Chapter 47

Rhett was gone yet again but this time Scarlett did not care where he went or if he would return. She was much too busy licking her own wounds. She now realized Rhett not only did not like her but would also take steps to crush her if he possibly could. She could not fathom why because she could not understand any present threat she posed on him. He was much richer than she and he had the backing of his family. His mother was his pillar of moral support and his sister seemed to be kind and thoughtful as well. Rhett was much more learned and physically stronger than she. In a way, there was no reason why he should hate her so or fear her. She detected this feeling when she had reached the house. She sensed he was afraid of her but she could not fathom why.

But she realized with severity that she could no longer lay her weary troubles on his shoulders. She would have to bear it alone and at this she wept in a mix of anger and grief. She had been counting on Rhett's strength and yet he seemed to be more afraid than she. And yet she could not dismiss Rhett out of her mind as well. Somewhere deep inside her head, she understood that Rhett had only manipulated in the same way she herself had done... perhaps as a last gap effort to keep her at bay and although it had failed miserably, she realized the heart behind it. And she could not dismiss it. She seemed to love him for his cunningness and devilry. And when she realized this, she felt appalled and vaguely amused at her own fancies.

She was to make a trip to Marietta that day and as she locked up the house and gave orders to her servants, she heard the knocker on the door and saw the entire Merriweather family waiting outside. Scarlett looked surprised and uneasy as she welcomed them into the sitting room. Gradnpa Merriweather and Rene Picard immediately began to talk of the house being extremely useful for organizing Brooks's campaign against Baxter and after a few sentences from Scarlett, they seemed satisfied to have completed their social duties and decided to visit her stables to look at her horses. Scarlett at once sent Pork with them and returned to the ladies inside.

Mrs. Merriweather had sat erectly and impatiently still Grandpa Merriweather left. She now took the attention of the room.

"Scarlett, I must say I am happy that you finally decided to pursue your husband and curtail his unthinking ways. Is Captain Butler still here?"

"No." replied Scarlett, flatly. "He left this morning."

"Yes. Well-" said Mrs. Merriweather, stoutly. "Give him time. He will come back and make amends."

Scarlett looked annoyed and bemused as to how to respond to the old lady's apparent imbecilic efforts to support her. Her mind shouted that she did not need such support and ordered her to feel ashamed and humiliated for entertaining these people at all. What she needed was to be alone and think.

But suddenly Maybelle, asking her son to go watch the birds through the windows, drew near her and tentatively slipped her arm around Scarlett's waist. There was a smile on her face and Scarlett was instantly reminded of Melanie at the Atlanta Bazaar when they had stood at their booth together. She had wished to scratch Melanie's eyes out then and the feeling returned once again. Maybelle had Rene's support and they loved each other. She had come here to show off her own happy family and look down on her from her lofty state. But the smile on Maybelle's lips was genuine. Scarlett could not deny that. There was sympathy and kindness in both, the coy manners of Maybelle and the hardy countenance of Mrs. Merriweather.

Suddenly and unwillingly, Scarlett's eyes brimmed with tears and she stood up abruptly. "I'll be back. I need a minute alone-"

She went into her study and clutched at her desk and bowed her head. The tears stayed at her eyes. They would not fall down. She looked up and she saw Ellen's face and slender form. Somewhere inside her, she heard a cry for love. Her mother had loved her but not in the way she wanted to be loved. Ellen was from the wealthy Robillard family and she had married a.. what was that word Rhett had used.. a peasant..? A peasant Irishman. And Scarlett herself was very much like Gerald rather than Ellen herself.

And Ellen ignored the Irishness in Gerald just as she ignored the hard facts of life on a Georgian plantation. And when Ellen said she loved Scarlett, was there truth in that love? Why should Ellen love Scarlett when she did not understand her or appreciate her down-to-earth shrewd thinking or spontaneity or even quick thinking and competitiveness? It did not make sense and it had to make sense! Love had to make sense! And half the time, she was fooling her Mother. And so, Scarlett never felt loved.

On that point, she bid a final goodbye to her Mother's heart and spirit. And as she said goodbye, she felt grief and yet light-heartedness at letting go of something that was never meant to be hers.

Then she straightened up and looked beyond the doorway. Right now, sharing her troubles to her friends made sense and their comfort to her made sense too. And she needed that comfort. And for the first time in her life, she decided to take it.