Chapter 57

Scarlett sat in her carriage, sheilding her green eyes from the slanting rays of the sun and looked down the curving path of the Battery. From her vantage point, she could see the Butler residence. The driver had stopped the carriage here at her order. She had said that she wanted to enjoy the view of the sea. But the truth was different. As Scarlett gazed at the house, although her mind convinced her that knocking on that door and visiting Mrs. Butler would be good for her and perhaps she might even meet Rhett again, something else..a vague feeling, which almost seemed surreal seemed to gnaw at her heart. She could see herself entering the house and trying once again to play the part of a repentant wife and making entreaties.. But something in her revolted almost violently at this image.

She seemed to equate entering the house to a lifetime of captivity. While her mind convinced her that entering that house would be the best way for everyone, her heart disagreed with a fury that was too strong for Scarlett to fathom.

She felt anxious and pensive, which was unlike her usual, vivacious self.

She sat there,her fingers twisting in vexation. Suddenly the image of her mother as Holy Mary flashed before her eyes. She remembered how her mother and father never felt together. They were so different. And it was a mystery that they needed each other so much. And then she remembered her father often leaving her mother behind on the plantation to take care of the slaves and do all the management. She pictured herself in the same role now. She fell back in her seat with a sick feeling in her stomach. No, she couldn't.. She couldn't possibly.. She'd rather die than live like that..! It was like a noose. A perfect noose coming around her neck. She couldnt possibly surrender. Not unless...

When she saw Rhett leave, she knew she was losing her soul and yet his feelings were caged just as hers were. But something he did.. His tendancy to disappear, his tendancy to be guarded had changed something in her. She no longer felt it absolutely necessary to go back to Rhett. And the maddening thing was she didnt know why. She couldn't pinpoint the reason with accuracy.

Or if she must sacrifice herself as her own mother did?

Scarlett felt a wave of anger and realized for the first time that she really wanted to know why Ellen O Hara had found it absolutely necessary to abandon her family in Savannah and come down to Georgia for her father's sake. She never understood why. After all, she kept returning to Tara. In marriages, her love for Tara was constant. Why didnt Ellen feel the same about Savannah?!

"So, how about it Mrs. Butler? We cant start here for long, the sun would give you a headache. Shall I drive on?" said the driver, interrupting her thoughts.

Scarlett replied "Yes drive on but dont stop anywhere. I'd like to visit the shops down the mainstreet just once before you take me back to the hotel. I intend to leave for Savannah tomorrow. If you could bring around the carriage in the morning-"

"Yes, of course, Mrs. Butler!"