Just a quick chapter about Charlotte when she's twelve. Writing to get us through the pandemic! Hope you enjoy!
Charlotte stares out of the dusty car window, book hanging limply in her hand. They have arrived at Lorelai's for the weekend, something she usually loves, but today Charlotte feels strangely resistant. She is twelve years old on this hot summer's afternoon and while she doesn't know where it is she'd rather be, Charlotte knows it's not here. Annie is squirming between her and Richie, desperate for the bathroom, and the moment Rory stops the car Richie leaps out, tugging his sister's seatbelt off for her. Lorelai is waiting on the porch but Annie stumbles past her, simply wailing, "Need to pee!"
"Got it," Lorelai says, eyebrows crinkling as she laughs. "Hey guys!"
"Hi Mom!" Rory exclaims, giving her mother a quick hug. "Just going to check on the bathroom situation."
"If she got pee on the floor I'm not going in there," Richie declares and sighs as Lorelai says, "Well, you're not going in the yard if she did. You good, Cool Dude?"
Richie hugs his grandmother in answer and, as he follows Rory into the house, Lorelai looks over at Charlotte.
"Hey, sweets. Do I get a hug?"
Charlotte gives Lorelai a small smile, awkwardly hugging her and feels embarrassed as Lorelai holds her tightly and places a kiss on the top of her head.
"You okay?" she asks, stepping back and looking into her granddaughter's eyes. Charlotte nods, making herself smile again and to her relief Lorelai turns her attention to Jess who is getting the last of their things from the car. Charlotte wanders into the house to see Rory lead Annie out of the bathroom and say gratefully, "All good."
Richie wastes no time running past them and slamming the door shut and, eyebrows raised, Rory remarks, "Good thing Mom's lawn was spared."
"What's that about my lawn?" Lorelai asks, coming in with Jess, and chuckles as Rory says, "You don't want to know."
"I bet. Okay, who wants coffee? There's lemonade for the smaller guests."
"I'm not a small guest," Charlotte says indignantly and Lorelai laughs, pulling on one of Charlotte's curls.
"Maybe so, but you're not a teenager yet Miss Charlotte. Can I interest you in a cookie to make up for it?"
"I want a cookie!" Annie shouts and laughs as Lorelai picks her up, whirling her around.
"I haven't had my hug yet!"
Annie gives Lorelai a big kiss on the cheek, giggling, but Lorelai lowers her to the ground as Rory says nervously, "I don't know if spinning her around the room is great after she's been in the car that long."
"I only had to pee, Mommy," Annie says indignantly, making everyone laugh. Lorelai starts making the drinks and Charlotte drifts out of the room, pulling on the petal of a plant in a vase. Why are her family so embarrassing? Why does she have to put up with a nine-year-old brother and a three-year-old sister who both, worryingly, love talking about their bathroom habits? And her parents find it funny! Why was she born into this family? Of course, a nasty voice in Charlotte's mind whispers, she half wasn't. She has another father.
To shake it, Charlotte goes to the bathroom herself, running the hot water over her hands until it starts to smart. When she comes out Lorelai has the lemonade prepared and, although Charlotte is still campaigning for coffee, she accepts a large glass. It always tastes perfect, Charlotte thinks as she alternates large gulps with bites of her cookie. Her attempts never come close, even without including the time she accidentally used salt instead of sugar. Just thinking of it makes Charlotte's nose wrinkle and she puts the glass down.
They walk over to the diner for Luke's, Annie insisting on holding Lorelai's hand. Rory is walking with Richie and Charlotte falls into step with Jess. They walk silently for a little while until Jess asks, "What's going on with you?"
"What do you mean, Dad?"
"Nothing - just wondering how your day's going, what you're thinking about," Jess says mildly. "You were quiet in the car."
Charlotte shrugs. She thinks of saying how middle school is the worst, how spending the morning in the car was the worst, and how she didn't get an email from Logan this morning. Jess is looking at her expectantly but Charlotte simply says, "I don't feel like talking."
"Oh," Jess replies, sounding a little hurt. "Okay."
They walk quietly and Charlotte bites her lip. She feels like she should be saying sorry but it's true, she doesn't want to talk. She doesn't want to hurt her dad either and finally Charlotte asks, "Are you okay, Dad?"
"I'm fine," Jess says, his voice normal again. "I'm walking with my girl, of course I'm good. I just want to know if you are."
"I'm fine," Charlotte says firmly, hoping saying it makes it true. Jess puts his arm around her, making Charlotte embarrassed again, but she doesn't shake it off. When did it start, this awkwardness? Charlotte used to hold her father's hand without thinking and suddenly just walking beside him became strange.
Luke hurries around the counter to greet them, beaming, and wraps all three of his grandchildren into a hug at once and lifts Annie onto the counter. Seeing her charm the customers reminds Charlotte of the photos of her in the diner as a toddler, dressed in an apron with her own notepad. Lorelai had a thing for putting her in silly costumes. The waitress one is kind of cute, Charlotte has to admit, apart from one when she got hold of the ketchup bottle and poured it all over herself. There is a picture of her right after the fact, eyes wide and ketchup smeared in her hair, and whenever Jess sees it he bursts out laughing. Charlotte finds it funny and humiliating all at the same time, and right now it leans to the latter. Lorelai took new photos of Annie in the diner not too long ago and right now, no one is comparing them to the ketchup incident. Jess has just been talking about how cute the new shots are.
Luke starts putting burgers and fries onto plates for everyone and hurriedly places them down before running to grab the phone, the cord tangling as he walks. No one will even try telling him to get a new one. Absently, Charlotte chews a fry as she looks out of the window, seeing Lane and her boys walk down the street. They'll go over there later, which won't be too bad. Aunt Lane has great music and Steve and Kwan are cool too, so cool that Charlotte gets shy around them. She doesn't want to sound like a dumb kid. If she ties her hair back, will she look older? Will it stop her mouth doing that garbled babble thing? Charlotte's pondering is cut short as Richie kicks her leg and, angrily, she throws a fry at him and he throws one back before Jess lifts their plates up, giving a standard parent warning. Whatever, Charlotte silently sulks in retort. She's too mature for a little brother anyway.
Charlotte eats half of her burger and most of the fries before pushing away her plate.
"You're not hungry?" Rory asks in surprise and frowns as Charlotte says, "I just feel kind of weird." Her mother places a hand on Charlotte's head before she can stop her and remarks, "You don't seem sick."
"I said I'm fine," Charlotte says impatiently, getting up. "Can I go back?"
"Back by yourself? We're not done yet."
"But we're going back to Grandma's after this, right?" Charlotte says impatiently. "Please Mom - I just want to go lie down."
"I thought you didn't feel sick."
"I don't, I just -" Charlotte lets out an impatient breath and says, "I'm kind of tired. Can I go back to the house?"
"I'll go with you."
"I'm not a baby!" Charlotte whines. "I can walk home by myself!"
"Charlotte, you're too young to be home by yourself."
"But Mom...!"
Rory is undeterred and Charlotte marches ahead of her in frustration, enjoying how each thump of her foot sends up a cloud of dust. Sweat is streaming down her sides, making her arms sticky. When she was younger she used to get excited for Lorelai to set up the sprinkler on hot afternoons, but Charlotte feels too old for it. She's too old for kid stuff and too young to be left alone and grouchily Charlotte kicks a stone out of the way.
"Nice mood you're in," Rory remarks. "Want to talk about it?"
"No," Charlotte says sullenly, making her mother raise her eyebrows. She's reminded all over again about not getting an email that morning. She hates Logan. She hates everyone and suddenly Rory is stepping in front of her, making her stop.
"I don't know what's got you in this funk, but you're not going to Lane's if you're going to sulk like this."
"I don't care," Charlotte says, her face crumpling and then she's running as fast as she can, past the gazebo and down to the house. What's wrong with her, she thinks as she catches her breath. She's crying! Charlotte never used to cry like this or get mad like this, not without something happening, and definitely never when she visited Nana Lorelai. Charlotte cries silently into her arms until Rory comes into sight but, before she can try and explain to her mother, Babette and Miss Patty are stopping and talking to her. Charlotte slowly gets up and lets herself into the house with the key inside the turtle. It feels good to have space, even if only for five minutes.
Charlotte kicks off her shoes and wanders into her mother's bedroom, lifting her fingers to the lace on the curtain and catching her reflection in the glass. Her cheeks are pink, her brown hair mussed and tangled. Does she look as awkward as she feels? Being twelve feels like a punishment for something. Charlotte's body has betrayed her this year. Her chest was always stubbornly flat until one day, before she'd even noticed it was happening, two bumps had pushed out, making use of the bra she'd been wearing to no avail. Charlotte hates her bra. It sticks to her chest, the cups bagging, and Charlotte is caught between wanting something to actually fill it or not having to deal with it at all. Her hips have started jutting out and all her old clothes are too tight and Charlotte hates it, with every fibre of her being. She wants to just go back to two years ago when she never even thought about having a body. Now something seems to be changing every day, with no sign of stopping, and Charlotte lies down on the bed, anxiously running a hand across her new curves. Slow down, she orders silently. Slow down. If all of this wasn't enough, she's had a weird tightness across her back and front for the past two days, ebbing and flowing. Charlotte was scared she was getting sick but it eased off last night and she'd chalked it down to too much Chinese food, but here it is again, just as it was in the diner. She feels the ache wrap around her and balls up her hands until it loosens again. Maybe Rory will have to take her home early. Where is her mother? Miss Patty and Babette must be gabbing even more than usual.
Getting up, Charlotte meanders over to the shelves, pulling out and skimming over some of the books and half-heartedly reads a few pages before putting them back. She can't concentrate. The collection of pictures on the desk tugs her eye and Charlotte lifts them, examining the teenage version of her mother. Will she ever look like that? It seems impossible. Charlotte can't picture herself at sixteen, as an adult, but maybe that'd be better than this. Being twelve can't last forever, right?
With that in mind, Charlotte goes into the bathroom. She pulls her shorts and underwear down and stops, frozen. No. This can't be happening - not now, not ever if Charlotte could decide it. There is a rusty stain in her underpants and Charlotte yelps, staring at it. Is this her period?
"Mom!" Charlotte shouts desperately. "MOM!"
The house is stubbornly silent. Not knowing what to do, Charotte stuffs her underwear with toilet paper and scrubs at her hands before carefully walking out, her heart thumping. She doesn't have a cellphone and her parents and grandmother took theirs with them. Think! What if Rory doesn't come back until Jess joins her? Charlotte can't bear the thought of waiting for everyone to come back at once and, looking around the room, her eyes rest on Lorelai's landline. Charlotte very rarely sees it in use but knows it still works - Grandpa Luke likes to call people on it. On wobbly legs, Charlotte walks over and dials the number Rory made her remember. It rings a few times and then a puzzled voice answers, "Charlotte? Is that you?"
"Mom," Charlotte says, her voice shaking, and then Rory sounds scared as she asks, "Honey, what's going on?"
"I need you to come home!"
"Charlotte, what's wrong?"
"I need you," Charlotte says, starting to cry. "I need you right now!"
"Charlotte, what happened?"
"I got my period!" Charlotte shouts, the words echoing through the empty house. "Mom, I don't know what to do!"
"I'm coming," Rory says, sounding gentle now. "Sit tight, angel. It's okay."
Charlotte hangs up the phone, tears dripping down her nose. Hugging her knees to her chest, she sits tightly on the couch until her mother's key turns in the lock and Rory runs into the house.
"I'm here, Charlotte!"
Charlotte jumps up, throwing herself into Rory's arms like a little kid and her mother holds her tightly for a moment, kissing her cheeks.
"I'm sorry - Patty wouldn't let me leave until this kid showed me some dance number and I figured it'd only be a few minutes...are you okay?"
Charlotte can't stop crying and Rory rocks her for a minute.
"It's okay, angel. It's okay. Well, a period kind of sucks but you're okay."
Rory sits Charlotte on the couch where she gives her a large glass of lemonade and rummages through her purse. She looks through again, peering into the bag and sighs.
"What?" Charlotte asks and Rory says, "I don't have anything you can use. I'm sorry - I thought I had a pad in here but guess not."
"What do I do?" Charlotte asks, feeling panicky and vigorously shakes her head as Rory says, "We'll have to go to Doose's."
"No! No way!"
"But -"
"Everyone will know," Charlotte sobs. "I don't want them to know!"
"They don't have to know they're for you!"
"They will!"
"Honey, it's nothing bad," Rory says, sitting beside her daughter. "There's nothing wrong with buying that stuff."
Charlotte starts crying again and Rory sighs, patting her daughter's leg.
"Okay, I get it. I remember the first time I bought pads in Doose's and I was so mortified, because it was this new cashier I had a crush on, and I just couldn't deal with that."
"What did you do?" Charlotte asks, sniffling, and Rory laughs.
"I dumped it all in the food aisle and bought candy instead, which actually came in helpful. I went back for the other stuff like an hour later, when the cute guy was on his break."
"So it was okay?"
"Not really, because Babette was there and she gave me this whole speech about womanhood right there at the register," Rory says, making Charlotte giggle. "But it was okay. You'll be okay."
"Mom, I really don't want to go to the store."
"I know," Rory says, and pulling out her cellphone, she says, "Option B - I get Mom to buy it for you. Is that reasonable?"
"I guess," Charlotte says, wiping her eyes. She's not thrilled with one more person knowing, but figures Lorelai would find out anyway. Rory makes the call and less than fifteen minutes later Lorelai is back, a bag laden in her arms which she drops on the table and says proudly, "For all your needs, seeing how you're a woman now!"
In the bag is a box of sanitary pads and tampons, painkillers, chocolate and a Judy Blume book. Charlotte feels kind of overwhelmed and, taking the sanitary towels says, "Thank you, Nana."
"It's the least I can do," Lorelai says seriously. "My mom just pointed at a cupboard of the stuff when I was eleven and said it would be there when I needed it. End of discussion, and she wondered why I got pregnant? Not that I wanted to discuss it with her! And this one gave me a pro and con list!"
"Mom!" Rory exclaims, blushing. "You make it sound like I wrote it the second I got it!"
"It was close enough!"
"What was on the list?" Charlotte can't help asking and Rory coughs.
"Pros were being able to get pregnant, though I added a caveat that I didn't know if was really a positive, not having to do PE and not feeling like a little kid. The cons were stuff like cramps. But I didn't even have a frame of reference at that point, and I sucked so much at PE that the teachers didn't care if I had it or not."
"Then when you got it you just tore the list up and said it was all a cosmic joke anyway," Lorelai laughs and Rory nods.
"It is!"
"Glad to hear it," Charlotte says awkwardly, getting up. "I'll be right back."
She doesn't dare ask more about the cosmic joke. As Charlotte emerges from the bathroom Lorelai asks, "Are you okay, sweets?"
"I'm fine...it just feels weird."
"Yeah, I know," Lorelai says sympathetically. "It sucks - I remember."
"I also remember how you'd steal half my pad supply," Rory says grumpily. "Usually right when I needed one too!"
"Well, those happy days are behind us now!"
"I don't want it," Charlotte says, eyes brimming. "Make it go away!"
"Honey," Rory says, pulling her into a hug. "It's not something bad!"
"Um, yeah it is," Lorelai says and, after Rory's glare, she sits down with them and says, "It's not all bad, Charlotte. It means you're growing up!"
"It just means I can have a baby," Charlotte sniffles. "Big deal."
"Maybe don't say that to your dad," Rory says, sounding amused. "But Charlotte, it doesn't just mean that. It means you're getting older."
"I don't want to get older!" Charlotte sobs. "I hate getting older! I miss being a kid!"
"You don't want to be a kid forever," Lorelai says gently and Charlotte says fiercely, "Yes I do! I hate wearing a bra and feeling weird and having this, I hate this! I want it to stop!"
"It's not all bad, growing up," Rory says, squeezing Charlotte's arm. "You can be independent, live your own life, and maybe someday you'll fall in love."
"I don't want to fall in love! I can't even talk to boys!"
"What boys?"
"No one," Charlotte mumbles, blushing, and her mother and grandmother exchange a look. "I just hate all of this!"
"It's not going to be this bad forever," Rory says, lifting her daughter's chin up. "You're just at an awkward stage. We all go through it."
"Unfortunately, when your heart is involved, it all comes out in moron," Lorelai says seriously. "That never changes, but you know, we'll be here. And we might be your mom and grandma but we felt just the same as you did, and we got through it."
"I promise it'll be okay," Rory says, kissing the top of Charlotte's head. "Now I say we break out that chocolate!"
"And a cup of coffee," Lorelai says and, eyes wide, Charlotte sees Lorelai bring in three cups and pass one to her.
"Really, I can drink coffee too?"
"Big day, you becoming a woman," Lorelai says, sitting beside her. "Well, not totally, but you're starting to grow up, that's big. It certainly calls for a cup of coffee."
Slowly, Charlotte lifts the cup to her lips and breathes in the scent before taking a deep sip. It's bitter and steaming and after a moment Charlotte knows she loves it. Swallowing, she takes another, beaming across cup and making Lorelai and Rory laugh.
"She's definitely a Gilmore," Lorelai says proudly as Charlotte finishes the cup. "Welcome to the club!"
"But you're not drinking as much as we are," Rory says hastily. "You're still only twelve!"
"Can I just have one more cup - please?"
They compromise on half and then Jess, Richie and Annie come in, talking over each other. Richie and Annie announce they've almost perfected a cartwheel, insisting that their mother and grandmother watch, leaving Jess and Charlotte alone in the room. Jess looks at Charlotte and the bag she hasn't put away yet and Charlotte feels a deep blush fill her cheeks.
"I'm fine," she mumbles. "So you don't have to ask."
"Okay," Jess says gently, sounding a little embarrassed himself. "But if you need anything..."
"Grandma covered it."
"So it seems," Jess says, nodding at the bag. "Not that I'm an expert."
"I'm fine," Charlotte says again, picking up the bag and hiding it with the blanket. "We don't need to talk about it."
Jess nods, still looking at her, and their attempt at conversation is broken as Richie and Annie run back into the house, desperate to try a handstand. Once they've settled down Annie lifts up a magazine left on the couch and proudly reads a brand new word, causing her parents and grandmother to exclaim with excitement and get out the camera. Whilst Charlotte wanted a little peace, she can't help thinking it's typical that Annie is taking the attention. Along with that Charlotte feels a kind of angry tightness inside. She wishes she had nothing to worry about, and was learning to read new words instead of learning a new element to her body.
They go to Lane's that night and, although she doesn't say anything, Charlotte can tell Lane knows from the gentle way she talks to her that Rory must have said something. Steve and Kwan leave soon after dinner so Charlotte doesn't have to worry too much about forming words. It's a shame, she thinks as she pats the updo she tried putting her hair in, that she worried about it for nothing. The hairstyle is coming loose and, impatient, Charlotte shakes it out. It's a hot night and she goes outside for a moment, eating some chips and sipping soda as she looks at the stars. She's so intent on them that she jumps as Jess comes out and says, "Mind if I join you?"
"Sure," Charlotte says quietly. She braces herself, positive her father will give some embarrassing speech, but they stand in silence for a moment until he says, "You don't have to talk to me about this stuff - I know it's kind of embarrassing and you've got your mom and Lorelai. But if you want to, you can."
Charlotte nods in the dark and Jess looks over at her, adding, "You can talk to me about anything, Charlotte. I don't mean just this."
"I know," Charlotte says and somehow, not having an email from Logan doesn't feel quite as bad. She doesn't want to talk about it but she feels okay, standing here with her dad. He'll probably do some dorky father stuff tomorrow, she's sure, like make a book pun or three. He might even buy her a book, which makes Charlotte smile to think of. That part's not so dorky. They stand outside for a while, looking at the stars, but as they turn to head back in Charlotte takes Jess's hand. He looks surprised, smiles, and squeezes it back. Charlotte drops it as they walk through the door but still feels less awkward than before.
Charlotte wakes up early the next morning in her mother's bed. Richie and Annie are passed out on the floor in sleeping bags, breathing heavily, and don't wake as their sister steps over them. Padding into the kitchen greets Charlotte with the sight of Lorelai making a pot of coffee.
"Ah! Just in time!" Lorelai announces and Charlotte smiles bashfully as she asks, "Want a cup?"
"A real cup?"
"If by a real cup you mean a full one, then yes, but you might have to negotiate for two."
Charlotte sits at the table and as Lorelai pours one her mother enters the room, yawning.
"Good morning," she says, smiling at her mother and daughter. "May I join you?"
"Since when have you ever asked for a cup of coffee?" Lorelai scoffs, indicating with the percolator. "Your cup's right there."
For a moment they all sit silently, sipping the brew, and a new kind of happiness spreads through Charlotte. This feels different than usual, like she's part of a secret club. They drink their coffee until Lorelai lifts her cup.
"To the newest, fully fledged Gilmore," she announces. "We're thrilled you could join us."
"Are you okay, sweets?" Rory asks, putting her arm around Charlotte, who smiles at her.
"I'm happy to be a Gilmore."
"You sure you just don't want more coffee?" Lorelai teases and Charlotte laughs. It's that too but she's happy she's here, in this moment, with her mother and grandmother on this special morning. Growing up isn't so awful after all.