A/N: Please forgive me? I never meant for it to be almost 3 years between chapters, and I am so so so so sorry...

It's nothing fancy, quick and simple to get back into the swing of it, so enjoy to anyone still reading:)

Major huge shout out to MsWitEnd because she's badass!

And I hope everyone is staying safe and sane in these crazy times.

Chapter 11: The Past and The Future

"Hello, I'm Emily."

"And I'm Katie, and on this episode of London Rebuild, we meet with John and Tanya Kaiser."

Thomo panned the camera out to include both girls in the shot, as Naomi watched on the monitor, nodding to Emily to say her line.

"John and Tanya lost their home when their estate was condemned and then demolished, facing displacement and a short stay at a family shelter, the couple have been living with various family members for the last four months." Emily stated as she read from the cue cards one of Naomi's crew were holding up.

"Come with us, as we meet with John and Tanya. They'll build a home of their dreams, with the help of Fitch Construction, and rebuild their lives along the way."

"Cut!" Naomi called out and smiled at Katie as she finished the opening monologue. "Well done, everyone. JJ, can you let Rob know we'll film his bit in about…," she glanced at her watch, gauging the time, "…thirty minutes?"

JJ nodded and headed off, whilst the crew started setting up for different shots as Emily and Katie walked over to Naomi. They were into their fourth day of construction on their fifth house and everything was going smoothly. Rob had settled in nicely, having been to London six times all total.

"If I didn't know any better," Katie started to say quietly as she stepped closer to Naomi, watching JJ as he made his way to Katie and Gina's trailer, "I'd swear my dad and your mum are getting quite chummy."

Naomi laughed, shaking her head. "I'm totally with you on that one, Katie and I say good for them both." She replied, turning her attention back to the clipboard in her hands. "So, listen, we'll finish the family interviews today and then that leaves the rest of the week for the build, okay? Effy?" Naomi looked around for her friend as she called out her name.

"Wouldn't that bother you? So soon after your father…well, you know…?" Emily wondered out loud, addressing Naomi.

She stopped looking for Effy and smiled down at Emily. "Ya know, maybe at first, yeah, but not after what mum told me. And besides," Naomi looked Emily in the eye, "life's too short to not want to find someone who you can share your life with. Someone who'll treat you the way you deserve to be treated, don't you think?"

Emily felt her face turn hot, as a blush worked its way up under Naomi's gaze. Her words from the night a few couple weeks earlier ringing in her ears as clear as the moment Naomi said them. She ducked her head and mumbled, "Yeah, I guess."

Naomi was about to say something else, but Effy came strolling over

"You rang, el capitán?" Effy smirked as she came up behind them. Emily jumped and Katie rolled her eyes as Naomi chuckled.

"I did." She replied with a giggle as Emily took deep breaths to calm herself down. "I need to know how we're looking for promo interviews?"

"I've got the schedule in the trailer."

Naomi nodded. "Alright, we need to go over them again, because I had to push back our session with Mary," Naomi nodded toward Emily, "and we need to shift something around, yeah?"

Effy shrugged, but turned toward the trailer and started walking, expecting everyone else to follow. Once they were all inside, Effy had pulled out her scheduling book and went over everything with Naomi and Emily switching the schedule around to fit with everyone. With that done, Naomi stood up and pushed away from the table.

"Alright, I've gotta go." She stated as she checked her watch, then grinned at the twins. "Time for Rob's moment in the spotlight."

Emily and Katie giggled at the thought of their dad on camera and watched Naomi leave.

"She seems extremely happy lately." Effy observed nonchalantly, as she watched her best mate walk across the work site, smiling at Rob as he met her midway and said something that made her laugh.

Emily didn't reply, scared about the reason why Naomi had been so happy lately, so she ducked her head down and fidgeted with the hem of her shirt, waiting for Effy to get back to the scheduling.

Katie and Effy turned their attention back to the task at hand, causing Emily to sigh in relief, once again burying her frayed nerves into work allowing her to forget Naomi and the feelings that the blonde made her feel.

And if she couldn't quite ignore that voice in the back of her mind telling her that what she had with Naomi was special and made her feel happier too, it didn't matter, did it? Because she was still with Georgie and for the sake of her sanity, she needed it to stay that way, didn't she?

But no matter how much Emily told herself that, it was getting harder and harder to believe that.

The rest of the week and the one that followed seemed to fly by for Emily and Naomi, even though Emily did her best to limit the time she spent with the blonde. Naomi's words kept echoing in her mind as her heart and her brain fought with each other.

There were more therapy sessions for Emily, which started to highlight massive flaws in her defenses. This had been pointed out to her during one of her solo sessions with Mary.

"Emily, I need to stop you right there for just a moment." Mary said, going back through her notes.

"What? Why?" Emily blinked a few times, confused at the interruption, wondering what was said to cause concern.

Mary had been highlighting sections, things that Emily had talked about that she wanted to go over. "I need to address this part here," Mary stated still trying to find what she needed, "ah-ha, here we go...you told me that the relationship with Naomi is still a thing, yes? And it's progressed farther?"

"Yeah...," Emily said, drawing out the word, as if Mary hadn't heard her correctly the first time.

"I know you've not ended your relationship with Georgina yet, but that's neither here nor there, I'm curious to know why you compare Naomi with Felicity?" Mary watched as Emily flinched, as if hearing the name was an actual blow to her body.

"What?"

The voice was so quiet, Mary had to strain to hear it, but she wasn't about to let Emily off this time. "You're comparing Naomi to Felicity and have been for the last few sessions now, and I'm curious to know why you do that with her, but not with Georgina?"

Emily shifted in her seat, feeling the heat in her cheeks. "I-I don't think I do that."

Mary scoffed, but then realised it was unprofessional. "I'm sorry for that, dear, but...you do do that. And I can't help but wonder if you're living in an emotional stasis because you're waiting for Naomi to turn out to be like your ex?"

Emily didn't reply. How could she when she realised that Mary was right? It started that day in the shower weeks before, Felicity and Naomi overlapped in her mind's eye, casting huge doubts over everything, even though Naomi was able to make her forget Felicity.

"Emily?"

Why would she do that? Had she ever done that with Georgie? Did she unconsciously compare Georgie to Felicity as well? Why was she even thinking of Felicity at all?

"Emily!"

She was deep in thought and didn't know that she was working herself up until Mary sat next to her and gave her shoulders a gentle shake.

"Emily, you need to breathe." Mary said calmly and watched as Emily took deep breaths. "Have some tea, dear. It'll help centre your thoughts."

"I'm s-sorry...I don't know what's wrong with me." Emily apologised as tears began to fall. She took the cup that Mary offered her but didn't drink.

Mary moved back to her chair and waited, wanting to give the girl a few moments to compose herself. "I think deep down, you know exactly what's "wrong" with you." She stated using her fingers to emphasise her words.

Emily frowned in confusion because she honestly didn't know. Mary concentrated on Emily's facial features, every nervous tick, every time she opened her mouth to reply, then close it again quickly.

Mary decided to have mercy on the girl. "First off, there's nothing wrong with you, love," she clarified before going on, "you had something horrible beyond your control happen to you and instead of dealing with it properly at the time, you built these walls around yourself, as a defense."

Emily sat there, quietly processing Mary's words. "Go on." She said, locking eyes with the older woman.

Mary shifted in her seat before continuing. "Emily, surely you understand what's happening?"

Emily shook her head. "If I knew that, I wouldn't be here, would I?"

"Tell me about Felicity." Mary asked and watched as Emily's face instantly paled.

"Wh-…I-…well…," it was almost physically impossible for Emily to speak, as the familiar fear traveled throughout her body.

Mary leant forward and gently grabbed Emily's hands, giving them a comforting squeeze. "Calm yourself, love. Remember that she can't hurt you here, she can't hurt you anymore unless you let her."

"I'm sorry, it's just still really hard."

Mary nodded as Emily took some deep breaths. "I know it is, and that's what we're trying to work through. I want you to think back to the beginning of your relationship with Felicity, when it was all shiny and new, before the abuse started."

It took another pot of tea and more than a few minutes of silence before Emily finally opened about her relationship. There were tears and curses as Emily halted numerous times to collect herself, but Mary gently prodded her, knowing that Emily needed to pull out her past and dissect it, to pick it apart and learn from it, so that she could have a good chance for her future. She would ask questions when she needed something clarified, and stayed silent when it was necessary, giving Emily the opportunity to do what she had never allowed herself to do before. Face the truth and the ugliness of what she had gone through.

Emily surprised Mary and herself when she kept talking about Felicity, finally telling Mary everything. When she was done, Emily sat there stunned, wringing her hands nervously.

"Thank you, Emily, for trusting me with that. I know it wasn't easy for you, dear, but it was very much needed."

"How does that explain Naomi?"

Mary smiled at her, knowing that Naomi was a huge issue for Emily now. "We've almost run out of time for today, love, but I'm going to give you a small hand with figuring that out. You unconsciously mix Felicity and Naomi together, because they both have made you feel the same way."

Emily scoffed loudly. "How can you even say that? Naomi has been nothing but lovely."

"I'm not saying she isn't, Emily, but if you think back to when you first met Felicity, I'm sure you'd agree that she was lovely too, am I right?"

"I guess." Emily said quietly, gnawing her bottom lip furiously, as Mary watched. After a few more minutes of silence, Emily looked up at the older woman. "So, what you're saying is…?"

Mary shook her head in dismay and barely resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Has it really not crossed your mind at all?"

"I have no idea what you mean."

"Emily, dear…," Mary started to say then reached out to grasp Emily's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze, "it's called being in love."

Emily slumped back against the couch, shocked to her core, as she mentally went over every moment with Naomi. "Well, fuck me!"

Naomi sat in the on-site office, going over reports and schedules, material lists and invoices, wondering why she chose to stay late to do so. It was enough to make her go insane and if it wasn't for thoughts of Emily, she probably would've gone mental hours earlier.

She sighed deeply as the redhead ran through her mind once more and she abandoned the production reports she had been trying to sort out and allowed herself to indulge in some pleasant memories.

It had been minutes of X-rated details when Naomi was brought back to reality by the distinct ringtone alerting her that Emily was calling.

She answered with a smile. "Hello, beautiful."

Emily was thrown off by the greeting and the happiness she could hear in Naomi's voice, but then she immediately felt her own rush of happiness at the fact that Naomi thought she was beautiful. She had been lost in her thoughts for longer than she should have been, when she heard Naomi calling out to her on the other end of the line.

"Hello, earth to Emily."

"Sorry, Naoms," Emily shook her head to clear her thoughts, then focused back on Naomi, "are you busy? I'd really like to take you to dinner. I think we need to talk."

Naomi smiled to herself because this was the first time Emily had initiated this type of contact between them. Then a sudden thought popped up. What if Emily wanted to talk because she didn't want anything to do with her?

'Jesus, if that's the case…,' Naomi thought to herself, cringing at very notion of it, before clearing her throat of the lump that had suddenly formed before answering Emily. "Um, yeah…I mean no, I'm not busy. I'm just finishing up, actually."

Emily smiled to herself as she heard the nervous excitement in Naomi's voice and felt good about herself. "Great, I'm just leaving Mary's office, so I'll swing by your place and pick you up."

"I'm still on-site." Naomi said, knowing she'd never make it home in time to clean up and be ready. "Sorry, Ems." Disappointment heavy in her response, thinking she'd miss out on an actual date with Emily.

"Don't apologise, Naoms. How about I grab some takeaway and bring it to you, yeah?" Emily suggested, liking the idea of truly being alone with her.

Naomi's smile was back and brighter than ever. "Sounds great. I'll see you soon, babe."

Emily decided on Mexican takeaway, since she knew it was Naomi's favourite and she wanted to do something special for the blonde. She stopped at the off-licence to pick up some beer, and with a smile, made her way to the house they were currently working on in Hackney.

Twenty minutes later, Emily pulled her truck into the street on Colenso Road and smiled as she saw Naomi standing by the back of the house, waiting for her.

"Did you make sure to order extra avocados?"

Emily rolled her eyes, knowing that she was never going to live down that mistake. "One time I forgot and now you ask me every time." she replied, coming to a stop in front of the blonde, and smiled up at her.

"Hello." Naomi said then leant down to place a gentle kiss on Emily's lips.

"Mmm...that's nice." Emily said dreamily as she pulled away slowly.

Naomi smirked as she watched Emily's eyes open. "I take it we had a good session with Mary?"

"It was one of the better ones, that's for sure."

"Good, because I like seeing a smile on your face." Naomi said simply, taking the bags from Emily's hands. "C'mon, we'll eat in the office."

Emily followed along with a smile.

"So, Ems, what was tonight all about?" Naomi finally asked, taking a drink from her Corona before turning back to her food. "Not that I'm not enjoying your company and all."

Emily sighed and then took a drink of her own beer. She knew Naomi was curious about why she needed to talk to her, but she had been enjoying the small talk and moments of blissful silence.

Naomi watched as the emotions crossed Emily's face and reached out a hand to cup her cheek, showing her that it was okay to talk to her.

"I've been thinking a lot about what you said, you know…when you told me how you felt…,"

"When I told you I was in love with you?" Naomi asked with a smile and a raised eyebrow.

Emily blushed hearing the words again. "Yeah, that…and well, Mary has been helping me face some hard truths about myself-,"

Naomi looked concerned and reached out again to take Emily's hand this time, lacing their fingers together. "She's not pushing you too hard, is she?"

"Oh, um, no, not really. She's been good, great, actually." Emily clarified.

"Yeah?" Naomi asked sceptically, pulling her hand away.

Emily nodded shyly, keeping her head down. "Yeah, she's helping me get through everything I dealt with with you know who, and encouraging me to really feel the emotions and hurt I've kept buried for so long. She's also pointing out some current issues I've been having as of late."

"Really? And what might those issues be, Ems?"

Emily finally brought her eyes up to lock with Naomi's, and she had to swallow the lump that formed in her throat, because those icy blues seemed to have a hold over her.

She felt stuck, not knowing how to bring up the subject of Felicity or how Naomi will react. The thought of the blonde's reaction was starting to set her stomach swirling and not in the same way Naomi's kisses did, because how would she take it? 'Will she get mad?' Emily wondered to herself, as she took another drink to try and calm herself. 'She's going to be angry.'

Naomi waited and watched as Emily's emotions raced across her face, the way she started wringing her hands together, twisting her fingers until they were turning white at the knuckles, and she started to panic but stopped herself. She remembered what she had learnt from Mary about realising Emily's pressure points. The ones that always preceded a panic attack.

"Emily?" Naomi called out gently, to no affect, as the younger woman was lost in her head.

'Why would she stick around when I point out that she reminds me of the one person who's ever hurt me?' Emily usually knew when she was slipping away, but not this time. 'Jesus, why did I think this was a good idea? What was Mary thinking pointing this out to me?"

"Emily, please?" Naomi's plea fell on deaf ears, and she knew she would need to get touchy.

Emily was on the verge of slipping over the edge of no return when she felt something warm in her hand. She blinked rapidly, as if waking up and looked down at the hand that was holding on to hers. "Naoms?"

It physically hurt Naomi to hear Emily's voice so achingly quiet and unsure, as she questioned if it was her. "Yeah, Ems, I'm right here." She replied, gently squeezing Emily's hand. "You left me for a minute, babes."

Emily brought her gaze up, feeling her face heat up in embarrassment, as unshed tears burned her eyes."I'm sor-,"

"No!" Naomi said quietly, but forcefully, reaching up to wipe away a few of the tears that had slipped unnoticed. "You didn't do anything wrong, you don't apologise to me, okay?" She cupped Emily's cheek and made sure that she understood.

Emily sniffed, taking a deep breath and holding it for a few seconds before letting it out, avoiding Naomi's eyes once again as she stared off in the distance. After a few moments, she composed herself and decided to not say anything about why she wanted to talk to Naomi in the first place, she attempted a small smile. "You're right. I just got lost in my head."

"Okay?" Naomi asked, getting a smile and a nod, so she sat back and dropped her hand from Emily's face. "So, you said you wanted to talk. What's on your mind, Ems?"

Emily groaned loudly as Naomi steered them back on track and she knew that she wouldn't let it go. "It's nothing, really…,"

"It was enough for you to call me, Ems," Naomi pointed out, not unkindly, "something you've not done before."

Emily flinched as Naomi's truth hit home. She had not once ever called Naomi to talk or to go out. It was Naomi doing the hard work whilst Emily sat in her bubble.

"It must have been one hell of a session with Mary." The blonde said after a few more moments of silence from the redhead.

Emily looked confused but only for a moment as she thought about how to continue the conversation. "You scare me, Naoms." She blurted out, shocking Naomi.

The hurt flashed in those blue eyes. "I thought we talked about this already?"

"We did, I know we did," Emily said quickly, wanting to erase that look of pain, "it's just…,"

"Just what, Emily?"

Emily knew she had to find the courage to just tell Naomi what she had learnt earlier with Mary, but it was so hard. "It's not you, Nai, you need to know that, okay? It's my brain, Mary has assured me of that, but I can't turn it off when it happens and I don't mean it to, but it does happen and that's why you scare me."

Naomi shook her head in confusion after Emily finished her rant and sighed deeply. "When what happens, babe?"

"I compare you to her."

She wanted to play stupid, Naomi really did, but she couldn't because she knew exactly who Emily was talking about just by the way she lowered her voice, as if suddenly the woman would materialise before them. And it hurt, honestly hurt physically, as if Emily had reached in and ripped out her heart.

That's what shocked Naomi first was the hurt, but then anger rushed in behind it and she resisted the urge to run. She did go to drop the hand that was still cupping Emily's cheek but the redhead stopped her from doing so, holding her in place.

"What the fuck, Ems?" Naomi muttered, trying not to explode, knowing that it would be damaging if she did. "Do I look like a monster to you?"

Emily's heart started beating faster, like it always did at the thought of a conflict, but when she saw Naomi brush away her own tears, something shifted. "Of course not, Naomi. That's actually not what I meant."

"I would never, never, treat you that way."

"Look, I knew I was going to mess this up, but Mary says it's something I need to deal with, so this is me, trying to deal with it." Emily told her, willing her heart to calm down, knowing that she had to get through this.

"When I met F-," she still had trouble saying her name, but pushed herself, "Felicity, she was wonderful. She was sexy and smart, she was out and proud and she allowed me to find out who I was, ya know? She made it easy to come out to Katie and Dad, and she showed me that it was okay to love a girl." Emily explained, when a thought hit her. "I actually am grateful to her for that."

Naomi shook her hand free from Emily's and sat back from the small table they had been sitting at. "How can you be grateful to her for anything, Emily? She was vile!"

"Naomi, please calm down." Emily pleaded, knowing that Naomi's anger could trigger her but she refused to allow that to happen. "I'm trying to explain, yeah?"

Naomi heard a tone in Emily's voice that she had never heard before and that was enough to hold her in place, allowing to give the conversation more thought. "I'm sorry, Ems. I realise that this is probably hard for you, but you obviously need to do it, am I right?"

"Yeah, I do, because I would never consciously compare you to her, I didn't even know I was doing it until Mary pointed it out," she explained with a shake of her at her stupidity, "and when I told her she was crazy for even suggesting it she told me to think about how you make me feel."

"And what did you discover?"

Emily blushed deeply, but knew she needed to see this through. "You make me feel smart and sexy and when I'm with you I don't feel so alone, ya know? You don't talk down to me and actually go out of your way to ask me my opinions about shit." She paused to allow her thoughts to untangle themselves so she didn't sound like a gushing schoolgirl with her first crush.

Naomi's eyes narrowed at the redhead, wondering how she can be so frustrating yet so adorable at the same time. "So what are you saying?"

"What I'm trying to say, not very well it seems, is that the reason you scare me is because I don't trust myself to believe you when you say you love me without there being something vile behind it." Emily reaches up to rub her forehead, feeling a headache start as the queasiness in her stomach returned. "Does that make sense? That when I say it's not you, it really means that it's not you? Because for a long time she feed me compliments and praise to mask what a monster she truly was, that I don't trust myself to trust that you won't be the same? Even though I know, I know almost without a doubt that you're not the same as her."

Naomi didn't say anything for a few minutes, as they sat staring at each other, and she wondered not for the first time, to be honest, if she was pushing Emily into something that she didn't want.

Emily started wringing her hands together again, one of her many nervous habits when confronted with the slightest whiff of a confrontation, and she waited for Naomi to say something, anything really, at this point.

"Ems, if you don't stop doing that, you're going to break your fingers," Naomi reached out and grasped Emily's hands in her own and pulled them apart. "That wouldn't bode well for production, now would it?"

"Sorry," Emily said shaking her head, chuckling nervously then she stated simply, "side effect."

"Have I done anything to push into doing anything you don't want to do?"

Emily's eyes snapped up to Naomi's in shock. "No, of course not. You've been amazing, Naoms, you've got to believe me, yeah?"

Naomi nodded her head slightly, considering everything she'd heard so far. "I believe you, Ems. The thing is, I feel sometimes like I ask for too much from you," she explained, the need to open about her feelings was strong, "I've never felt this way before, and I'm afraid of hurting you, unintentionally and if I did that…," Naomi stopped, swallowing the lump that formed in her throat, "but I know I'm in love with you and that's new for me. You're unlike anyone I've ever known and that's new for me too."

"I've never known anyone like you either, no matter what my brain tells me, Naoms." Emily knew she shouldn't have been surprised by Naomi's words, but she was. "You don't push for more than I can give and for that I'm extremely grateful." Emily leant forward and placed a small kiss on Naomi's lips, surprising the blonde, before pulling back with a smile.

Naomi smiled shyly at her. "So what does this mean for us?" She asked, hesitantly, hoping for something positive from Emily.

"I'm a work in progress, Naoms," Emily paused to gather her thoughts as they jumbled around, "but…I'd like to see where this goes."

"Are you sure?" Naomi asked, feeling her hopes start to soar and excitement flow through her.

Emily laughed at the look on Naomi's face, because it was like watching a kid open up the biggest present on Christmas morning. "Yeah, I think I am." She responded after a few more seconds of thought.

Naomi pulled Emily back in for another kiss, everything else forgotten as they both fell a little harder than before, but at the moment neither one of them cared as Naomi started to undress Emily slowly, the need to feel bare skin was becoming unbearable.

When she removed Emily's shirt and bra, Naomi quickly captured one of her hardening nipples between her lips and began to gently tease it, causing Emily to moan loudly.

"Fuck, Naoms…," the quick burst of pleasure that shot through her body clouded her mind and words became difficult.

Naomi pulled away reluctantly and smirked up at the redhead, with a wicked gleam in her eyes. "Oh, we're going to do just that, Ems. Right here, right now."

She laughed as Emily stood up suddenly and swiped the table clean. Food containers and beer bottles crashed to the floor, but Emily didn't care. She turned back to Naomi and wrapped her arms around her as she laid back on the now empty table, pulling Naomi with her as she went.

"I can honestly say I've never shagged in a Portakabin before." Emily said cheekily, earning a laugh from Naomi.

"Let's make it a memory you'll never forget then." Naomi said as they finished undressing each other and she poured every emotion into a searing kiss that Emily would swear later she could still feel.

Hours later, they ended up back at Naomi's place, and when they slid into bed, Naomi wrapped her arms around Emily and held her.

Just as Emily was about to fall asleep, worn out from their earlier activities, Naomi kissed her chastely.

"I promise you, Ems, I'm gonna do what ever I have to do to prove to you that I'm nothing like her. You can trust me." Naomi whispered, knowing that Emily was still awake. "Goodnight, babe, I love you."

Emily knew when Naomi fell asleep, as her breathing evened out, but she couldn't. Everything she had learnt that day with Mary and then Naomi's words and actions later on kept her awake and aching desperately for a life she'd never had. A partner who loved her the way, she was slowly learning, she deserved to be loved.

And because she had been too cowardly earlier, she decided to be brave, at least as brave as she could be laying in bed in the dark as Naomi slept beside her.

"I…I love you too." She whispered so quietly, testing out the words, letting them roll hesitantly off her tongue to see how they felt.

Okay my peeps...please be patient with me, I will finish this story. Please send me your thoughts.