Cearbhail:

Um... Wow. I really don't hate myself for this one.

=^^= Enjoy...

[Oleeme]

Shadow Journal,

Curiosity. Defined as a desire or wanting to learn and discover, inquisitiveness if nothing less. For a husk to be curious, it is not unheard of. For mages, we have to be curious. For without curiosity, how do we find new magic? For one without emotions, it becomes a challenge to want to do anything. So… the underlining question is this: why do husks still function without the wanting to function? Without emotion, what are we? Automatons? I still breathe, I still think, I still… feel? Perhaps? I do not understand this word: feel. Yet, I once did. I remember wanting a lot. For too long I've not required sleep, I have not required regular sustenance. I eat when I become weak, but not because I wish to taste. I have no hunger pains, and if I do, I do not feel it. I can easily manipulate the magicka within me to fuel my body with the nourishment it needs to function. So, it is curious that I still eat. I do not feel tired, yet I still dedicate five hours of my study time to meditate to replenish my energy. Why do I study? What do I wish to learn? Do I even wish for anything? Perhaps a cure to my condition. But why? It does not hinder me, in fact it makes me better at my studying. Petty distractions are easily ignored. Magicka fuels my stomach, heals my wounds, and gives me energy for meditation.

Curiosity. Defined as a desire… or wanting… to learn and discover. Why? Why do I want to learn? What do I want to learn? If I am a husk… a being incapable of wanting or expressing any desire… why do I still search? Does that make me more than what people call me? More than a husk? Why? Why do I care? Can I care? I must be able to; I record all my questions, all the question I wish to be answered. Wish? I wish? Why? These questions buzz around inside me, making me curious. Why?

Curiosity… defined as a desire… I desire. I desire answers, but to what? Why do I desire? As I continue to ask, I continue to find new questions. Nakuma…

Curiosity… defined as a desire, or wanting. Nakuma…

Curiosity… It has killed the cat. And that… was a joke. A joke? I can joke? I used to be able to. Why? Why now? Why Nakuma?

Curiosity…

Oleeme, Shadowwraith.

…

Today's been… quite the day. Has it been a day? How long has it been since I wondered that? How long have I been locked in that dark room, blocking out the sound of my soul pushing down on me? How long have I willingly allowed my mind to blindly lead me around the world, not fully expressing myself? I could still remember much of what I saw, said, and heard. All those experiences, blinded by logic without feeling. Glancing at wonders without giving a second glance, unless it led me to an answer I had to a question I did not ask.

The cries of a baby in my hands forced me to open my eyes… perhaps for the first time in forever. No… not forever, but it certainly has been a while. As I opened my eyes, I could see we were in a laboratory. My eyes were fuzzy, but I guess that's normal when the back of your head is throbbing like it's been splitting in two all day. I had to shake the numbness of my head away, and the crying baby muffled by the ringing in my earholes. "And now… I have no more use for you." A muffled voice mumbled just loud enough for me to hear it.

The room shifted around me, spinning around and around. The crying of the baby was continually getting louder, and it gave me something to focus on. So… I focused on it. My body felt heavy… very heavy. When was the last time I worked out? My legs felt weak, my arms even worse. I would have never let my body become so weak. I prided myself on having a capable body. I had to have one. I had to go back and face my father one day for the stuff he did. I wanted to become a Shadowwraith so that I could beat him. I had to. He had to pay for what he did to me, my brother, and my mother. Shadowmaster or not… I would kill him.

So… it was then that my eyes snapped open. My body felt awake now. Just thinking of him made me angry. The spinning room came to a stop, and my eyes were beginning to adjust. And… what I saw made my heart stop. Nakuma! She was…

I never wanted to see this. Her body pulled apart, lying in a pool of blood, knife stuck in her chest. I couldn't take my eyes off her. She was lying there, eyes cold and emotionless, the top of her head sawed off, her brain exposed. Her chest ripped open like a zombie had been feasting on her. And kneeling on top of her was her brother, dressed like a necromancer, clutching the knife stuck in her chest. That… that bastard! As soon as I thought it, flames made out of Shadow started to pour out of me.

The baby girl resting in my arms started quieting down. She looked up at me with expectant eyes, almost like she understood me. We locked eyes and I nodded to her. I shifted my stance and set the baby girl down. She didn't complain, nor did she try to cling to me. She just kept her eyes locked on me as I set her down. As soon as I did, I stood up, turning to face the person killing Nakuma.

"Hey!" I screamed to him. Yeah… I just woke up from a yearlong coma, give me a break. I'm not as witty as I used to be. My mind was still pretty fuzzy, but I remember fighting Mannimarco too. I was too busy trying to protect the baby to actually do anything, and let's be honest… Mannimarco is a beast. I couldn't fight him properly while protecting a baby. It's not possible, and he knew that. He was targeting the baby the whole time. The fucker.

My 'hey' didn't seem to be affect the Argonian carving into Nakuma's chest, so I went with a more direct approach. I warmed up a ball of Shadow in my hands and launched it at him. I clocked him right in the head. He didn't even see it coming. He went from kneeling over her to crashing into a nearby table filled with acids and stuff. He toppled the table over, falling over on the other side. All those acids… they landed all around him, and boy was it a smelly encounter. The Argonian screamed in misery as the acids started mixing with each other, him included. That didn't stop him from standing up though. Splashed with all those acids wasn't working too well for him. His robes were dissolving in front of me, and I did not relish the idea of watching his strip.

His robes weren't the only ones burning away, his scales were dissolving too. He grimaced the whole time he glared at me, wincing at the burning sensation taking over him. "You would distract me from my studies?" The Argonian almost screamed to me, too much in pain not to have a cracking voice… or that could be his throat dissolving, I couldn't really tell.

"What studies?" I asked as I stepped up to Nakuma. The knife was still piercing her heart, but she was bleeding out pretty heavily. I doubted she could survive this. I had to try something though, and I would have to settle this quickly if I was going to be able to do anything to save her. So, I looked up at the Argonian. He looked too much like Nakuma for my liking. Same pink scales, same pink feathers. It had to be her brother that I heard so much about. He helped her with Mannimarco's journal, which she confided in me the darker entity trying to control her. Looks like he got to someone after all: her brother. "So, you're Biluuz?" I asked as I walked over to Nakuma. I could see a slow pool of acid rolling towards her. I decided to grab her sleeve and pull her away from Biluuz and the acid as it rolled towards her.

"I'm studying my sister." Yup, he's her brother then. Biluuz continued to ignore the acid eroding his body as he stepped through the acid around the toppled table. His boots were melting away, and I could see his toes already burning away. Was he oblivious to the pain going on inside him? He had to be if he was just ignoring it like he was. "She was always the prodigy in the family… the little Shadow caster. I wanted to know why… and so… I did what needed to be done… I examined her."

He cut open his own sister just to find out why she was better than him? That's sibling rivalry taken too far. "Sick." I replied as I continued to drag Nakuma away.

"Why bother moving her? She's already dead." Biluuz sounded curious. Curiosity… Huh…

I looked up at him. I think I knew how to get rid of him. "So… you're curious about her abilities?" He nodded. "Well… how can you truly tell what's going on inside her without finding out what's inside you and comparing it to what you found in her?"

That caused him to pause? "Examine myself?"

I nodded. "Otherwise, you'll always wonder what made you so different from her. She's better than you, and you observed what made her so great. Well… what made you so… well… pathetic?"

He paused. He glanced at his own dissolving hand, glancing through the holes that were appearing. "I…" He looked up at me. "I don't know." He looked from me over to my sister. "It's not fair." Instead of coming over to fight me, he decided to look down at the pooling acid. "To examine her without examining the control is not true science. No true answers can be found without further examination." Without thinking, he let himself fall into the pool. "I- I did horrible things… all for answers I did not need. Mannimarco convinced me it was important but… to hurt my little sister like that." He shook his head. The acid had already dissolved parts of it off. He cupped some acid in his melting hand, pouring it on his chest, and then some on his head. "The answers I truly need are inside me."

I left him alone while I tended to Nakuma. She appeared to be dead. Her eyes were lifeless, her heart was no longer beating. A long stream of blood trailed from where I dragged her from. But… I couldn't give up on her. I've seen her take more than this before. So,… I used Restoration on her. I had studied it a lot during my free time as a husk. I covered my hand in it as I reached for the knife. I slowly slid the knife out, pouring as much Restoration into her wound as possible. I couldn't lose her… not again.

I pushed my Restoration Hand down upon her heart and pushed down on it while feeding the Restoration in her. Her body convulsed quickly as blood squirted everywhere. Off in the distance, I watched as a skeletal arm of Biluuz reached inside his own chest, grabbing his own heart. He screamed in pain, a scream that sounded more like a gurgle than anything else. "I… I understand." He seemed to smile as he looked at me. "I know why…" His eyes faded away. One outstretched arm reached over for Nakuma, but then it slacked and fell into what remained of the acid. I had to look away.

The little baby crawled over to us, her eyes focused on me. I couldn't pay any attention to her either, so I focused on Nakuma. I fed more Restoration into her heart, pushing it back together. I couldn't just sit here and pump Restoration into her. I needed to make potions, anything! I looked around the lab for anything I could use. I saw a lot of different alchemical ingredients but nothing I could use for health potions. But… I did see pure Hist sap. I could use that. But… I couldn't leave Nakuma like this. She needed every bit of magicka she could use.

With another push of Restoration Hand on her heart, I heard a gurgle inside her. Her lifeless eyes blinked. She took a second before she looked up at me. "Oleeme." Her voice sounded just as lifeless. "Chapter 23, paragraph 7…" Her voice sounded mechanic, like it didn't fully belong to her. Was she a husk? Of course… I looked down at her exposed chest. Biluuz did something to her, make her see something she couldn't handle, like I did. "Blood magic. 'Properties: the energy inside the blood can be used as a last resort for all necromancers. It can be tapped into when the body is in duress and on the brink of death.' I am in that duress, I am on the brink of death. I need assistance if I am to use it." She looked up at me with uncaring eyes, almost like she didn't care one way over another.

I nodded. "Of course, Nakuma. Anything. What do you need?"

There was a slight pause. "I am unable to feel. I cannot feel the energy necessary to undergo the healing process I would need to pull myself together."

I nodded. "What can I do? Do I need to use blood magic?"

Her head barely shook itself. "Not entirely. I need you to do join with me."

"Join with you?" What? At a time like this?

"Compatibility: an art form where two souls merge as one for a limited time. During this time, one soul is capable of joining another's. Two souls joined together… and if my theory is correct, your huskless soul will help recover my damaged soul. At the very least, you will be able to activate my blood magic for me. I need you to do this for me. Please note: since I am incapable of feeling, you will have to force the Compatibility. You will have to force me to accept you. I do not know what that entails, but… it may require your soul traveling into mine."

I nodded. "Ok, I can do that. How?"

There was a short pause. "In order to establish a link with my husk soul … you must… connect our lips together."

"You mean… kiss you?" Of course it would be something weird like that.

There was another pause. "It is the only way, Oleeme. There is another way to force me to accept you, but it is highly inappropriate given the circumstance." She glanced over towards the crawling baby. "No need to make two husks in one day."

"But why?" I looked at Nakuma. "How does that establish a link? Either of those?"

"There are three major parts to the soul: the heart, the brain, and the … groin. To establish a link with my groin, you would have touch it. My heart is exposed, but it is locked. You must force it open, so instead of cutting me open and ruining the progress you've started, you must send your magicka through my mouth into my throat, and down into my lungs. It will travel from my lungs to my heart. You must put your whole soul into this, Oleeme. Only this will allow me to feel. Unless you wish to connect with me via my groin."

This was too much. "So… joining my soul to yours will force you to feel, which will allow you to use your blood magic to heal your body?"

There was a slight pause. "14% possibility. I have lost a lot of blood, and I'm holding myself together with whatever magicka I can conjure with my brain. It is getting harder to keep myself aware and active. You must hurry."

I looked over at the baby girl watching us intently. "Don't judge me for this." I said to her as I leaned over to kiss Nakuma. I cannot lie… I've wanted to do this since we were in the academy. Even as a husk, I wanted to get close enough to do this. I never understood why, but even as a husk, I felt a certain attachment to Nakuma. It was like I couldn't be complete without her. Seeing her like this, I understood what she was going through. She was living in the same hell I was locked away in my whole life. Time to go inside her, I guess.

I brought my lips down on hers, and hers met mine. There was another pause, like I didn't know what to do. I was supposed to put my soul into this, but how? I gripped Nakuma as I continued to establish a link with her. I couldn't waste time here, trying to figure this out. I had to save her life before it was too late. And… so, I found myself quieting my mind, like I would do when I was a husk. Feeling got in the way a lot of the time, and sometimes what you need was clarity. And… if that was the case with connecting with someone, if overthinking got in the way of feeling, sometimes the best way to feel something out would be to quiet the one thing that is overactive. My mind. In order to get in touch with my heart with hers… my mind couldn't be in the equation. I had to feel, not think.

And… I heard it. The beating of Nakuma's heart, the warmth on her scales, her lips on mine… the pulsing blood. I could feel it. Her light aura as it brushed up against mine. It felt cold, unmoving. As I continued to focus on how she felt, how I felt while pressed up against her, I became aware that I was becoming part of her. I focused on her heart, on how empty it felt. I willed myself to feel for her, to go inside her and find out what was going on in there. And… I saw darkness.

I stood in an empty field, stars lighting up the skies above us, while below us was a glassy thin layer of energy that reflected the night sky back above us. I could see swirls of stars shining above us, all the signs that made up the constellations. I wasn't the only one standing here. Nakuma was standing a few yards away, staring at me with confused eyes.

"Oleeme… what are you doing here?" She asked as she looked around. "What am I doing here?"

I looked around. "I'm not sure. But…" I looked back at her. "You need to wake up! You're dying and you need to feel! You have to be able to activate your blood magic."

Nakuma looked at me for a few seconds before shaking her head. "No…" She turned away from me. "I can't. It's too much noise! When Biluuz… when he reached inside me, he made me… he made me see things I didn't want to see. And he stuck me in a dark room, a Soul Chamber. It started going off, forcing me to witness what I've been through… and how I felt about…" She glanced up at me. "certain people." She looked away, rubbing her arms like she was freezing. "I couldn't handle it. It was too much."

I found myself nodding. "I understand what you're going through. I went through it too. I'm here to help. I'm here to join with you, to combine our souls together. My heart… your brain… Together, I will get you to feel again. You just need a little push, Nakuma, to get you started. Let me help you."

She stood there for a few seconds before looking up at the sky. "What's it like, Oleeme? To be a husk?"

I had to think about it for a second. "I couldn't tell you." I found myself shrugging. "Lifeless. All logic, no real needs. No real wants. Just… questions. And not even logical questions. You know there is something missing in you, and you quest to figure out what it is… without the ability to feel what you're learning. You return to the same buzzing question… why? And you don't know why you keep returning to it. Something drives you, but you can't comprehend why. So, you continuously ask the same question, looking for different logical solutions as to why you ask why. Mine was curiosity. I was curious, why? I wanted answers to questions I could not answer. And that question… that curiosity… was you." I pointed to Nakuma. "I wanted to be near you, study with you, talk to you. But… why? Why was I so attached to you? Because I loved you? I knew what that word meant when before the Soul Chamber, but I lost the meaning when I went inside. The Chamber forced me to think about you… only you… for the full time I was in there. Questions bored into my head, driving me to the point where I forced myself to lock up. Spending time with you, forcing me to interact every day, allowed me to question myself, allowed me to consider why. Each day led me to a star… a little light."

I looked up at the glowing sky. This was the sky I built inside my heart. The pond reflected what I wanted Nakuma to see through me. This was us connecting. Two separate being trying to connect, to reflect what we saw in each other.

"This sky… this is me." I waved my hands around. "I built this as I asked my questions. Each little star lit up my world, allowed me to feel things. And now…" I looked at the murky reflective pond. "with us connected, you can reflect the same light. So… use it. Touch it. Learn to feel through me."

Nakuma stood there for a second. She reluctantly waded through the waters over to me. "What if I'm afraid of what I'll feel?"

"We're all afraid, Nakuma. There are parts of ourselves we do not want to face but we have to if we're to be complete. Rejecting a part of yourself is not living. It took me a while to figure that out. And now that I'm finally free from my emotional prison, it's time for me to help you." I held out my hand for her to take.

Nakuma finally closed the distance to me, gingerly taking my hand. "Oleeme… I… I think I love you."

"And I love you." I leaned over and placed my lips on hers. And…

I was suddenly thrown off Nakuma by an invisible force. My eyes were still blurring as I flew across the room, landing near the spot I woke up from earlier when Mannimarco threw me into a cabinet. There was a red glow coming from Nakuma's aura. "Compatibility established." Her monotone voice announced. "Utilizing Emotional Bridge to Oleeme's emotional soul to activate Soulic properties pertaining to blood magick. Bridge established. Activating blood magick."

There was a light explosion of wind that blasted off the floor. It was enough to make me cover my eyes as dust and blood from the floor suddenly flew everywhere. Nakuma was gently floating up into the air, the red aura consuming her. Her eyes were blood red, her arms moving on their own accord. She reached to her chest, pushing any organs that were moved around back into their spots. She gave her own heart a good squeeze before reaching for her body. She started pushing her muscles and skin back together, which looked really weird. Her body slowly began healing all her wounds. Her faded scales started taking color again. When Nakuma landed on the ground, she bent down to pick up her missing crown of scales and feathers. Her brain was still exposed, blood refusing to drip.

She placed the crown of scales on her head and I watched as the scales healed miraculously. There wasn't even a single scar on her. As soon as the head was attached properly, Nakuma looked at me with her red glowing eyes. "Blood healing successful. Required shut down will commence in ten seconds. Nakuma will need regular healing for the next 24 hours for full recovery. Maintain constant Emotional connect, Oleeme. Nakuma will need it to continue healing."

I found myself nodding. "Of course."

She smiled briefly before her eyes dimmed and rolled into the back of her head. She quickly started buckling over. I stuck out my hand, using what Telekinesis I knew to catch her. When I caught her, I lowered her down to the ground gently. Nakuma let out a little sigh of relief as she touched the ground. There was a small smile and she curled herself into a ball, snoring lightly. Ok… she was ok.

I looked from her to the little baby. "Well… are you still thirsty?"

She replied by trying to stuff her foot into her mouth, cooing at me. What a weird little baby. I couldn't just leave either of them here like this. Biluuz either… or Mannimarco, or what remained of him anyway. I needed some help. I couldn't leave the baby here with me though. I had to find someone, and I had to take the baby with me.

So, I stood up, scooped the baby up into my hands and… well… I tried to think about what to do next. I had to keep the baby safe… there was a war going on outside, but I needed help. Who could help. I looked at the baby in my hands. "We need to go out into the battle to get some help? Are you ok with that?"

I swear this baby understands me. She nodded her head while burying her fist into her mouth, sucking on her fingers. Ok then. Time to go find some help.

Cearbhail:

And... fixed.