Chapter 8: Changes

I will make a confession and say I have never been a firm believer of religion. Ideas of deities, theodicy, cosmology and everything in between never did strike true for me. The thought of some higher power dictating my life's punishments and rewards through preconceived trials didn't sound all too convincing. Although, I always felt condemned by some unnatural force whenever I couldn't open a jar of jelly. Where exactly am I going with this? Well, I still stand my ground on being a nonbeliever; but damn it all if I said I didn't believe in Karma. And I have recently discovered that the old saying is inevitably true:

Karma is a bitch.

How do I know this? I will start from earlier today. Like always, my day started off mundane and predictable: dragged myself out of bed, lamented over past embarrassments in the shower, had a moment of gag reflex while brushing my teeth, and relived all my incredibly thoughtless life choices over a cup of hot coffee. Like I said before, nothing but the ordinary for me. All the fun started once I arrived at work. Instead of a relaxing lunch break with my class; I was summoned into my employers office. Once I entered, I would have never guessed what came soon after. If my memory serves me correctly, our conversation went something like this:

"What do you mean I'm fired?"

"I don't know how else to explain it, Sho." My employer, an older woman with a pointed nose and high cheekbones began to move her tight painted lips. Her hands were folded professionally on her mahogany desk, while mine were prepared to tear out the stuffing from the cushions of the arm seat I occupied. She obviously lacked any sympathy to my distress, as she merely fixed the plaque with her name on it in front of her. "I informed you of our lack of funding, and so I am forced to let go of our least experienced teachers. One of them being you, unfortunately."

"But I just don't understand," I choked, trying to swallow the acid reflex caused by my stress. "I rarely call out, my class average is an A-, and all their standardized test scores are very exceptional. I've done nothing but perform my job, and as far as 'inexperienced teachers' go, I think I've done more, if not better, than some who have been here much longer."

"Listen, Sho. Legally speaking, I don't have to give any reason to fire you. But I'm being courteous enough to give you an explanation. And like I said previously, it has nothing to do with your performance, it has to due with our experience policy which we uphold here. Now, I'll say it very clearly again," she fixed her rounded glasses at the bridge of her nose. "You are fired."

And that's how I lost my teaching job. I should have known meddling into the affair of a seemingly content couple would be my fall from grace. And I have fallen so hard that my face is hardly recognizable. I am sitting on my bed, bawling my eyes out as I lethargically remove my classroom belongings from a box. I can feel the puffiness of my eyes, red and stinging from all the salty tears. I cannot even describe how soggy my cheeks feel, as if someone left a piece of bread to soak in a tall glass of water. Overall, I'm feeling at my worst since my break up almost a year ago. I'm crying so much that I barely hear the knock at my bedroom door.

"Yamada-san, is everything alright?"

Oh great, when did he get home?

"Mhm, I'm fine. I'm just at a very emotional part of my book that I'm reading," I call out, coughing on my desperate need to burst into more weeping.

"I do not see you reading anything."

My head snaps towards the entrance of my bedroom. My eyes, red and irritated, take in the sight of my roommate standing underneath the open doorframe of my bedroom. For a moment, my lips tremble in shock, unsure of what to say to the young man baring an unmovable gaze at me. I then realize how embarrassing I look, and some irrational anger takes over me.

"What's your problem?" I practically yell, trying effortlessly to wipe the stream of tears rushing down my face. I'm so flustered that I start grabbing pencils from the open box and begin chucking them at the green shinobi. "Is this what you do? Just walk into a person's room without their permission? How about getting some manners, jeez!"

"I will think about it next time," he answers with a pinched frown. But my scowl is more apparent, since each pencil I have thrown has either been caught or perfectly dodged. I turn a flushed cheek as he advances towards my bed, "And I am not the one with the problem here; you are. And all I am trying to be is a thoughtful roommate, if not a friend willing to listen."

"I don't need you to listen, okay?" I say bitterly, wiping away the wetness sitting in pools beneath my sunken eyes. "I just need you to leave so that I can bathe alone in my misery and lavish in the suds of pure disappointment."

Like a disobedient child my roommate disregards my words and takes a seat at the edge of my bed. "I am not going anywhere until you tell me what happened."

"Are you seriously not going to leave until I tell you?" I ask, and he answers with a profound nod of his head. His stubbornness is exasperating. I throw my back onto the bed, sinking my head as deep as possible into my feathered down pillows. At first, hesitation is the key to my silence. The only sound heard is my irregular breathing, which I try to suppress. I wait another minute or so, hoping my roommate will give up on me out of boredom. Of course, my expectations are sourly unmet. I then grimace, covering my eyes with my forearm; "I was fired from my job today."

"That is not so bad."

"Are you kidding me right now?" I shoot right back up to a sitting position, upset by his rather indifferent remark. "Not so bad? Oh, okay. Right, it's not so bad that I lost the job that pays for my lively hood. Which includes my rent, food, and everything else. And I'm sure it's not so bad being homeless in the future. Heck, I bet there's already a good cardboard box out there with my name on it. Just perfect."

"I think you will be just fine," Lee replies simply, and just as I'm about to go off again I'm swiftly cut short. "Before you say anything else, I want to tell you a story. It is not very long."

My lips press together, some how reluctant to oblige. I shift myself to a more comfortable position, sitting cross-legged on the bed. Lee notices my willingness to listen; then begins his telling.

"There was once this boy who was different from the rest of his ninja class. He carried not even one single bone of talent in his body. He was considered a failure and possibly an idiot. He could not even do one simple ninjutsu, and for that, no one believed he could become anything. Yet, despite what anyone else said, he trained hard everyday to become a better ninja." My roommate pauses, his round eyes slightly lowering from some invisible discomfort before continuing. "And just when he thought he could prove himself, that hard work could beat natural talent in a fight, he was crushed. And afterwards, he was given only two choices: quit being a ninja or possibly never wake up from an operation."

My violet eyes widen slightly. He couldn't be talking about himself, could he?

My roommate notices my facial expression, and as if to sooth my worry, he sends a soft smile my way; "But, with someone by his side, willing to believe in him, he took the risk. He under went the operation, and had a full recovery. Now, he's a Jounin, living in an apartment with an amazing roommate, and has the girl he had been chasing for a long time. That is why, I know you will be just fine."

A gasp escapes my lips, feeling his hand lightly touch the top of my palm. And he simply grins, "I believe in you, Yamada-san. Now all you have to do is believe in yourself, take a risk, and find something good out there."

Oh god. There is no possible way to stop the burst of tears now parading down my face. And my hicks and cries are even less attractive. Never mind that my nose is starting to drip, and I'm trying to use my other hand to wipe away the mucus. Through my gasps for breath, I attempt to speak. "I'm sorry, Lee-san. For complaining the way I did a few moments ago. I've just been so down on myself since I was dumped by my boyfriend almost a year ago, and now with my job dumping me too, it feels terrible."

"You had a boyfriend, Yamada-san?" He asks, his gaze never faltering.

I nod slowly with a sniffle or two, "Yeah, but that was a while ago. I honestly don't know why he wanted to date me in the first place. I seriously don't think anyone would want to date me willingly. So stupid."

"I would-" My chin tilts upward, and my eyes almost blink away the tears out of sheer disbelief. My persistent stare causes his cheeks to stain pink, and he shakes his head. "Sorry, that came out wrong. What I meant to say, extending my sentence, that I would bet any man would want to date you. You are very interesting, I think."

A genuine chuckle wedges itself between my quick breaths for air. I remember the first time he told me the very same thing. It was during the first month of living together and it seems like such a while ago. Yet, the revisited memory makes it feel like it was just yesterday.

"Thanks, so I've been told before by a certain someone."

As I come to smile, so does he, running a suddenly shy hand through his black bangs; "Now I wonder who could have said that." His large circles then shift to view mine. He then swallows a lump of wariness. "You know, Yamada-san. I have been meaning to talk you about what happened a few days ago-"

"Mhm, I know. I won't say anything." I say, tucking a rather sticky strand if hair behind my ear. "It never happened. And I think it's better that way, okay?"

"Right," Lee responds rather quietly, traces of mischance in the crease of his lips. Clearing his throat, he swiftly changes the awkward subject. "So, is there something else I could help you with? Maybe help you take out the rest of your things from this box?"

"Oh, um, I'm actually almost done. As you can tell by the mess that's on my bed," I reply. "But I still need to start cutting out coupons for discounts at the grocery store. You could help me with that."

"You certainly are preparing for the homeless life," he responds while straining a laugh. Could he be at least a little bit subtler?

I cannot resist my hand's reflexive twitch as I slap him playfully on the arm, "Don't laugh at me. Coupons are like, god sent right now. Can you imagine paying only three hundred yen instead of five hundred for toothpaste? Now that's a steal."

Hopefully they have some nice deals on coffee.

"You are right, I am sorry for laughing. It is very smart of you to save money like that," he professes, taming his chuckles. His head then perks up, and he smacks a fist into his open palm. "Oh! You know what? I have coupons of my own. I do not plan to use them, so you are more than welcomed to have them."

"Yes! Jack pot," I practically cheer, scattering a few sheets of colored construction paper into the air in attempts to resemble confetti. It's rather comedic how much happiness a few spared yen can bring. And if my wallet had a conscious, I'm sure it would agree with me too.

"Oh boy, do not spend them all at once," my roommate chuckles at my display of excitement. "So, now that you are free to do whatever you want, what are your next big plans?"

"Well, first I'm going to update my resumé. Then start looking for another job," I state while plucking a few other miscellaneous items from the open box. "Lucky enough for me, the school year is about to end anyway. Meaning the last paycheck I received will pay for rent for the whole three months of summer. But that's including the fact that I cut back a lot of expenses."

"If you need a part-time job during the time that you are looking for something permanent, I might be of some help." Lee suggests openly, and I take a moment to tilt my head in question. "I do not want to promise you anything, but I have a personal relationship with the Hokage. He is a good friend of mine, and I believe he could arrange something for you if I make the request."

"That's incredible, Lee-san." I say with my mouth slightly parted in astonishment. "I would have never guessed that you were so close to the Hokage. And I can't believe even more that you would go as far as to ask him for a favor just for my sake."

"You should not be so surprised. We are friends after all. Or at least, that is what I want to believe." My roommate speaks, shifting his circles to press into my own and urging for some confirmation of our standing relationship.

I give a small nod and shy smile, "Mhm, we're friends. Thanks again, by the way. I...I honestly don't know what I'd do without your help."

"I am sure you would have figured something out," he responds with a reassuring grin. And that almost reflexive smile of his is well enough to put me in a better mood. My roommate then touches the side of the box in front of him, and I catch his need to laugh, "Besides, you even said it yourself. You would not need to look long for another home, since it is right here! And the best part would be that you have all the materials you need to decorate it very nicely. You could even put your name on it so no one can claim it as their own."

"Listen here, I was just exaggerating about the whole 'box-with-my-name-on-it' future analysis." I puff as I rummage through my nightstand drawer. I grab what I need and push a pair of scissors and a sheet of coupons into his chest. "Now start helping me cut out these coupons out like you said you would."

My roommate gathers the items in his hands and laughs lightly, "Alright, what ever you say, Yamada-san."

"Yup, that's right. What ever I say is law. And I say, lets cut these coupons," I grin, grabbing my own pair of scissors and coupon sheet. "First one to finish gets to have their dinner cooked by the loser."

"In that case, then I would just like to say that I prefer my curry mildly spicy."

I gasp at his dauntless remark. His cockiness has the edges of my lips curling, forming a rather amused smirk. "Oh, that's funny. Because I'm pretty sure you're going to be the one doing the cooking. And I hope you know how to make a mean Yakisoba, because that's what's for dinner tomorrow."

"Those are big words coming from someone who will soon be spoon feeding me my dinner," he says with a matching smirk.

I merely scuff at his words, "Keep talking like that and watch, I'm going to force you to cook my noodles with your own tears of defeat."

I almost fall back onto my bed by my roommates' sudden burst of laughter. "That is extremely disgusting, Yamada-san! I cannot even imagine anyone eating noodles cooked in tears."

"You would be surprised what some people would eat." I answer while straightening my back. "Alright, enough talk. On the count of three we start cutting."

"Alright, I am ready," says Lee, fixing his own position.

I take a deep breath, "One. Two. Three - Go!"

The following night, the dinner menu consisted of mildly spicy red roast duck curry.

Ugh, Ninjas.

"Okay, Sho. Spill it. What happened?"

My violet hues roll upwards, catching my best friend across the dinning room table pointing her chop sticks directly at me. It's a Sunday night, and Haruka came for a visit and some dinner. I cannot contain my need to shift in my seat and take a nervous sip of my half-priced miso soup. I merely shrug at her question, hoping to dissuade her from probing me any further, "Nothing, I already told you what happened."

"I know; you got fired. And I want to ram a few sharpened pencils up that bird looking women's-" Just before she can finish, I cock a wary eyebrow at Haruka. She releases a sigh at my attempt to censor her, rolling her eyes in frustration. "Never mind. I'll stop talking about that since it pisses me off way too much anyway. But seriously, something else is up, and I know you're not telling me"

"And how could you possibly know that?" I ask, resting my spoon inside my bowl.

"I literally had to watch you buy two huge pints of green tea ice-cream earlier today," says Haruka.

"They were on sale, buy one get the other free." I state flatly, taking another plain sip of my broth. "And it's completely normal for a girl to want an unreasonable amount of ice-cream in her freezer."

"Oh my god. I finally got it." As if she hadn't been listening, my best friend leans back into her dinner chair, placing her chopsticks rather firmly onto the table. "You finally had sex with your roommate!"

I almost spit out my mouthful of soup at the shameless statement. Fortunately, only a small dribble escapes my lips. I quickly wipe it away and gaze at my friend as if sanity was far from her reach, "Haruka, can you please not scream inside my apartment? Jeez." I take a needed breath, now hesitant to continue eating from the sheer fear of wearing it all. "And no, that's definitely not what happened and probably never will happen."

"Probably?" Haruka smirks, wiggling in her seat. Does she need to take medication for that or what? "So, what you're saying is that it actually could happen, but you don't know because you've never even asked."

"Ask? Why on earth would I ask when, clearly, he has a girlfriend and I..don't even really like him in that way at all. So there, end of story."

"You hesitated, Sho. Caught you red handed." I frown at her observational remark and she chuckles while taking a bite of her smoked salmon. "You are so easy to read, I swear. I can't even believe your roommate hasn't even noticed your feelings."

"I'm pretty sure he has some clue," I mutter. And what was supposed to be a thoughtful whisper became a gateway to a flurry of investigative questions.

"Oh! How do you know that? Did something happen between you too? Did you mention anything about your burning need to drop your panties and jump on his-"

"H-Haruka!" I intercept her words just before her vulgarity can breach its peak. My best friend is smiling devilishly, tapping her fingers on the table waiting for my confessions. I groan in discomfort, but I'm reluctant enough to open my mouth. Thank god we're the only ones home right now. "Okay, I'll tell you...about two days ago we were just spending time together or whatever. I was teaching him how to dance since he asked me to and, you know, things got a little carried away and we almost-"

"Fucked, right?" Haruka interrupts me, and her comment almost knocks me off my chair.

I shake my head vigorously, denying her ludicrous assumption, "N-No, of course not! We almost kissed, that's all!"

An apparent gleam of disappointment flickers in my friend's eyes. She lets loose a very clear sigh, grasping her glass of red whine and taking a courageous gulp that would put most alcoholics to shame. Once she is finished, she settles the rounded glass back onto the table, "My god, Sho. You're so grade school. If I was you, you could be damn sure I would have taken him right there on the living room floor. Now that's how it's done."

"Well, sorry if I'm not so open to burning bridges and ruining healthy relationships," I mumble with a furrow of my brows.

"You're obviously not getting my point," says Haruka with a pinch of seriousness in her tone. "Although it probably seems like I'm encouraging you to do something morally wrong, I'm not. All I'm trying to do is convince you to start expressing how you really feel. You're always hiding everything inside, and it's like you never do what you want to do. If you really don't want to sleep with your roommate, that's fine, it's your choice and I get it. But if you like him, even in the slightest bit, I think you should tell him. Because, who knows, maybe something good will happen. And if not, then that's okay, at least you were honest. But you'll never know unless you cut that overly-concerned act of yours and actually go for it."

"I don't think you understand," I speak, deepening my already forming frown. "I don't want to be that girl who tells an already taken guy how she feels, and then somehow he likes her back, which then forces him to leave his already perfect girlfriend who doesn't deserve her heart to be broken."

"See! That's the kind of bullshit thinking I'm talking about, Sho." My best friend points out, flinging an exasperated hand into the air. "Your roommate is a grown fucking man. And if he wants to make a decision like that, then he's damned entitled to it."

"You don't get it, Haruka." I can feel my words shaking in frustration, and I'm trying to restrain myself from raising my voice. "I don't want to be the reason he breaks up with his girlfriend. It's not right, I don't want to be tagged as some pathetic boyfriend stealer."

"Sho, I think you know better than me what it means to steal," my eyes watch as her lips move against her whine glass. "You can't steal what wants to be stolen."

"Yeah...I know." I whisper faintly, wringing my hands on my lap at the faintest memories of my previous breakup. I shut my eyes momentarily, trying to wash away the vivid images with the darkness behind closed eyes. Once I reopen them, I stare unfaltering at my friend; "Haruka, I'm leaving Konoha."