Author's Note: It has been a hell of a day today. Finally heard that I will have a house to move into next month, so yay! Also I broke down on the motorway as I was going to see a friend, so I had to be towed back to my garage and no doubt it will cost me an arm and a leg to get my car fixed. Because when doesn't it?! So the universe is continuing its lifelong hobby of kicking me in the teeth whenever something good happens to me. At least it's consistent, I guess.
So I'm in a horrific mood today and have probably gotten sun burnt and sun stroke from standing on the side of the road in the midday sun for over an hour! Plus I'm covering in dust from packing, and have probably inhaled an entire cat's worth of cat hair. I wanna go get in bed and never leave but I have to adult. And if I don't do some more packing my anxiety is gonna eat me alive.
All of that aside, I am still thoroughly enjoying writing this story, I'm halfway through chapter six, hence me posting this one, and it's rather therapeutic to be honest.
Thank you so much to all the incredible and lovely people who have read and favourited and are following this story, and so much love is being sent to the people who have reviewed. You guys rock and they make me so happy!
Much love,
Maxx
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Except the ford fiesta currently in the garage that's gonna bankrupt me to fix but I need the damn car so what'cha gonna do?
Chapter Three
Quinn pulled Santana into the choir room and shut the door behind them. It was almost the end of the day, the period before Glee Club, and the girls had ducked out of Home Ec. early, leaving Brittany to her cake decorating – they hadn't actually been making cakes in the class but Brittany had wanted to so that's what the three of them had done, baffling Rachel who had been partnered with the dancer.
Quinn leant against the door to the choir room, her eyes glued to the knowing smile on Santana's face. She both hated and loved that the girl knew her so well. Santana stepped closer until she had a hand planted either side of Quinn's shoulders. Neither girl moved.
"Tell me what you want, Q."
Quinn jutted her chin out at the challenge in Santana's voice. "What do you think?"
Santana grinned, brushing her lips along the blonde's cheek, stopping at the corner of her mouth before pulling away again. "You know I need to hear you say it, Q."
"You won't do it unless I ask?"
Santana shook her head, eyes locked to Quinn's own.
"Hmm…" Quinn couldn't help herself as she revelled in the power – she knew it was only the tiniest bit, just like she knew that Santana could take it away whenever she wanted… She also knew that Santana would never do that; she trusted the girl with her life. "I think…"
"Uh huh?" Santana had not moved, would not move until she had explicit consent from the blonde.
"…you should…" Quinn licked her lips, eyes flickering to Santana's mouth.
"Mm?"
"…kiss me." The last two words came out as a whisper but the smile that lit Santana's eyes told Quinn she had heard her.
A second later, Santana lent in and brushed her lips against Quinn's in the softest kiss. Quinn's eyes slid closed as Santana cupped her face and kissed her again and again just as gentle. Before the blonde could stop herself she had buried her fingers in the Latina's hair and crushed their lips together, not letting up until she felt a little faint. Only then did she pull back.
"Oh that kind of kiss. You really should be more specific next time, Q-"
"Shut up and fucking kiss me, Santana!"
Santana could not help the laugh that escaped her – it was cut short though by Quinn wrapping her arms round her neck and pulling them back together. Quinn couldn't help herself with the brunette; it was the way Santana looked at her with those dark eyes, the teasing, the smirks, and the softness too. She did not treat Quinn like she thought she might break, nor did she dismiss her or see her as nothing more than the blonde cheerleader stereotype she had spent so long perpetuating. Santana saw her and refused to look away even when her raw, angry, damaged core was exposed. Santana loved her and wanted her for her, and not what she could do for her as so many other people did.
At first she had not understood that. Why would anyone just want her and not her status or her body? Relationships had really only been an exchange of power and goods and services for Quinn. Then came Santana - a girl who only last year had been notorious at school for using people to get what she needed and then dumping them – telling her all she wanted was Quinn's love and trust again. Not that Quinn had ever stopped loving the girl, not really, she just could not trust anyone last year.
Her heart still ached from all the scars on it; from Puck, from Finn, from being kicked off the Cheerios, from going from HBIC to nobody in a matter of minutes, from her parents abandoning her when she needed them the most… from Beth… Some days it was all she could do to get out of bed. And she still couldn't bear to look at herself in the mirror for too long. But when she was with Brittany and Santana? When Santana was looking at her with those piercing eyes of her, kissing her, holding her at night, smiling at her… in those moments, she felt like things could be okay again. And maybe one day she could see herself as something more than just a jumble of mistakes, wrong turns and pain.
Quinn opened her mouth to Santana and felt herself ache between her legs when the girl deepened the kiss immediately. She felt safe in Santana's hands and knew the girl would not push when she said no… that's what made her ache even more. She had complete control and nothing would happen that she did not want to happen. Something Quinn had never experienced before, not just in a relationship but throughout her entire life. That last thought made her angry all of a sudden.
Santana felt Quinn tense and pulled away instantly. "Quinn?" Concern coloured her voice as she stepped back, scared she had gone too far.
"I told you to fucking kiss me, didn't I?" Quinn snapped, grabbing a handful of Santana's hoodie to pull her back to her.
Santana refused to move. "I will, as soon as you tell me what happened just then."
Quinn growled in frustration. Her anger quickly turning on herself when she realised she had ruined the moment between them. "I'm a fucking pathetic idiot, that's what's happened!"
"No. No, you are not, Quinn." Santana spoke softly with a shake of her head. "But why do you think that?"
"Why wouldn't I think that?" The blonde exploded, throwing her hands in the air, anger spilling from her. "My entire life is fucked up because of me! Because I trusted the wrong people, because I valued status and popularity over my actual friends and my future! Because this is the first time in ages I felt okay enough about myself to want to be like this with you and I just fucking ruined it." She shook her head in disgust, hands balled into fists at her sides.
"Hey!" Santana closed the gap between them in two steps and wrapped the girl up in her arms. "I promise you haven't ruined anything!"
Quinn grumbled wordlessly into Santana's shoulder making the brunette chuckle.
"And as for the other stuff? You said it yourself, you trusted the wrong people and that's not your fault. They let you down because they are shitty people, not you. And you are a fucking human being, Quinn, just like the rest of us. We make mistakes. How else are we supposed to learn, to grow and become better people?"
Quinn shrugged half-heartedly but did not respond further.
"I know how hard you are on yourself, Q. How much you take on and struggle with alone. But you don't have to – that's the beauty of having Britt and I. We love you and we wanna help however we can. I know we can't fix everything, and I know we don't have all the answers, or any of them really!" She felt Quinn laugh quietly against her. "You are not alone, Quinn. And you are valid. Okay?"
The blonde finally wrapped her arms around Santana's waist and nodded.
Santana smiled, letting out a shaky breath as she pressed a kiss to the girl's cheek. "Now, we have five minutes left until the bell. Do you wanna make out some more?"
Quinn hesitated but shook her head.
"Do you wanna go back to class?"
Another shake of the head.
"Do you wanna… stay here?"
Quinn nodded.
"Cool. Next question, would you like me to give you some space?"
"No!" Quinn held on tighter, grabbing handfuls of Santana's hoodie. "Please don't let go."
Santana sighed in relief, and buried her own face in Quinn's shoulder. "Good. Not gonna lie, kinda didn't wanna let go either."
Quinn smiled into the Latina's neck as she pressed a kiss to her skin. "But you would have if I'd asked you to."
It wasn't a question. They both knew the answer, both knew that Quinn held the power and Santana was more than happy with the arrangement.
"I'd do anything for you, Q."
When the bell finally rung and Brittany skipped into the choir room, Rachel right behind her, Quinn and Santana were still stood in each other's arms.
The moment Brittany spotted them she dropped everything she was holding and engulfed them both in her arms. Rachel skidded to a halt in the doorway and looked round to chastise the girl; her eyes landed on the three in the middle of the choir room and her annoyance vanished, replaced with an ache in her heart. The diva picked up Brittany's things and edged round the three to drop her armful on the chairs.
"Are you okay?" Concern coloured Rachel's voice.
The question seemed to break the spell and Quinn sighed, loosening her grip around Santana. She pulled away until she could lock eyes with the brunette. "Thank you." She pressed a kiss to both of Santana's cheeks and then a final soft kiss to her lips.
"Any time at all," Santana grinned at her and returned the kiss before nudging Brittany. "Time to let go, Britt."
"Aww! I just got here!" The tall blonde pouted.
The girls in her arms couldn't help but exchange a smile as they shifted and gave Brittany a hug all of her own. The pout instantly disappeared and Brittany released them once she was satisfied.
"I'll be right back," Quinn grabbed her bag and disappeared out of the choir room.
Santana let Brittany tug her onto her lap, happily kissing the girl until she felt the blonde sigh contentedly. Santana's eyes landed on the diva sat beside them then, concern still evident on her face.
"Quinn's tough, she'll be okay," Santana nudged the girl's leg with the toe of her boot. "But thank you for caring."
Rachel met the other brunette's eyes and saw the certainty and kindness there. She dipped her head in an attempt to hide the growing blush but Santana saw anyway.
"Hey, sorry we bailed on you in Home Ec., but thanks for putting up with our random and for helping Britt."
"Yeah, we had so much fun, didn't we, Rach?" Brittany reached across and gave the diva an awkward hug with Santana steadying herself on the blonde's lap. "We decorated the cake with ducks and stars, the stars were Rachel's idea. We didn't have gold so we used yellow and I made my ducks pink! Can we go get it after Glee? I wanna show Quinn."
"Sure we can, Britt. I'm sure Quinn will love it," Santana smiled at her girlfriend, pressing a kiss to her temple as she pulled Santana in for a hug. "You wanna take half home with you, Rach? You did do most of the work after all."
"Are-Are you sure?"
"You can eat it, right? We used the last of the vegan ingredients in the school, I think. Britt wanted to make sure you could have some too."
Brittany nodded earnestly at the diva. "It was fun decorating but the best part is always eating it! So will you come have some with us after Glee?"
Rachel stared open-mouthed back and forth between the girls, lost for words all of a sudden.
Brittany looked concerned and reached over to poke the diva. "Rach? Did your batteries die?"
"N-No, I'm just… No one has ever done something so thoughtful for me before. No one that wasn't my dads anyway," Rachel felt the tears prick at her eyes.
Santana shrugged, watching the diva carefully to see if they had over stepped yet or not. "You don't have to. We can wrap you some up, and some for your dads too, to just take home with you. I don't wanna make you uncomfortable or anythi-"
"You could never make me uncomfortable."
Santana froze, mid-sentence. Rachel was looking at her with such sincerity, her body turned completely towards Santana, her tone as serious as it had ever been. They stayed frozen, eyes locked, searching, for what seemed an age. The Glee kids had started to trickle in around them, oblivious to the uncertain tension between the two girls. When Finn dropped down to sit on the other side of Rachel, Santana caught the movement out of the corner of her eye and broke the intense eye contact.
"That's- uh- that's good to know." Santana nodded slowly, rubbing the back of her neck in a strangely awkward gesture for the usually confident girl.
Rachel swallowed hard and turned away from the Latina. She could not think what had possessed herself to blurt that out except maybe the fact that Santana had been looking at her with those dark eyes Rachel loved so much- uh liked so- umm couldn't stop thinking about- fuck! After mentally kicking herself, Rachel shook the thoughts from her head and, with the brightest smile she could manage, turned back to the two girls beside her.
"I would love to join you for some cake after Glee, thank you so much, Brittany."
Brittany beamed at her and bounced excitedly, much to Santana's annoyance. The Latina slid off the blonde into the empty seat beside her; she kissed the sad look from Brittany's face and patted her own lap. Quinn reappeared just as Brittany settled onto Santana so she took the now empty chair beside Rachel. The two exchanged a slightly awkward smile but no more was said as Mr. Schuester strode into the choir room looking chipper and clasping a handful of sheet music.
"In my hands I hold the set list for Sectionals and the results of this week's duet assignment!"
The room fell silent as everyone waited with baited breath. Will grinned. He tapped his fingers on the piano in a drumroll.
"The duet number we are doing at Sectionals is… I've Had The Time of My Life featuring the phenomenal Mercedes Jones and the fabulous Kurt Hummel!"
Mercedes and Kurt hugged each other with a squeal - the rest of the club congratulated them, some more begrudgingly than others.
"And our solo song is going to be Valerie by Amy Winehouse featuring the smoky tones of Santana Lopez and a dance duet by Mike Chang and Brittany Pierce." Will beamed at the kids, starting a round of applause. "You guys were all incredible this week, it took Miss. Pillsbury and I forever to choose a winner of the duets. It was so, so close. But I think this is going to sound fantastic at Sectionals-"
Santana had stopped listening to the teacher as soon as she had heard the word 'Valerie' leave his mouth and she had whipped round to stare at the tiny diva sat the other side of Quinn. Rachel would not meet her gaze however. The Glee kids congratulated Santana, patting her on the shoulder and shouting encouragement and affirmations at her. Brittany hugged the brunette tight until she had to be pried off by Quinn when Santana started to go a little bug-eyed.
As Glee got underway, Kurt and Mercedes taking centre stage as Mr. Schuester started walking them through the choreography he had envisioned for the performance, Santana made a beeline for Rachel.
"So it's just a coincidence that Mr. Schue picks the exact same song for me to sing that you were talking to Britt and I about last week, right?" Santana lent casually beside the diva on the piano, her arms folded as she watched Mr. Schue and Mercedes argue over the routine.
Rachel stiffen. "That is correct. Although…" She glanced sideways at the girl. "I may have mentioned the song to him in passing once… or twice."
"Uh huh. And me getting the solo? That's, what, another huge coincidence?" The teasing note in Santana's voice had not yet registered with the diva.
"Um… yes?"
Santana shifted until she was close enough to whisper in Rachel's ear. "You're a really bad liar, Rachel."
Rachel turned to her, panic flooding her system at the thought of having upset the girl when all she really wanted was to be part of her life. "I'm really sorry, Santana. I just thought… I mean, I was trying to do a nice thing! You have such a unique voice and so much talent, I wanted to make sure you got a chance to shine, that's all-"
"You like my voice?" Santana interrupted Rachel's quickly spiraling-out-of-control panic and stopped her in her tracks.
The look in Santana's eyes – shock mixed with happiness, and just a hint of pride – made Rachel's brain halt it's rambling for a few seconds.
"I-I could listen to you sing all day. Q-Quinn and Brittany too. You're all so talented and you sound lovely together," she covered quickly, realising she was once again on the verge of straying into uncharted waters that she just wasn't quite ready to explore yet…
Santana's answering smile took her breath away. "You're very sweet, Rachel. And coming from our star soloist, that's very high praise. So thank you." She nudged the girl with her shoulder, making the diva laugh shakily. "Can I give you a hug?"
Rachel stuttered something that Santana didn't quite catch.
"I'm sorry, my bad. Don't feel obligated at all to say yes, okay? I'm not about that-"
"Yes!"
Santana raised an eyebrow uncertainly at the diva. "You sure?"
Rachel nodded quickly. "I'm sure. I would- I would very much like a hug."
Santana wrapped her arms about the shorter girl's shoulders and held her close; their bodies flush against each other. Rachel's chin rested on the Latina's shoulder and her arms snaked about her waist until her fingers could lock together. The diva let out a shaky breath – her heart sounded deafening in her ears and she was quite worried the other girl would hear it and figure out why…
Before she knew it, and much too soon for her liking, Santana was pulling away again. Rachel managed to stifle her whimper at the loss of contact but she could not stop her body from missing the feel of Santana against it. Nor could she stop the blush that coloured her cheeks as she fought to regain some semblance of decorum within herself.
"Britt, don't-"
Rachel turned just in time to see the blonde dancer come hurtling at her and scoop her up in a bone-crushing hug.
"-hurt her..." Santana sighed, grimacing as the poor diva patted Brittany's back awkwardly as her arms were pinned to her sides. "Let her down now, Britt. She needs to breathe!"
Brittany, for her part, looked a little guilty as she gently placed Rachel back on her feet and set about straightening her appearance as best she could. "Sorry, Rach, I keep forgetting how tiny and breakable you are! San just looked like she was enjoying hugging you so I wanted to hug you properly too."
Rachel glanced over at Santana; the ex-Cheerio refused to meet her gaze and awkwardly shuffled some sheet music on the piano. The diva could not help the chuckle that escaped her. It was nice to know that Santana had liked the hug too, and to see that the girl wasn't as smooth as she liked to pretend.
Rachel and Quinn wandered down the school hallway towards the Home Ec. room together. Santana and Brittany had hung back at the end of Glee to speak to Mr. Schuester about their parts in the Sectionals numbers and would catch up with them in a few. They walked in silence but it was not a particularly uncomfortable one, just a little wary as neither wanted to overstep given the last year's history between them.
Quinn made to go into the Home Ec. room.
"I-I think we should wait for Brittany. She said she wanted to do a big reveal when we were all together," Rachel interjected.
Quinn paused, thought for a second, before nodding and letting go of the door handle. "Britt does enjoy her big reveals. And she definitely prefers it when we're together," She mused.
Rachel smiled. "So I've noticed."
Quinn turned to look at the diva. Her keen eyes examining the girl almost critically; not missing a thing as she took note of the wary distance between them, the girl's fingers drumming out an anxious rhythm on her leg, the way she wouldn't look at Quinn for more than a few seconds before glancing back down the hallway. The blonde sighed. It seemed it might not be Santana that made Rachel wary after all.
"It was nice of you to put Santana forward for the solo," Quinn took a half step towards Rachel to get the girl's attention. "She does so much for Britt and I, she deserves something good and for people to start seeing her as more than just who she was last year."
Rachel frowned. "Santana is very talented. She earned that solo, I just gave Mr. Schue a nudge, that's all."
Quinn watched Rachel carefully as the girl took a step closer to her.
"And I know what it's like to be judged on who I was last year too. Especially when you just cannot seem to figure out how not to be that person anymore…" The diva trailed off, her eyes falling to the floor.
"I get that."
Rachel's head shot back up to look at Quinn. "You-You do?"
"I don't know if you noticed at all but last year was kind of a shitshow for me, Rachel." Quinn turned from the girl with a sigh and lent against the classroom door. "I had a decision to make when school started again. I could fall back into the Head-Bitch-in-Charge role, re-join the Cheerios and start dating a football player again… or I could figure out who the hell I actually am." She glanced at the diva. "It's not as easy as the movies make it look. You can't just get a new haircut and a makeover and suddenly know who the fuck you are."
Rachel grimaced. "So I'm discovering."
"It's fucking hard work and the only reason I haven't given up yet is because I have Santana and Brittany, and the Glee Club, I suppose. They're my family. They get what I'm struggling with, especially Santana." Quinn met Rachel's eyes again. "I know we've hurt you a lot in the past, I know I've hurt you and I judged you before I got to know you last year but… but if you give me, give us a second chance you won't regret it."
Rachel, wide-eyed, swallowed the lump in her throat and gave a small nod not trusting herself to speak in that moment.
Quinn let out the breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding. She had seen the way the diva had been watching them lately, watching Santana especially. Like she was an orphan looking in on a happy family enjoying their Christmas dinner. Quinn knew that look far too well, had lived that most of last year, and it had hurt more than she could even put into words. She had had her suspicions that Rachel was struggling and had gotten a little lost. Even though Quinn very much felt like she was still in that place, and still could not see the forest for the trees, she knew having someone by her side made things just a little bit easier.
"Cake time!" Brittany came skipping down the hallway ahead of Santana and skidded to a halt by the Home Ec. room. The dancer wrapped an arm round Rachel and one round Quinn and squeezed them tight until Santana managed to pry them apart.
"Come on, Britt, if you strangle them then no one will be able to see your awesome cake!"
Brittany threw the classroom door open and dragged Quinn in by the hand. "Okay, close your eyes! Don't open until I say. You too, San!"
Quinn and Santana shared a smile and shut their eyes. Brittany beckoned Rachel over and the two of them carefully brought the cake and placed it on the table in front of the waiting girls.
"Okay, okay, now… open!"
The cake was completely covered in red frosting with perfectly shaped little yellow stars and cute little smiley-faced pink ducks dotted about on top in icing. Brittany, hands clasped together under her chin, watched the girls' reactions with excitement.
"Britt, that looks awesome!" Santana bent to swipe her finger through the frosting on the side of the cake for a taste. "And it tastes fucking awesome too!"
"It looks delicious," Quinn smiled warmly at Brittany and Rachel. "I love the stars and the ducks, I almost don't want to eat it."
"Nooo! You have to, that's the best part, remember?" Brittany whipped round to look for a knife but Santana beat her to it.
"How about, Britt-Britt, we let Rachel do the honours?" Santana held the knife handle out to the diva as Brittany nodded enthusiastically.
Rachel took the knife with a brilliant smile and carefully cut them all a slice each. Brittany's slice was gone in a heartbeat and she spent the next few minutes nibbling at one of her ducks. Quinn managed to get covered in frosting and scowled only half-heartedly at Santana as the girl almost choked to death on her own cake laughing at her. Rachel cut her slice into smaller pieces and ate them one by one, chewing them slowly, enjoying the flavours and the fact that these three girls she barely knew had gone out of their way to include her.
Once they had finished, Quinn got to her feet and went hunting for something to store the cake in. She came back with two similar sized cake tins and cut the cake in half; she handed one tin to Brittany and one to Rachel.
"There, half each. But no more until tomorrow please, Britt, I don't need you on the ceiling all night again!"
Brittany stuck her tongue out at Quinn and let Santana put the tin in her bag so it wouldn't get knocked about too much. Rachel hugged her tin to her chest. The warm glow that had been filling her heart suddenly spread everywhere and she had to battle the urge to burst into tears.
"Right, we had dessert, now it's time for actual food so onwards to Breadstix!" Santana slung her bag onto her back and steered Brittany towards the door. "You coming, Rach?"
Rachel looked round to find all three girls watching her expectantly. She blushed. "I can't tonight, my dads and I have tickets to an amateur production of Rent this evening. They've been looking forward to it for months," The diva saw Santana nod disappointedly.
"Sure thing, Rach. Have fun with your dads, okay?" The Latina let Brittany tug her out the classroom by the hand.
Rachel felt her heart clench.
Quinn nudged the diva with her shoulder. "Don't mind Santana, she'll get it over as soon as she starts inhaling Breadstix."
Rachel gave the blonde a sad smile. "I really wish I could come this time."
Quinn held her gaze. "I know."
Quinn lay awake staring at the ceiling. The glow of Santana's alarm clock on the bedside table told her it was midnight. She sighed and untangled herself from Brittany and Santana's arms to sit on the edge of the bed, her feet just touching the cold, laminated floor below. It was one of those nights again where she just could not get her brain to shut off.
No matter what she tried, she could not stop her mind coming back to Rachel Berry and it was starting to piss her off. The girl was horribly stubborn and annoyingly kind all at the same time and Quinn just wanted to scream at the girl to just tell them what she needed so that they could all get on with their lives together.
Quinn froze. She quirked an eyebrow. Together? Was that what she wanted? Did she really want anyone else to be a part of their little family of three? Could she handle that? She was not as fluid or as accepting as Brittany. The dancer just wanted everybody to be happy, so she hadn't even blinked when she had wandered into Santana's room to find her girlfriend on top of Quinn, their lips locked. Brittany had just thrown herself on the bed next to them, kissed them both on the cheek and watched cartoons like it was the most normal thing in the world. Quinn had later found out that Brittany had long ago told Santana she thought her and Quinn would be hot together so when Santana had raised the idea of polyamory, after explaining what it meant to the tall blonde, Brittany had happily agreed.
Quinn wasn't even as empathetic and open-minded as Santana. The Latina had explained to Quinn that yes, Brittany was her girlfriend and she loved her, but no, that did not mean there wasn't room in her heart for other people too. Love is not a finite resource, you cannot run out of it. So if Quinn wanted to be a part of hers and Brittany's relationship, as something more than she already was, then there was plenty of room and love for her too.
But Rachel Berry was a whole different kettle of fish. And Quinn did not quite know where the diva would fit in… or if she even would fit in at all. Maybe the girl would come crashing into their little bubble and ruin everything. Maybe she wouldn't understand their relationship, their love and would want nothing to do with them after that.
Quinn wasn't quite sure which possibility worried her more. Rachel ruining what they had or Rachel not wanting to be a part of it… She sighed again. She had to admit, the diva had changed since last year. She no longer knew what to expect from the girl and that threw her off. Quinn was very good at reading people and understanding their motives. But currently Rachel didn't seem to know her own reasons for doing things and it made figuring the diva out that much harder.
"Hey," Santana's soft voice pulled her back to earth. "I can hear you worrying from over here, Q. What's up?"
"Nothing. Go back to sleep."
"I don't think so. You're real grouchy if you don't get enough sleep, Q, and I don't think I'm up for practicing my lion taming on you tomorrow." Santana reached over and tugged on the blonde's t-shirt until the girl turned and sat cross legged facing her. "Talk to me."
Quinn was silent for a moment, fiddling with a loose thread on her shorts. Santana propped herself up on her elbow and waited.
"I can't figure out how I feel about Rachel."
Santana nodded slowly. "Okay…"
"I mean, putting everything from last year aside, I just can't quite figure her out and it's pissing me off." She heard Santana chuckle and gave her a prod with her foot. "I think she might be in the same boat as us, you know? I think she's lost and trying to fight her way out of the past."
"That makes sense. So what's tripping you up about her then?"
Quinn could just about make out the curiosity in Santana's eyes in the darkness. She knew that the girl would never judge her nor make her feel shitty about feeling the way she felt. Even so, she hesitated a moment.
"I don't want to lose what we have, S. But even more, I don't want to get hurt again, and I don't want to see you and Britt get hurt either."
Santana smiled softly at her and slipped her hand into Quinn's, lacing their fingers together. "You will never lose us. Okay?"
Quinn nodded, not able to meet the brunette's eyes but squeezed her hand, bringing it to her mouth for a kiss.
"And as for Rachel? I don't know what's going to happen with her. I don't think she even knows what she wants yet, or if she does she's too afraid to admit it!" Santana shifted closer to the blonde until she could rest her chin in her knee. "But we will cross that bridge together or not at all, okay? You and Britt come first."
Quinn's head shot up. "Don't… don't close yourself off to that possibility though, okay? With Rachel?"
Santana cocked her head. "You already like her, don't you?"
Quinn frowned. "I like that she likes you. And that she's kind and considerate with Brittany."
"Maybe I should rephrase. You already care about her… don't you?"
Quinn rolled her eyes but didn't deny it. Santana nudged her with her head until Quinn bent and pressed a kiss to her cheek.
"Smartass."
"Smartass, badass, hot piece of ass, what can't I do?!" Santana rolled onto her back, hand pressed dramatically to her forehead making Quinn snort with laughter.
Santana grinned and watched the blonde with soft eyes.
"What?" Quinn wiped a tear from her eye, still fighting to control her amusement.
"You have every reason in the world to not give a fuck anymore, yet you still do. You're incredible-"
Quinn cut Santana off with a kiss, straddling the girl. Santana did not hesitate to kiss her back and wrapped her arms tight around the blonde's waist. They stayed locked in their embrace for a while, eyes closed, breathing each other in. Their kisses turned soft; Quinn covering every inch of Santana she could reach with kisses until the blonde no longer felt overwhelmed by her love for the girl. Finally, Quinn settled with her head on Santana's chest, safe in the girl's arms, and let her eyes close.
AN: Let me know what you think of the Quinn-centric chapter, I'm enjoying getting to know her better - I hope you are too =)