GOOD TO YOU
•xoxoxo•
Disclaimer: Resident Evil CAPCOM | Plot by whitemaigexxvii | Song © Troye Sivan
Summary: [AU] Jessica Sherawat: the girlfriend. Jill Valentine: the best friend. The lines were set fear what but it was still breached and pain is just around the corner. RATED M. Valenfield / Sherafield
•xoxoxo•
Author's Note: OH. MY. GOD. I can't believe it would take me forever to finish this chapter! I know what you're thinking. I promised last chapter that I will be back early due to the amount of fill-in I was able to create last time. Well, guess what? Things are bound to go to hell a lot of times and a lot of things needed my immediate attention so there you go. Alright, I'm not gonna take any more of your time. Thank you for reading!
•xoxoxo•
CHAPTER VIII
Only fools fall for you,
Only fools
Only fools do what I do
Only fools fall
•xoxoxo•
HOW SHE looked that night remained inked inside his mind, thoughts that enthralled and killed him inside, as he stood there watching like a fool—too in love to distinguish if she was real or not. She looked too sultry, enough to make him want to just stroll up to her and claim her right then and there, yet at the same time she looked so breath-taking he had no option but to stare at her, slack-jawed, because he was too afraid she'd disappear if he so much as dare to move a muscle.
Her hair flowed in its usual waves as it swayed in sync with her movements and he did not miss how it shines every time the bar's bright neon lights flashed at it, accentuating it and making it look ten times silkier than how he remembered it should be. It was so easy to lose himself in the sensation of "being in love" but at the back of his mind, he needs to be reminded of the reason why he was there in the first place.
Yes, why was he there, even?
He swallowed the lump that formed in his throat down as his surroundings dulled and all his mind could focus on was the question and the answer his mind has conjured. There were no blinding lights of alternating colors, no ear-numbing, bass-induced pop music, he was not in love, and he could not even see her standing just a few feet away. Everything faded out of focus. For a moment, it was all him and his crowded mind, split between rational and nonsensical thoughts. He was given a reminder that this life he made for himself, and the decisions he made in it, would somehow lead him to something catastrophic.
She was no different.
Every decision he made that concerns her was all wrong. Every breath, every minute, every feeling, and every single fuck he gave had meant nothing. The very fact that he was standing there, partially afraid to face the truth, is a clear enough proof that all the things he risked up until that moment were just a load of bullshit for her. Otherwise, he wouldn't be standing there; mulling over every minute possibility of what could have led things to this.
The things you do for love.
Or was it?
His mind wandered to a blue-eyed woman sporting her signature bob haircut. What would she say when she finds out about this? He didn't have to guess, really. He just knows that, although concerned, his best friend would just stare at him with those wide, knowing, blue eyes; as if telepathically telling him that he had made a mistake all along and that she had always been right about his chosen relationships.
Yes, the fact that his best friend and his girlfriend never really got along was never a secret no matter how hard they try to make it appear like so. They try to be discreet with the silent treatment and snide remarks thrown at each other from time to time but he was not that insensitive. To make matters worse, his mother made it clear to him that Jessica would be the last person in this world to ever be welcomed in their family.
Despite all that, he turned a blind eye and muted all the negative comments because he wanted to prove them all wrong. He wanted to prove them that he made the right choice. And maybe that's the sole reason of his existence there. He wanted to show them that there was not a single fault in all the decisions he made.
And more importantly, he wanted to prove to himself that he can still control this.
Because, really, what's more devastating than knowing you let yourself down in something you conceitedly thought you have full control over? What's more embarrassing than losing confidence in a matter that you've completely encouraged yourself to be right when it ends up going to a direction that would make you want to just visit Hell instead? No, he vehemently denies it and—hard headed as he might be—he'll never admit to this fault.
Willing himself to get a move on, he blended with what little darkness the bar had to offer and patiently observed her every movement. He tried not to stand out as much as possible but a few flirting women managed to hinder him from time to time, and each nuisance was met with either a shrug of indifference or an annoyed glare.
He watched for what felt like a good ten minutes as his efforts and judgment about the matter came to a futile conclusion. His girlfriend continued to move her hips to the beat without even a single man daring to make a move on her, much to his relief. She continued to dance like no one was around. Chris could tell that she was having fun and he didn't want to spoil that for her. She kept complaining that she wanted to unwind from the crushing stress and he figured that this was it.
He sighed and felt his muscles relax under taut skin. There was no other man. There was no cheating involved. With a stroke of pride, his ego inflated once more along with the washing reprieve. He wanted to smack Forest in the face for giving him false information. He made a mental note to do that once he's back in the office for his morning shift.
He was prepared to take his leave and let her be since his trust for her returned with such vigor only to come crushing down ten times harder when an unfamiliar man pushed his way to her position and grabbed her ass and kissed her full on the mouth.
The initial reaction he had was intense fury. He rushed forward and shoved the dancing people blocking his path. Less than twenty feet. The distance between them was close but the dense mass of people impeded him from reaching her faster.
However, it seemed like he needn't got any farther. The moment he saw her wrap her arms around the man, he knew then that he had been a fool and his ego crumble along his respect for whatever relationship and memories they shared together.
Grasping what little self-control he has, he turned around and stormed out of the place. Away from the ear-numbing music. Away from the eye-blinding, neon lights. Away from the suffocating crowd.
Away from the nauseating, stomach-turning scene.
Away from the woman he thought would help him forget.
He then realized that he really couldn't settle for second best.
He finally understood. The hard way.
•xoxoxo•
Don't give a fuck
Not giving up
I still want it all
•xoxoxo•
JESSICA WANTS to organize a party where all her friends will be invited, where they will get stoned and drunk out of their minds, just because she finally had the satisfaction to see the defeated look on that woman's face. Sure, she did say that she will try to look at that woman as someone who deserves respect, but she discovers that she still couldn't. It's something that would take too much effort on her part and just to be totally honest, she does not want to go through that. She still thinks that Jill Valentine is not someone she would give her respect to.
Instead, she figured that she would lead Jill on thinking that they are finally on the 'friend' stage, gain her trust, and then crush her reputation. That sounds like a plausible plan. And maybe by doing that, it will make it easier for her to finally kick Jill out of the equation and while she's at it, she can make Chris hate that woman as well.
"That sounds so mean, Jessica." Came a sarcastic voice from her left and she saw a woman emerge from her elegant, curtained door. Her heels clicked against the marbled floor and placed another bottle of wine on the coffee table. She then proceeded to take the empty seat in front of Jessica.
She let out a satisfied laugh before placing her wine glass down. "Don't be a fucking bummer. There was a saying to that, right?"
"Keep your friends close but your enemies closer?"
Jessica snapped her fingers and pointed an excited finger at the woman. "That one!" There was a small pause as she imagined Jill's dismayed face. "She wouldn't know what hit her." She couldn't stop herself from smirking. She could already feel her imminent victory.
"You already have Redfield. What more could you possibly want?" Jessica raised an annoyed eyebrow at the woman and she was given shrug in return. "I mean, yea, getting revenge is good and all but remember the real deal here, Jessica."
She rolls her eyes. It's absurd to put more effort than she already did. Now that Chris fell into her carefully laid trap by proposing to her, it only made her job easier; not to mention she loved the idea of getting the man she had wanted for years and, at the same time, getting her job done.
"Bang! Hitting two birds with one fucking stone. That's what you call 'strategy', Excella."
The woman, Excella, snorted and poured her another round of wine. "Sure." Excella drawled, sarcastically making Jessica scowl.
"Get that shit inside your head if you ever plan on getting inside Wesker's pants." Jessica haughtily flipped her hair back.
Excella mocked a laugh. "Very funny, Jessica. I'd watch my fucking back if I were you."
"Excuse me?" The confident smirk was wiped clean from her face to only get replaced by a warning look.
It was Excella's turn to smirk. "Your fucking fiancé is perceptive, I'd give you that. I'm only warning you about that dog you were keeping. I'd dispose of him before he gets his ass found or before he barks some secrets behind your back." She paused only to mockingly form a gun using her fingers and pointed it towards her direction. "Bang. Like hitting all of us with one bullet."
Her mind spun as it gave her a glimpse of the disaster she would have to face if Excella's words were to happen. Her efforts would go to waste and she would lose the position she had worked for in years. Her life would be left in ruins. Just thinking about it made her mood sour and a shiver run down her spine. However, she needed to be confident in her decisions or she wouldn't gain her current standing without the help of her partner.
"Raymond wouldn't dare." She said, thinking that voicing her thoughts would help her convince herself.
"You don't seem too confident about that,"
There was a heavy silence as Jessica tried to ignore that the thick mocking tone lacing through the woman's every word. She deeply contemplated about it for a few more seconds but she soon dismissed it with a wave of a hand.
"Don't be a bitch."
"I wouldn't be your best friend if I weren't." Excella cockily countered before raising her glass towards Jessica.
Jessica returned the gesture and with a triumphant smirk on their faces, they shared a toast. "With that, I could agree."
As if on sync, they finished their glass of wine; satisfied and feeling fulfilled. Jessica then placed her wine glass down and gathered her things, making sure that she has all the confidential files she had gathered already inside Excella's briefcase before standing up.
She smoothened down her dress and took one last glance at her friend before walking out the door. This is the start and there is no going back.
•xoxoxo•
I am tired of this place, I hope people change
I need time to replace what I gave away
And my hopes, they are high, I must keep them small
Though I try to resist I still want it all
•xoxoxo•
JILL PLACED the final piece of utensil on the table as Rebecca got the final dish ready for serving. Finally feeling satisfied with how everything was laid out, Jill heaved out a thankful sigh. All the work they did managed to take her mind off the stress from earlier. Although she knows that she couldn't run from it all forever, a little reprieve is nice and much appreciated. She had taken too much shit for one day. She reckons a small breather wouldn't hurt.
"Need any help?" She called out, all the while checking out how Rebecca carefully stacked the evenly sliced ham on one plate.
The younger woman shook her head. "It's just the two of us for now. It seems like Billy will take a while. He was called in earlier. Looks like the holiday season made him busier than he already is." Rebecca smiled in spite of how negative the context of the sentence was. She made it seem like she's not bothered by it at all.
Jill sighed. She could only imagine Rebecca and Billy's situation. They are deeply in love but rarely see each other because of their responsibilities at work. Although together, the lack of time with each other made it seem like they are better off apart. It's both bittersweet and touching at the same time. Jill looks up to how they manage to stay together after all the pressure of what little time was given to them.
A burning ache in her chest and the loud blaring of Rebecca's house phone stopped her from her train of thoughts.
"I'll get it!" Rebecca announced, as she hastily wiped her wet hands using the nearest towel her small hand could reach before bolting to where the boisterous device was.
Blue eyes followed Rebecca's retreating form as she wondered what it would be like to finally move on from this heartache and settle down. Thoughts of her being someone's wife, of caring and building a family of her own, of devoting herself to her husband, of being a loving mother and providing for her children, of looking back and deciding that the past shouldn't bind her from being happy.
Jill shook her head. Those are the exact thoughts she shouldn't have the luxury to think about at this point. With another sigh, but of dejection this time, and pushed herself towards Rebecca's unfinished business.
She was about to pick up the knife when the younger woman suddenly appeared by her side, nearly giving her a heart attack.
"Jesus, Becca!" Jill exclaimed, clutching her heaving chest.
Said woman seemed unfazed, a worried look coloring her youthful face. "Jill, they are looking for you. What should I say?"
Her heart stopped pounding as it got caught in her throat.
Of course, they'll be looking for her. Taking a quick glance at her wrist watch, Jill was shocked to see it was twenty-eight minutes past six. She then gave Rebecca a pleading look.
"Please don't tell them that I'm here." She literally begged. Her desperation projected in plain sight as she latched on to the smaller woman as if her life depended on it. Jill had made her decision not to go to their small gathering.
She nervously chewed on her lower lip. She has to hand it to her parents to find out Rebecca's home phone number, though. It's very unlikely that they got it from Chris since he was not one to keep multiple phone numbers of people. He usually settles for mobile numbers.
"I will agree to that," Rebecca gave her small nod before abruptly gripping on her forearms; a stern look on her face. "But only if you agree to face them tonight."
Her friend's demanding tone caught Jill off guard, and just like reflex, she wrestled her way out of her hold however Rebecca's hand stayed firm. "Jill, I know this is something you're not willing to face but you have to!"
She is now looking at her friend like she grew two heads. She repeated the words in her head and it made her want to cry again. I have to.
I have to.
I don't want to.
Moisture started to pool at the corner of her eyes. "No," she whined, feeling pathetic for sounding like a three-year old. She hated it but couldn't bring herself to stop. She continued to resist however Rebecca persisted. At the back of her mind, she was kind of shocked to witness how such a small woman could hold her off like this.
"Jill!" Rebecca barked, effectively stunning her to silence.
Jill just started at her, completely shocked and bewildered, until she finally realized how immature her actions were. Her best friend's reprimanding tone was like a cold slap to the face as it shook her out of her pettiness and it didn't take her a second to give a nod of approval. She found herself yielding purely out of instincts that even her own worries was not fast enough to stop her.
"Good. Let's just tell them the truth that you're here. You're about to leave anyway." With a proud smile, Rebecca pulled away walked back to where the phone was before she could protest.
Jill felt a shiver run up her spine.
I can do this. I can do this. I will do this.
Her mind screamed the words like a sacred mantra. If she wanted her life back, if she wanted to stop hurting, if she wanted to move on, this is the first thing she must do. She knows that if she wants a future where she can look back without any regrets. She can't keep living her life like this. She can't keep coming back inside her shell once another problem presented itself.
This person posing as Jill Valentine is not the Jill Valentine she once was and wants to continue being. She needs to start walking tall. No more empty talks. No more bravado. No more pretenses. This is the turning point and she's determined to make it work.
Jill clenched her fists and squared her shoulders. The moment she took her first step, it was followed by another until she found herself standing a few feet away from Rebecca. She watched her friend talk on the phone. It didn't take her single second to realize that her friend just took the bullet of her father's anger for her. As if an unknown force pulled her in, Jill closed the space between them and took the phone from a stunned Rebecca.
"Don't take this the wrong way, Becky."
Yep, that's her father's voice, alright. She can hear the restraint from his voice and she mentally apologized to the younger woman beside her for having to put up with her upset father.
"Papa, it's me." She announced and there was a brief pause from the other line.
"Jill! Why didn't you tell us you'd be staying with Rebecca? I thought we already came to an agreement that this is not going to be a repeat of Thanksgiving?" She can hear the disappointment laced with every word he said.
She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose out of frustration and fatigue. "I know, Papa. I'm sorry. I haven't seen Becca for a while and time just flew by. I'll be coming over, I promise." She feigned apologetic when in fact she was more scared than ever. Of all the things she hates breaking that is her promises with her parents. She broke it when she did not show up last Thanksgiving and she feels like shit just thinking about it.
"Honey, I don't want to send you on a guilt trip—or maybe I do—but I seriously don't want you to miss this." There was a small but very tense pause. It was so tense; Jill felt a shiver run up her spine. "I don't want to think that there's something wrong between you and our closest family friends."
"No!" Was her instant response, it was instinctive and defensive. It was because she knows that he was right. There is really something wrong with everything. "There's nothing, Papa." Her voice is a little quiet this time, a little more unsure.
"That's a relief. I will ask Chris if he could pick—
"That's not going to work!" She instantly interjected. The last thing she wants right now is to be alone with Chris and have a long and awkward ride. "I'm not a six-year-old."
When Jessica offered her ride back to the Redfield residence, it did not take her even a second to understand that this is not the first time she'll hear about the engagement and naturally, being emotionally unstable, she had to turn down a convenient but heartbreaking ride. She went straight to her best friend's humble abode to gather her scattered thoughts and regain her composure. The shock was too much for her to handle and she was glad that she did not push her luck that day.
"I can manage, Papa. If I leave now, I'll have the chance to catch up." She assured him but was unsure deep down. It's a holiday so it's almost close to impossible for her to stumble upon a public transport.
"I would've believed you if it was an ordinary day, Jill."
This part of him really annoys her sometimes. Her father has the knack of thinking so far ahead, it's scary. She cleared her throat. "Yes, I know what you mean, Papa. I'm sure it won't take me that long."
Jill exchanged a few more words with her father, completely exhausting all her convincing powers, before he finally yielded; stating that he trusts that she will live up to her promise this time and it crushed her soul. A huge part of her wants to defend her previous actions but she stopped herself from doing so. She is done giving petty excuses to cover her pathetic behavior from before. Slowly placing the receiver down, she faced a smiling Rebecca. It was a smile telling her that she has taken the first step in making things right.
Jill was about to apologize for not being able to stay and share the dinner they both worked hard on but soon bit back her tongue when Rebecca raised a hand; understanding that this was for the best. Rebecca handed back her things before placing a hand on her shoulder.
"You should go, Jill. This is the time for you to redeem yourself. I hate to see you broken like this and if this will help you, I wouldn't stand in your way." She said, eyes sparkling with happiness as she gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "I want nothing but your happiness. I want nothing but for my best friend to find her confidence back."
And with that, Jill felt warmth spread through her and a stinging sensation in her chest she categorizes as something good. She can slowly feel her confidence flowing back to her very bones because no matter how many times she falls, there are still people like Rebecca who still believes she can do and be anything. And with that, she is thankful. She pulled the younger woman for a grateful hug before pulling away with a single drop of tear from her eye and a smile of relief on her face.
"Thank you, Rebecca, for continuing to believe in me when I can't. Thank you for always being there for me. Thank you for being a sister that I never had." Holding back tears was long forgotten and it just kept coming. "Thank you for existing."
Rebecca chuckled, obviously trying to fight back the tears as well. She reached out and tried to wipe Jill's tears away with her small thumbs. It was a small gesture but for Jill it meant everything. "Stop crying, you! You're going to make me cry. Not to mention you can't go there looking like that."
She gave a couple of nods before wiping her whole face sloppily, all the while sniffling down the remaining of her tears. "I need to retouch."
"You can do that on the way, Jill. It's already fifty passed six. We would need a miracle for you to arrive there before seven-thirty."
Jill nodded but faltered when she caught a glimpse of the dining table. Her mind was already set to forget the gathering they have at the Redfield household and just enjoy her small reprieve with her best friend, but this time it's different. This time she would stop finding things she can use to cover up her cowardice. She would swallow feeling guilty about the fact that she would have to leave after all the preparations especially she knows that Rebecca is rooting for her.
They both walked towards the door. Sharing one final hug to show her overwhelming gratitude, Jill took her first, real step to self-recovery. When her foot touched the welcome doormat of Rebecca's home, she felt like she was born anew.
But that was instantly shot down when eyes of hazel met hers.
•xoxoxo•
I see swimming pools and living rooms and aeroplanes
I see a little house on the hill and children's names
I see quiet nights part over ice and Tanqueray
But everything is shattering and it's my mistake
•xoxoxo•
Author's Note: I miss everybody! How is everybody? Has life been treating you well? If you reached this point, I thank you once more for sticking with me even if my update schedule has been shit for the past two years. I'm fully aware of this and I'm deeply sorry! To a dear reader and friend, Ocimum, thank you so much for being there. I hope you get to read this chapter. And to the new reader, AroundEmily, thank you! You prompted me to write again—well, more like snapped me out of my daze and made me write again. And to all who still kept reading the story, I thank you all! I hope to see you in the next chapter. Hang tight, my lovelies! Until my next update!
•xoxoxo•
Disclaimer: I do not own Resident Evil or any of its characters because CAPCOM owns them! I also do not own the lyrics of the song Fools, which was featured here. It is owned by Troye Sivan and co. [August 31, 2018 | 2244H EST]