AN: Okay, so...if you're reading this then I would first like to warn you that I'm throwing a curve ball here. As the title of this chapter suggests, I wrote from another...perspective. Still first person, but I know, I'm really pushing it here since you guys are so used to reading as "Sho". But I swear - I have my reasons. I don't just throw writing in unless it will serve a purpose later, and it will. So with that, I can safely say that there will be only one other chapter like this and that's that.

Other than being so left field, i really hope this chapter does its job of providing a bit more insight. I would also like to apologize for not uploading when i said I would, i was quiet...nervous and procrastinated the whole posting process ( I distracted myself with Tumblr and other things, haha!) Anyway, I really do hope you enjoy this chapter nonetheless.

Thank you!

WARNING: M implications

Chapter 12: Perspective

I wake up to a less than warm apartment every morning. I believe it has to do with the little things that do not fill up the empty spaces here and there. Since there is nothing in between the gaps of free space, cold air is what takes its place. When did I ever think I needed so much room? I am beginning to realize that I do not need it. Perhaps I thought I could fill it with needless things, because that is what space is for – to be occupied. And I have tried to fill it, more than usual lately. I have bought extra groceries, plenty of unneeded pairs of leg warmers, bundles of toilet paper, and even a decorative coat hanger that now stands by the front door.

…I do not wear coats.

My actions have been nonsensical. Although, many who know me can say, 'when have they not been'? I bitterly admit that they have a point. So I ask myself again, since when did I ever need so much space? I am not answered by words or logical thoughts, but an indistinct image behind my minds eye, and a feeling so lost to me in my own chest.

I am not good at describing things, another point I have noticed.

All that I can say is that it has been a month since Yamada-san left, leaving me to my own devices like I was accustomed to before she had moved in. It is an interesting feeling to have again, knowing I am waking up in a two-bedroom apartment where only one room is occupied. It is strange not to trip over a misplaced bra inside the bathroom, or not to be greeted by the smell of coffee hanging heavily in the air. Stranger has it been to come home with her not on the living room couch, drinking her obsession, and reading a book that appeals to her sensitivity. Strangest of all, her small voice does not welcome me, and her accepting smile, accompanied with an irresistible understanding is nowhere to be found.

Or could it be that I am the strange one for noticing all these things?

"Lee—"

I must be the strange one.

"Lee!"

"Yes?" A familiar voice rips me from my internal monologue, leaving me almost scattered for words. I come to blink against a pair of vividly bright green eyes, drawing into me a look of question and slight irritation.

"I bet you weren't even paying attention to me just now, were you?" Sakura instigates rhetorically to me, pinching her pink lips as if affirming her own question.

"I was listening to you. I was just thinking about it in deeper thought," I reply, excusing my brief daydreaming. I have been doing that a lot lately. I wonder if it is normal for someone like me to lie more frequently. I want to believe that I am an honest person, or as honest as I can be. Lately, the lines that draw my distinct character are blurring together, and I am becoming a man who is keeping more secrets each day. Secrets that even I do not understand.

When exactly did I start this sort of behavior?

Her furrowing eyebrows distract me, "Okay, then tell me if you were listening, what did I just say?"

"Well, you were talking about a certain needy patient yesterday, then you moved onto a surgery you are going to do tomorrow morning. And then…"

And then what? I do not remember; that has to be the part where I tapped into my own thoughts. I am trying to move my lips; hoping words will effortlessly flow from them. Inaudible sounds are forming instead, and the more I try to recall, the further the idea escapes me.

I know I am not convincing her, the drumming of her fingers against the wooden restaurant table are telling me that loud and clear. Before I can recover anything else she releases an exasperated sigh, and I stop trying altogether when her eyes roll almost completely backwards.

"Unbelievable," she mutters the word to herself, but I can hear it just fine. Maybe that is her intention. "I can't believe you weren't listening to the most important part of this whole conversation. I might as well be talking to a training log."

"I am sorry," I frown at my partially eaten dinner plate, unknowingly balling my fists against my knees. "I was thinking about the recent mission I came back from. There was a lot of paper work involved, and I am wondering if I completed the mission statement correctly."

Even though I have been doing it more often, dishonesty is still not my specialty. I was never considered intelligent or quick-witted, among other things, and would not be surprised if Sakura saw right through my petty deceptions. Her hesitation to speak keeps me on edge, until her stern features melt into a forgiving expression.

"It's alright. Maybe I should be sorry for talking about myself so much." Her lips crease into a trivial smile, eyes twinkling with a reflection of personal fault. "But I was talking about something important, and it involved you. So I want to know your thoughts about it before really committing to it."

"Alright, tell me. I am all ears this time," I proclaim, shifting in my seat with a reestablished interest.

"Well, since you had mentioned that Sho-san was going to be out of town for a few months, I was thinking…." A quiet excitement pauses her sentence, and she wets her lips before continuing. "Maybe I could start spending a few nights out of the week with you at your apartment."

"Oh." I am terribly speechless, unable to communicate more than a single syllable to her. The idea is filled with innuendos and statements that could possibly take shape within the framework of the very near future. I am aware nothing chaste will be the result of her sleeping under the same roof as me. I am guaranteed my bed will be crowded for once in the first night, the sheets will get tighter by the second, and the third…I do not think there will be any sheets on my bed on the third night.

"How long have we been dating again?" I reopen my mouth, and the first thing to come out is a ridiculous question, which I already know the answer to.

I am not oblivious to the fact that I would be reciprocated with a look of disbelief from the pink-haired beauty across the table from me. I think I hear her scuff a little, "Are you joking with me, Lee? It's been five months already. Did you sincerely forget or can you not count?"

"No, I can count just fine, and I did not forget. I am just surprised that it has already been that long. The time has passed really quickly…do you think that maybe we are going too fast?"

A presumable look of exasperation crosses her, "Hell, I don't know. The whole point of me bringing this up was to see what you thought about it. If you're already mentioning that we might be going to fast then you've already answered my question. So I won't—"

"Next week on Monday, come spend the night." I am quick to intercept her.

Her green hues widen at my change in tone and attitude about her proposal. My sudden eagerness is also surprising to me, but that is just it, I should not be surprised. Just on the other side of the table is the konoichi I have wanted more than anything in my adolescent years, rivaling my passion for becoming a shinobi. I am staring at her fully; revisiting the memory of the Chuunin exams. I recall the time I spilled my emotions, desperately wanting them to sink into her and having those feelings returned. She did not, but still, I risked my life to protect her and promised her I would continue to do so.

I was eager, impulsive, and impassioned.

Now, the more I fix myself upon her, the less fantastical it all is. Like wooden floors in need of polishing, a sense of lack luster is breeding slowly but surely. I do not want this to be the case. I want to remain as romantic as I was before, especially since the person of my desire has finally turned a head to me. It would be idiotic of me, and insulting for many reasons, to go on feeling this way. Although I am older, I want to hold onto my previous passions, because they are what made me who I am today.

I do not want to change so easily and passively.

"Are you sure, Lee? I don't want to pressure you into doing anything you don't want to. I want you to be comfortable," she professes honestly.

I merely shake my head, dismissing her concern, "Do not worry, I will not be. I would be more than happy to have you over."

I should be more enthusiastic, where has it all gone?

"If that's how you really feel, then I'm glad." With a free and graceful hand she extends it across the table, wanting me to take it. I prompt myself to do so, grasping it gently. Unfortunately, the touch feels lukewarm to me. "I think this will be a step-forward in the right direction for us. And it will give us enough time to see how well we get along living together, just until Sho-san comes back."

Ah, she mentioned her name again.

"I completely agree."

I have been good at convincing myself in the past, but presently I am falling short. The sureness I am presenting is not eluding my simple mind, and I am stricken with an upsetting sensation in the pit of my chest. This will pass, right? If only the answer would come soon, I cannot determine the progressive effects this feeling will have on me later. I am so consumed that I barely sense Sakura's thumb caressing my fingers, stringing tender whispers that I can no longer understand.

I am…scared.

I truly am.

One by one, the spaces are starting to be filled again. In the bathroom, an extra toothbrush rests beside mine, and another towel has been hung on the hooks placed at the top of the bathroom door. The coffee table in the living room has been trickled with collective research documents and copies of discharge forms. In the kitchen cabinets are various prescribed vitamins and medications that have labels too difficult for me to pronounce at the top of my head. And the fridge is so organized; I can actually tell which groceries are mine, and the exact side of the fridge I am assigned to.

The apartment has not gotten any warmer, even though it is the beginning of the summer months.

"Are you still going to make me a cup?" Sakura's voice chimes in.

"Oh, of course." I cease my working hands lathering a spotted plate at the kitchen sink. I shift and scout through a cabinet of herbs, spices, and a few unrelated things. "What kind of tea would you like? I have more than a few."

"Whatever will give me energy," Sakura says in a bored fashion, her attention never leaving a stack of papers she is scribbling on at the kitchen table.

I nod and speak inaudibly to myself, saying the names of each tea I come across. I finally spot a box of Ginseng tea and slide it out. I prepare the cup and place it beside her busied hand.

"Thanks," she says automatically, taking a quick and thoughtless sip of the tea before tending back to her papers.

"You are welcome," I respond with the same automatic connotation. "Seeing as you will be staying up to do more work, I will go to bed first –"

"Wait, Lee," she says, taking a rare glance away from her endless pile of papers towards me. I pause in my steps, rearing a curious eye back at her. An interesting smile forms against the corners of her mouth, "I'm almost finished with what I'm doing. Try to stay up a little bit longer for me. I won't take more than fifteen minutes."

"Alright, I will hold out a little more then," I respond reluctantly, touching upon her shoulder so lightly it is hard to tell whether I even made contact or not.

I wander silently out of the living room and into my bedroom. The interior of my room is deafly quiet; I can practically hear the creaking of my window as the air conditioning sweeps against it. It is a bit unsettling, and what am I going to do while I wait? My eyes flick to and fro the square space, falling on various items scattered about: free weights, a few nutritional magazines, an abandoned sock in the corner…. a radio.

"Please take good care of her while I'm gone, Lee-san. She's a bit old; I've had her since i was little, but she still works beautifully, which you already know. Use her whenever you'd like, okay?"

Like a moth to a light, my body gravitates towards the radio placed on top of my nightstand. I fiddle with the wooden knobs until a soft static springs up. Playing with it a little bit more; a soothing instrumental melody begins to pour out. The sound has the effect of a cat purring and rubbing against my ears. I place myself onto the edge of my bedside, gradually lowering my back against the cool bedding. Allowing my eyes to close naturally, I lace my hands together over my rising and sinking chest. I inhale slowly, breathing in the music that momentarily lifts some sort of heaviness inside me. A peculiar warmth gathers at the top of my skin, bringing a different life into my lips as they lift to form a genuine smile.

"Look what I found, Lee-san! Isn't this roll of yarn gorgeous? I can't believe how anyone could throw it away so easily – there's so much you could do with it. I could sew a scarf or two. Oh! Maybe even a pillowcase. What do you think?"

How awful my memory is. I forget the things that are important, like dates, numbers, and names, and recall times that have no significance. I chuckle at the absurdity of my own makings. How have I been able to live so distracted these past few weeks? It is astounding. I am so misplaced that I barely recognize a presence sinking into the comforters next to me.

"I didn't know you listened to music, Lee." Sakura's amused voice breaks in.

My eyes crack open, and I shift my head to view Sakura lying beside me. My previous smile melts into a half-hearted one, "It is not something I do often. This is only the second time I have listened to it."

"I like it," she breathes out a fragrance of Ginseng tea, gathers closer to me and reaches to take my lips. She is successful in her art, pressing and encouraging me with her mouth to pursue her further, and my body listens out of obligation. In the back of my mind, I am aware it is the third night, and the assumption I had made a few days ago is coming to light.

Moment to moment, there is less and less to think about. The mechanics underlining each action I make with my body is all that I can focus on. I do not dwell upon every kiss, every touch, every struggled word, because I have no control of it on a conscious level. It is within the nature of all things to succumb to pleasurable experiences without a second thought. I am no exception to this rule. My body is a tool that works under its own design, it is commanded and it gives, enthralled to receive all things that excite it. I allow it to do what it wants, because I have already passed a turning point. No amount of conscious thought will convince the curious yearning to stop; it is so simply beyond anything that can take hold of it.

"Lee…san?"

A shrill gasp escapes me, as if a tight rope had been loosened from my neck. I am panting, sweating, and staring obscurely at nothing but mixed air. I am vaguely pulled back to my senses once pairs of finely cut nails take into my shoulders.

"Lee, is everything alright?" I hear Sakura question up at me, her voice fluttering from lack of air. "We don't have to keep going if you're getting tired."

I thought this would work; I need to make this work.

I shake my head violently at the suggestion, running a cold hand against my pounding forehead; "No, I am fine. I just thought about something briefly, that is all."

"What did you think about?"

What a horrifying question. How do I even begin to respond to it? There is an expanse of uncertainty circling inside me. I am uncertain of what I should say, uncertain of what I should do. Uncertain if I should confess that someone else momentarily replaced her bare image. "Nothing—" I almost choke on the word. "I thought of nothing important."

"Okay," she remarks incredulously, examining me with perfect speculation.

Her sharp eyes sweeping over me is unnerving, and a pinch of paranoia grips me as if all my fabrications are written on my skin. I do not give her any more chances to read them, carelessly fleshing my lips and pelvis against her own. The anxiety churning inside of me like a swirling current propels a feverish drive of energy. My performance is a charade to veil all that I am feeling, and the reflections that I do not wish her to see. Her cries of ecstasy are beautiful, because I am assured she has abandoned all doubt. Relief envelops me fully, and like a retreating wave it is swept away, leaving me utterly exhausted.

I have always been a pathetically sensitive person. The realization bloomed during the deep night, when all I could do was gaze at my distant yet lovely company, with eyes clouded with a visible dampness. All I could reiterate in my mind was how radiant she was, wrapped in the white linen of my sheets, perfect in every definition of the word. Yet, all that grace and body do not cultivate such a necessary ache inside me like before. The more I give thought to it, the more solemn I inevitably become.

I do not want to feel this way. I need to fix it, but how?

How?

"Lee, some mail came in for you today," Sakura announces, placing a few envelops in front of me at the kitchen table.

I acknowledge her with a nod, swallowing a mouthful of rice and egg, "Thank you."

Sakura welcomes me before seating herself at the table and tending to her own breakfast. I avert my attention to my mail, tracing my fingers over each sender's name. The first two are bills, which I remind myself to pay appropriately within the next few days. I skim hastily through the junk mail and stop shortly. The last envelope consists of a foreign return address, and I hurriedly fix my gaze upon the sender's name.

"Yamada Sho." Her name is light on my tongue, weightless enough that my company does not even hear it. I restrain my anticipation by opening the envelope in a leisurely manner. Silently, I begin to read its contents:

Dear Lee-san,

How are you? I hope everything is going well back home. Sorry for not writing sooner, it's been busy for me since I'm still trying to settle in over here and all. Before I mention anything related to my new life style, I just want to apologize if you found things of mine that were inappropriate or offensive. I keep on having this feeling that I have, so please don't hesitate to tell me. If you have, I really am sorry, and I'll pay for any therapy sessions you will need. You can hire the most expensive psychologist, if you want, I don't mind the expense.

Things here in Suna are going great. The job is going well, and the Kazekage is such an extraordinary and kind person. I didn't know he would be so humble, given his rather stoic personality. I actually haven't asked how he knows you yet, and I don't mean to pry but I am curious, how do you know each other? I thought you two were vaguely connected through our Hokage, but I guess there is more to it than that. I would ask him myself but I feel I don't know him well enough, and with being his employee, I shouldn't. Again, you're not obligated to tell me, I'm just curious.

Anyway, how are things with you and Sakura-san? I hope you guys are doing great and having a good time together. Sorry I can't be there to bake any goodies for you to give to her on upcoming dates, but I will when I come back, I promise. I also swear to come back with lots of gifts! If you have anything in mind I would be more than happy to buy it for you. Maybe you would like some different curry powders? They have some interesting ones here in the Wind Country. There are seriously so many things that I see and would love to buy for you, but I don't know which ones would be the best.

And on a final note, I have managed to keep the flower you gave me alive (it's funny because it's fake, so I couldn't really kill it even if I tried). It's been doing a good job at keeping me company. Seeing your face in a flower makes me laugh almost every day when I wake up, and cry when I see it at night. Just kidding, it doesn't scare me to tears. Though I do get embarrassed sometimes when I change in front of your picture, so I have to turn it around! I don't know if you're laughing at me while you read this, but if I somehow find out, I might die of embarrassment and blame you for it.

Once more, I wish you all the happiness in the world while I'm gone. Of course, I hope you remain happy even when I do come back to spill coffee on all your things and leave an obstacle course in the apartment for you.

Hope to hear from you soon, Lee-san.

Sincerely, your one and only roommate,
Yamada Sho

The letter ends there and no doubt a smile of quality is present on my face. I continuously re-read the parts that inspire an intense happiness inside of me, snickering in such redundancy that I acquire a question from Sakura.

"What's all the laughing for? What are you reading?"

"Just a letter," I say in between my chuckles, raising the piece of paper dismissively. I would have stopped there, but her persistent stare ushers more information from me. "It is from Yamada-san…she is doing well for herself in Suna."

"Sho-san, huh?" She says nonchalantly, and I shift uncomfortably when Sakura speaks her name. "That's good. If you plan to write back to her, tell her that I'm happy to hear that she's doing well."

"I will," I reciprocate with an unsteady curl of my lips.

I quickly finish my breakfast, gather the various envelopes and excuse myself from the table. Although I would love to write back immediately to my endearing roommate, I understand that I have responsibilities to attend to, and regard to myself that I will write shortly after training.

In the midst of the summer heat and sweat parading the earth, Tenten visited me. She delivered a message that required me to attend a mission briefing with her and Neji. I obliged the summons, and accompanied her to the Hokage's Residence. Upon entering the office, Neji was already present, making undistinguished conversation with the Hokage, of which I believe to be revolved around a certain Hyuuga heiress. Their small talk soon simmered into murmurs once Tenten and I were noticed.

"Bushy-brows, Tenten! How's everything going?" The Hokage springs to his feet, fully welcoming us with a firm handshake and a friendly pat on our shoulders. "Seems like forever since I've seen you guys all at once."

"That's because you keep us pretty busy all by ourselves, Hokage-sama," Tenten responds with a cheeky grin, placing her hands at her hips.

"C'mon, Tenten. You know you don't have to stress the title with me, just keep callin' me by my name," Naruto insists with his prominent grin never faltering. His attention then falls upon me; "and you, bushy-brows, what's been going on with you? Haven't seen you walk on your hands around Konoha lately."

"Oh, is that so?" I question back, almost with the same level of confusion. "I guess I have been rather busy lately. I cannot explain it any further than that."

"Can't explain it any further, huh?" Naruto repeats the sentence conspicuously, wearing a curious pucker. He then blinks his blue eyes wide open, grasps me by my shoulder, and pulls me close enough where his words only reach my ears. "No way. You've got to be kidding me right now, bushy-brows. You and Sakura have been fu-"

"The mission briefing," Neji interjects sternly, over shadowing Naruto's private conversation with me. "I think we should discuss it as soon as possible, since some of us have important things to do afterwards."

It would be optimistic for me to think that Neji had spoken out on the account of wanting to save me a bit of embarrassment. Unfortunately, I am reminded of his mildly selfish nature, and forfeit the notion immediately.

"Tch. Straight to the point as usual," Naruto frowns, bitterly spitting out his words. He releases me out of reluctance and mutters a few curses before seating himself at his desk, drawing out a few prepared files. He gestures to each of us to pick up one of the three folders, "Here are your mission briefings. Read them, study them, and get rid of em', you know how it works. If you have any questions or don't understand something, just ask me. I rather be asked a million questions now, than later have to send more people to complete a mission over a simple screw up. I'll give you a heads up and say you'll be dispatched two days from now, so train up, prepare your traveling gear, and head out on time. You're all dismissed."

"That's Naruto for you," Tenten whispers genially, picking up her folder and exiting the office.

Neji is second to follow, and just as I place my fingers onto the vanilla sheet I am stopped by Naruto's palm forcing the folder back onto the desk. "Except you, bushy-brows. You stay," he exclaims, affirming his hold. "I've got another mission you might be interested in."

"What is the mission?" I inquire with slight intrigue.

"It has to do with that favor you asked from me about a month ago. You know, setting up a job for, what was her name again – Sho; wasn't it?"

I nod carefully, unsure of his point. My concentrated gaze and silence offer more room for him to speak; "In two weeks all the Kage's from all five countries will be getting together for a 'casual meeting'. It's basically a small party of high standing shinobis' coming from all over the world. It's a new thing we've all agreed on to do once a year, in order to strengthen our ties as a shinobi nation. It just so happens that this years get together will be held in Suna, meaning Gaara's going to be hosting it this time around."

"Getting to the point, since I know you're friends with this girl, I've been told that she'll be going. I'm giving you a chance to come with me as one of my bodyguards, if you want to check up on her. It's not a mandatory thing, so you can take it or leave it. It's all up to you, Bushy-Brows."

A chance?

The word holds a heavy degree of excitement. Up until now, my days have been confusing and disordered. Perhaps seeing my roommate will bring me some form certainty; she has this unexplainable way of putting together the fragments I tend to make. Having a fleeting moment to speak with her is all I would need; even catching the rare sight of her cheek would be just enough to satisfy me. And somewhere inside of myself, a part of me that carries more intelligence than my own mind, is telling me she has the answer.

"I accept!" All of my elation, which has been almost nonexistent up till now, is overflowing. It is difficult to control myself at my highest points of enthusiasm, but I do not have any intention of taming them presently. "Hokage-sama – I mean, Naruto-kun. I accept this second mission, please give me the briefing folder."

Once I am given the folder, I excuse myself from the Hokage's presence. I rush back to my apartment with great keenness. In a frantic search, I fetch a pen and piece of paper, and begin to write a letter to my roommate.