Everyone had their own way of escaping reality. Whether it be through a hobby, or a habit. Everyone had something they did to make their existence a little more bearable.
For Azula, Zuko would guess it was firebending. Sure, he loved firebending too, but it was her every movement. Her entire being. Sometimes, Zuko wondered if she was a dragon in disguise, like the fearless protagonists from some of his favorite plays.
For his Uncle, he would have to say it was tea. Drinking or making, Zuko couldn't tell.
Zuko didn't understand the hype behind the hot leaf juice, but Uncle Iroh always tried to get him to drink some. Whether it be jasmine, or chai. Zuko liked neither, however.
Well, maybe he could down some jasmine without barfing, but that was a big maybe.
As for Zuko? Zuko loved his swords. He loved the adrenaline rush he got every time he swung through the air, loved the exhilaration.
As he sat on the cot, watching droplets roll down a wall, he wondered if he'd ever be able to escape again.
The medic from earlier wasn't here. All alone, he tried summoning a flame. He brought his hand close to his face, and sucked in a deep breath. A tiny, barely lit flicker came out of his finger tips. He felt the heat on his face.
(His face was melting. Father held him down, as his skin dwindled like wax. He laughed as Zuko screamed. He laughed.
"Weak, like your mother," Father sneered, as he cried, the tears evaporating off his face. "I should've rid myself of you earlier."
Zuko's lungs could no longer support his endless screams.
"Pathetic. Unworthy." Heartless laughter echoed around the room. "A failure not only to me, but the entire nation. The worthless Prince."
He laughed as Zuko burned .- )
The little flame trembled, and so did Zuko. Tears sprung to his eyes. The dim flame died out, as did Zuko's spirit.
How could he be afraid of Fire? How could he be scared of his own element? He could almost hear his sister now, calling him pathetic. He could feel his grandfather's disappointment. He could see his father's sneer.
His skin would forever bear the mark of his failure, no matter what Surin or any medic did. He would forever be seen as a failure, and everyone would know it.
Ugly.
That's what his scar would be. That's what it already was. He wasn't a vain person, not by any means, but he didn't want a scar. He didn't want children to run away from him; he didn't want to be branded.
He used to hear nobles talk about him, comparing his looks to that of his father. 'A spitting image,' they'd say. Maybe once he could've been. Now, it would be hard to miss the giant, mottled burn that covered half his face.
The worst part? Mai probably wouldn't like his scar. Not that he cared what Mai thought, of course. Girls were weird. And gross.
Idly, he wondered what his scar might even look like. Would it be shaped like a handprint? Would it just be a shapeless blob? He hoped it would look cool. He didn't think it would, though.
He didn't even want to think about his hair. His top knot was gone, that much he knew. The familiar weight of it was no longer pressing against his neck.
Surin was right when he mentioned his face being numb. Zuko couldn't feel a thing. A sharp stinging sensation every once in a while, and if he was extremely unlucky, an itching feeling that felt so strong it burned.
Zuko wondered where the soldier was. He said he'd be back; he said he'd be here when Zuko woke up. He wasn't.
Zuko was sick, and tired of people lying to him, Azula being the worst culprit. If Zuko really tried, he could remember a softer Azula, a small girl desperate for her big brother's attention. He could even remember a softer Father, one from before Azula started spewing flames. Back when they were a real family, really. When Lu Ten still laughed with them, when Mother dragged them to see the Ember Island Players' butchered version of his favorite play, 'Love Amongst The Dragons.' She always claimed it was to broaden their horizon, but Zuko couldn't get past the female dragon being green instead of red. Everyone knew dragons weren't green.
The room rocked slightly underneath Zuko. Normally, Zuko wouldn't have noticed, but he was bored, and nothing else that slightly interested him was happening.
Cautiously, Zuko wandered to the doorframe, and popped his head into the hallway. His face was covered in bandages, so he had to turn his head to get a better look around. Nobody was there.
Curiously, he exited the room fully, and walked down the hallway. His head throbbed with every step, but he pointedly ignored every stab of pain.
He followed the pathway until he reached another room. Gathered in the middle, were around ten to fifteen soldiers, all wearing different uniforms. Some had stripes, some didn't.
"We have an issue," A woman at the front of the room called, her fists balled at her sides. All the side conversations ceased immediately. Zuko ducked behind a crate, so he wouldn't be seen. "As many of you know, we are on course to the Earth Kingdom. The colonies, specifically. We have been called to deal with rogue Earthbenders."
A murmur of approval began in the crowd. The woman put her palm up, silencing the crowd. "There is a storm on the horizon, one I doubt we will be able to weather. I debated whether or not to tell you," She paused, looking over the group. Many soldiers let out a gasp, the noises differing in volume. Insults were thrown, and protests heard.
One particular insult about someone's mother made Zuko blush.
From behind his box, he could barely see the woman. He wiggled his way out from behind the crate to get a better view. "As I knew this could be received...poorly."
Many crew members rolled their eyes, or at least Zuko thought they might've.
The woman's eyes locked onto his, and narrowed. "I'm trusting you to go pack up your supplies, and any personal belongings you might have. Burn the rest. We're going to prepare for the worst."
"The worst being what exactly, Captain?"
"The ship sinks, and you all die a watery death." The woman—Captain, was blunt. Zuko slightly admired that, when he wasn't quaking in his soaked shoes. All the people in his life were rather two-faced, if he really thought about it. Even his mother. "Our supplies end up in enemy hands, as do our bodies. Your families mourn you, only having a scroll to bury in your stead."
His mother who he might never get to see again. He promised himself he wouldn't cry, but it was hard. His life changed so quickly, and he didn't think it would ever go back to how it was.
"The best case scenario being we all survive, and make it to the mainland, where we can stock up on supplies again. We're going to prepare for the worst."
The Captain just said they were all going to die. He was actually going to die. He let Surin put the bandages on his face for nothing apparently.
Which sucked, because that had really hurt. He also didn't really want to drown, either. When his body floated ashore (which it would, eventually) he knew Azula would laugh at his stupidity.
"Well?" The Captain snapped at the soldiers. "What are you waiting for? A dismissal? Go."
As the crewmates filed out, the Captain said, "Hirai Surin and Zuron Kendri? You two need to stick behind. I need to speak with you two." Zuko heard a very audible gulp from one of the two men she told to stay behind. "You can tell our little friend behind the crates that he's welcome to join us."
"What?" Kendri repeated dumbly. Surin elbowed him in the ribs, hard. He squealed. Surin nodded his head in Zuko's general direction.
Zuko stepped out from behind the crates, and bit his lip hard enough he tasted iron.
"Oh. Hi Zuko." Kendri replied, as he rubbed his side, glaring at Surin.
"You said you would be there when I woke up," Zuko seethed, pointing his finger at Surin. "You lied. I woke up and you weren't there. You promised."
"I'm sorry, Zuko." The medic appeased. "I was pulled away by Captain Yera. I'm very sorry."
Zuko wiped away at his eye, getting rid of any stray tears there might've been. He was strong, and he wouldn't cry.
Azula always said crying was for babies.
Zuko wasn't a baby.
"S'okay," He sniffled. "I don't care that much anyway."
"It's okay to care though," The soldier argued, his tone soft. "I broke a promise, and you're allowed to be upset."
"What he said," Kendri added, unhelpfully. Surin sent another glare his way. "Let the tears fall, kid. Let em pour. Agni knows you've got enough emotional constipation to make a therapist need a therapist."
"My name's not kid," Zuko stuck his lower lip out in a pout.
"I know."
"Then why do you keep-"
Captain Yera cleared her throat. "Surin, I need you to pack up any supplies that you need. Set fire to the rest. When this ship goes down, I don't want our supplies getting into anyone's hands. Those simpletons won't get anything."
"Of course, Captain Yera." Kendri saluted the woman, who merely glared at him.
"Get going," She snapped. Kendri scrambled out of the room, the same direction as Surin. Zuko could hear a faint, 'wait for me, Surin! WAIT! I swear to Agni you will regret it if you don't wait for me,' from the young man. His mother wouldn't approve of Kendri using Agni's name in such a way. She always said swearing was bad, and she was usually right.
"You," She said, pointing at Zuko. Zuko gulped. "Are going to go with both of them. I'd hurry and catch up if I were you."
Zuko's right eye widened. "Um, okay.."
The Captain opened her mouth to say more, but Zuko ran in the opposite direction, as fast as he could. He headed towards the room from earlier, the medicinal room.
"Surin!" He yelled out, as he looked for the young soldier. "Suurin!"
"Over here, Zuko." Surin called back. Zuko followed the voice as best he could. He didn't particularly trust his hearing, however. "I'm just packing up the stuff."
Surin's head popped out from behind a medium sized pile of medical supplies.
"What are you going to do with the rest of it?" Zuko pointed to the pile. "That's a lot."
"I'm going to burn it," Surin answered.
"How?" Zuko's jaw dropped. He thought Kendri said they were a battalion of non-benders. "Aren't you a non-bender?"
"Yes," Surin paused, reaching into a pocket. "That's why I'm going to use matches, and then we're going to put it out, because I really don't think Captain Yera would appreciate us burning down her only ship."
"Matches?" Zuko echoed the only part of Surin's speech that he remembered.
"Yeah," Surin responded. "How else would we non-benders start fires? Well, I guess we could always use flint and steel, but that would be ridiculous, really. We're on a ship."
"I didn't.." Zuko trailed off.
"Didn't what? Think we non-benders were able to produce our own fire without firebenders? No worries. I'm sure that's a popular opinion."
"But why would you?"
"Why would we what?"
"Start your own fires," Zuko clarified. "You don't need to."
"True," Surin agreed, with a shake of his head. "But why would we want to rely on firebending when none of us can do it? I get that you're a kid of noble birth, Zuko, but think of it this way: why give someone more power over yourself than they already have?"
"Huh," Zuko frowned. His father had always mentioned the dishonour of being a non-bender, being so weak as to rely on their society to keep them afloat. He called them leeches, and freeloaders. They latched on to the strong. Zuko never really thought about what being a non-bender meant, but he knew it was a bad thing.
Otherwise, his father wouldn't call him little better than one.
His mother, he knew, was a non-bender. She wasn't weak, so Father was wrong. Surin didn't seem very weak either, but Zuko wasn't so sure about that. Surin seemed like the type to cry at the end of romance plays.
Zuko would know.
(Sometimes, he cried at the end of plays. Not that he would let anyone know. Azula already had enough reasons to make fun of him as it was. )
His mother never needed to start her own fires, she had both Zuko and Azula, and any other palace firebender. It was strange, really. Thinking about how non-benders worked. They were human too, and they were just as capable as firebenders, apparently.
Zuko could agree on not wanting to give more power to someone else. He hated it when he embarrassed himself in front of Azula, because she always used it against him.
(He sat on the ground, groaning. He tried to do a harder form, but couldn't keep up with it. He fell over, onto his back.
"Ouch," Zuko said as he rubbed his lower back. "That really hurt."
"It didn't hurt as much as seeing a member of the royal family struggle so much," Azula peeked out from behind a tree, a wicked smile plastered all over her face. Zuko's heart dropped. "We're supposed to be the example. At least, the example of how to do things right."
"Go away, Azula." He growled.
"I don't think so, Zuzu. You really should've seen yourself. It was hilarious, truly. I liked the part where you lost your balance and stumbled on your own two feet. Quite befitting of you, really."
"Stop it." He warned, all bark and no bite.
"Or what? You'll firebend at me? With those forms? I could do those in my sleep, Zuzu. Just face it; you'll never be as good as me. You'll always be a failure.")
He never had a moment to breathe when she was around. Sometimes literally, as her fire sucked up all the surrounding oxygen.
Surin grabbed a match from the packet, and rubbed it against the rough patch. The small flame that it produced triggered something in Zuko. The left side of his face began to hurt, a sort of phantom pain over top the actual, lingering pain.
On instinct, Zuko put the fire out. Surin looked down at the match, pure confusion on his face. "That's weird. There isn't a breeze or anything down here, so why…."
Zuko's breathing became louder, and Surin turned to look at him. There was something in his eyes, a heavy look.
Pity.
"Zuko?" Surin poked his shoulder. "You look sick, why don't you wait outside while I do this? Okay?"
"I'm fine," Zuko grumbled. "I'm not scared of a little flame."
"I never said you were," Surin amended. "But you look sick, and maybe you shouldn't inhale any of the fumes."
It sounded like Surin was reaching, but Zuko didn't care. He did what was asked of him, and he left.
He took a deep breath, and steadied himself.
I'm fine, he thought. I'm not scared of fire. A firebender scared of his own element? Pathetic. Weak. I'm not weak. I'm not.
"Zuko?" Kendri ran down the hall, screaming at the top of his lungs. Zuko clutched his head. "You good?"
"Ow," He muttered under his breath. Honestly? He really didn't like Kendri. At all.
"Where's Surin?" Kendri asked, out of breath, once he reached the doorway.
"Inside. He's burning the supplies and then he's going to put them out. I'd guess with water? I don't know."
"Okay," Kendri pushed Zuko aside and sprung into the room.
"Hey!" Zuko yelled, anger seeping through his words. "What was that for?"
"Surin!" Kendri exclaimed. "Surin!"
"What?" Surin muttered, holding a piece of burning gauze. "Don't you see that I'm a little busy?"
"The Captain was wrong," Kendri said, the urgency clear. "The storm isn't on the horizon."
Zuko let out a sigh of relief. Everything was fine, then. Except for maybe the medicine.
"What?" Surin glared. "You mean I burnt all my supplies for nothing? You're joking? Wait, you're not joking? Ugh. Honestly-"
"No," Kendri interrupted. "You don't understand. You didn't burn them for nothing. The storm isn't on the horizon, Surin. It's already here."