This chapter is a missing scene from Flux, where Jess goes to Luke for some advice. Enjoy!
Jess walks into the diner, almost tripping over the newest seasonal decoration for Stars Hollow on the way. His uncle is wiping the counter and looks up in surprise.
"Jess, hey!" he exclaims, going over to him. "I didn't know you were in town."
"Sort of a surprise visit - hope that's okay."
Jess finished work early and decided to see Luke on the spur of the moment. Rory's still at work and the kids are in school for some hours still. Jess suddenly couldn't face being at home and trying to shut out his worries with a book he knows he wouldn't read.
"Of course it's okay," Luke says cheerfully. He hands a customer their order and as he turns back Jess remarks, "Nice pile of pumpkins out there - I especially love how the middle one's grinning at you."
"Taylor's choice," Luke protests and, as Jess looks at him, amends, "Okay, and Lorelai said it looked cheerful."
"Real cheerful - Jack O'Lantern nearly broke my ankle walking in."
"Yeah, well. It looks festive and that matters more, supposedly."
Jess gives an amused grunt and Luke grins.
"You want me to fix you something? Kirk came in for his pattymelt and there's some stars and squares left over."
"How can I resist that?"
Jess tries to sound jovial but his uncle frowns, concerned as he asks, "Jess, is everything okay?"
"Why?"
"You look kind of tired."
Jess shrugs and Luke says, "Hey, Caeser can cover for a little while. Come talk upstairs about it."
"You don't have to leave the diner."
"It's fine, Caeser's here, and Lorelai's always telling me I'm too old for this gig anyway. Come on, humour your uncle for once."
"All I do is humour you," Jess quips but he follows Luke upstairs without argument. The apartment he and Luke lived in in simply an office now but it looks the same, even without Jess's bed in the corner. Smells the same too. Sinking down at the table, Jess smiles appreciatively as Luke gets two beers from the fridge.
"Heading straight for the good stuff, huh?"
"Seems like that kind of talk. Besides, customers have been driving me crazy."
"Don't they always drive you crazy?" Jess asks, taking off his jacket and tossing it onto the couch he and Rory used to make such good use of.
"Yeah, but it's worse today," Luke says, sitting down. "Or maybe it's those ridiculous pumpkins by the door - I've seriously considered making them into pie. Actually, kicking them in would be enough."
Jess laughs at that, taking a swig of beer. "You're probably half the reason I pulled all those pranks - weren't you the guy who broke the bells? Got that gene from somewhere and I'm guessing it was you."
"That or this town," Luke agrees, drinking some beer as well. "Drive anyone with a grain of sanity up the wall."
They both chuckle but Luke leans forward, serious as he asks, "What's going on?"
Jess pauses, twisting the bottle in his hands before saying, "I don't know."
"Yes you do," Luke retorts and Jess sighs, the exhaustion he sensed before swathing him.
"I'm tired," he says eventually. "There's a lot of stuff going on right now - stuff at home."
"Is Rory okay?"
"Rory's fine. It's Charlotte."
"Ah."
"She's got this boyfriend," Jess says, frustration growing just at the words. "She's never dated before. And it's...it's just been a lot lately, Luke. I don't know what I'm doing."
Jess takes a long drink of beer, closing his eyes in relief. It feels good to finally voice it.
"You don't know what to do about her dating?"
"It's not just that. She's sixteen. I don't know what the hell I'm doing with a teenager. Ever since she hit puberty she's had a little attitude, and right now it's basically tripled. She seems mad at us all the time, she's not focusing on school and now she's dating this total loser!"
Luke coughs and Jess's eyes widen as he sees that his uncle is laughing, his chuckles breaking into loud guffaws.
"Something about that amusing?" Jess asks, caught between annoyed and incredulous, and Luke coughs again before composing himself.
"I'm sorry - no, that's a lie. Do you know what this is, Jess? This is you getting karma, or whatever they call it, for being a complete punk as a teenager."
Jess's mouth drops open and Luke continues, "When you lived here, it was as if you took each day as a challenge to annoy me more. I'd calm down everyone after whatever prank you pulled and you'd already caused some other kind of chaos. And you didn't study, you dated Rory and whenever I tried talking some sense into you I got some smartmouthed comment in return! So if your daughter is doing exactly the same thing to you, I'm sorry, but I find that pretty funny, and I'm thankful to the universe for turning it around!"
"Oh yeah, it's really hilarious," Jess says sarcastically but he can't help smiling a little. Put like that, he guesses it is kind of funny. If in some far-off day in the future, Charlotte comes complaining to him about her teenager, Jess can't promise he won't laugh either. He drinks more beer for a moment and finally Jess puts the bottle on the table with a clunk.
"Okay, okay," he says. "I get what you're saying - I do. But seriously Luke, I have no clue about any of this."
"Do you think I had any clue what to do with you?"
"Luke, I'm winging it every day!"
"So did I!" Luke exclaims. "Jess, do you think anyone knows what the hell they're doing? You can read all the books, take all the classes, and still get a curveball."
"Luke, I think it's pretty safe to say you never studied up on this."
"Okay, fine, and maybe it would have helped if I had. But maybe not. Point is, parents are figuring it out every day. I tried being strict, I tried relaxing, but no matter what, you seemed hellbent on ignoring me. You definitely weren't listening to anything I had to say."
That sobers Jess up. He swallows, remembering, and says, "Luke, I was an idiot back then."
"You were seventeen."
"And I thought I knew everything."
"Like I said, you were seventeen."
"I'm sorry. You did everything for me."
"Jess, it's okay," Luke says gently. "We've been through this, it was years ago. You were just a kid. It's not as if I was perfect either - I said you had to go."
"I was eighteen then."
"And I was too stupid and proud to go after you."
"We both were," Jess says quietly. "Luke, you did the best you could...you might not have been perfect, but you were there for me, and I knew it. It was easier to shut you out."
"I tried," Luke says simply. "Joke was on me for thinking taking you in would be easy!"
"But you did, and you gave me a home and believed I could actually do something with my life. That was more than anyone else did. I was so mad at the world I didn't appreciate it."
"I knew you were smart enough to do anything," Luke says softly. "Underneath it all, you were a good kid. I knew if you stopped messing around you could do something great and look, here you are. Made me proud."
Jess smiles, thinking of his world now, and how different it was to how he pictured it back then. He thinks of Rory, his writing and his kids and then sombres again.
"Guess this goes back to the karma thing," he says, trying to sound light. "Charlotte's smart - she can do anything she puts her mind to. But it's like she's determined not to do anything."
Jess looks up but Luke isn't smiling this time, and he asks, "So what is she doing?"
"Nothing - that's my point. She's not studying, not reading, not caring about anything but her boyfriend."
"I see," Luke says drily. "So tell me about the guy."
"His name's Tyler," Jess says, the name sour in his mouth. "He goes to school with her, he lives in some fancy house and thinks education is a means to an end."
"What does that mean?"
"It means he's a pretentious asshole!"
The corners on Luke's mouth quiver and he breaks into laughter again, to Jess's disgust.
"It's not funny!"
"You hate him," Luke says gleefully. "Come on, tell me how you really feel."
"Okay fine, I hate him," Jess says, sitting up. "And objectively, or whatever, I know he's a kid, but I really hate him, Luke. He's a little punk. He thinks he's got the greatest mind since Einstein and goes around singing the praises of Ayn Rand, a political nut, and Charlotte is looking at him with these ridiculous puppy dog eyes, and he just loves it. He's dating her, my daughter, and I just want to smack him whenever he looks at her!"
"Jeez, don't hold back."
"Hey, you asked for an honest opinion!"
"Fine, fine. So how serious is it?"
"She hasn't been dating him that long, but it's long enough," Jess says grumpily, swigging more beer. "He came over for dinner the other night and that was pretty much a disaster."
"Disaster how?"
"We kept asking him questions and got monosyllabic answers - don't say that's like me," Jess says quickly. "I know. But it's different."
"Different how?"
"Look, I know I was a pain, but I cared about Rory," Jess says seriously. "And I cared about you, even if I was sarcastic all the time. I messed up the dinner with Emily but I tried, I swear, even if it all went to hell. I didn't plan on traffic, I didn't plan on the black eye - I could have handled it better but I wasn't trying to be a jerk. And this kid comes waltzing in just smirking the whole time, telling Rory she should reread The Fountainhead! And Charlotte's sitting there thinking he's the brightest guy her age and there's nothing smart about him, believe me. She's so into him I think the rose-coloured glasses are permanently attached to her face."
"What does Rory think of him?"
"I'd say she's got a pretty similar opinion."
"Did you tell Charlotte how you feel about him?"
"Rory and I gave her the toned down version and she still went ballistic - said we were never going to give him a chance, and how we screwed up first impressions with parents. We've told her way too much. But I wouldn't like Tyler even if he wasn't dating Charlotte, and I swear I had an open mind. We met him before and Rory said he was that word Lorelai likes - schnickelfritz? But I didn't invite Tyler over planning to hate him. I don't want to be that kind of dad."
"How are you taking it all?"
"I knew she'd date eventually," Jess says irritably. "I was just hoping that day would be when I was in a retirement village. When they came downstairs she was blushing and her hair was all messed up - it's a miracle I kept my mouth shut. She went over to his place the other night and I don't want to think about what went on, even with his mom in the house. Rory told me she gave Charlotte a sex talk and I swear, I thought I was having a heart attack."
"Are you saying -?"
"No," Jess says hastily. "Thank God. But they might."
"You're the dad," Luke says firmly. "Just tell her she can't have him in her room, and she can't go over his place."
"Luke, that won't work."
"What? Of course it will. It worked with you. I didn't let you be alone with girls up here."
"Shane was up here all the time. We had sex up here a few times too."
"You what?"
"Onetime right where your hand is."
Luke flings his hand off the table in disgust as Jess laughs, grumpily remarking, "Thanks for breaking that to me."
"Anytime."
"Okay, fine, but I laid it out pretty clearly for you and Rory."
"What, like you how told me we had to sit at opposite sides of the room? How well did that turn out?"
"Not that great," Luke admits. "Especially with my punk nephew joking around about leaving socks on the door."
Jess laughs and then stops, imagining Charlotte doing that. The joke doesn't seem quite as funny now he's a father.
"I made that ten minute system," Luke says proudly. "That stopped anything going on."
"Luke, we worked a way around that."
"Are you saying something did happen?"
"No," Jess says, turning the beer bottle in his hands. "But if we wanted to, it could have."
"Then you have to make a five minute system for Charlotte!"
"No," Jess says in frustration. "I know none of that will work. And Luke - it's not even that. If I start the whole father with a shotgun bit, get super strict over what she can and can't do, she'll hide it from me. I know she will."
"But isn't she hiding things already?"
"I don't want to think about this," Jess says after a pause, "but if something happened, and Charlotte needed help, I want her to come to me. I don't want her to be scared and think I'll freak out on her."
Luke is silent, drinking more beer as he listens, and Jess sighs.
"I don't want her to do anything with him - I think she's too young and he's a total punk - but it might happen. And if it does, I just want her to be careful. I want her to make healthy choices. If I act like sex is wrong and she's wrong to want to have it, she won't think it through. Luke, I don't know what I'm going to do if she comes home one day and tells me she's pregnant."
"Jess -"
"I'm freaking out," Jess says, gripping the bottle. "What would I even say to her?"
"Have you talked about this to Rory?" Luke asks and Jess shakes his head.
"She's worried sick. I've got to keep calm, because if I tell her I'm worried, she'll panic. Rory gets in her head about stuff - she always has. She's so worried about what might happen she can't think straight."
"Has she said that?"
"She doesn't need to say that. She's bought the books, talked to Charlotte, but she's worried. I'm telling her it's okay, that she won't date him forever, but Rory's seriously working herself up over this."
Luke sighs sympathetically and says, "Jess, I can't tell you what to do here, but I think it would help if you told Rory some of what you're feeling. Maybe if you both admit you're scared it'll help more than if you pretend you're not."
"I guess," Jess says grudgingly. His mind is cast back to when they were eighteen, tiptoeing around the future and the possibility of more. Jess wishes he'd been more honest then, less afraid. He supposes some things stick around, even if you're sure you've stepped away.
"How's Rory doing, anyway? Besides the Tyler thing."
"Stressed," Jess says honestly. "She vents to me about Charlotte and sometimes I have to stop myself laughing because they're identical. They're both quiet, they both like figuring things out in their heads, and if you try and force it they bolt. Rory doesn't seem to get that Charlotte's the same. She keeps trying to make her talk and it makes Charlotte more quiet. They're seriously clashing this year."
Jess smiles but he feels sad and, after a moment, he says, "Everything's been a lot lately, especially with Logan back in the picture."
"How's that going?"
"Bad," Jess says honestly. "Logan lived an entire ocean away Charlotte's whole life and now suddenly he's back here, wanting to see her. And Luke, he lets her down all the time - he always forgets to email or call and Rory has to remind him about her birthday and Christmas - but if he wants to see her, I should be happy, right? Well, not happy, but better than if Logan moves back and doesn't care about seeing Charlotte at all."
Luke lets out a grunt and Jess adds angrily, "He came over with no warning and said Charlotte was his daughter. I wanted to punch that smug face he has. His daughter. Like he hasn't hidden her since Charlotte was born."
"How's Charlotte doing with all this?"
"I don't know," Jess says, gulping the last of his beer. "I mean, I know she's weirded out by all of it, but she's hardly talking. Rory went with Charlotte to Logan's place the other day, but Charlotte didn't tell me much how she felt. She's pulling away from us, from me and Rory. I can feel it. I know she's growing up, I know she's a teenager, but it's hard. I want to help her, I want to be there for her, but it's like everything I say is the wrong thing."
"Jess, I'm sure that's not true."
"It sure as hell feels that way. I'm worried about her, I'm worried about Rory, and Luke, I've got two other kids. I've got to be there for them too. What if Richie and Annie think I'm worrying so much about Charlotte that I'm not focusing enough on them?"
"Jess, I'm positive they're not thinking that."
"I am - at least, I'm scared that I might. Jeez, I worry about their sister, then I worry about them and in the second I've stopped thinking about Charlotte I swear something else will have happened without me looking. It was already intense before Logan walked back in on us. And I just..."
Jess's voice fades and, under his uncle's look, Jess sighs and says, "What if Charlotte stops wanting me to be her dad?"
"Jess, that's impossible," Luke says. He gets up, goes around the table and puts his hands on his nephew's shoulders. "You're her father, period. Charlotte knows it."
"But Logan's her father too. What if we fight so much this year that she goes to him instead?"
"She fights with you because she feels safe with you," Luke says, looking into Jess's eyes. "Because she knows you're her dad. You were there from the minute she was born, literally. You were there even before that! And Charlotte knows it. She knows how much you love her."
"I feel like I'm not getting through to her on anything."
"That's because she's a teenager! Jess, you are a great father. Those kids are so lucky to have you for their dad. The fact that you're tearing yourself into pieces over it proves it."
"What if I screw all of this up?" Jess asks desperately. "What if Charlotte gets pregnant, drops out of school and runs away?"
"Then you'd figure it out, you and Rory, but I think you're going for worse-case scenario here."
"Okay, but what if she shuts me out even after she's a teenager? Luke, we were so close when she was little. We used to go for father-daughter trips to the bookstore and now I know Charlotte's just doing it to humour me. She's barely even reading these days. When I ask her what's going on with her I never get a real answer. She used to talk without me asking anything. I miss her - I know it's her age, but what if she never talks to me again?"
"She will," Luke says firmly. "But you can't get stuck on something which hasn't even happened."
Jess nods, remembering that night he and Rory drove around after getting icecream, how confident he was. I'll live where I live, I'll work when I need money and I'll see where I end up. Like he had any kind of clue! His future was like a funhouse mirror compared to that.
"What if that guy hurts her?" Jess says, after a moment. "Even if she doesn't get pregnant, he could break her heart."
"You have to let that be," Luke says seriously. "She's not a little kid. Sometimes I have a hard time remembering that, but she's sixteen. Whenever you try a relationship you're risking a little heartbreak. You'll just have to be there for her and allow me to go wring that jerk's neck."
Jess laughs out loud at that.
"I'm sure that'd go down really well."
"Hey, I'm her grandfather. I get to say stuff like that."
Jess smiles, not wanting to linger on imagining Charlotte being hurt. When did she start being old enough to even like guys?
"You'll be fine," Luke says confidently, breaking Jess from his thoughts. "I promise - I can't tell you what's going to happen, but I promise you'll be fine. And Charlotte knows you're her dad."
Jess swallows, remembering the day his daughter was born. Charlotte had locked her eyes on his, her little hands reaching, and Jess was lost to her. She was his girl. He sat up all night with her, his heart full with becoming a father.
"Thanks, Luke," Jess says eventually. It sounds too small to say but Luke smiles, nodding.
"Anytime. And Jess - if you need to talk, you know you can always call me, or come see me. You can vent about Charlotte and all the rest. I might not have advice but I'll listen."
"Your advice isn't bad."
"Gee, thanks. Comes from raising a terror like you."
Jess laughs and pulls his uncle into a hug. Luke seems surprised but hugs him tightly, patting his nephew's back.
"I'm here, Jess. I'm always here."
"I know you are."
They hold each other a little longer before stepping away and suddenly Jess imagines a day in the future, a day where his daughter comes complaining to him about an adulthood catastrophe. Maybe he'll be saying the same things to Charlotte. Jess smiles a little but doesn't elaborate on his thoughts to Luke. They'd sound less real out loud. He picks up his jacket to go but, before they go downstairs, Jess stops to say, "Hey, Luke?"
"Yeah, Jess?"
"I know you said you didn't know what you were doing, but I think I turned out pretty decent, and that didn't happen by itself."
"Are you saying I had something to do with it?"
"More than something," Jess says and a wide smile spreads across Luke's face.
"Yeah, well. You weren't so bad beneath all that sarcasm."
"That's just Stars Hollow," Jess says innocently and Luke laughs. He's still chuckling as Jess walks out of the diner, almost tripping back over the pumpkins as he goes to his car. He wants Charlotte to take chances, he thinks. He wants all his children to - he wants Charlotte, Richie and Annie to feel they're living well. Maybe they have to screw up, but that's not so bad. Jess would rather they screwed up, learnt and knew themselves than be too afraid to live. He's not sure how to tell them that, but hopefully they'll know. Someday, Jess imagines, they'll look back on their childhoods and laugh over mutual mistakes made, and the things stumbled on correctly. He's figuring this fatherhood thing out and Jess is excited to see the people they'll be.