Chapter from Charlotte's POV, set a couple of years after Flux. Enjoy!
Charlotte grips her glass of club soda, sitting back against the sofa and shaking her head as Logan asks, "You sure you don't want a snack?"
"I'm good," Charlotte answers, trying to sound like herself and not a guest. Logan pours himself a scotch and takes a seat opposite, holding up his glass.
"Well, cheers."
"Cheers," Charlotte says, unsure as to what but lifts her glass anyway. She and Logan drink silently, Charlotte elongating her sip. She already feels awkward.
"So," Logan says, putting his glass down. "How long's it been since we talked?"
"Um, two months, I guess?" More like three, Charlotte thinks. It was two months since Logan last emailed her anyway. It was closer to three months since they actually saw each other but Charlotte doesn't like to point that out.
"Right," Logan says. Charlotte hears a touch of apology in his voice but it could her imagination listening for it. "Catch me up, Charlotte – what's going on with you?"
"Not that much."
"You're in your first year of college! When I finished my first year I spent at least one night on a roof, snuck my way into a black tie event and threw a party on a yacht. And it wasn't even my yacht."
Charlotte smiles weakly, wondering if she should mention the last part to her mother. Yachts are kind of a sore point with her. Logan takes another drink of scotch, grins and adds, "I did a little studying too, I guess. Emphasis on the little."
Charlotte drinks more soda as Logan chuckles at the memory. He turns the subject to safer matters, asking after Rory and Charlotte's siblings which Charlotte reports on in relief, also telling him that Jess is fine too. Logan's smile falters slightly at the mention of my dad but he nods gamely, drinking the rest of his scotch with a gulp. He refills it, refilling Charlotte's drink too despite it still being mostly full. It's a hot day and Charlotte feels a bead of sweat inch down her chest. Shifting, she tugs the fabric of her dress looser, wishing she'd worn her more casual and comfortable skirt. Why did she think she had to dress up anyway?
"Do you like college?" Logan asks, distracting Charlotte from her thoughts.
"Thanks," she says as he hands the drink and then, remembering the question, says stumblingly, "Um, yeah. It's good. It's fun."
Charlotte cringes as she hears herself. When she sees her family and friends she has no problem talking like an actual person and yet, when she sees Logan, she seems to lose her ability to form a real sentence. Logan smiles kindly and remarks, "Fun should be the main component."
"Sure."
"And you're not seeing that guy anymore?"
"Guy?" Charlotte echoes in confusion and then asks, "Oh, you mean Alec? Logan, I broke up with him more than a year ago!"
"Alec! That's it," Logan says, slapping a hand to his head. "And no new guys?"
"No," Charlotte says shortly. She doesn't want to go into the few failed dates and one ill-fated night with a guy she met at a bar. Charlotte hasn't even told Lorelai about that. Actual boyfriends have been as likely as a fairy godmother granting Charlotte her heart's wishes.
"I didn't like that guy."
"You never even met him!" Charlotte exclaims, unable to stop a laugh coming out. "How do you know if you like him or not?"
"He wasn't enough for you."
Charlotte is so stunned she can't speak and Logan goes on, "He was fine for high school but you're in college now. You should be with someone better."
"Alec was great," Charlotte retorts, recovering her voice. "You don't know him. And who says I have to be with anyone?"
Logan chuckles at that, lifting his glass to her. "Touché."
Charlotte takes a large gulp of her drink, too stung to speak. Since when has Logan ever cared about her love life? Charlotte feels completely knocked off-balance and before she can steady herself Logan adds, "I know a kid who'd be just right for you. He's a year older than you are and his name's Carl."
"What?" Charlotte asks dumbly. She stares, putting the glass down. "What guy?"
Logan laughs at her look of confusion and says, "He's the son of some friends of mine. You'd like them, you'd like him and I think the two of you would have a blast. I already showed him your picture."
"Excuse me?"
"I know, I know, I haven't showed you his yet. It's no big deal, if you don't like him there's no pressure."
"No pressure?" Charlotte asks in disbelief. "You showed him my picture and told his parents all about me! Logan, I don't even know if I want a boyfriend!"
"I just thought it would be fun for you guys to hang out. I was trying to do something nice."
That word seems hard for Logan to say. Charlotte feels clammy, chilled as the air conditioning starts to kick in. Her dorm room is a million degrees hotter but Logan's apartment has no air. Taking a deep breath, Charlotte manages to say, "Thank you, but I'm not interested."
"You haven't even seen him!"
"I don't need to."
"Hey, you can't date too much at your age, or any age, if you ask me." Logan sounds a little bitter at that and Charlotte bites her lip, wondering if he and Odette will ever actually divorce. They've essentially been separated for years, ever since Charlotte broke the new of his paternity. Part of her feels guilty, despite Rory assuring her that their problems aren't hers and that the marriage was never healthy to start with. Charlotte glances at the wedding photo which still stands framed until Logan presses, "He's a really cool kid."
"Logan, I'm finishing up the year soon anyway so –"
"So you can hang out together in the office."
"What?"
"That's what I was going on to say," Logan says, leaning forward. "There's a secretary spot at my dad's company – well, my company too, I guess. You can have it."
"I don't want to be a secretary," Charlotte says blankly and then, suspiciously but graciously, "Thank you, but you can give the job to someone else."
"You're twenty," Logan says impatiently. "You already travelled for a year before starting college! What else are you going to do over summer?"
"Are you seriously criticising me for not having plans?" Charlotte asks in disbelief. "For not wanting to work for your dad?" It's so bizarre that Charlotte is hanging on for a punchline and she adds, "You can meet my friend the kettle if you are."
"Hey!"
"I'm good," Charlotte says firmly. "Thanks for the concern, but I don't need it. I'm going to work with my dad at Truncheon and then I'm taking a vacation with Ivy."
"It's a good job," Logan argues. "You'd make more money than you would at that publishing place and there's Carl."
"I can live without Carl," Charlotte comments, starting to feel a little weird about Logan's fixation on him. "So you can tell him to forget about my picture."
"This would be good for you," Logan insists. "Good for you to get started in the workplace, good for making some money and good for you to try something different. And I thought…I know I'm not your dad. I know Jess adopted you, but I still want to know you, Charlotte. It's my fault, I know it's my fault, but I thought maybe we could get to know each other more this summer."
Logan is looking at her earnestly and Charlotte bites her lip, staring at her legs. She crosses and uncrosses them for something to do, her heart beginning to thud painfully. She thinks of Logan's offer and then her own plans, how much she was looking forward to going away with Ivy, seeing her brother and sister and even working with Jess, hanging out with him and Rory. Charlotte knows it doesn't all rely on this summer but she knows she doesn't want Logan's plan either and finally she says, "Logan, I appreciate it, but I can't."
"This is a great opportunity!"
"I'm sure it is, and thank you, but I already know what I want to do over break. But we can see each other more," Charlotte adds desperately. "You know I live in the city now….when you're not travelling we can see each other."
Charlotte's not desperate to but Logan looks upset and Charlotte starts feeling sad too, sad at how they've never been close.
"I wanted you to work here this summer."
"There's always next year," Charlotte offers but Logan shakes his head.
"Carl wants to meet you."
"What is the big deal about Carl?" Charlotte exclaims and Logan says angrily, "I like him for you. Carl's parents thought you seemed good for him too and as he's working there –"
"So this is a set-up to keep him happy?" Charlotte asks, a rush of nausea in her throat. "I can't believe you!"
"No, it's not!" Logan shouts. "His parents like you and they're important to the company –"
"Oh my God!"
"But it's not about them!" Logan says furiously. "It's about you! I want the best guys for you, more for you!"
"You never cared before," Charlotte remarks and Logan's face fills with hurt.
"That's not true."
Charlotte looks away. Part of her wants to get up and walk out but her legs feel numb. Slowly, she looks back as Logan says, "I love you."
"I know," Charlotte says quietly. She doesn't doubt that but she doubts how much Logan really does want to know her.
"Carl's a good guy," Logan says again. "And this is a good job. Look, forget about Carl – he's not why I want you to work there. I thought it would be a great way for you to start out and a way for us to get to know each other. I never knew you when you were a kid."
"That's what you wanted."
"I know," Logan says, after a pause. "I just thought…Charlotte, my dad's getting older. My mom's already gone. I don't want us to be like that, like me and my dad. I want to know you more."
Charlotte is silent for a moment, looking at the man who fathered her yet is not her father.
"Logan, I'm sorry about your dad," she says eventually. "And I'm sorry about things being screwed up, but I don't want to work for you this summer, Carl or no Carl. I have my own life going on. You don't know what's best for me. If you want to know me more, you can talk to me but not like this. Make time for me. Make real time, not through a job and some guy you think I'll like. Get to know me as I am. It's your call."
Logan gives a small nod and Charlotte gets up, glad that her legs aren't shaking.
"I have to go," she tells him. "Thanks for the drink."
That sounds weird but Charlotte doesn't know how else to phrase it. Logan nods again and momentarily Charlotte wonders if he'll try and hug her but he doesn't, and Charlotte definitely won't. Picking up her purse, she gives him a kind of wave before walking out, her heart pounding so hard she's sure it's audible. As she exits the apartment Charlotte's mind wanders back to when she was sixteen, when she came over unannounced and how Logan begged her to leave. She was his dirty secret and now here he is, using her to get more for the company. Maybe not. Maybe he really does want more for her, but it's still ironic. He wants to have a daughter now that all the raising has been done.
Charlotte's uneasiness lasts all down the ride in the elevator and back to the car. Charlotte gets in, hands sweating, and suddenly doesn't want to drive back to the dorm. She can't talk to her friends about what just happened but also can't bear the thought of being alone, and, turning on the engine, Charlotte finds herself tapping in directions to Hartford. This is probably a very bad idea but she doesn't care, and Charlotte starts the drive to Connecticut.
It hurts driving past Stars Hollow. Briefly, Charlotte considers just going to her grandmother instead, but knows it's not time, not yet, and carries onto the city. There's the turning for Chilton, her mother's old school, and there's the turning for Emily and Richard's house. Charlotte has never been inside but takes the car past it all the same. She feels that she knows the house. Not too far from here is the cemetery but Charlotte drives on, deciding to get flowers later. Determined, she drives all the way to Christopher's house and knocks smartly on the door. Lingering, Charlotte knows he might not be inside – he might be out of the country for all she knows – but then the door opens and her grandfather, in biology only, opens the door. He stares at her for a moment and then says, "Charlotte?"
"You remember," Charlotte says, only half in jest, and Christopher ushers her in.
"This is a surprise. Is your mom okay?"
"Everyone's fine," Charlotte says and Christopher looks at her awkwardly for a moment.
"You know, I think Gigi might actually be within a hundred mile radius today. I can call her if you want – I'm sure she'd like to see you, but she might be busy and –"
"I want to see you," Charlotte interrupts. "I want to talk to you."
"Okay," Christopher says, sounding bemused. He makes them both a cup of coffee and says, "How about we sit in The Cave?"
Charlotte follows him into his office, where important looking documents are scattered on the desk, and takes a seat opposite. They sip coffee for a moment and Christopher asks, "So why the impromptu visit?"
"Why did you abandon my mom?"
Christopher stares at her and lets out a bark of surprised laughter.
"Going straight for the jugular, huh? You're just like Lorelai – talk about not messing around."
Charlotte doesn't smile and Christopher sighs, staring at his cup.
"I wanted to marry Lorelai. I was willing to do it all, follow our parents' plan, but she didn't."
"That's not an excuse," Charlotte shoots back. "You still could have been a dad to my mom."
"I was very young."
"So was Nana Lorelai."
"Lorelai was incredible," Christopher says, looking up. "She was a force of nature, uncontrollable. When I saw her holding Rory I knew nothing was getting between them. I couldn't compete with that. It was in the cards for her to raise Rory."
"But didn't you want to be her dad?"
"I was her dad," Christopher says defensively. "I am her dad!"
"But you hardly ever saw her," Charlotte says furiously. "You were her dad when you felt like it."
"Hey!"
"You didn't even visit Mom until she was sixteen! You mostly only saw her on holidays!"
"I was sixteen when she was born! Maybe I should have done more, but we can't all be as great as your grandmother. I was an idiot when I was sixteen."
"But you wanted to marry Nana," Charlotte argues, resisting the urge to ask Christopher if he's sure he's no longer an idiot. "You wanted to commit to that."
"If I'd had to maybe it would have worked. I loved her."
"You shouldn't have had to marry her to love my mom," Charlotte says and shakes her head when Christopher says, "I did love Rory."
"You didn't want to be a dad."
"Lorelai and Rory were a family on their own," Christopher retorts. "I wasn't in it."
"They were okay without you," Charlotte says, feeling her eyes begin to brim, "but you could have been there too. You could have been my mom's dad but you just wanted to hang out with her when it worked for you. You hurt her. I hate you for hurting her."
"Charlotte," Christopher starts to say but Charlotte gets up, blindly wiping at her eyes.
"You think it was all okay," she says tearfully. "But it wasn't. You were never a real dad."
"I know I messed up," Christopher says. "And I'm sorry. I tried to make things right but it was hard. Lorelai can tell you that, and Rory. Did she send you here?"
"Mom doesn't know I'm here," Charlotte says, straightening up. "And it doesn't matter what they say, because I know you hurt them, Nana and Lorelai. You can't be someone's dad just when you want to be."
"You don't understand the situation –"
"Yes, I do!" Charlotte shouts. "I understand all of it!"
"What happened?" Christopher asked, starting to go around the desk. "Why are you saying all of this to me?"
"I just want you to know that you hurt Mom," Charlotte sobs. "And it hurts being a daughter only when it's convenient to someone, and if you feel bad, you should feel worse because you left her. I want you to know. I want you to be sorry."
"I am sorry," Christopher says, but he still seems confused and Charlotte puts down the half-full cup of coffee, saying through her sobs, "I have to go."
"Don't go – stay, and we can talk some more. I'll call your mom."
"No!" Charlotte shouts. "I'm done here – I don't want to talk to you. Don't you dare call Mom!"
"Okay," Christopher says, backing away from the phone and lifting up his hands. "I'm not calling her, Charlotte. It's okay."
"I'm going," Charlotte tells him and before Christopher can respond she's running out of The Cave and out of the house, slamming the door before throwing herself in the car and driving away. She parks at the cemetery, takes a few shuddering breaths before bursting into more tears and, once she's recovered, sits up and wipes her eyes. She gets out her cellphone and dials Rory's number, her mother answering on the third ring.
"Charlotte?"
"Mom, can you come see me?"
"Where are you?"
"I'm at the cemetery in Hartford."
Rory doesn't question anything, instead promising to be there as soon as she can. Charlotte takes the time to go to a flower shop, buying a bouquet for her great-grandfather and placing them on the grave, throwing out the dead bunch.
"Hey," she says awkwardly to the grave. "You don't know me….well, maybe you do, if you can see me from where you are. Mom's coming. She still misses you a lot."
Charlotte feels kind of dumb saying it out loud but figures Rory might appreciate it and who knows, maybe Richard does too. Soon, her mother's car is approaching and all of Charlotte's thoughts are swung back to seeing Logan and Christopher. She feels herself begin to tear up as her mother goes over to her, pulling her into a hug and saying, "Sweets, what happened?"
Charlotte sobs out the whole story, Rory's mouth drawing into a tighter and tighter line as she hears about Carl and the office.
"Do you think he was telling the truth?" Charlotte sniffles. "Or was he just wanting to use me?"
"I'm sure he wants to know you," Rory says but she doesn't deny him using her. Maybe it's both. "Oh, honey. Do you want me to yell at him?"
"No."
"I'm yelling at him anyway," Rory says angrily. "I can't believe him."
"Look," Charlotte says, changing the subject. "I changed Richard's flowers."
"That means a lot," Rory says, starting to smile. "I'm sure he's happy. Thank you, angel. Hey, Grandpa."
She places her hand on the stone, looking sad, and Charlotte makes an excuse about going back to the car to give Rory a moment with him. When she returns Rory proposes going to Stars Hollow, something Charlotte is all for. Her stomach growls loudly and Rory laughs, suggesting lunch first. They find a small café and Rory says, "I'm sorry you dealt with all this today. And yelling at my dad too!"
"It just kind of came over me. I got so mad, Mom – how he was only a dad when he wanted to be."
"Mom said he was more like my playmate," Rory says sadly. "I didn't see it until I was older. When I was a kid I was just happy to see him and it was only until Sherry was pregnant that I started letting him go. He could be father to a new kid but not to me."
Charlotte nods, remembering the words she flung at her mother and father about Richie and Annie when she was so hurt over Logan. They're the kids you should have had. Her mother looks into her eyes, gently cupping Charlotte's chin.
"Thank you for standing up for me."
"I wanted him to know how much he hurt you," Charlotte says. "It's not fair."
"It's not," Rory agrees. "But it's how it is. And I had Mom and Luke and the whole town."
"It's his loss," Charlotte says firmly and her mother smiles, nodding at her.
"It is. And Logan's loss, if he doesn't make the effort with you."
"I don't need him to," Charlotte says. She's unsure if she wants him to or not. She and her mother take pensive sips until Rory says, "I've missed you, Charlotte. We're all looking forward to you coming home."
"Me too," Charlotte says sincerely. She takes a bite of sandwich but her hunger fades as Rory asks, "So what did you think of your first year? Give me an honest opinion."
"Really?"
"Really."
"I liked some of it," Charlotte says thoughtfully. "Some wasn't so great. I got kind of lonely. I missed Alec, even though I broke up with him. I went on some dates and I wish I hadn't bothered."
"I've been there."
Rory sounds sympathetic and, without stopping to think about her mother's reaction, Charlotte admits, "I had a one night stand."
"You what?"
Rory looks stunned but not angry and Charlotte says awkwardly, "It just kind of happened…I was at this bar and I met this guy and he was my age and we got talking and kissing and we went back to his place…."
Rory is simply staring and Charlotte feels her cheeks flush. Why did she even tell her? She should have left the bar part out, if not all the entire story.
"I'm sorry."
"Were you safe?"
"Of course I was safe. It was back in winter."
Rory lets out a breath and Charlotte asks nervously, "Are you mad?"
"I'm not mad," Rory says slowly. "I don't think I'm exactly thrilled about it but I'm not mad."
"I didn't plan on it."
"I know that feeling," Rory says. "I did something like that once."
Charlotte remembers that part in her mother's book, a part she skipped over once she saw the direction it was going towards, and asks, "Should I not have told you?"
"You didn't have to tell me," Rory says. "But I'm glad you wanted to. You know you can tell me anything."
"I know," Charlotte says. The two smile shyly, finishing their lunch, and then get up to drive to Stars Hollow.
"Do you want to come home tonight?" Rory asks before they get into their respective cars. "I know you've got school."
"I can come home," Charlotte decides. She's going home for summer in a couple of weeks but being with her family sounds better than heading back to the dorm.
"Richie and Annie will be happy," Rory says, smiling. "And your dad'll be thrilled."
Charlotte smiles too, thinking of seeing Jess. Her dad gives the best hugs, the best advice and she knows he'll say something great about the whole Logan situation. He's her real father. Rory kisses her cheek and Charlotte feels better already, better after seeing her mom and crying it out. She knows what Charlotte's thinking, where she's been and they're okay. Forget Logan and Christopher – they have each other, they're Gilmore girls and Charlotte gets ready to drive.