"So, another nightmare, huh?" Glinda guessed, looking at her friend with concern. "You've been having more and more of them, haven't you."
Elphaba nodded, sighing deeply.
"I keep seeing myself in them. I watch myself casting a spell, and it's… terrifying. I am terrifying. I look at myself from the outside; and I see what people have always seen me as. A freak. A witch. A monster. And maybe that's true?"
"Elphie, no—"
"I mean, if looks are anything to go by… Although I guess that was just the potion's fault."
Only seeing Glinda's knitted eyebrows did Elphaba realize that she actually still hadn't confided in her friend about the journal she'd found weeks before at her family home in Munchkinland.
"What potion?" Glinda asked, but as soon as she spoke the word, something shifted in her eyes. "Wait, Elphie, the potion! That's it!"
"What's it?"
"That's how we can help the Monkeys!" Glinda exclaimed, turning to Elphaba with her cheeks flushed in excitement.
"What? Glinda, I don't even have it anymore, and—"
"I mean Shilah's potions, Elphie!" Elphaba stared at her. "The healing potion, you dummy!"
Finally, it clicked in Elphaba's brain.
"You can't seriously be suggesting what I think you're suggesting."
"Why not? Think about it!" Glinda said excitedly. "We know it's safe to use – you've tried it yourself. You want to save the Monkeys the pain of the transformation – and we know it's a strong painkiller. With all the friends I've made here at the palace, I'm almost certain I can easily find out all about when and how the Monkeys are being fed…"
"Glinda…" Elphaba wanted to protest, but hesitated. Maybe this wasn't such a ridiculous idea? "I don't know… I mean, it still doesn't solve the whole problem. I mean, they will still be imprisoned, and we still haven't gotten even a step closer to figuring out how to free them."
"True, but giving them wings can only make it easier for them to escape when we do figure out a way, right?"
And giving them the potion without them knowing? That still sounds like a terrible thing to do…"
"It's better than nothing."
"Well, I suppose it is… But isn't claiming to choose the lesser evil just the poster trait of a villain?"
"No," Glinda said firmly, and it was clear that she truly believed what she was saying. "It is the poster trait of someone who is doing their best."
Elphaba bit her lip, trying to find a convincing counterargument, but she came up empty.
"Just for the record, I hate this idea," she said. "How do you suggest we do it?"
•••
Dear Nessa!
It's finally happening! Madame Morrible said I've been making incredible progress and, after she spoke to the Wizard, they agreed I might be ready to give his Ozness' task another go. Oh, I am so nervous. I can't wait to prove myself worthy, to finally be able to use my powers for something good… to make you proud. Keep your fingers crossed for me!
I hope everything is going well at school. Are you taking good care of yourself? It's been getting really cold, make sure you dress up warm and don't forget to wear a hat and a scarf when you go outside – I know you don't like it, but your health is more important than fashion. Besides – you'd look pretty even in a potato sack. We both know that, between the two of us, you have inherited all of the 'beautiful' genes. Oh, and stop skipping breakfast! Don't try to deny it, my sources have told me everything. If you don't start showing your face in the cafeteria every morning, you will face my wrath!
But seriously, Nessa – look after yourself. I'd hate it if anything happened to you.
Love,
Elphaba
•••
"Why, Miss Elphaba. Are you nervous?"
"A little," Elphaba mumbled, avoiding Madame Morrible's watchful eyes – although she was, for once, telling the truth.
"No need to be!" Morrible said, flashing her sharp teeth in a smile, probably meant to be encouraging, but ending up very unsettling. "You are ready. I have seen you practice and improve for months now. I know what you're capable of. This is your moment, dear. The Wizard is giving you a second chance to prove your worth. Don't waste it by doubting yourself."
"It's going to be fine, Elphie," chippered Glinda, and Elphaba knew there was more meaning behind the words than her best friend would allow herself to show under the current circumstances.
"Well, here goes nothing."
Elphaba smoothed out her skirt and tried to steady her breathing when she saw the Wizard walk out from behind his ridiculous mechanical golden head.
"Elphaba!" he exclaimed jovially and the smile on his face almost seemed sincere. "How have you been, my child?"
This description made Elphaba cringe inwardly.
"Very well, your Ozness, thank you," she said, feigning gratitude and struggling to keep her feelings in check.
"Wonderful! Now, I have been informed of your involvement in the pro-Animal movement." He wagged his finger in pretend reproach, but the smile remained on his face. "Well, I can't condone your methods, but it warms my heart to see such noble pursuits in the younger generations! And, since I've been informed of your immense progress in sorcery – I am positive, Elphaba, that you're ready to give my task another go."
He glanced at Madame Morrible, who had disappeared for a briefest moment and was now standing to the side and watching the exchange with sharp, narrow eyes. Noticing the Wizard's attention, she stepped forward, the familiar leatherbound tome in her hands.
"Chistery!" the Wizard called, and mere seconds later, the Monkey emerged shyly from the corner of the room. "Oh, don't be afraid, Chistery! This is for your own good!"
Elphaba walked over and crouched down next to Chistery. She felt thoroughly disgusted at the prospect of doing something he was so afraid of, but when her eyes met his, she saw no fear in them. They seemed strange, unfocused, burning with a wild intensity. Had something changed?
"I–yes, I think we're ready," Elphaba said and felt the tension in her chest ease out a little as she noticed Glinda give her an almost imperceptible nod. She inhaled deeply, leafing through the pages until she arrived at the spell she needed; and as she slowly chanted, she fought the tears she felt swell up in her eyes.
"Merciful Oz!" shrieked Madame Morrible as Chistery curled himself up, shaking violently, then – all of a sudden – a pair of big, bat-like wings sprouted from his back. He flapped them tentatively a few times and flew up to perch on the high windowsill, screeching loudly.
"Elphie! You did it!"
"Of course she did!" Morrible exclaimed triumphantly. "Oh, I told you she had the power!"
"And that's not all!" the Wizard announced, having taken a look behind his golden throne. "Look what else you've done!"
He pulled a lever and the backdrop behind the throne rose up to reveal a huge cage filled with – now winged – Monkeys. They flapped about, surprised by their newly acquired wings; shrieking, yelping, grabbing onto the cage bars and shaking them violently.
"Are they in pain?" Elphaba asked, trembling despite herself. She knew she wouldn't she wouldn't get an authentic answer, but hoped to at least communicate to the Animals that she'd meant them no harm.
"Oh, no! They're just a little surprised, that is all!" the Wizard, chuckling uneasily and eyeing the cage with badly concealed nervousness, but quickly gathering himself and sending Elphaba a wide smile. "Congratulations, Elphaba! You have truly proven yourself to be one of the greatest sorceresses in all of Oz! Once you finish your education, I shall be honored to have you stand beside me!"
You wouldn't want me to stand against you; would you, coward, Elphaba thought with disgust. She tried to muster a thankful smile, but the Monkey's shrieks made her stomach turn. She felt weak in the knees and began shaking, which did not escape the Wizard's attention.
"Oh, you poor dear, look at you, all trembling and pale! This must have been exhausting, even for you!" He clicked his tongue sympathetically and gestured beckoningly at Glinda. "Miss Glinda, would you be so kind as to escort your friend to her quarters? I think you both deserve to get some rest. You have a new life waiting for you!"
•••
Elphaba barely managed to keep herself together as they walked the castle halls, and as they reached her room, she all but collapsed straight onto the floor.
"Elphie," Glinda whispered, kneeling beside her and putting her hand on Elphaba's shoulder. "I know it feels horrible, but you did what you had to do."
Elphaba shook her head.
"I don't know if I believe that," she said flatly, staring off into space. "I knew this was going to harm these poor creatures, to cause them pain… I should have freed them, but instead, I did exactly what the Wizard wanted me to do. I'm no better than him, Glinda. I'm a monster."
"Elphaba, you're not—"
"Hang on, I have to show you something."
"…okay?"
Elphaba's heart beat fast as she fished the carefully stored green leatherbound journal out of her desk drawer and handed it to Glinda. She gave a consenting nod and watched her friend's face gradually change, oscillating between the looks of curiosity, disgust, shock, anger, disbelief, sympathy and sadness. It felt like an eternity before Glinda reached the last page, and even longer before she opened her mouth to comment on what she'd read.
"Sweet Oz, Elphie…"
"I know."
"I'm so sorry."
"It's okay."
"It's not, though."
"Yeah, no. It's not."
Silence fell as each friend got lost in her own thoughts, and after a moment, Glinda was the first one to break it.
"Listen, Elphaba…" she began carefully. "I can't imagine how you felt reading this. I am truly, dreadfully sorry. But you have to know that it doesn't change anything about you! We are not defined by our family or looks or background. That may change people's perception, but it doesn't change who we are!"
She nodded to emphasize the point.
"Elphie, of all the people in the world, you're the last one who should worry about not being a good person. Even if you can't see it yourself, I promise you that there are people around you who can. And we see that you are kind, selfless, brave, intelligent, compassionate and caring. You are a good person, and you've helped me become a better person, too. You are not a monster, I promise." She patted Elphaba's dark hair, smiling gently. "Otherwise you wouldn't be my best friend."