"Are you okay?" Will asked as he and Diane stood in the elevator, taking them to the twenty-eighth-floor. Will had noticed how she had grown quieter the closer they got to the firm during the car ride. The last four days had been quite eventful. Will had been back in the firm discussing the parameters of his work with Lionel about what he could do and what not. But, of course, when he had been there, everyone had been on his back about Diane, and in Julius and David's case, they were also very keen on knowing what was going on since they wanted his and Diane's jobs.
At least they had the decency to be somewhat concerned over Diane's health after Will lectured them. And he certainly did not hide what he thought of the two of them for not even trying to help her more. Will probably exaggerated a bit when he told them they were partly to blame for Diane's breakdown, but he was angry at them, so he didn't really care about that. They had no idea what it really took to run a firm, so Will and Diane wouldn't let them or anybody bring down what they had built up so carefully.
While he was there, Will had also asked their assistants to sort the workload between what he could do and what not, working his things off and giving the rest to Kalinda, who would take them to Diane on her way to court. Will hadn't been that happy about it, but Diane made it clear she was alright working from home. She already had less to do, thanks to his help, and could work in a more relaxed way that would not harm her or the twins.
At least that was something positive. While she still continued to bleed every day, the amount and times of the bleedings had noticeably reduced in the few days she had stayed home. Still, Diane cautiously stayed away from too much physical exercise, having noticed an immediate increase of blood when she moved too much. She was especially careful when lifting things since doing so with the laundry hamper two days ago had resulted in a gush of blood ruining her sweatpants. But Diane was getting better at handling this. What worried her more at the moment was what she and Will had planned.
After a long talk, they had agreed that today, when Diane returned to work, they would call in an early Partner Meeting and tell them about the pregnancy. What they wouldn't tell them about was that Will was the father. Will, of course, did not like it, but he also knew that it would be very stupid right now to reveal this part to anybody they could not trust. Especially now when their firm was at a rough place.
It made them vulnerable, and Diane didn't want this to happen. She wasn't ready for the whole firm to find out what had happened between her and Will. And if Will was totally honest, he wasn't either, they needed time so they could truly find together, but everyone at the firm, and therefore half of the Chicago law world, knowing what had happened would not help and might do more harm.
"Yes, I'm fine...just nervous, I think. Apart from Kalinda, your sister, and some Doctors, they were our little secrets, and in ten minutes, the whole firm will know about them. And they are going to talk themselves blue in the face about how I got pregnant and who the father is...we have to be careful." Diane said, and Will nodded in agreement. He looked at the elevator display and saw that they were almost on the floor of their firm, so Will quickly took Diane's hand in his, gave it a squeeze, and pressed a quick peck to her cheek.
"It's going to be okay, and I know it's not the right time, but under different circumstances, I would immediately tell everyone that they are mine. Because I'm proud to be their father, and I really wish I wouldn't have to hide that." Will told her, and Diane knew he meant every word. She smiled at him and squeezed his hand back.
"I know, and I'm so thankful to have you and...when things are easier...then hopefully we won't have to hide that anymore," Diane told him honestly, and if the doors of the elevator hadn't opened that moment, he would have kissed her.
Stepping outside the elevator, everyone looked at them as they made their way to their offices. If Diane wasn't already feeling nauseous because of the pregnancy, she would certainly feel this way because she was so nervous. How would the others react to the news? What if they would find a way to make life even harder for her and try to force her out of the firm? Was she really ready for everyone to know?
"Good morning Diane! It's good to see you back. Are you feeling better?" Lisa said with a genuine smile as she saw her boss approaching her. She was one of the few truly loyal to her and wouldn't care about her pregnancy. Maybe she would even be happy for her.
"Good Morning Lisa. Yes, I'm already feeling better, thank you very much. I'll take my paperwork with me, and would you please call in a Partner Meeting for every one in ten minutes? Tell them it won't be long, but it's very urgent."
"Of course. I have already sorted the work between you and Will. I strictly followed the rules set by Mr. Deerfield and the Compliance and Disciplinary Board."
"Thank you, Lisa, you're a lifesaver," Diane said and smiled at her assistant before she took the offered papers and files from her. At the same time, Will handed his off to Angela, his assistant, asking her to place them on his desk before he followed Diane inside her office.
"Well, there's no going back now…" Diane said as she sat down behind her desk and sorted through the paperwork to keep her hands from wandering to her bump that she was just barely able to hide. Even if they hadn't decided to tell everyone now, they didn't really have a choice. Diane was at the end of her robe, the blouse and blazer combo was barely hiding the obvious baby bump. They had to tell people now, or they would see it themselves over the next few days, and then the reactions would be even less predictable as they were already.
"You're right...I just wish I could truly be by your side... we're both in this together, and yet you're going to be the only one to take the fall for it." Will grumbled as his eyes shifted towards her hidden bump.
"Will, I know you don't like it, I don't like it either, but we have to be smart now. As long as you are suspended, we can't reveal the truth. We're vulnerable, you are vulnerable, Will. I don't want to give this, our firm, up. I'll be gone in six months, maybe earlier, it might be selfish, but I'm not ready to give this part of me up just now." Diane said, and Will sighed.
"Diane, we won't give this up, I promise. But I just- Di, I don't think I can stand by and watch when half of this firm and the city of Chicago is talking about you." to his surprise, Diane smiled at his words.
"Well, since it's going to be me they will be talking about, and I have to deal with it, so do you. There is nothing we can do about that, it'll happen if we like it or not," Diane answered him though she was equally nervous as Will, if not even more so, but she was better at hiding it.
"But there is also something else we have to talk about. I got a call from a friend of mine this morning, Olivia-" Diane began and watched as first confusion and realization appeared on Will's face.
"Wait a minute, she's that Realtor friend of yours...do you want to move?" he asked, and Diane nodded.
"Yes- not far away or anything!" Diane quickly added when she saw Will's shocked expression, "Just a bit outside of the city...my place is too small for all of us. But I thought you could look into some houses with me. I mean, you're going to spend a lot of time there and...I wanted to include you in the decision-making. Only if you want to, of course," Diane told him, once more forcing herself not to touch her bump, for a moment Will was quiet, then he moved as if he wanted to get up from his chair but then decided against it, falling back with a chuckle.
"I just wanted to get up and kiss you...but I'll better save that for later, or we'll have even more explaining to do. But I'd really like to help you find a new house, and thank you for letting me in on this. I'm not gonna lie, it means a lot to me that you do this, Di," Will said, and Diane smiled.
"Of course, Will, apart from the fact that you're their father and have the right to be a part of everything...I want that too, I- I need you with me," Diane said, and she wanted to continue, but then she saw more and more of the partners walking inside the conference room and knew that their time was up.
"Almost everyone is here...time to face them," she mumbled, and now she wasn't able to hide her nervousness as well as before, at least not from Will.
"You don't have to do this today, you know," Will offered gently as he watched Diane take a deep breath.
"No, I have to do this now, apart from the fact that they will make themselves known to everyone in a few days tops if we want to or not. I'm so tired of hiding, Will. We don't have a choice, at least I don't, and I want to get through the day without having to worry about somebody noticing or seeing anything, making sure I don't do something suspicious." Diane said as she got up and walked around her desk. Will also got up and quickly pulled her in his arms as she walked past him.
"Will!"
"Maybe I can't kiss you, but it's certainly not the first time we hugged with people watching. I have your back on this, Di, okay? I'm here, no matter what happens."
"I know…" she mumbled and then sighed, "Damn, I'd really like that kiss now." Will and Diane both laughed before he stepped back, and Diane took one last deep breath. There was no going back now.
"Let's do this." with that, they both walked out of her office and inside the conference room where they were greeted by everyday conversations, the old familiar grumbled complaints about the Meeting and bored glances at their phones. Nothing out of the ordinary as Will and Diane took their places at the front side of the table.
Of course the first to vocalize his annoyance was none other than David Lee.
"So can we get this over with already? I mean not that there is anything to be discussed, but at least I like to make some money, which I'll gladly remind you, also means a lot of profit for this sinking ship of a firm," he said in his typical presumptuous way.
"Yes, David, it's so nice to be welcomed back by such warm and inviting words, thank you very much. But I can assure you it won't be a long meeting. We just have a few things to talk about," Diane said, and David rolled his eyes at her, but she knew him well enough not to give much thought about his acts and quirks, it was a waste of time.
"Alright, so obviously, as you all can see, Will is back. We came to an agreement with the Disciplinary and Compliance Board that Will is allowed to work on strictly business-related things." Diane started, and a somewhat approving murmur went through the room since it meant less work or things to worry about for everyone.
"Yes, so I'm obviously still on suspension, but like Diane said, I can only work on business-related stuff. I'm actually not allowed to consult on law or case-related stuff, but if you form questions the right way, then I can even do that and help you with my old and ongoing cases," this was even a surprise for Diane. They hadn't talked about this! Why was he taking this risk, and why didn't he say anything about this to her before? Diane really had to speak to him when they were done.
"If you're unsure if your question is valid or not, then go to Diane. Of course the same applies to any Associates working under you. So please tell them to go to you first, only if you're both not sure you better turn to Diane," Will said and threw a quick look at her.
"I know it's a difficult situation for everyone, but I'll do my best to help. And it won't be forever. In three months and a little over two weeks, everything will be back to normal."
"Oh come on, Will, your kidding, that's not going to be the case! We need a real lawyer to lead this firm and Diane can't do it on her own," Lee said, and they both heard some approving murmur.
"Well, I say why don't we add a third Name Partner altogether?" Julius said, and Will and Diane shared a glance. It was something they had also talked about. Still, they hadn't been able to agree much on anyone or anything, apart from the fact both knew that David Lee was to be kept away from the Name Partner position if they wanted the firm to survive the following year.
"We're considering it, but the decision isn't one to be made easy or rashly if we want to keep the firm going," Diane said seriously, her voice firm and steady. Together with her perfect put-on poker face, nothing was giving away that her heart was beating in her throat.
"Fine, since you won't say anything else, can we go back to work? I'll gladly repeat myself, I make the money, and I want to make more of it." David said and moved to stand up, but Diane swallowed the lump in her throat.
"Please sit down David, we have to talk about something else." David sat back down with a theatrically exaggerated sigh.
"Then hurry up,"
"Lee," Will growled while he fixed their head of family law with a glare. He was definitely tired of David's dumb act and attitude, mainly because he knew David would be the first to voice his thoughts on Diane's pregnancy.
"There was another reason we called in the Meeting. The reason why I wasn't here for the last few days was not only a health issue," Diane said, pausing for a moment to take a small breath and prepare herself for the big reveal. "I'll be taking some time off in about six months...because I'm pregnant."
In all their time as Name Partners, Diane and Will couldn't remember the other Equity Partners being this quiet. Thirty-four faces all displayed a mixed look between shock, surprise, and disbelieve. Diane held her head high and met their looks, waiting for their real reaction, and she didn't have to wait long.
"Oh please, for God's sake, you can't be serious!" Will had been right. David Lee was the first to vocalize his opinion, pinching the bridge of his nose, like he was the only reasonable one in the room. Though it seemed that his outburst triggered everyone else, and everyone started talking simultaneously, it was impossible to make out what was said by whom. But it wasn't really necessary, it didn't matter who said it. What was being said was enough. There was disbelief, concern over the firm's future, anger, disdain, frustration, speculations, here and there a crude remark and many accusations. Not even one of them uttered as much as a kind word, let alone congratulated her.
For eight years she had spent the majority of her time with the people in this room, with some of them even longer, a few of them she even considered friends or at least very good colleagues. Diane didn't like it, she wanted to stand above it and just ignore them because Kalinda was right, it was her life, her body, her decision, and she owed none of them an explanation or apology. But it hurt.
Was this the life she had condemned her children to? Would it always be this way? Would they always look at her children this way? Looking at them with disdain and anger in their eyes because they endangered their firm and their jobs? Would it be even worse once they knew that Will was their father? Although deep inside, she had hoped that everything would be alright, she wasn't as naive to think everyone would be elated or happy for her, but at least not hostile towards her.
Diane tried to calm her beating heart down and took a deep breath. It was out now, there was no turning back, and she wouldn't give them the satisfaction of knowing they hurt her. She stood up, which was enough to shut most of them up.
"Thank you, that would be all. You can return to your work now," Diane said and left the room. But instead of going back to her office, she turned right and walked towards the elevators. She had to get out of here, she had to get some fresh air. Walking past the elevators, Diane hurried down the stairs, and once she was out of sight, she walked as fast as she could without running, trying not to attract any looks until she was finally out on the terrace on the tenth floor.
She walked past the ventilation shaft they had met around when they plotted to kick Bond out of the firm and around a corner to where she knew were only empty offices so nobody would see her. God damn it, why did she feel like she fucked up, why did it feel like she made a big mistake, that all of this was a mistake? Could she really spend the rest of her pregnancy being judged by everyone around her? Diane had thought she could, but now she wasn't so sure.
Diane leaned back against the windows as she opened the blazer and laid her hands on her bump, slowly stroking over it as the tears began to fall. She had thought it would be easier, but hearing them accuse her of ruining the firm with her pregnancy, endangering their careers, that she got pregnant to take the easy way out, that was hard.
"Di?" she flinched back in surprise as she looked up and saw Will standing next to her, she wasn't even surprised that he knew where she was. Diane then quickly tried to wipe the tears away, she didn't know why, but she was almost embarrassed for them right now.
"I'm sorry, but I just-" Diane left the sentence unfinished as she looked away from him. But Will didn't need to hear more, he gently pulled Diane into his arms and held her tightly as Diane leaned against him, no longer fighting the tears.
When Diane had left, Will couldn't hold back his anger at what the others had said to her! How did they even dare to say anything like that to her? To accuse her of ruining their firm just because she was pregnant. Will had been just barely able to hold himself back from screaming at them. Who did they think they were that they could speak of Diane like that, of their children! He was still furious, and he had yelled at them. Diane had always done everything to save their firm, even more so than him. She tried to help everyone, especially if an employee had a baby on the way, she did everything she could to support them. And now, when she needed the same support, everyone turned their backs on her and demanded of her to leave.
"You don't have to apologize for anything, Diane. Absolutely nothing, but they do. They had no right to say anything like that to you." Will said to her as he stroked over her back and pressed a kiss to her temple as Diane silently cried into his shoulder.
"I just wish things were easier...when we didn't have to fight for everything. I can live with them hating me, but hating our children? It's not their fault who their parents are, and it's not their fault we messed up. How can we ever tell them you're the father when they already react like that to me being pregnant not knowing who the father is?
I just- I don't want them to blame our children whenever something goes wrong in the future."
Will desperately wanted to tell her that wouldn't happen, that everything would be alright, but Will knew that it would be a lie. For a long time, nothing would be easy for Diane, they would try to force her out using her pregnancy and their kids. Will knew it wouldn't be easy, but he hadn't thought that they would be this hateful and angry towards Diane, it did shock him. Will knew if they made it through these challenging times with the firm, they would leave her alone. If they did not, then they would be out for Diane's head...but all Will wanted to do, against better judgment, was to kick them all out now for what they said and wanted to do.
"I wish I could throw them all out, I want them to leave you alone, but we know that won't happen. I'm sorry you have to go through that...if telling them the twins are mine would make anything better and not worse, I would do so instantly. But I know we can get through this, Diane, you're so much stronger than they know and so much better than them. You're a wonderful mother, and we don't owe them anything, especially not you. I know you can do this and I'll be there next to you every step of the way." Will promised her as he kissed her cheek and gently laid his hand on her bump.
After a moment Diane had her emotions back under control and took a step back to wipe the tears off her face in an attempt to regain her posture. All the crying wouldn't help her, no tears would make them feel sorry for what they said or show compassion towards her, showing them how much they had hurt would only encourage them. Taking a deep breath, Diane closed her eyes, Will was right, she didn't want to go down without a fight, she didn't want them to take this part of her life from her. But if it came down between the firm and her children, she would always choose her children. Still, Diane also knew that until she had to make that decision, if she didn't fight and work hard, her children would always be blamed, probably even more so than it would already happen anyway.
"Will, I- I know what you said, and I believe you, but I have to do this. I don't know what's going to happen, Will, you don't know either…I will fight. But if I fight and lose and it comes down to this job or our children...then I will choose our children. I know I can't really do it on my own...but we don't have to ruin both of our careers-" Diane took another deep breath and then looked up at Will again.
"I need you with me, Will. I want you to be with me...but I'll give you the chance to leave. Wait! Let me finish!" Diane quickly continued to speak before Will could interrupt her, his mouth already open, but he closed it and let her finish.
"This is your last chance. I promise I won't be mad, I won't hold it against you. We'll forget it ever happened, nobody has to find out they're yours, you can live your life, be free. I don't want to keep you away from our children or lie to them, I can move a little further away where nobody knows us, you can still be their father and work here. I want you to really think about it, Will, it's too late for me but not for you. But if you really want to stay with me, then we'll see this through to the end, together." Diane offered him, and Will saw and heard that she really meant it, and he closed his eyes for a second. She was willing to grant him an easy way out, to take the fall alone and set him free.
When Will opened his eyes again, he looked at the woman he loved, who was the mother of his children, offering him to leave her alone in this situation so he would be free of the consequences. He leaned down and held her face in his hands before he pressed a kiss to her lips. For a moment, he almost thought Diane wouldn't return the kiss, but then she did, she leaned into him and laid her arms around his neck, and pulled him even closer to her. In response to that, Will wrapped his arms around Diane, holding her close until they pulled apart, his right hand then wandered back down between them to lay on her bump.
"I don't need to think about this, you don't have to protect me, Diane. No matter what happens, I won't leave you alone in this, Di. If it comes down to the firm or us, then they can have it. I don't want it when it comes to the price of you and the twins. We can go to another firm or start a new firm, you know most of the top clients will come with us. And they can fuck up what is left by themselves, we know they will, no matter who, they have no idea what it takes to lead this or any other firm."
Diane looked him in the eyes and then laid her hand over his. Will wanted to stay with her, he was willing to go through this all with her, even though she offered him a way out. But, she wouldn't lie, Diane was relieved that Will had chosen her, she loved him, it was stupid and wrong, but she did, and she needed him by her side. Even if it didn't work out between them, she needed him by her side, and their children needed their father.
"Okay... I'm really glad you said this, Will because I really want you to be by my side."
"And I will be! Diane, I will be, I promise," Will said quickly. His other hand cupped her cheek, and Diane automatically leaned into the touch.
"I believe you. Let's do this together...this is our firm. I don't want everything we did and have been through for the last eight years to be all in vain. I really don't want to have to start a new firm and work our way back to the top firms with two babies." Diane answered with a small smile, and Will chuckled before he leaned in again to kiss her once more. This time Diane immediately kissed him back.
All too soon for both of them they had to stop, and Diane used her reflection in the window to get rid of every trace of tears on her face. The Name Partner Diane Lockhart was back, and she wouldn't let anyone see that she had cried, now more than ever. They knew there was no going back, she had chosen her way, and she would walk it with her head held high.
"How do I look?"
"Beautiful, and ready to show them all who they're messing with," Will answered and held his hand out, which Diane took with a thankful smile. Together they walked back inside the building and into the elevator to go back up. Maybe it was a coincidence or fate that they were alone again in the elevator like an hour before.
"Could you tell me I can do this just one more time?" she whispered as they stood next to each other, staring at the elevator doors. Will looked at her and took her hand.
"Look at me," And when Diane did, she was met with eyes full of love, understanding, and admiration. "You can do this Diane, I've never been so sure of something," Will told her, and Diane let out the breath she had been holding. Then, before Will could ask, she quickly pressed the button for the twenty-seventh floor. Why would she want to get out on the floor of the Associates? They would have to take the stairs up to their offices that way.
Then she got equally quick out of her blazer and tucked her blouse further into her skirt, so the fabric stretched over her bump, leaving no room for interpretation to what it was. When the elevator doors opened only a second later, Diane handed him the blazer, stood even straighter than usual, and walked out of the elevator with her head held high.
The moment she stepped out of the elevator, Diane saw and felt the eyes on her. She saw how they stared at her as she made her way through the office, her personal walk of shame. Diane saw how their mouths dropped, how small groups of employees huddled together turned to look at her or quickly split up. They all took a step back and made room even though it wasn't necessary. Heads were poked over cubicles or out of doors despite the glass walls of the offices as she walked past them and towards the stairs.
Diane heard their whispers, whether on the quiet or not. But no matter what they did or said, Diane kept her head held high and spared them no second glance, always looking straight ahead. Her face was a perfect mask again, not giving away that her heart was beating so fast and loud in her chest that she was sure they could all hear it. But knowing Will was with her and had her back did help her a great deal. He made this possible.
When she reached the twenty-eighth floor and walked to her office, she saw that most of the Partners were still in the conference room, apparently arguing what they wanted to do about her. Diane came to a halt in front of the big glass doors overlooking the conference room so everyone could see her, and they did see her. She watched as almost automatically all their eyes shifted to her abdomen, and Diane once again straightened her back and raised her head a little higher as she fixed them with a determined stare. The game was on.
With that she walked inside her office, knowing there were still hundreds of eyes watching her. Will closed the side door to her office through which they had entered and laid her blazer on the small conference table in her office, while Diane came to stand behind her desk, not yet ready to turn around and face everyone.
"Has anyone ever told you how fucking badass you are?" Will asked, and Diane heard the grin in his voice, still full of admiration, love, and, if she wasn't mistaken, some pride over what she had done. And despite everything that had happened and went through her mind, it made her smile a little.
That was one of the things she loved most about him, he could always make her smile, no matter what. And when Diane finally turned around, she indeed found Will sitting in front of her desk, in typical Will fashion, with the familiar grin on his lips. For a second she couldn't help but wonder if one or both of their children would inherit that grin.
But then she caught sight of the person standing in the doorway to her office, and the small smile on her lips vanished in an instant. No, that couldn't be.
"Diane?" Will immediately asked, his tone now worried. Following her eyes he turned around and froze, though for a whole different reason than Diane. The door was opened and closed as the person stepped inside, their eyes also shifting to her bump for a second before returning to her face.
"Hello, Diane."
"Kurt?!"
Hello, my dear readers!
I hope that you all had a wonderful Christmas, Hanukkah, or that you have a wonderful Kwanzaa! Of course, if there is another holiday you celebrate that I don't know of, I also hope you have/had a wonderful time!
I hope you liked the chapter. I'm sorry for the delay, I struggled a bit to write anything because there was a lot going on at work and personal-wise, but it's getting better now.
Well, here we are, everybody knows Diane is pregnant, and the majority is not happy about it even though it's none of their business. So our wonderful couple has a lot to do, and to make the chaos perfect, let's throw in Kurt. What does he want? And how is he going to react to the news?
Thank you all for reading, I hope you liked it. Please leave a comment!
I also hope you're going to have a good start in 2022 and that the next year will be a good one for every one of you. Stay healthy! Love y'all!