an: this is it, the story is over. thank you all for your kindness and support

disclaimer: i own nothing

Chapter 12

April 2032

Long brown hair, loose waves that reminded him way too much of her mother when she was younger, and those piercing blue eyes which were allStabler. Her skin was darker though, more like Olivia's, and here she was at 17 staring at him in a coffee shop, nursing a black coffee after saying that she wanted to talk to him privately.

Privately. As in not at the detached house on a quiet street in Manhasset where they had lived for the last eight years. As in not with her mother or brother around to listen.

"Everything alright?" Elliot asked quietly, his eyes flitting from the coffee mug to his daughter.

Sophie inhaled deeply, "I'm fine Dad, don't worry," she tried to assure him. Fine, don't worry which were words Elliot had heard Olivia say for far too long, sometimes they were true, more often they weren't. He knew better than to believe a Benson who said she was fine. "I just…I leave for college soon…I'm not a kid anymore, you know?"

"I know," he nodded, he could hardly believe that his youngest child was going to be away at college soon. He had started over more than once, first with Eli, then with Sophie and then with Sophie and Noah, and now…now he was old and his youngest child was heading off to college. "What's on your mind Soph?"

"You," she inhaled and tried to channel as much Olivia Benson as she could. "You were a shitty dad. I love you, I love you so much Dad, and … I just need you to know that you could've done some things really differently."

Elliot was shocked. He tried to hide it, but his eye twitched and his face burned red as his eyes then widened and he tried to nod, encouraging her to continue. "I uh…I'm sorry?"

"I'm not…" now her Stabler was showing as she fumbled over the right words to say next. "I just want you to know…to understand. When I was a kid, before…before Aunt Kathy died," she couldn't shake calling Kathy Stabler Aunt Kathy, even all these years later. "You always made me feel like I wasn't enough. Like…like No and I weren't enough because you had this other family…you always chose them over us."

"Sophie, you and your Mom…Noah…I know I didn't handle it right," god did he know that. He had known he hadn't handled it well when he was in the midst of it, and he certainly knew that now. "I know I messed up, and Sophie, you gotta know I'm sorry. I am so sorry that I wasn't around, that I didn't make you and Mom and Noah more of a priority, or balance you guys better with the older kids…with Aunt Kathy."

"Did you love her?" Sophie asked, "Aunt Kathy…I don't…I mean, you and Mom are sickening…even now…but I don't…I remember Aunt Kathy with Eli and the kids…I don't remember you two ever…"

Elliot chuckled under his breath. He supposed he had been lucky that it had taken this long for someone to actually ask him some of these questions. "I did. I did love her. I loved her…for a long time. We had five kids…"

"You cheated on her…with Mom…"

Elliot nodded, hating but loving that his daughter was every bit the same as her mother. "I did, not particularly proud of that. But if I hadn't, then I wouldn't have you, who knows if I woulda ended up back here…lotta questions that I can't really answer. But we loved each other, and eventually that love changed. And…sometime in the middle of all the changing, Mom and I…we had feelings for each other." He wasn't sure how much was too much. His daughter was mature but she was still a teenager, a teenager who had dealt with too much pain in her life, and far too much of it was inflicted directly and indirectly, however unintentionally, by him. "By the time I realized I loved your Mom, everything was so…god what does she always say?" Elliot laughed.

"Complicated," Sophie giggled, "Mom always says you two were complicated."

Elliot let out a soft laugh and took another sip of his coffee. "Complicated, yeah," he was nodding now. "That is it…Soph, I shoulda done things differently. I should've stopped workin' undercover when you were born, I shoulda figured out a way to be around more. I should've made sure that I was around for you, and for your brother. Shouldn'ta let the adult stuff going on impact you. I should've been a better father. I should've done better. I'm sorry that I didn't."

"I didn't meant that you were a bad dad," Sophie's voice was quieter now, seemingly willing to accept Elliot's answers, his apology, for some of the decisions he made years earlier.

"I know kid," Elliot reassured her. "I uh…I got lucky. That you and your brother, your mom…my older kids…that you were all so forgiving of me. That you gave me the chance to do better. I didn't deserve it."

"We love you, Dad."

"Don't deserve you Soph, I'm so lucky to have you. So lucky your Mom…let me back in after everything I did."

December 24, 2022

"Dad! Dad," Noah giggled as he ran into the kitchen from the room he was sharing with Noah at the loft. "Did you get it?" Noah grinned as he collided with his father. Elliot wrapped his arms around Noah and nodded, "you got it?"

"I got it," Elliot chuckled. "Calm down bud, Mom isn't even home yet."

"Where is she?" Noah groaned as Sophie came out of her bedroom with a pair of gift bags, "are those for me?"

"No," Sophie rolled her eyes, "they're for Mom and Dad."

"What did you get them?" Noah asked eagerly, Elliot grinning as he watched the two kids banter back and forth.

"I can't tell you Noah," Sophie told him, "Dad is right here…"

"Dad," Noah pouted.

"Leave your sister alone," Elliot laughed, "c'mon with me buddy, I gotta show you something."

"I wanna see too!"

Elliot laughed as Sophie and Noah almost instantly began bickering again, it reminded him so much of Dickie and Liz when they were the same age, but telling his youngest two children that would only send them further down the spiral. "Mom is gonna be here soon, so I don't know which one of you two want to see it, but if you wanna see what I got for her, you better come to my room," Elliot nodded towards the main bedroom.

"What is it?" Noah was practically running to keep up with Elliot and Sophie was right there with him. "Can we get a dog?"

"A dog?" Elliot laughed. Somehow he had raised five children and never a dog. There had been guinea pigs and hamsters and fish, but never a dog and never a cat. Kathy had always said they would never get a larger pet because she already had four, and then five kids, and she sure as hell didn't want a fifth, and later sixth, child…and on some particular instances that child count would increase based on how she felt about Elliot. "No way," he looked sternly at his children. "We don't have time for a dog. Who would take care of it with Mom and my schedule?"

"Grandma?" Sophie shrugged.

"Grandma is not taking care of a dog," Elliot refrained from continuing his train of thought, she can barely take care of herself some days. "We're all just getting back on our feet," it had been almost a year since Wheatley had died, or vanished depending on what you believed, and some days Elliot wasn't sure. "We just need to get all settled in here," after all, Olivia and the kids had only moved in full time at the end of the summer. It had been a transition and they really were just getting their footing.

"Ok so what did you get Mom?" Sophie jumped on the bed and crossed her legs. Noah was still too giddy to sit as he waited and watched as Elliot shuffled some things around in his top drawer and pulled out a small black box. "Oh my goodness!" Sophie squealed as she sprung off the bed. "Daddy, let me see it!"

"Quiet," Elliot warned playfully, he knew that Olivia would be home soon, but he also knew she could surprise them at any moment. He had talked to his older children, all of whom had been over the moon at the idea of their father committing to Olivia. Eli had at first seemed…stoic, but when his siblings had all dispersed, he had privately told his father just how happy he was for him. For them, for all of them, and Elliot had, for the first time in a long time felt like everything was going to work out. "You guys like it?"

"So you and Mom are gonna get married?" Noah smiled broadly, his blue eyes sparkling. "Think she'll change our last name?"

Elliot laughed. "Your mom is always gonna be Olivia Benson. I don't think marrying me is gonna change that," he told them honestly. "I mean, first she has to say yes."

"She'll say yes," Noah grinned and Sophie nodded her head in agreement. "Are you asking when she gets home?"

"I," Elliot snapped the box closed after the kids ogled the half carat round diamond that he had gotten. "Am not telling you two…"

"Dad!"

Elliot laughed, "get outta here, make sure your rooms are clean. Soph, put the gifts under the tree, and Grandma is gonna be home soon to make cookies."

"Can we make sugar cookies?"

Elliot shook his head as they walked back into the living room, "Stabler family rules," he smirked, "oatmeal chocolate chip only."

"Did you take the butter out, Stabler?" Olivia's voice interrupted them. "Otherwise we're gonna be up late…"

"It was one year," Elliot rolled his eyes. A couple of years earlier when the kids had met him at Maureen's to celebrate Christmas, he had in fact forgotten to take the butter out, so he ended up calling Olivia and begging her to let him keep the kids even later past their bedtime just so that they could make the cookies.

"Well, people don't forget these things," she dropped her purse on the table and kissed him gently, "what're you three doing? Where is Eli? And your Mom?"

"They'll be home soon," Elliot assured her. "How was work?" He took her black parka from her as she shrugged it off her shoulders, smirking as she looked at him knowingly. "Eli had some last minute Christmas shopping to do, and Mama is with Katie."

"Home for mass?" Olivia asked and Elliot nodded, "kids are gon' make cookies before we go. You can stay home. If you're tired. Don't think I didn't notice that you are being evasive…how was work?"

Olivia exhaled, shuttling the kids to their bedrooms after greeting them exuberantly. "Little girl, being molested by her father," she exhaled, "this stuff…theses cases…they just…"

"Never get easier," Elliot finished for her. He understood, he understood better than anyone…except maybe Fin. "What can I do? Light some candles? Draw a bath? Pour a glass of wine…"

"How about," Olivia took a deep breath, she inhaled his scent and enjoyed the warmth of his body through the grey henley he was wearing. He took it as an invitation to continue and held her closer, his lips on her forehead. "We just stay like this, hm? Until cookies and mass…we can just…be."

"Can we maybe be in our bed?" Elliot laughed but didn't move, "or on the couch…"

"Too old to stand?" Olivia laughed as she relaxed her body and let Elliot lead her to the couch. He sat in one corner and immediately pulled her into him, his arms once again enveloping her frame.

"Not too old for nothin'," Elliot grumbled into the crook of her neck. "God, love you Liv."

"I love you too," Olivia closed her eyes. This is what she needed. After a day of victim statements and photographs and reviewing rape kits and having to talk to that fucking piece of shit, she needed to come home to her family. To her…boyfriend, or whatever you wanted to call the man she woke up next to every morning, her children, his children, his mother. She wanted it all. She wanted to stay in this cocoon and never leave. "Can I ask you a question?" She broke the silence after a couple of moments and Elliot nodded his head to encourage her. "Have you ever thought about retiring?" She paused, unable to help herself, "for real this time…maybe without ghosting me?"

Elliot shook his head, "gotta let that go, Olivia." He pressed his lips against the top of her head, "but retirement…I mean, I'm not gettin' any younger. It's gettin'…y'know, harder to do some of the more physical stuff…"

"Lord knows you spend enough time at the gym," Olivia grinned, her hand trailing up his abdomen playfully.

"Don't hear you complaining," Elliot revelled in the way her hands found solace in his body. "But yeah, I mean…Liv, I wanna enjoy my life. So…if it made sense. I'd retire. I mean…the kids are…young, but…"

"Means we'd get to spend more time with them…"

"We?" Elliot repeated. Maybe stupidly he had thought this conversation was about him and not both of them. "Liv…you can't be…SVU…this job, it is…it is a part of you."

"It was," Olivia sat up a bit and smiled at him. "For a long time, for a really, really long time. When you left…especially," she sighed, "I thought this was it…and then…once Sealview and then Lewis happened…I guess…I understood it more…the victims."

"You've always been great with victims."

"But what…what if we just…ride off into the sunset? We can…be with our kids, and family…"

"Livia," Elliot hugged her close. "Sleep on it. Today was hard…tomorrow, it's Christmas. Tomorrow is us and the family and unless the sky is falling, we're both at home. If you wanna retire Liv, I will retire with you. I will…sit and watch you crochet, I will make soap with you, if that is what you want…"

"You'd make soap?" Olivia smiled.

"Anything for you Liv…for our kids…" he paused for a moment, "can I ask you somethin' now Liv?"

Olivia placed a kiss on his chest through his shirt. "Of course."

"Will you marry me?"