Cearbhail:

Sorry it's been a while. I've been sick.

Enjoy. =^^=

[Nakuma]

"What the heck does that mean?!" I screamed to the healer. I looked down at Oleeme, who was silently sitting in his medical bed. "He's lost his emotional soul? How is that a thing? How is that even possible?"

The small bubble that qualified as an observation room was filled with me, Oleeme, and Pakinla. Pakinla was a sweet black-scaled Argonian born under the sign of the Ritual and worked as a White Robe for our academy. She was a powerful healer well-known for figuring out every reason for any disease or magical aliment. Right now, she was explaining how Oleeme was different now, and how it happened in the first place.

Pakinla, gestured me to look at an image of Oleeme's brain. "Thanks to our little Soul Chamber, we were able to record Oleeme's every thought. And as we have observed, certain brains cannot handle emotional backlash on a soulic level. Our brains are very sensitive machines that process every thought, every emotion. And every incident, every trauma… also shapes our brains. Some process trauma differently than others, and it's because of this that… sometimes, we miss some obvious clues in the psyches of our potential Shadowwraiths. Oleeme did everything right, he answered every questionnaire correctly. He was brazen, proud, sarcastic, tough. He had a solid mind. Or… so we thought. As we recorded his session, we caught something, and it accelerated faster than we could have anticipated… and we couldn't get him out of the Soul Chamber fast enough."

Pakinla showed me the image of Oleeme standing in the center of the Soul Chamber. "And it was towards the end of his session. Right here." She pointed to a scene of watching Oleeme as a child. He was playing with some Shadow, and I knew enough to know that Oleeme's father was never really in his life. He was always out on assignment.

And I watched as Oleeme turned to look at his dad, only to be welcomed by a slap in the face. He father was wearing Shadowscale armor, and he was reaching for his katana. "No child of mine will be a fucking Shadowwraith!" He stepped forward, taking a swing at Oleeme. Only for his mother to step in front of them. The rest that the image showed was red raining down on top of Oleeme's memory. And I watched as Oleeme's brain lit up. Oleeme screamed as he reached for his head, crying in agony as the Soul Chamber revealed his true emotions, his true anguish. I watched as my friend emotionally crippled himself in seconds.

More and more of the memory played out as Oleeme ran from his house, only to be chased by his father. Throwing knives flew everywhere as Oleeme tried to Shadowport, popping in and out of his father's sword's reach. And it stopped when a Black Reaper showed up. One of the strongest Shadow Masters in Black Marsh popped up, drawing her sword. Master Jinehm showed up. She quickly Shadowported, and all I could hear, all Oleeme could hear, was his father's final breath. The memory exploded into more emotions, as even child Oleeme crumbled to his knees, crying out of his father. The adult Oleeme was fairing no better.

And it was then that I realized why Oleeme grew up in academy before the rest of us. He was brought there by Master Jinehm when she killed her father. I had learned something about the troublemaker that always did anything to mess with me… the perfect student. He must have hated being a Shadowwraith. And being born as an Atronach… something destined to become an Investigator. A Shadow hunter. An Argonian that specializes in hunting Shadowwraiths that have gone rogue, as well as any other form of magick user in our world. His father must have been proud that his son would be something used to kill Shadowwraiths, and angry to find out the opposite. I know there's a rivalry between the two classes, but… to kill his own son… that's too far.

I looked away from the image on Oleeme's brain over to Oleeme sitting in his bed. He was quietly watching the reenactment, his eyes still glowing white. He showed no emotion at all. Nothing. It was like he wasn't even there.

I looked back at Pakinla. "Okay… so I know the how. But... is he going to get better? Is there a chance we will come back to us?"

Pakinla gestured over to Oleeme and sighed. "Nakuma… I've told you this six times already. Oleeme's not braindead. He just can't feel emotions anymore. Well, he can…but to a very limited degree. Whenever he becomes excited, he immediately shuts down any feelings, and it's the same with every other emotion. It's a defense mechanism. If he allows himself to feel anything, his brain thinks that he might revisit the things he witnessed inside the Soul Chamber. And that means… while he might think things, he will not feel them. The Soul Chamber is a monster we use to weed out the feelers. Those who would use our training to do harm to others. Those who would place emotion over thought. You didn't exactly escape unscathed either." She looked down at me, giving me a knowing glance.

I shook my head. She was right. That chamber was exactly like everyone said it was. Very quiet but colorful, and every emotion was expanded. It was like my very soul was ripped open, translated to thought, and then expanded to the very smallest amount, allowing me to analyze every emotion I had inside me. I became emotion. My time at the academy, the hatred I had for my fellow students, the only solace I had being the times where I got to go to the library and study history, ancient lore, magick that Argonians could only dream of replicating with Shadow.

And then… there was Oleeme. I never realized that I had feelings for Oleeme until all that worry about him redoubled onto me while I was inside that chamber. It pushed down on me, every thought about him and how he clambered out, not being the Oleeme I knew before. Even then, I kept thinking of our encounters, how it made my heart race to see what he had planned for me next. I hoped with every thought that it would be civil, only to be crushed under the knowledge that he hated everything I represented. And I always pushed myself harder, to prove to myself that I was above it. Above him. The thoughts, memories, the mocking, they all kept pushing and pushing on me, making me my greatest bully I've ever met, until I cried myself dry. The hour I spent in the Soul Chamber was crushing but when the door opened, I guess I passed. I don't know how I passed when all I did was lie on the floor, crying my eyes out. But apparently failing involves a full breakdown. When you become so stressed that you cease to function (potato).

That was something I had never been taught. I thought Husks were the worst. But… there are others. Something we keep hidden, because we kill them. While Husks exist without emotions, there are others who exist without thought. Pure emotional outlash, and they normally are killed on the spot. They're called Pure Wraiths. The only other kind are where both thought and emotion are shattered. Soulless. The Soulless are killed after a month of rehabilitation. Well, killed if they don't recover, and recovery rate was nonexistent so far. And from I was told… out of our class of 10… only Oleeme and I successfully passed our exams. Only us. We were the only two to immerge functional after coming out of the Soul Chamber. We were in a class of 10. What happened to the other 8? And as I thought about it, I thought better of dwelling on it. My classmages… all dead. Either Soulless… or Pure Wraiths. I was a lucky one. I'm… normal. I'm the only normal one. Why me?

I looked down at Oleeme and reached out for his hand. I was surprised when he didn't refuse to take it. He just grabbed onto it and gave my hand a small rub with his thumb. He glanced up at me, his eyes glowing a dull blue. "I remember that this used to stimulate me in ways I could not explain."

What? My heart skipped a bit as I felt my face flush. He… did he just say something?

"I can explain it now, but it's useless to do so. Love…such a useless emotion." He shook his head. "And to think I fooled myself into thinking that I deserved such an aspect. The life of the abused is not to be happy, just pushed until broken."

I shook my head, fighting tears that were crawling up. He just confessed to me. All this time… all this time he tortured me… and he had… feelings for me? "Dammit, Oleeme. You can't just… say that now. Not after everything you put me through. You think that's love?" I sighed as I turned around. "With your twisted upbringing, you probably would."

There was a knock at the door. Pakinla and I turned around to see Shadowmaster Jinehm standing at the doorway. "Shadowwraith Nakuma Vaqonala, Shadowwraith Oleeme Puparammanx. I wish to speak with you."

Shadowwraith Nakuma? That was going to take some getting used to hearing.

"Why?" I asked a little disapprovingly. We just graduated…our ceremony wasn't for a week, if there was even going to be a ceremony at this rate. With only two survivors, that's a small ceremony. What could the Shadowmaster need with us?

The shadowmaster smiled as she walked into the room. "You're being tasked to the new Shadow Squad. Tomorrow evening we are going to have you meet your new leader, Shadowblade Nexauvia Frazviani."

My scales turned cold. Frazviani? The head royal clan…the master royal clan…in Lilmoth? On the other side of Black Marsh? Oh man…this…I…

I knew I had been accepted to the Shadow Squad… and that… I would be meeting the royal clans. That I would become a noble clan… but… this was really happening. I'm really… I'm actually…

I glanced down at Oleeme. "I guess this means… Oleeme is my partner then?"

Shadowmaster Jinehm nodded. "Yes. You two will be the Shadowwraiths given to the Shadow Squad. You should feel honored, Wraith Nakuma. You survived the Soul Chamber… not many in your upbringing do. Class Tops always end up as the class bottoms." She smirked at me. "Except a few lucky ones… like us." She turned on her heel. "If you two will accompany me. I will escort you to your new chambers, in Lilmoth."

Lilmoth? We're going there now? "But… my…"

She glanced back at me. "Your possessions are already there. Come, now it's your turn."

Well… I guess there's no going back now. Come on, Nakuma… get it together. Your life… if you survive… is about to become a fairy tale.

…

[Vatu]

Graduating from the War Mage training was amazing. We were finally ready to be mobilized and used to destroy the Aedra. I honestly can't wait to get out there and start wreaking havoc on as many Aedra as possible. But before that, there was something we needed to do. Something that was unavoidable.

"PARTY TIME!" Pra'ja screamed, grabbing my hand and pulling me over to the rows upon rows of tables. War Mages from all 4 training programs were lined up, and we were all intermingling, talking about our experiences, our exams, and how we all ended up here at the finish line.

Pra'ja was pulling me into the thick of the party, laughing as she said, "I can't wait to meet Vara. But… before I can, we have to have some fun. Just me… and my brother… and my sister." She reached down, patting Nisha on her head.

"So… your my sister now?" Nisha asked, looking from Pra'ja over to me. "Did you confess to Vatu?" She smiled from ear-to-ear. "Did he accept?"

Pra'ja sighed. She bent down to look Nisha, eye-to-eye. "I'm dating Vara. Your sister."

Nisha's smile drooped. "Oh…" Her whiskers twitched. "So… that means… I have two sisters now." She wrapped her hands around Pra'ja. "I have two sisters now!" And then she glared up at me. "You better get me another sibling. Brother, sister, I don't care."

I shrugged. "Nisha… I'm already dating Nexa."

"And me." Primrose said as she walked up to us. She placed her hand around me. "So, I hear you met your sister, Vara, today. Did you mention me? About how I wanted to meet her?"

I glanced over to Pra'ja… who just went stiff as a board. Nisha looked away from me, nervously chuckling as she headed towards the cheese fondue.

I found my whiskers twitching as I pointed over to Pra'ja. "Um… when I met my sister over the crystal ball… Pra'ja over here…"

Primrose glanced from me over to Pra'ja. "Oh? Did Pra'ja do something to embarrass you?"

Pra'ja chuckled as she scratched at her beak. "Um… I kind of… used to date Vara… when we were kids."

Primrose's face flushed, her jaw slacking. "Wait…"

Pra'ja shrugged. "And it turns out… she wants to continue dating. So… we're girlfriends again."

Primrose's face shattered. "So… there was a chance for her to like me too?" She shook her head, walking away. "I can't believe it. Vatu… Vara… both taken? By Argonians?"

I looked over to Pra'ja. "Well… this is…"

Primrose glanced at me, smiling. "I guess this just means I'll have to try harder on Vatu now."

No! No, no, no! "I'm dating Nexa."

Primrose turned to look at me. "We don't know she's alive, Vatu. If she was… you would have heard from her by now."

I did hear from her just a few days ago. She was locked up and being tortured. On the brink of death. And she was afraid that she was going to die. She didn't say it, but… I could see it. Seeing Nexa scared, it made her seem more genuine. Before, she just seemed like a sadistic version of Pra'ja. One that liked messing with me, while forcing herself on my personal space. Now, in her final moments, she opened up to me, allowing me to see the real her. And knowing that she's alive… at the moment, and in horrible pain… I know it's my fault. I had to go find her. And now that Vara is in my life, I can focus on freeing her. I don't think she'll be happy with me for doing it though.

I sighed as I looked Primrose in the eye. "She's not dead. And she needs my help."

Primrose rolled her eyes. "This conversation again? We already had this discussion, Vatu. And it's going to go in the same direction. Nexa is locked up in Black Marsh, and you… are just going to charge in there and save her? And die in the process? Think she'll want that? Think she'll just…"

My crystal ball started ringing. I looked down at it, seeing Vara's name on it. "Hold on." I answered my crystal ball. "Hi, Vara."

Primrose's face flushed at hearing her name. "Hi, Vatu. I just got in my hot bath, and thought I'd talk to Pra'ja. Is she around?"

I glanced at Primrose. "No, she's not. But… I have another old friend of yours you might want to talk to."

Vara's fur puffed up. "Oh? Who?"

I pointed my crystal ball over to Primrose. "Your old friend, Primrose."

"The Wood Elf girl?" Vara responded, and she started moving around. I could hear bath water splashing around. "The one that kept trying to kiss me?"

I glanced at Primrose, seeing her face turn completely red as she nodded. "Yup. That's me."

Vara glanced at me. "Is she a fodder mage too?"

I nodded. "I wouldn't call us fodder mages… but… yeah. She's one of us."

Vara only sighed. "Great… another potential dead friend. This day just won't let up." She looked away from me over to Primrose. "Hey, girl. How's life treating you? You… you can't see below my head, right?" She glanced at me, and I nodded.

"I love you." Primrose squeaked out, and then her face cracked. "I mean… I think…"

Vara laughed. "You haven't changed one bit. It's too bad, you're an hour too late. I already have a girlfriend."

Primrose sighed. "Story of my life. First your brother, then you."

Vara glanced up at me. "Oh?"

Dammit, Primrose. "Yeah, I'm kind of dating a girl named Nexa."

Vara's eye narrowed. "There's a princess in Black Marsh by that name."

Primrose nodded. "Yup. Same girl." She had a growing grin on her face. She was enjoying this.

"Vatu, you dog!" Vara grimaced. "You're not only dating our enemy… but… the daughter of the man that tried to kill people like us?"

I shrugged. "We didn't meet like that. We had a racist teacher, and we were being picked on by her. She wanted to kill us, basically. So, when class was wrapping up, I waited behind to make sure Nexa could escape the class in one piece. She took her sweet time leaving too. It turned out she was staying behind to kill our professor if she made a move on her, but… at the time, when she finally left the classroom, I followed her out, and then she grabbed me, dragged me into an alleyway, put a knife to my throat… and then kissed me."

Vara busted out into a laugh. "You sure know how to pick them."

Primrose crossed her arms. "And now, Vatu wants to go into Black Marsh to save her life."

"Wait… what?" Vara looked from me over to Primrose. She looked over to me again. "Explain."

So, I gave her the story about how Nexa saved my sister's life, according to what Nisha told me. Vara listened patiently, finally nodding. "So, you feel like you have to do this then? Save the life of Princess Nexa?"

I nodded. "Yeah. She's going to die for what she did."

Primrose nodded. "And here's where you talk him out of it."

"Do it." Vara said. "She's obviously a great person. Her family's done a lot to hurt people like us… but… she saved your sister, knowing what she is. She's a special person, Vatu. Turning against her parents like that… turning against her nation like that. Not everyone can do that, especially for someone they love. That's real, bro."

"What about me?" Primrose said as she walked. "I've done a lot for Vatu too." And she started telling Vara about everything she's done for me, even saving my life at the expense of her own.

At the end of the retelling of our latest healing sessions, Vara sighed. "Wow… you guys." She shook her head. "I know you're being trained to be expendable mages, but…" She shook her head. "What is wrong with you two?" She looked from me Primrose. "You know how fucked up your relationship is? It's damaging in the worst of ways. For both of you!" She looked over to me. "Brother, if you need to save Nexa, do it. But… don't be stupid" She looked over to Primrose. "You need help."

Primrose's ears flattened. "But…"

Vara shook her head. "You don't understand. This… relationship between you two… it's unhealthy. It's borderline abusive! At best, you're holding my brother held in debt to your healing, and you… you're holding yourself hostage to it as well. I'm not the best speaker, but… even I know how to explain this. You healing him, and using it against him to force him to love you… is wrong!"

"But…"

"And expecting him to feel the same for you because you have feelings for him, and using those healings against him… is very wrong."

"It's not like that." Primrose said. "I don't use anything against Vatu. I heal him because I feel the need to, not because I want him to like him."

Vara sighed. She looked over to me. "Brother, I will offer you one warning: if you go to Black Marsh… if you need backup, just call me. I'll be there in a few days." She winked to me. "If you send Pra'ja… I'll be there sooner. Not… too soon, but soon enough to help." She looked back to Primrose. "Hey, Primrose. Listen… I'm serious. You need help. This thing… it doesn't sound healthy. Look, I'm not trying to be a bitch. You were my friend at one point, and I do remember a few times you passed out healing scratches on my knees. You… scared me back then. I didn't understand it, and I think you didn't either. But… you give too much of yourself to others. It's not healthy. Just… try to take care of yourself. Okay? If not for you… then for your friends. We hate seeing you suffer."

I nodded. "That's what I've been trying to tell her."

Primrose glanced down, rubbing her arms. "I'll… I'll try." She nodded a farewell to us. "Goodnight, Vara. Vatu." She turned around. "I have some thinking to do."

Shit… I think I just broke Primrose. I looked over to Vara. "Think I should go apologize to her?"

Vara shook her head. "No. Give her space. She needs it. And you… you need to get me over to Pra'ja before this bath water becomes tepid."

Oh… okay. This was a weird night. Even by my standards.

…

[Deejena]

This was a weird night. I'm sitting at a table, looking at a beautiful roasted boar. Grapes and apples were spread out in fruit bowls across the table, and I was sitting with other Argonians I've never met. All of them were casteless outcasts, myself included. I gave up my life in the Shadow Corps to save the life of a 13-year-old boy. I did not expect my day to end up living in a casteless village.

My heart should be pacing at having my life turned around like this, but… somehow… I'm not bothered. Maybe it's because I didn't really belong back home. My family was dead, I didn't have any friends to speak of. So… I guess I just had my morals. And my morals allowed me to save a life instead of take one. Some assassin I turned out to be.

I glanced down at my enchanted katana. I suppose it's for the right thing. I did the right thing. I know I did. The boy in question did nothing wrong but see something he shouldn't have. That could easily be me one day. And if that means that someone would hunt me down, I would certainly run and escape to some casteless camp on the outskirts of Black Marsh too. As it was… we were under one of the many dangerous parts of Argonia. I recognized these swamps. The Shadow Corps don't patrol here often. I wonder if we'll be safe here.

"Hey there." Onastvee, a rogue Shadowscale I met earlier today, pulled up a seat next to me. "So, I figured you're new here, and probably need a totally awesome best friend to show you around, answer your questions, make you feel comfortable, and possibly tell you about all the totally awesome boys. Like Neetsa." She pointed to a green-scaled boy sitting at a table on the other side of the bonfire. "He ran away with me. He's so cool. But… he's totally my boyfriend, so you can't have him anyway. But… there is also…"

I stopped her. "Thanks, Onastvee. I think I'll be fine." I wasn't sure how long I would actually stay here. I had to think of a plan. And I set my eyes on the yellow-scaled boy I threw my life away for. I had to talk to him.

I pushed myself away from the table, getting ready to approach him, but I was drawn away from him over to the elder of the camp: Shadowmaster Gazhira. "I know we had to leave in short notice, but… here's to another day." He held up a glass of bloodvine wine. "Tonight we toast to the deaths of Moonika and her son, Sar."

Everyone held up a glass, silent. I held up a glass of water, looking around. No one glanced at me. I guess that means everyone blames me for their death then. I mean… I did watch Vistha cut the mother and her son down.

"And while we're at it. Let's welcome our newest resident. I won't spill her past. If she's willing, I'm sure she'll tell us who she is in time. But for now, let's welcome." He looked over to me. "What shall we call you?"

Everyone glanced over to me, and I took that as my cue to stand up. I cleared my throat. "Deejena. My name is Deejena."

I slowly slid myself back into my seat, and I realized that people were expecting me to continue telling them about me. And honestly… I didn't want to. I didn't trust these people yet, and… the practice of blood magick is heavily frowned upon, almost down-right forbidden in lesser families. If I introduced my full name, or who I was as a person… I could quickly become the town subject. And the silent scorned girl who gets backward glances at. I don't want that. Not again.

Onastvee patted me on the shoulder. "See? That wasn't so hard."

Shadowmaster glanced at me, and I could tell he understood. He addressed the rest of the town, holding up his glass. "To Moonika, Sar, and our newest rebel… Deejena."

Everyone called our names as they took their drink of bloodvine wine. I brought my glass of water to my lips, silently apologizing to the mother and her son… for my involvement in their deaths. I could have warned the town, but… I foolishly thought that we were only here for one target. I never expected the entire town to suffer for our mission.

"I know it's short notice, but…" Shadowmaster Gazhira glanced at me. "Deejena. I would be honored to teach you the ways of the Shadowblade. If you'd be interested."

I looked down at my plate of grapes. I owed this town a lot for what I almost did to it. I sighed as I nodded. "And I would be honored to learn from you."

His eyes turned black as Shadow consumed his eyes. "We will begin in the morning."

"Yay!" Onastvee wrapped her arms around me. "You're a Shadowblade? Like Urjinrash? That means… we have two Shadowblades now?"

Shadowmaster Gazhira nodded. "Yes. If we get these two trained up… we'll have a proper defense for the next time we have to fight those Shadows." He looked at the town. "I won't be around forever. Eventually my body will begin to fail. And with your help, we can keep all of this alive. With your help, Deejena…" He glanced at me. "You can help defend this camp. All these Argonians that just want to live their lives in peace. And with your help… and with Urjinrash's help, I know I can train you become as strong as me one day. I can help you get there."

I nodded. "I understand." Well, I guess this is my new life now. I hope I live up to it.

"Don't worry. Neetsa and I are both Shadowscales." Onastvee said. "We'll totally be training right beside you. And helping you defend our little home. We're sisters-in-arms now."

I tried to smile. "Thanks, Onastvee." I just need to adjust to my new life. And yeah… I kind of wanted this. I wanted someone to take me under the Shadowblade apprenticeship. I never would have guessed it was one of the oldest Shadowmasters still alive. Not to mention one of the strongest.

I looked back over to Shadowmaster Gazhira. "I'm ready now."

He smirked. "First thing's first. Eat your dinner, pick out a tent, and a tentmate. And then… we'll begin in the morning."

"Oh, me!" Onastvee wrapped her arm around me. "Pick me."

I looked over to the Shadowblade-in-training. "I should share a tent with my teammate."

Urjinrash's feathers flicked at hearing that. "Um…" He glanced at Neetsa. "I'm with him."

I guess it would be awkward for him to sleep in the same tent as me. I guess I should…

I glanced at Onastvee and felt my scales twitch. I didn't want to share a tent with her. She's loud… kind of annoying.

I looked around the camp for anyone else to share a tent with me. A lot of people avoided my glance, and I knew I was stuck with Onastvee.

I sighed as I said, "Sure… we can share a tent." Why did it bother me so much to share a tent with her? I've shared tents with my fellow Shadowscales all the time. And Ram-ku and Vistha were annoying enough as it was. But Onastvee… she's really annoying to me. And it's not just that she talks a lot.

"That's awesome. Just you wait, Deejena, we're going to be as close as sisters. Super best friends. You'll really like it here, I swear it. Just you wait."

Great… can't wait.

Cearbhail:

So, it sucks that Primrose has become this... toxic character. She didn't used to be, and by that, I mean... I never intended her relationship to be so toxic... but it is. It really is. And I'm glad someone can see that now. Maybe this will be her chance to turn her life around. Maybe... maybe not. She used to be the primary love interest, and now... she's like this... toxic person you don't want in your life. Like at all. Maybe it just shows how much I've evolved as a person to see her as this now. Or maybe I lost something in translation with her character last book. But... this is who she is presently. She has a lot to overcome. Everyone does.