Thanks for the feedback! This is an Annie chapter during her first year at high school.
Annie tucks her feet up on the sofa. It's Saturday at Lorelai's house but Annie's tired, letting out a yawn as she stretches.
"You sound sleepy," her grandmother says, making her jump. "How's it going, kiddo?"
"Okay," Annie says with a shrug.
"Just okay?"
"I'm tired," Annie says truthfully. She's been in high school for a month and has already received five times as much homework as she did in middle school. Annie tried to start it last night but already feels behind. She brought some to Lorelai's but can't face looking at it. This morning she woke with a jump in her mother's old bedroom before remembering it's Saturday, that she's in Stars Hollow, before falling back asleep. Her parents are visiting Charlotte with Richie but Annie stayed behind and, as she smiles back at Lorelai, Annie isn't too sorry not to have gone with them.
"How about lemonade and cookies?" Lorelai offers and, as Annie nods rigorously, her grandmother emerges with a pitcher and plate of chocolate chip cookies on a tray along with a jug of coffee.
"Luke made them so they're safe to eat," Lorelai says as she hands Annie a cookie. "Coffee or lemonade to start?"
"Is the coffee your strength or regular?" Annie asks knowingly and at her grandmother's cough she says, "Lemonade, please."
"Here," Lorelai says, pouring her a glass. "The coffee's good though - you're a Gilmore, you'll like it."
"Maybe later."
Lorelai takes a cookie as well, pouring herself a generous cup of coffee, and for a while grandmother and granddaughter sip in silence. Annie relaxes, the lemonade sweetly cool against her throat. Charlotte named Lorelai's house the happy home when she was little, and Annie still calls it so in her mind. The house is bright and welcoming, a fresh vase of daisies on the table and family pictures in every room. There's a row of pictures on the mantelpiece of Annie and her siblings as kids, as well as Lorelai and Rory, and as Annie's eye catches a picture of herself fingerpainting in Kindergarten she feels sad. She clutches the glass, the cold spreading through her fingers, suddenly wishing she was that little again. It's not just the homework that's hard. Annie's best friend is hanging out with new people, opting to sit with them at lunch and has been busy every time Annie suggests going out. She's starting to feel invisible and it's not helping have every teacher call her Charlotte by mistake.
"Hey," Lorelai says, turning to look at her. "What's up?"
"Nothing."
"You sound less convincing than Rose telling Jack there wasn't room on that plank of wood."
"Huh?" Annie asks, lost and then remembers. "Oh, Titanic. Right."
"I'd expect more enthusiasm from someone who cried all night after watching it," Lorelai teases. "You know, I took Rory to see it and she cried too and yelled at me for rolling my eyes!"
Annie smiles halfheartedly and Lorelai tucks a strand of brown hair behind her ear.
"Are you bugged that you didn't get to see Charlotte?" she asks but Annie shakes her head. Richie has a day off college on Monday so he went with Rory and Jess, but as Annie has school it was decided that she'd stay with Lorelai. If anything, it's the opposite - Annie's kind of grateful not to go. She misses her sister but Charlotte visits all the time, and it's a relief to simply have a weekend with Lorelai. Life has felt a lot lately.
"It's not that," Annie says honestly but Lorelai asks knowingly, "Is it something else?" Avoiding her grandmother's eyes, Annie gives the slightest of nods.
"Want to talk about it?" she asks gently. Annie stares down at the glass, a lump beginning to grow in her throat and says quietly, "High school's hard."
"Angel," Lorelai says and, whether it was because Annie had expected a quip or because she's tired or simply because she's sad, she suddenly starts sobbing.
"Annie," Lorelai exclaims, pulling her into a hug. "Is it that bad?"
"No," Annie cries, using her spare hand to rub her cheeks. "Yes. Sort of."
"So it's clear then," teases Lorelai, but she pulls Annie closer. "Tell me. Is it the usual crap or more?"
Annie isn't too sure on what the usual crap means but she says in a wobbly voice, "There's tons of homework."
"Uh huh."
"It's way more than I had last year. I can't do it."
"You feel like that because you're not used to it," Lorelai says calmly. "Rory was the same when she started Chilton, she had a total freakout and hit a deer, but then she got used to it and got her grades up. You'll figure it out."
"I don't feel like I will."
"I'll help you. And your mom and dad will too."
Lorelai plants a kiss on top of her head but Annie stiffens slightly at the mention of her parents. They were so happy that she was starting high school, catching up with her brother and sister, and had taken her out for pizza. Our Annie-girl's growing up, Jess had said said proudly. Annie had been excited then too, but that night, as she went to the bathroom, she could hear her parents talking, and stopped as she heard her name. Maybe this will be good for Annie. Help her grow up. Annie had frozen as Rory said anxiously, she's so young for her age and then her father, assuring, she's going to high school. She's not a little kid now.
Annie never told them that she heard. She pretended to still be excited, buying stationery with Rory and allowing her to get three sets of highlighters and explaining why, picking out new clothes and getting her hair trimmed. On her first day she had her picture taken by her emotional parents and put on a big smile for them, which Annie kept plastered to her face as she walked into the school. It was going to be great, she decided, but as soon as she sat at her desk some kid laughed at her for having a puppy dog on her backpack and a teacher told her off for using a purple pen. Annie tried to explain that she got it out by accident, but the teacher talked over her, making her flustered and her best friend, Lucy, leaned over and whispered, Annie, you're being so embarrassing!
"What is it?" Lorelai asks, noticing Annie tense up. "There's other stuff too, isn't there?"
Annie is motionless and Lorelai squeezes her hand. "You can tell me. It's what grandmothers are for."
"Nothing..."
"Annie."
"Okay. It's not just homework. Lucy's my best friend but she barely hung out with me. She's made friends with all these other girls instead."
Annie feels bitter and she hugs a cushion to her chest as Lorelai asks doubtfully, "And you don't want to hang out with them?"
"No." They don't want to hang out with her, Annie adds silently. They don't like her.
"Oh. Well, you've got other friends, right?" Lorelai asks. "I know you had a sleepover at some other girl's house last year and you guys exchanged friendship bracelets."
"Jenny moved away in August."
"Oh," Lorelai says sympathetically and the lump gets bigger in Annie's throat, threatening more tears. Hastily, Annie drinks some lemonade and says angrily, "Everyone wants me to be like Charlotte."
"What?" Lorelai asks, laughing. "Hon, I promise that's not true."
"Yes it is!"
"Annie, don't get me wrong, your mom and dad love your sister and wouldn't change her in a heartbeat, but they had some rough times when she was a teenager. I'm pretty sure they're happy if you're less...that way," Lorelai finishes weakly. "Less like I was, for that matter."
"Charlotte's cooler than I am," Annie says angrily. "And she was smarter."
"Says who?"
"My teachers."
"They've looked at you and said your sister's smarter than you are?"
"They don't have to say that!" Lorelai doesn't get it. She's never had an older sister. "I tell them if I don't understand something and they say stuff like your sister didn't struggle with that. They want me to be the same and they're disappointed."
"Annie, I'm sure they're not."
"I'm not top of the class," Annie says, starting to cry again. "Mom was and Charlotte was and I'm not!"
Lorelai is silent for a moment, hugging her, and Annie sniffles and says, "Dad and Richie could have been, if they wanted to. But I can't."
"You are just as smart as they are," Lorelai says, kissing her again. "Sweets, you've only been in high school for two months! You're adjusting!"
At the word adjusting Annie feels another flood of tears start. Every night Rory and Jess ask her how school's going, how she's finding high school, and every night she lies. Annie wants to tell them she hates it, that she misses middle school, misses being a little kid in Kindergarten, but they'll be disappointed. They'll wonder what's wrong with her. Everyone has always teased her for being the baby of the family, but Annie never minded before and never thought they did either. Her dad even told her not to hurry about growing up. Now he probably thinks she's as big a loser as her classmates do. She called her father daddy instead of dad once and everyone laughed at her. Annie played with dolls much longer than any of her old friends did and now, she thinks, her parents probably think that was a sign of how pathetic she is. Maybe this will be good for Annie. Help her grow up. So Annie pretends to love high school, pretends to have adjusted.
"I hate it," Annie says over her sobs. "I hate high school. I hate the work, I hate my classes and I hate sitting alone at lunch every day."
"Give it time," Lorelai says encouragingly. "I'm sure everyone is just as freaked out as you are."
Annie snorts and Lorelai says, "I bet they are, underneath. They just aren't admitting it."
"They don't want to talk to me. Lucy totally ditched me."
"There's better friends out there. You'll find someone to sit with and hang out with."
"No one likes me," Annie says flatly and as Lorelai protests she says indignantly, "They all think I'm a little kid! I can't dress right, I can't be cool and they all think I'm a baby! And I am - Nana, Lucy got this guy's number and talking to boys makes me want to throw up!"
"Annie -"
"I wish I was still in Kindergarten," Annie says tearfully. "I wish I didn't have to grow up, I suck at it! I wish I never had to go to high school!"
Her words are disrupted by more tears and Annie lets Lorelai rock her a little, wipe her tears away and kiss her wet face. They're quiet for a moment until Lorelai says gently, "Most people hate high school. It's a crappy time and you've got to get through it as best as you can, but there's no big deal about doing it right."
"You did."
"Um, I got pregnant with your mom and dropped out at sixteen," Lorelai says with a rueful laugh. "Does that really scream doing it right to you?"
"But you were cool," Annie says, blinking away the last of her tears and looking up. "And smart and you knew how to talk to guys. I can't do any of that. Charlotte and Richie say I talk too much, but I can't even talk to boys! You always knew how to make guys like you!"
"Definitely had the last part down," Lorelai jokes but then says seriously, "Not always though. Did I ever tell you about Brian Hutchins?"
"Brian Hutchins?"
"Seventh grade, I was in the library and he came over and asked if I wanted to go steady. I said yes. He walked off and the next time I saw him was tenth grade when he tried selling me a dimebag at the Sadies Hawkins Day dance. And he was way overcharging for it, too."
Annie makes a face and Lorelai adds, "And there was Royston Sinclair the third. It was my birthday and he broke my heart in front of everyone. I'd stolen this green beaded top which belonged to Emily's mother's, which I was never supposed to touch, and wore it to school with jeans. I thought I looked so stylish but Royston, who was my boyfriend at the time, told me I looked cheap and he was only going out with me to make this girl called Angie jealous. Then he said I was the gardener's daughter and my parents bought me because they couldn't have kids of my own, and I ran out of school. I was crushed."
Annie is stunned into silence for a moment.
"I can't believe that happened to you."
"Kids can be brutal. Definitely not one of my better memories of back then, but the pretzel helped."
"Pretzel?"
"I went to the mall afterwards," Lorelai says, smiling sadly. "And my dad was there, and he demanded to know why I wasn't in school. I tried to think of an excuse but all I could think of was that yesterday I'd had a boyfriend who loved me and today I didn't and I just started to cry, bawling in front of him. I waited my for my dad to yell at me, punish me, but instead he disappeared and came back with a giant pretzel covered in mustard. He handed it to me, said let's go and we went to the movies. We saw Grease and An Unmarried Woman - something for me and something for him, he said, and he bought us snacks and we watched and he gave me his top to cover the stolen shirt and took me to the club for a soda. We never discussed it again. I think it was one of the best birthdays I ever had."
Annie smiles too and Lorelai hugs her closer.
"I wish you could have met my dad."
"Me too."
"He would have loved you."
Annie smiles unsurely and Lorelai adds, "See, even your fabulous grandmother got teased for dressing wrong, being loud and wasn't liked by guys. You're going to be fine."
Silently, Lorelai refills Annie's lemonade and, after taking a sip, Annie remarks, "It just feels like it's never going to stop sucking."
"It will, guys will improve. Maybe it's not so bad that you can't talk to them right now - you're all still kids! Didn't my stories just show you how they weren't exactly romantic highlights?"
"The whole school sucks."
Lorelai looks at her and asks quietly, "Have you told your mom and dad about this?"
Annie sits up, nearly spilling the lemonade. "You can't tell them!"
"Annie!"
"Mom and Dad think everything's okay!"
"But it's not!"
"I don't want to tell them!"
"Annie, they'll want to know if you're having a hard time!"
"No, they won't," Annie says, her voice shaking. "They'll think I'm pathetic!"
"They won't," Lorelai says over her granddaughter's tears. "Annie, I promise they won't."
"They will," Annie sobs and shakes her head as Lorelai says, "You have to tell them."
"They'll be upset."
"For you, not with you. Angel, I can tell them if that's easier. They'd want to know, they want to help you. They're your mom and dad. I wish I could have talked to my parents about this stuff, and you can with yours. They want you to talk about it."
"I've been pretending it's all okay."
"You don't need to pretend," Lorelai says gently and, with that, Annie feels herself begin to relax. "Being fourteen is a miserable age for almost everyone."
"Really?"
"Really."
"Hey, Nana?"
"Yes, sweets?"
"Can I have a cup of coffee?"
Annie wakes up the next morning as the bedroom door opens. She sits up sleepily, expecting to be her grandmother but Rory stands in the doorway.
"Mom?" Annie asks in disbelief and then Rory is hurrying over to her, sitting next to her and running a hand through her curls.
"Hey, sweetness."
"Why aren't you in New York?"
"Mom called me."
"What about Charlotte?"
"Dad and Richie are still there. Mom said you needed me."
"I'm okay," Annie says automatically and then freezes as Rory gently says, "Tell me."
"I don't like high school," Annie says, looking up nervously at her mother. "I lied. I said I was okay but I'm not."
"Why did you lie to me?" Rory asks, wrapping her arms around her. "You said everything's fine."
"Because you and Daddy want me to be," Annie says. "You want me to have fun in high school."
"We want you to have a good time but not pretend you are. Sweets, what made you say that?"
"I heard you," Annie says, clenching her hands. "You said I needed to grow up."
"What?" Rory exclaims, staring at her. "I never said that."
"Yes you did. I heard you and Dad saying so."
"When?" Rory asks, perplexed and her face falls as Annie says, "Right before I started I heard you tell Dad I'm young for my age and high school will help me grow up!"
"Annie."
"I heard you!"
Rory is silent, biting her lip and finally says, "I didn't mean it the way you heard it. You're young for your age but I don't think it's a bad thing."
"So how come you and dad want me to grow up faster?"
"Oh, Annie - I was worried that you'd have a hard time, and I didn't want you to feel like being a teenager was too much. I hoped high school would help you feel better about it. I remember you were nervous about Kindergarten and then you loved your first day and were so excited to go back, and were just fine, and I thought high school might be like that too. That's all I meant."
"I hate it," Annie says, starting to cry, and cries harder as Rory says, "I wish you'd told me."
"I didn't want you to be sad."
"That's my job - if you're sad I help you feel better, and so does your dad. I don't want you to pretend to be happy."
"But you'll be sad," Annie argues. "You'll be sad my best friend doesn't want to sit with me, no one does, that I can't do the work and no one thinks I'm cool."
"Oh, angel."
"You and Daddy wanted me to love high school," Annie says through her tears. "I wanted to, Mom, I did!"
"I know. It's okay." Rory kisses the top of her head and says, "I wanted you to have more fun than I did at school."
"I thought you liked Chilton?"
"I did, but my life was at home, at Stars Hollow. I don't feel sad about that, only I had a really hard time when I started Yale. It was tough at Chilton at first, especially with the whole deer incident, but I settled in. It took a whole year for me to settle at Yale. I struggled not having home there and I think maybe if I'd had friends at Chilton besides Paris it would have been easier. Maybe, maybe not but I just wanted you to adjust. But you don't have to pretend for me. I always want you to be real about how it is."
"I can't do any of it," Annie says tearfully. "Charlotte and Richie did their own thing and they were smart, and so you were you and Dad, but I'm no good at anything!"
"Of course you are. You don't need to be like them - just be like you. Be Annie."
"I don't want to be like me. I'm just a baby!"
"No, you're not."
"Yes I am. You and Dad are always calling me your baby!"
"You're our baby," Rory tells her. "You're our surprise little girl, but you're not a baby, Annie. You're fourteen years old and having a rough time at high school, which tons of kids deal with it. It's nothing to be embarrassed about, and I'm sorry Dad and I ever made you feel that way. We're going to figure this out together."
"I can't even do my homework!"
"We can look at it together. That's something, right? And we'll figure out the rest."
Rory sounds so confident that Annie nods, believing her. She gives her mother a hug and Rory hugs her tightly back, stroking her hair and looking into Annie's blue eyes, the Gilmore eyes, as Jess calls them.
"We're going to get you through this," she says firmly. "Everything's going to be okay. And you know what else?"
"What?"
"Charlotte's bought the two of you tickets for a special movie screening next month in New York."
"For real?" Annie asks, her voice ending with a squeal and Rory nods laughing. "Just us?"
"Sisters' trip, she said."
"And can I take the train there by myself?"
"I'm not sure about that," Rory says. "But you can spend the weekend there with her."
Annie beams. She's never been to see her sister alone before - she asked once and her parents said maybe when she was fifteen. The day feels better already and Annie says, "This is very cool of you."
"Well, I'm a Gilmore. We're very cool people, and so are you."
"I am," Annie says, trying the words out, and she smiles. They sound true to her. "Are you and Dad really okay with not going with me?"
"Yes - sort of. You're not a little kid anymore."
"Nope," Annie says, and it doesn't seem so bad. "Thanks, Mom."
"We're good," Rory says, reaching over to stroke her daughter's hair, smiling as Annie's locket gleams in the morning light, catching the chain in her hand before letting it fall. "How about some breakfast? Mom's making pancakes."
"And coffee," Lorelai says, appearing at the doorway and Annie jumps out of bed.
"Coffee sounds great!"
"Oh, she's drinking coffee now?" Rory asks, half-amused and half-confused and laughs as Annie remarks, "Well, I am your daughter."
"Yes, you are," Rory says fondly. "Lead the way."
Annie gets up with a grin. It feels so much better to really feel okay rather than pretending to be okay, and even if high schools sucks right now she'll get through it. She's a Mariano and a Gilmore and Annie's leading the way.