my hit tv show, KITTEN KITCHEN(tm) with puar... when wil i see him again? will he even still care about me...? im EVIL now... i should've never taken this job..."
.
at the same same time, future puar was on his film set, that had eyeballs and blood and organs (real, yajirobe is a cannibal. these are just for decoration though) with yajirobe. yajirobe said "ALRIGHT THIS CONSTANT SENSU BEAN DIET IS DRIVINGME NUTS! IM GONNA FIND A CORPSE TO EATNOW"
"YAJIROBE NO" screamed future puar but it was too late, he already left. puar did not cry because he ran out of tears to shed a long many years ago. and looked at a framed image on the wall, of him and yamcha... THE SAME PHOTO yamcha had (but PUAR DID NOT KNOW) "i hope yamcha is alright... i havent seen him in 5 years... KITTEN KITCHEN(tm) just isnt the same without him..."
.
yamcha left the kitchen, and looked out the window. he had been separated from puar 5 years ago, because the shadow of time attacked them... then he was forced to work for the shadow of time, and his heart turned dark. but the truth was, he just wanted to be with puar again... they were like two peas in a pod except one of the peas was GONE so it was just one pee
.
"a stove, is a stove... no matter where you go..."
"a patty, is a patty... thats what i say..."
"a grill, is a grill, this is surely so"
"and fries, should be fries, either way"
"but this grill is not a home! this is not the stove i know!"
"i'd trade it all away, if youd come back to stay!"
"this kitchens not the same without you!" (this is both of them)
"it's just a greasy spoon"
"(just a greasy spoon...)"
"without you..."
.
BUT THEN, as yamcha and puar finished their unknowing duet, yamcha heard a KNOCK on the door. "oh shit that must be the shadow of time." he said to himself. he opened the door and saw a VERY ANGRY SHADOW OF TIME.
"YAMCHA you stupid fuck ! you know what youve done? you've pissed in my metaphorical breakfast. you let those time idiots (tidiots) escape, and who knows where they are now"
yamcha had to defend himself from his fucked up boss somehow ... yamcha you should unionize "i couldnt beat them, they were too buff..."
"WELL THEN GET BUFF YOU ABSOLUTE OAF"
btw fanfuc kind of fucking ruined the formatting of this chapter be cause for some reason it doesnt have right allign text. puar was supposed to have his scenes right alligned and the both of them singing was supposeda to be centered and im really fucking mad. as of typing i havent checked if ao3 has right allign but i THINK it does so maybe go there if you want to experience this chatper to its fullest. oh yeah the story of lard beepus (and tragic tale of the super bonus universe) are on ao3 btw)