Disclaimer: I own nothing

AN: There is one more chapter after this. Please read, review, enjoy, and know that I'm posting all further SVU stories over on AO3

December 2015

He was certain that he was going to wear a hole in the floor where he was pacing back and forth in the squad room. Waiting, hoping that just she would come out of the elevators, round the corner, not be with Nick Amaro or Rafael Barba, and it would be an added bonus if she didn't slap him. He figured his best case scenario was that she wasn't with both Amaro and Barba, two men who despised him, and that if she was going to slap him for dropping off the face of the earth for longer than expected and returning without a word, she would wait to slap him in private. He had heard from Kathy about just how pissed off Olivia was that he was missing Christmas with Sophie (and Noah), and he also knew that him showing up two days before Christmas with no warning (to Olivia, to his wife, to his older children…) was not going to help the already tenuous situation, but when he had the opportunity to get away, he had taken it and run, literally and metaphorically. Dealing with a pissed off Olivia was the only thing he was really worried about. That and seeing the kids. Kathy was pissed, but that was nothing new. Kathy wasn't the woman who he was up at night worrying about, Kathy wasn't the person he longed for when he was alone and missing his family. No. That was Olivia. He often thought that if he were ever taken while he was under, that would be the name he would have to try not to say. She would be who he wanted to protect…Olivia and his children. Sure, eh would never wish any ill or harm on Kathy, she was his wife, he loved her…but Olivia was in his soul, she was his other half, his better half.

"You've got alotta nerve showin' up here," it was the southern drawl that tipped him off to who had arrived at the squad first. Of course he knew Amanda Rollins, but he didn't know her, but somehow she had decided that she knew him. He wasn't sure who hated him more, but at least with Amaro and Barba they had moments where he thought maybe they understood how much of a mess this was and empathized. Amanda Rollins, she always hated him.

"Rollins, good to see you," Elliot stopped in his tracks and nodded, burying his hands in the pockets of his jeans as he maintained eye contact with her. "Congratulations on the pregnancy," Elliot remembered Olivia telling him that Rollins was expecting, she was showing too but he knew better than to say anything to a woman unless it was confirmed, "Merry Christmas."

Amanda rolled her eyes as shew walked to her desk and sat down, opening her desk drawer and pulling out her purse. "She's not here," the blonde told him rather abruptly. Ignoring any pleasantries. Elliot opened his mouth to ask where Olivia was, but Amanda continued before he could. "And I'm not tellin' ya. So you better get outta here before Fin gets up here and kicks your ass."

"Amanda," Elliot cocked his head to the side, hoping that maybe on some level he could implore this woman to give him something to go off of. "Just wan' see my kid for Christmas…"

"Probably should've thought about all the logistics around that before you got her pregnant while you were workin' in Rome and married to someone else, dontya think?"

"'s complicated," Elliot exhaled, not sure why he was explaining himself to a detective he barely knew, a woman who had a fraction of the historywith Olivia that he had. "I'm trying to figure it all out." He looked down at his shoes, at the disgusting floors that he was certain were only cleaned after someone soiled themselves or got shot in the vicinity. "It's a mess, my mess. But…she's my kid, and Noah…"

"Is not your kid," Amanda told him firmly. "And you…you coming here, you dropping in and out, you…whatever the hell it is you think you're doing. It isn't fair to Olivia, it isn't fair to Noah and it definitely isn't fair to Sophie. So stop. Stop while those kids are too young to understand what you're doing to their mom."

Elliot shook his head. He clenched and unclenched his fists, resisting the urge to yell, to throw something or to punch a wall. "I appreciate your concern for Olivia," Elliot told her, his voice strained, his jaw clenched. "But Sophie and Olivia and Noah are my family too. I get that you might not like that, I get that Liv has built a thing here, a family. I'm thankful that she has you all. You, Barba, Amaro…I'm glad. But if you think you will scare me off…if you think you will talk me out of trying to sort this shit out…you don't know me, but you got another thing coming."

"That's cute Stabler. Cute that you somehow still don't get it, but that isn't my problem, plus," she smirked as she saw Fin rounding the corner into the room, fire in his eyes as he saw the back of Elliot Stabler, "you've got bigger problems than me, now don't ya? Seeya tomorrow Fin!"

Elliot groaned as he turned around and saw Fin, his old colleague, maybe at one time he would've even considered him a friend. "Fin, look man," Elliot took his hands from his pockets as Fin stormed towards him. He half expected a right hook to be thrown in his direction, but instead Fin gave him a firm shove which sent him back against a desk, "look man, I get it. I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?" Fin repeated, taking another step towards Elliot, both men holding eye contact. "Fuck that man, you know better. You drop off the face of the fuckin' earth, she accepts that. She gets the job. Knows what you're doin', but this? This shit? You get your fucking wife to tell her that you ain't gon' be around for Christmas, and now…now you show up here? What is she supposed to do? Throw you a party? Have you seen her?"

Elliot shook his head, scraping his hand over his stubble. "Jesus, Fin…I haven't…I got on a plane. I got out, I had some time. I got on a plane to see my kids, to see her, to see Kathy…"

"And you think she's what? She's supposed to be happy that she gets to split her time? That you fuckin' invited her to your family Christmas? With your kids? With your wife…" Fin was looking at Elliot like he was the stupidest person on the face of the earth. "Come on man, you know better. You know her and she didn't fuckin' deserve this. Not from you."

"Look, I get it," Elliot acknowledged that maybe his decision to leave Olivia a voicemail suggesting she come to Maureen's for Christmas Eve wasn't a good one, especially when he hadn't told her that he was gone, instead he had essentially vanished when he went back under and Kathy had passed the message along to Olivia that he was gone. "I…coulda done things differently. But whaddya expect man? I'm here. I'm here, it's Christmas…should I have pretended I wasn't back? Ignored them…I'm tryin'…" Elliot looked around, exhaling deeply, "I'm tryin' to be there for everyone. A dad, a husband…whatever the fuck I am to 'livia."

"Used to be her family too."

"I know."

"Better figure out a way to be that for her again. She deserves it. Doesn't deserve this crap," Fin shook his head, "not from you."

"Deserves the world," Elliot agreed.

"She's with Barba, at his office," Fin sighed. "Kids are with her. He had Christmas gifts for them, but he's goin' outta town so he wanted to see her."

"Thank you," Elliot nodded.

Fin shook his head, giving Elliot the knowing glance that he had always given when it came to those two idiots, "not for you man, s'for the kids, for Liv."

"Merry Christmas Fin."

May 1, 2022

"They're both asleep," Olivia smiled as she walked into the kitchen and saw Elliot cleaning up the dishes from dinner. "And I think hell has frozen over…" she laughed. She was dressed casually, black leggings and an oversized white button up shirt, a gold chain with N and S charms dangling on her neck and small gold hoops in her ears. He remembered the necklace well. Barba had given it to her the year that Sophie was born and Elliot was certain she hadn't taken it off since."He's over the moon," Olivia admitted softly as she padded towards him in the kitchen. "You…you have no idea how much it means to him…to me."

"'s a good kid. A great kid. Loved him from the day I met him."

"Hard not to," Olivia reached into the cupboard and grabbed a wine glass. "Join me? I think I've also got some bourbon tucked away…"

"Wine's good," Elliot smiled as he put the dinner leftovers away. "You and Sophie have a good time?" They hadn't really talked. When Elliot and Noah had gotten home from their dinner, they had spent the rest of their time together discussing the announcement Noah had for his sister. Sophie had been thrilled, Olivia had been overjoyed, although she wasn't surprised. She knew Noah would've been thrilled which is why she had been ok with it. Elliot had volunteered to do the dishes from Sophie and Olivia so that she could talk privately with Noah and Sophie, make sure they were both good with everything.

"We did," Olivia smiled. "I took her to get a couple of new books, she needed new shoes," Olivia continued, "she's a good kid."

"They both are. Both of 'em are amazing." Elliot put the final dish away after drying it and took the wine from Olivia, his calloused fingers brushing hers as he did. "You did…" staring at her standing in front of him as he inhaled, enjoying the candle that she had lit earlier, her entire apartment smelled like the beach, but not the way a mass produced candle did, it was from some little hole in the wall shop she had found online and ordered. "I don't know," he knew he was choosing the wrong words, but he needed to say it, "I don't deserve to have such an amazing mother to them. I don't deserve you," he added pointedly.

Standing in front of him, Olivia sipped her wine and gave him a closed mouth smile. Her lips curling upwards. She wouldn't deny it. She wouldn't lieand tell him that it had been easy to coparent with him. It had been fucking hard for so long, and the only reason it had become any easier was because Kathy died and he moved back home. How fucked up was that? "El," she put her hand on his cheek. They had been towing this strange line since before Christmas, nothing had happened between them…they talked about it though. A week earlier, Elliot had told her that he would be taking her on a date soon and she had felt…excited at the prospect. Butterflies in her stomach when she thought about it, thought about a future with him, a future for them. "You deserve good things," she told him seriously, her thumb rubbing his stubble gently. "You're a great father, grandfather….you have…stepped up for Noah. You are a good cop…a good partner, a good man."

"Was a mediocre partner, sometimes downright shitty."

Olivia laughed, dropping her hand from his cheek and moving it to his bicep, "there were twelve good years El. Things got…" she waved her hand in the air, unsure of what to say next, "complicated," god, she said that word on repeat when it came to discussing her and Elliot, "but you had my back."

Elliot put his wine glass down on the counter, her hand was still on his bicep and his right hand went to her hip, "still don't deserve you…or the kids…nothin', I don't deserve it after all the shit I pulled."

"What will convince you that you're wrong?" Olivia responded softly. "What will convince you that you aren't like your father. That you're a good cop, a good man, a good father…what can I say that will convince you that you are worthy of all of the good things in your life."

Elliot traced her hip with his thumb, "Olivia," he exhaled, "I don't…"

"Elliot," Olivia bit her lip, her breath hitched as she watched his blue eyes sparkle, "my friend, Elliot."

"My friend Olivia," Elliot smiled broadly. He was nervous. He didn't know why he was so nervous, but standing here in a kitchen, an open bottle of wine, the smell of sea salt filling the air, lights dim…whether that was intentional or not, he didn't remember anymore. Something had shiftedbetween them. Maybe it was Noah, or Sophie. Maybe it was Noah and Sophie, or maybe, maybe it was inevitable. Maybe it was always meant to be this way. Maybe all of the moments and looks and decisions had led to this. His hand stayed on her hip, his grip tightened slightly, "Olivia…"

Olivia smiled. She knows him. She knows him inside and out, she knows every glance, every stare, she knows his voice, she knows his touch. It only takes a second. Her lips on his. Her hand grasping at his henley. Her lips opened and it didn't take more than a nanosecond for his tongue to move in, battling with hers. "Elliot," she whispered after he pulled away, resting his forehead against hers, his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath. "You are a good man," she whispered, "and I love you."