Ch.19

When his alarm went off, signaling it was morning, Saix almost felt like staying in bed. After his dream from the past, he had barely gotten any sleep after that. While Nobodies had no hearts and lacked the ability to feel emotion, that didn't include exhaustion. That was something else entirely. That was something they still could feel and it honestly was a complete and utter annoyance.

Still there was work to be done and the day wasn't going to wait for him. With a rather tired yawn, Saix managed to pull himself out from the bed. Once he tried to stretch, he went to get himself ready for the day as best as he could.

After eating some breakfast he headed down to the Grey Room as it was the usual routine. Just like it was all the other times, Axel was already there, sitting alone reading through papers. Once Saix stepped into the room Axel actually looked up to stare at him with some slightly wide eyes.

"Wow, you look like crap." There was almost a hint of laughter in Axel's voice, as if how Saix looked was funny. Apparently to Axel, tiredness from lack of sleep could prove to be amusing, but Saix chose not to focus on that.

"And that would mean?"

"Nothing. Just didn't know you could look like that. What happened? Little itty bitty nightmares?"

Axel once again sounded like he was taunting him again. There was that snarky expression that he usually wore when speaking to other members, and that left Saix to think. This was different than before. Even if Axel was cold and rude, he was never like this to Saix. Something was different now… and Saix had a feeling as to what it was, but he didn't want to assume just yet.

"Why should it matter if I did or didn't?" Saix asked as he went to take a seat across from Axel.

Axel let out a short chuckle. "Cause, if dear old Mother Saix is tired, then maybe we should be worried. If you are too tired to perform your missions then maybe something is wrong."

Saix sighed softly. The nickname… he had not intended for it to happen, yet there was nothing he could do to fix it now. Once Axel made up his mind on a nickname like that he was going to stick to it. Saix had made his choices and now he was stuck with the consequences.

"Is that really necessary?" Either way he still ended up asking about it. If Axel was so insistent on giving names like that, he wanted an answer straight from Axel's lips.

Axel shrugged. "I just give the names as I see them. You're the one that decided to suddenly start defending all the other members."

"I am not defending all the other members."

"Right," Axel rolled his eyes. "Just the pathetic babies. Just like a mother would."

Closing his eyes Saix chose to not speak up anymore, knowing that doing so would only get the conversation nowhere. But it seemed that Axel wasn't done yet. He stood up from his spot and walked over right next to Saix.

When he opened his eyes again, Axel was standing right over him with that cruel grin. "You're totally 'upset' aren't you? You lasted this long without a nickname and now I finally figured one out."

Saix kept his thoughts to himself as he usually did. Though yes he did have thoughts to ask and questions to all of this, he didn't want it to end up going in an endless and pointless cycle. Knowing how Axel would either jump around an answer or give something else that just averted from the topic, Saix didn't want to give the effort to try.

"Come on, surely you got more to say than that. Your nickname isn't the worst at least. You should be honored that I gave you a rather mundane one."

Saix straightened his posture, choosing to look away from Axel. Instead he focused on the window to the outside. "If I don't want to say anything, I should not be required to speak on thought such as that."

Axel scoffed before holding out a piece of paper. "Whatever. You have a mission for today. Take it and I guess leave whenever you actually decide to do work."

Axel then walked over to the usual area that he stood in the Grey Room, and soon enough other members came along to get their missions. Even Demyx came through to get a mission and Saix could see just how tense he was in front of Axel, but he still managed to get the mission, heading off before Axel could chastise him too badly.

Soon enough Xion came into the room and walked over to Saix. "Good morning Saix."

"Good morning Xion."

After a moment she looked at Saix with a little confusion. "Are you okay? You look a little-"

"I'm just tired. Poor night of sleep," Saix finished quickly.

"Ooh, I see. I'm sorry."

Saix shook his head. "Nothing you need to be sorry about. It's all right."

A few moments later Roxas headed in next and came over, forming their small little group. "I wish the two of you luck today, not that you'll need it. I know you will both do well."

"Thanks Saix," Roxas replied before he headed off with Xion to get his mission from Axel.

Now that the two of them were gone, Saix knew he didn't have to wait around. He had a mission to do anyways, and he knew he had to complete it. Though as he headed to the corridor he took one moment to look behind him… to look right at Axel.

The redhead stared back with a rather serious expression, as if he was trying to read into what had just happened. Letting out a short exhale Saix resumed walking after that, not looking back to see if Axel would end up doing anything else. Though he was certain he could still feel the eyes burning into his back even once he had left the room.

In the later hours Saix headed out to the clock tower and waited as he always did. He had his ice cream ready, but he did not start to eat it yet. He still was waiting on Roxas and Xion, but it didn't take much longer before they showed up.

Once they were all sitting and started to eat their ice cream, Saix started off the conversation. "I suppose it worked out well today?"

"Of course! We still got this!" Roxas explained after he took a bite of ice cream. "What about you? Did you have a mission for today?"

"I did. It was where you went yesterday, the place that we refer to as Beast's Castle."

"Oh. What did you need to do there?" Xion asked.

"Some recon investigation. Nothing too much, but just trying to explore some reports about the Heartless that roam there. Now I suppose your mission was heart collecting?"

"What else would it be?" Roxas replied, laughing slightly. "But yeah, we went to Agrabah today for that."

"And the more you go about this, the better you will get working as a team, correct?"

Xion nodded, though her expression did not match. "I… I don't know if we can really keep doing this. Can we really keep fooling the other members like this?"

"Rexlas, we'll be fine," Roxas said, almost too confident.

"But what about Axel?"

"Ah what about him? We've kept it up this long, so we can keep doing it."

Saix shook his head. "Roxas. I wouldn't be too sure about that. Axel is always very suspicious about things… I fear sooner or later he may try to pry and find out more."

"Huh? You really think?"

"I wouldn't put it past him unfortunately," Saix replied with a sigh. "And for the other members, they may not care as much as Axel would, but they are not as dumb and blind as you want to believe."

"Guess we'll just have to cross our fingers." Xion stared down at her ice cream, looking deep in thought before she went back to eating more of it.

"Oh… sorry. I guess I must have been overthinking it a litte…" Roxas scratched the back of his head. "But really everyone? Like I can get most of the members, but Demyx? He was here yesterday and didn't suspect a thing!"

Saix turned to face Roxas more directly. His face narrowed to look far more serious than before. "Roxas, I would not talk ill about someone behind their back like that."

"But-"

"If you choose to talk behind someone's back to make insults about them or assumptions, then you would be no better than how Axel treats all of us." It honestly felt weird to say 'us' within the context, but now things were changing and Saix couldn't help but feel this would only be the start to Axel being much harsher towards him.

"Besides," Saix continued. "Demyx deserves more credit than you give him. He may not be the most active member, but when it comes to recon missions that is his strong suit."

"Plus," Xion cut in. "When he does have to fight he can actually take out Heartless with just his sitar. I think that has got to count for something, right?"

Saix nodded, giving a small smile. "That's right. When it comes to it, Demyx actually is far stronger in combat than he looks, he just prefers to opt out from fighting if he can."

"Wait seriously?" Roxas asked, his eyes wide and surprised.

"Yes. I've seen him summon his water clones before, and let me tell you those are quite hard to get rid of while he is strumming away on his sitar."

"Wow… I never would have guessed. But if he can actually do all that then why does he say he isn't cut out for combat."

Saix thought carefully for a moment, trying to think of the best words he could use to explain to Roxas and Xion. "Just because you are good at something, doesn't mean you have to like doing it. You could be really good at writing your mission reports, but does that mean you enjoy doing it?"

Roxas wrinkled his face a little. "Yeah I really hate writing those. I guess I get what you mean then. Everyone just has something they are good at though?"

"You got it. Everyone has their strong points. The things that make them unique from the others."

"Unique?" Xion asked inquisitively. "Even Nobodies? Don't you need a heart to be unique?"

Saix hummed softly. "Not necessarily. The traits and skills we possess are what makes us unique. Things we learned through our past also help as well. Not having a heart or not doesn't factor into if you are unique or not. Though I suppose you can say us being without hearts as a whole makes us rather unique."

"What past…?"

"Wait, you remember your past?"

Saix nodded quietly. He knew that Roxas still held no memory from before, though he wasn't entirely sure with Xion. Either way he knew that they had to learn to understand it, perhaps then maybe something good could come from it.

"Yes I do… unlike the lessee Nobodies like the Dusks, we remember who we are and are able to retain it. Though I like to believe there is some recognition left in them. I'm sure you've seen the Dusk act odd at times, perhaps quirks from when they were a Somebody."

"Well… I don't remember who I am…" Roxas sighed.

"Me neither."

Humming, Saix looked to the two young ones, seeing the worry and sadness that was expressed on their faces. "I know it must be hard not to remember. I'd like to hope one day you two will be able to."

"You think?" Roxas asked.

"Yes," Saix answered simply.

"So… what were you like before you were a Nobody?"

Saix began to straighten up. It was an unexpected question yet also could have been easily expected at the same time. Still not something he honestly wanted to keep thinking back to, especially with his dream from the night.

"I suppose the best way you could say it is…" Saix kept on thinking about it. He wanted to be able to tell the two, but he wasn't sure how to go about it. He hadn't thought about his Somebody life in years, but everything was rushing back to him.

"I've always been rather calm and collected. Not much difference if I think about it."

"Really?" Xion asked.

"It's the easiest way to put it without digging too deeply into what once was. It's all in the past anyways."

Roxas stared down at his now finished ice cream. He held the stick in his hands lightly before speaking up again. "At least you can remember. I don't even remember my first week as a Nobody."

"Hm, sometimes it can be a lot to remember… to remember what once was and what you've left behind. But you still have time to remember. Perhaps when Kingdom Hearts is complete, you'll get your memories back."

"Maybe…" Roxas muttered, not sound so sure.

"I'm with you Roxas. I don't remember much from the beginning either."

"I wonder… what I must have been like. You think I was just the same, Saix? Like you?"

Saix tried to hold back the smallest of smiles. Roxas was far from similar to his Somebody counterpart. But… there were still some similarities, but overall Roxas and Sora had far more differences. It made Roxas truly unique for who he was.

"Maybe," Saix said, finally giving his answer. "Who knows for certain though. Everyone is different after all and… sometimes people change." There was the slightest bit of hesitation at the end, but it went completely unnoticed by Roxas and Xion.

Roxas's Diary Entry: Day 95

I went to Agrabah today with Xion. We make a pretty good team now.

Afterwards Saix, Xion and I talked about us and the other Nobodies. The ones who make it into the Organization are powerful enough to keep their memories... But me and Xion can't remember our pasts. What was I like?

Saix said people sometimes change… I wonder if I changed because I can't remember.

Secret Report: Saix

The day felt long yet at the same time it went fairly quickly. I suppose it was just slow in dragging at the start… with the account of what I dreamt…

Memories of the past… I find it strange how they can weed their way into our dreams. It feels like it should be out of nowhere, but I know better than that. I dream that for a reason… my past is being reflected but with twists that I never would have expected. I need to carry on though as best as I can.

Hey I did it again with a new chapter! I hope you are all well and I am doing fine myself. I hope you all enjoyed though!