Chapter 7
Rhett did not return that night and Scarlett wearily changed into her nightgown and sat at the vanity nursing a throbbing headache. She understood now that Rhett too had somehow lost his spirit, just like Ashley. It was all over. If Ashley remembered her in the apple-green dress at his barbeque, Rhett would remember her in her plain widow-black silk dress and vaguely smile to himself while ignoring her true self which pleaded and cried to him for renewal of love. He would live in the past and look at the rest of the world through those old reflections.
"I am that sentimental"
.She recollected Rhett's words.
But she couldn't dismiss Rhett as a child. "No, it can't be. I don't believe it. Not Rhett.."
Without Rhett, she might as well give up too. But she couldn't give up. Why, she hadn't yet begun to live. Whoever she was until now, that wasn't her. It was all for Ashley. Now..only now, her real self must emerge. But even Scarlett felt confused. Exactly what must emerge she did not know. She had a huge mansion, taller than any other house, even the governor's house, at Peachtree lane, her beautiful fields of Tara, a neat store in the middle of town. What more could she possibly do? How could she possibly interest Rhett. He knew everything about her. She was like a trinket being cast aside because it had lost its newness or shine.
An unexplainable despair crept over her, a feeling so strong it threatened to crush her. She heartily wished for a glass of brandy, Anything, to silence the tumult of voices in her head. Voices judging her harshly, voices talking about her in disgust and contempt, soft pitying voices.. She couldn't stand pity-
Rhett never came back to the house at all. Scarlett waited earnestly for him, now remembering to bring Wade and Ella into the conversation she planned to have with him. She wouldn't sound so desperate now. She would be kind and even comforting. Anything to secure Rhett again. But there was no sign of Rhett,
A week later, she overheard Rosemary asking her Mother when Rhett would reach France. That was when Scarlett realized that he had actually gone on a trip to Paris. The entire family seemed to know except her.
"He doesn't want me" thought Scarlett, frantically. "Can it be any more clear?!" A feeling of shame washed over her for thinking that he might love her again. Her vanity which was already lower than it had ever been was fully crushed. And everyone knew before her. How horrible. She felt she was the outsider trespassing on the Butler premises. She should have never come to Charleston. When Rhett had walked out of her Atlanta home, she should have turned her heel and built her life without him. She should have-
Holding back her tears and the searing pain in her heart, she decided to inform Mrs. Butler that evening that she would leave the following day to Atlanta with Ella and Wade.
"Leaving so soon?!" said Mrs. Butler, looking surprised and a little disconcerted. She spoke in a slow drawl that was pleasant to the ears. "But my dear, why? You have just now arrived with the children. I hoped you would stay with us till Christmas."
"No I couldn't possibly-" said Scarlett, her spirits so downcast that she couldn't even look alert when she said the words.
"I see." Mrs. Butler gazed at her, as if trying to understand the change in her tone and words. "You look a shade paler, Scarlett. Are you ill, child?"
"Oh no." replied Scarlett, with a faint smile. "I'm all right."
"But you look so dispirited." observed Mrs. Butler, watching her face keenly. "I know I haven't spoken many things- the death of my grandchild, the death of a young lady who I heard was like a sister to you. I know I could have inquired into these things."
"It isn't that. It isn't. Oh, I only wish to be home because.. because I miss my home. I.. I don't think I-" Scarlett's sullen voice drained away.
"Will you come into the library, Scarlett. I wish to speak to you in private." said Mrs. Butler, seeing that she was at the break of some great strain which seemed to tear at her strength. "Do not be alarmed, my dear. What I have to say concerns Rhett."